A Daughter's Deadly Deception

by Jeremy Grimaldi

  By this point in her life, eighteen years old and a senior in high school, Jennifer increasingly imagined a positive outcome to her deception. Her belief was that she’d end up in university with her mid to low seventies average and might either shape up or continue the deception, receiving average marks but bringing home report cards with an average in the high eighties. At the end of the day her thinking was: when she eventually graduated, all her parents would see was a shiny degree hanging on the wall, not the substandard grades. Once university was over and done with, she’d move out, having held up her end of the bargain, and be able to carry on without Hann and Bich’s constant supervision. To achieve these goals, she honed her deceit. Instead of using the crude method of a protractor and X-Acto knife, she began to design her report cards professionally with Photoshop. In order to mask her whereabouts, she also lied about her activities outside the house each and every time she went out the front door. Jennifer used her piano lessons and employment as a way to escape the house and see Daniel. On other nights, when she couldn’t escape, Jennifer played with fire, helping Daniel sneak through the home’s rear entrance or even second-floor windows.

  Their intimacy didn’t happen right away. It took plenty of time before the pair finally went all the way. But when they did at last, which Jennifer said occurred after high school, Daniel could never get enough. Jennifer, meanwhile, tried to oblige his never-ending requests whenever possible. The pair, usually pressed for time and often without an appropriate venue, frequently engaged in sex in Daniel’s car, either outside his work, at the end of a vacant street, or in other out-of-the way locations. Sometimes they were a bit bolder, going at it in parking lots. Daniel was never satisfied, according to one person with knowledge of his sexual appetite. And when he didn’t have access to her, he further encouraged her to sext him and share pictures and videos in which she was in various states of undress. One friend says more than anything, Daniel loved fellatio, telling his buddy it was like putting his member “in a hot bath.”

  The problem continued to be Jennifer’s schedule and her improbably early curfew, which was still firmly set at 9:00 p.m. Jennifer later recalled the one time her parents extended that curfew so that she could attend her best friend Topaz’s wedding reception. For that occasion, she was allowed to come home at 11:00 p.m. Despite Topaz being a straight-A student and a loyal friend, Jennifer recalled only being allowed to go to her house once.

  Jennifer was also not allowed to attend school dances. “I even tried to go to my high school dance. My mom actually said yes, and that she would drive me and pick me up,” she said. “But my dad was very much against it, and he told her I was not able to go, and made sure I didn’t buy a ticket and that she didn’t drive me. My father wanted me to focus on my piano or skating or school. He wanted me to focus on something productive.”

  In a written account, former friend and fellow flutist Karen Ho described the sort of upbringing Jennifer experienced as one foreign to many Western teens: “By twenty-two she had never gone to a club, been drunk, visited a friend’s cottage, or gone on vacation without her family.” Rather than spend time with her friends outside the home, she’d spend it with them inside. Like many teenagers her age, Jennifer spent much of her time in her room. Nowadays teens can reach the four corners of the globe from the comfort of their beds and, while Jennifer’s father assumed she was studying, she was really chatting on Friendster or Facebook, which in 2006 began spreading like wildfire among young people, and playing fantasy games, one in particular showing her and Daniel’s affinity for the service industry, Restaurant City. With Daniel, she whiled away many hours, often into the wee hours, texting or talking on the phone or just listening to each other breathe. It made her feel closer to him.

  During those late-night calls, the two shared everything. Daniel called her “Munkie” or “Munk-Munk” because of her collection of stuffed monkeys, and he was “Mesa” or “Mr. Bubbles” — the name of her stuffed animal (sometimes spelled “Bawbos” in baby-talk texts). At times, Jennifer also referred to herself as “Mesa.” The texts between the pair reveal endless baby talk during which they shared their emotions, usually when happy, sad, or excited:

  dun worry munk-munk! supiman will get them.

  hang in there munkey, mr bawbos c u soon.

  me wuv u too.

  mama mesa fewing down.

  This style of communication is very popular in many cultures. Women might use it in relationships to demonstrate a feminine and innocent image, combining both softness and sexuality. For men, it can be used as a way to soften a tough exterior and share a sense of vulnerability with someone they feel tenderness toward, according to one blogger.

  Although it’s unclear who the initiator of this sort of communication was, we do know that Daniel maintained baby talk with Katrina after he broke things off with Jennifer.

  Daniel and Jennifer spent endless hours in communication by cellphone. Regardless of whether they were talking, which Jennifer preferred, or texting, which Daniel favoured, the pair was rarely out of touch. As Jennifer’s time outside her home became more limited, she often spent between six to ten hours on the phone per day, talking for a portion while sending hundreds of text messages, many of them to Daniel. The phone communication was so all-encompassing that the pair shared details of their lives, including when they were going to the bathroom: Mesa dumping now, Daniel texted her at one point.

  Jennifer recalled how her seven closest friends visited her at the restaurant where she worked, and they would all eat dinner after Jennifer finished her shift. These were the times Jennifer relished the most, when she could be what she considered a regular young adult, away from the pressures at home. As she got older, she managed to convince her family that she was juggling her school work and extracurricular activities appropriately, so she gained more of a sense of independence. Quitting figure skating gave Jennifer even more time to pursue her personal goals. These were some of her happiest days. Her father’s focus on her waned somewhat, and she had a loving boyfriend who she saw irrespective of her parents’ wishes. Her depression fizzled, and she had a close network of friends that she could see on a regular basis, even though that time was always limited.

  The problem was that this life she had crafted for herself wasn’t sustainable. Jennifer failed to take steps to put an end to the lies constantly spilling out of her mouth. She wasn’t proactive about her deceit, didn’t keep up with homework in vital courses, and never took steps to ease her parents into a situation in which she could release herself of some of her dishonesty. Instead, she was doggedly determined to keep all her secrets from her family and most of her friends. She refused to disappoint them. So she became even more steadfast in her trickery, increasing the lies not only in measure but in scope.

  Later, Jennifer implied that her family reinforced this behaviour on more than one occasion. “I felt guilty, but over time I tried to bring it up. There was just so much expectation,” she says. The first time Jennifer was caught lying shaped her views about what happened when she played by her parents’ rules. One day, after telling her mother she was doing other things, Bich saw Daniel drop her off at Pacific Mall. As she waited in the parking lot to pick her daughter up, Bich didn’t just catch her getting out of his car, but also witnessed the two hugging and kissing as they said their goodbyes.

  Jennifer’s mother was incensed. She had never seen this kind of conduct from her little girl before. She didn’t even know Jennifer had a boyfriend. When her daughter got in the car, Bich’s eyes were wide with anger and Jennifer knew immediately what her mother had seen. “It did not go well,” she said. And, although she yelled not only about her daughter’s lies but also about how she could keep something like this from her family, Bich, ultimately, was sympathetic to Jennifer’s situation. After all, Bich had also been the daughter of a strict and uncompromising father. To a certain degree, she knew Jennifer had little option except to
lie about the relationship. When the tears stopped, Bich gave Jennifer the “one moment could ruin your life” talk.

  And although Bich refused to keep Jennifer’s secret from her father, she told her they were willing to meet Daniel. “She said to bring him over and integrate him into our lives like my friends had been.” Even though she and Daniel had already been dating for years by this point, Jennifer agonized over the introductions. To ease the awkwardness, Jennifer decided to organize a Christmas party and invite a number of mutual friends. She also prepped her father, as only she could. In an attempt to ensure Daniel came off in the best possible light, she told Hann that Daniel was studying engineering at university — the most legitimate profession for a male in her father’s eyes. She further explained that he was working as a manager at Boston Pizza, thinking that might show him what kind of diligent employee he was. Jennifer hoped her parents would see there wasn’t much to dislike in Daniel. He was half Chinese and a Cantonese speaker, a hard worker with a cute smile. But it wasn’t to be. Although Hann picked up Daniel and his friend and dropped them off later, he did little socializing. Jennifer held out hope that the meeting was going well, especially after Daniel and Felix bonded over video games. “I introduced him to my parents,” she said. “He hung out. He really clicked with my brother. They were playing Counter-Strike, and he was showing my brother tricks. Boys’ stuff I guess you can call it.” But in reality, the visit was a disaster. “When I brought him home,” she said, “they automatically didn’t like him, for no reason.”

  As it turned out, there were many reasons for the failure. Initially, Jennifer claimed Hann said it was the fact that Daniel wasn’t pure Chinese that bothered him, and that he made reference to negative stereotypes. Hann denied this assertion. However, this sort of racism is common in many parts of Asia where cultures and nationalities have their own hierarchies. Filipinos are often hired as domestic help in other Asian countries and, in those places, can often be viewed as second-class citizens with their culture devalued.

  When asked how common the issue of problems arising due to young people of different ethnic backgrounds dating, Jennifer’s former friend J.B., an Asian male, says it’s a regular occurrence, or was at Mary Ward. “It’s not rare, it’s almost common to hear these types of stories,” he says. During the trial, Jennifer’s lawyer also questioned Felix about whether Hann had ever talked about wanting to be associated with Chinese culture and not Vietnamese culture, because of the perceived associations with the drug trade. Felix rejected the assertion.

  Jennifer also explained that her father didn’t think Daniel’s career aspirations were high enough, considering he worked as kitchen staff. “He wasn’t going anywhere in life and he wouldn’t be able to support a family,” she later stated she overheard him say. In the trial, Jennifer said there were two separate issues. “They said boyfriends were a distraction, and they wanted my boyfriend to be the same family class, same working status; it’d be equal.”

  Felix, meanwhile, offered his interpretation, saying it was because his father believed the pair was sleeping together. Similarly, Daniel heard a variety of reasons as to why Jennifer’s father disliked him: “There were so many different [reasons]. I asked her the first time, and she said it’s because I don’t make enough money. I was working at Boston Pizza, and she told them I finished engineering. The next time I asked her, she said it’s not even about how much money you make, it’s the fact that you’re Filipino. And I’m like, how’s that possible when your cousin just married a Filipino guy? And she said, well, no one in the family likes him. So there was always a reason why we couldn’t be together.” Although never mentioned in court, Detective Cooke later explained that a friend had told Felix about Daniel’s drug dealing, and Felix had told Hann. Both Daniel and Jennifer denied that Hann knew anything about Daniel’s past; however, this would go a long way to understanding why Hann was so dead set against Daniel.

  Regardless of the reasons why, her father reacted harshly and told her bluntly, “You are no longer allowed to see this boy.” Her mother reassured her that, although it might seem hard, normal life would continue after a spell of heartache. Bich recounted a story about a boy she once fell in love with when she was a young girl. She wasn’t allowed to carry on with the relationship. “She said over time, you will see him less, and passion will turn into a happy memory,” Jennifer said Bich told her.

  In telling the story, Bich clearly didn’t grasp her daughter’s devotion to Daniel. Jennifer further noted that Bich had told her that she had married to escape the family home. “[My mother said] she married to run away from her father,” Jennifer said. Dr. Helen Hsu says this sort of reasoning is quite common in many Asian cultures, with her own mother-in-law advising her on her wedding day that the key to marriage was to “just endure.” Jennifer explained that, in the Pan household, her mother backed her father’s decisions no matter what her own feelings on the issues were. She indicated that if it had been Bich’s decision, she would have been able to carry on with the relationship. “[My mother] had to have the same views as Dad. It’s a cultural thing. Parents are united, and so must the children [be],” she added. “So, even though my mom told me [to] marry for love, not to get away from my father, she’d have to follow my father when she was home.”

  Up until then Jennifer’s final year of high school had been going well. She was seeing more of Daniel, and at school she grew more comfortable within her own skin every day. She even secured an early acceptance into Ryerson University for the downtown Toronto school’s science program. And, although it wasn’t the University of Toronto pharmacology program her father had always dreamed of, she managed to convince him that with enough work, she could gain acceptance into that program after two years at Ryerson. Everything seemed to be falling into place for Jennifer, and she excitedly prepared with her friends, who were planning to go to schools across the Toronto area and beyond. Many of them were attending institutions highly prized by Asian Canadians, including the Universities of Toronto and Waterloo.

  Although Jennifer dreamed of becoming a piano teacher and had already started teaching a number of children of her parents’ friends, she found out very quickly that this was nothing but a pipe dream, at least for now. Even though she was offered a tryout at Queen’s University for music, she said her father made it clear to her that while, she could attempt to get in, she wouldn’t be attending. “I was planning on going to university for a music course … I love music. I also love little children … I applied to Queen’s for music, York [University], Ryerson, and U of T,” she said. “I got a [letter] from Queen’s to go on an audition, and preliminary acceptance at Ryerson. My parents drove me [to Queen’s for the audition], but my father said, ‘You’re not going to go there,’ but said ‘You can try that out and see if you get in.’” Because of Hann’s declaration, she said, she “didn’t even prepare for the audition.”

  While her father insisted on something in medicine, Jennifer once again came up with an alternative. “I wanted to do kinesiology, but my father was very adamant [with] me doing something in the medical field that was a little bit more, in his opinion, more successful, I guess you could say. So he wanted me to become a pharmacist.” Hann was overjoyed to see his daughter crossing the threshold into higher learning, which he saw not only as an opportunity for her to gain her degree, but to secure stable employment. He might have also held out the hope that it would help Jennifer make a clean break from the past, surrounded by a slew of new and prosperous young suitors, ones who he might have accepted.

  Neither was meant to be. Jennifer got the shock of her life after discovering midway through her final year in high school that she was failing calculus and she wouldn’t receive the credit she needed. But this development went far beyond Jennifer not attending university; it put a kibosh on high school graduation, as well. This raised the stakes. Now the truth was far more troubling. She imagined having to tell her friends and family
the entire truth: I’ve been forging all my report cards since grade nine. I didn’t graduate high school. I won’t be attending university this year. I will have to take a year off to repeat my calculus. So she made, as she later put it, the “biggest mistake” of her life. Rather than face up to the consequences of her actions, something many believe she still refuses to do, Jennifer took the easy way out once again. “I didn’t know how they would react if they found out it [her acceptance to Ryerson] was revoked and the reason why,” she said. “So I started a new lie — that I was heading to Ryerson…. That was probably the most wrong decision I’ve made, to lie about that. That was one lie I wish I could take back.”

  Failing to grasp the depths of deception she’d have to resort to over time to pull this one off, she took the plunge. Pulling up her Photoshop software for the umpteenth time, Jennifer set about forging a different sort of document. This included an acceptance letter and then a $3,000 scholarship to Ryerson University. She also provided her parents with her graduation photos, which had thankfully been taken prior to the school discovering that she wouldn’t finish high school. “I believed at that time [everyone would wonder] How could you fail when you were doing so well in high school?” Jennifer said. “How could you not have enough attention to realize, Hey, I’m going to be a credit short? I believed that my parents would be shunned … because here’s someone that is supposed to excel in figure skating, excel in piano, excel in school, but she can’t get in to university? That was something I didn’t want for my parents to have to face the world with. It would bring shame if I brought out the fact that I had been lying for years now. It would make them into shameful liars, as well.”