by Rye Hart
To my surprise, I received several offers. Men offered to send me travel money so that I could afford to come west. It was tempting to accept the money and run, but I knew that would get me into more trouble than it was worth. I took my time and read through all the letters carefully, finally deciding on a man named Connor Wright. He was one of the only men to send a tintype with his letter and he looked handsome enough.
In his letter he claimed that he was not a rich man. He lived a simple life farming the land, but he had a young daughter who needed caring for. His wife had died the previous winter, giving birth to their second child. His story tugged at my heart and I was surprised that I wasn’t completely opposed to the idea of being a mother to a young child.
I returned his letter promptly, requesting funds so that I could make my way to Billings, Montana, where Connor lived. He sent the money a few short weeks later along with a marriage license. He wanted us to be legally married by the time I arrived. I signed the paper with a bit of hesitancy, knowing that I was finally signing away my freedom, though I also understood that I didn’t really have a choice.
When I told Margret that I had found a man to take me on she was sad and worried but happy for me on some level. She knew that New York was sucking the life out of me, and she wanted to see me back to my old self, even if that meant giving me up forever. It was rare that women who went west came back to their families.
She walked me to the train station, adjusting the hat she had bought me. We’d taken one last trip to the boutique and she made sure I looked my best. She had tears on her eyes and offered me a weak smile.
“I’m not ready to see you go, baby sister,” she whispered, leaning in and kissing my cheek.
I nodded and smiled sadly. “I don’t want to go either, but I’m too much of a burden here,” I admitted, looking over my shoulder as the train pulled into the station.
I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around her, pulling away only when I had to. I knew the train wasn’t going to be in the station long and I knew they weren’t going to wait for me.
“I love you. I promise I will write,” I whispered as I patted her cheeks gently and pulled away.
She nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. “You’d better, write. I will be very disappointed in you if I don’t hear from you!”
I smiled weakly as I boarded the train and settled in an empty seat. The car was already crowded and the sounds of babies crying grated on my ears. I wasn’t usually that sensitive to the sound, but I was overloaded with all sorts of emotion and it was just too much.. I had to grit my teeth and try and ignore the sound, and soon I was thankful for the clanging of the train wheels on the metal tracks; they at least helped to distract from some of the noise.
The trip was long and hard. The train car got unbearably hot with all the bodies wedged in together and I found myself staring out the window for most of the journey, trying to imagine what my life would be like in the wild country. That’s what everyone kept calling it; the wild country. I imagined fresh streams and large horses. Being from the city, I didn’t know much about animals but I knew about horses. It was deemed necessary for a lady to be able to ride a horse, though I had always learned side saddle. I wondered if my husband would teach me the proper way to ride.
My brows furrowed. My husband. The papers had likely all been signed already and I was sure that we were indeed married by now. I could only hope he was the good man he seemed to be from the letters he exchanged. He honestly seemed like he just wanted a woman who would help him care for is home and child. I could do that.
I traveled for days, and when the train finally came to a grinding halt, we were in a strange place. It looked like it should be a desert, though vast green plains stretched out in front of us and mountains rose far in the distance. I had never seen anything like it before and it took my breath away.
I managed to get off the train, holding my hat to my head as tangled red strands of hair blew around my face, whipping my delicate flesh. I ignored the light sting of the thin hairs against my cheek and instead walked toward the train station. I walked right through the building and continued on until I came out the other side.
The town was rather small and quiet compared to New York, though Billings was supposedly one of the larger cities in the West. The women wore dresses that were out of fashion, though they didn’t seem to be aware of it. Even the clothes in the store windows seemed to be a bit old and out of place.
A few of the women glanced over at me and looked at me as if I were a snake in the grass. My cheeks grew hot and I turned my head away, looking up and down the long, dusty stretch of road, hoping to find my husband. I had a vague idea of what he might look like from the tin type, but that was all I had to go on.
I brought my hand up to shield my eyes from the sun but it did little to help. I scanned the horizon for a man that looked like my husband and I was so busy looking that I didn’t notice the horse that came up behind me and started nuzzling me, pushing me forward.
I gasped and stumbled a few feet, barely catching myself before falling face first in the dirt. A soft masculine chuckle sounded out from behind me and I spun around, my eyes catching a handsome man with stunning honey-colored eyes and soft features.
“You must be carrying sugar cubes in your pockets,” he said in a rich voice, a mischievous smile on his lips. “Either that or you’re as sweet as an apple.”
Chapter Four
I spun around and stared at the man, wide-eyed and unsure of to what to say at first. He was so handsome, and while I had the tin type to go off, I had never expected him to be this beautiful. My mouth went dry and I turned away for a moment, hoping to hide my blush.
"You must be Sara," he said softly, walking around and meeting my gaze with those intense, golden eyes.
"How do you know who I am?" I whispered softly.
He chuckled and held up a piece of paper that appeared to be a list of passengers that were on the train.
"They try to let us know when people are coming through so that we can be here to meet the women. This is a wild place, Ms. Sara. There are men here who would trick you into thinking they're your husband and take you away."
An unexpected fear began to roll in my belly, but his next words calmed me. "I knew you would be on today's train, and there aren't many women with hair like fire," he said, reaching out to touch the red locks.
I blushed, suddenly remembering that I had told him about my hair. It was the most distinguished part of me. I figured it would be easy for him to spot a pale, red-haired beauty. He nodded toward the horse and offered his hand.
"We should get you out of the sun,” he said kindly.
I nodded and thanked him, taking his hand in order to hoist myself up onto the saddle. He swung himself up behind me, his body suddenly pressed against mine. My cheeks felt hot and I had to keep my eyes forward, knowing that his strong jaw line and thick golden hair would be the end of me.
We rode in silence and part of me resented it. We weren't talking so I had no distraction from his strong chest pressed against my back. I could feel his heart beat through our clothes and it made my own flutter. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as I had feared.
We came over a sloping hill and soon a small cabin came into view. It wasn't monstrous but it was more than big enough for a little family. It wasn't what I was used to, but maybe that was a good thing. He gripped me around the waist and helped me down from the horse, smiling down at me softly.
"Welcome home," he said, motioning towards the house.
I glanced at it and then back at him, smiling softly "It's lovely Connor." It felt so strange to say his name.
He put his arm around me and nodded "It's not much, but it's home."
I followed him inside and he lit a few candles. The sun was starting to set and the house was dark. The sound of a baby crying made me jump, my eyes wide and a hand to my chest. It wasn't a sound I had been expecting.
"Don't you worry, Ms. Sara.
That's just Regina," he said, walking over to a crib and lifting the baby out.
Just as he was picking the baby up, a young girl ran in through the back door, carrying a bucket of water. Some of the water had sloshed out of the bucket by the time she had made it inside and she was panting.
"I'm so sorry Mr. Wright!" she gasped, walking over to him. "I only ran outside to get some fresh water!” she said quickly.
Connor smiled at the young girl and pulled out a few coins, offering them to her. “There was no harm done. You’re a good girl, Rebecca,” he said.
She took the money and beamed, her cheeks going red in a way that I recognized. I wasn’t surprised that other women seemed attracted to Connor. He was such a handsome man. She breezed past me offering a smile and a nod of her head as she disappeared out the door.
“I don’t like taking the baby on the horse,” he said, offering the small child to me.
“I was expecting an older child,” I whispered, though I took the baby carefully, being sure to support its head.
“Regina is just under a year old. My wife-” he hesitated, his voice cracking with emotion. “She wanted to have as many children as possible,” he said, looking away as little Regina wriggled in my arms. “She got pregnant soon after Regina was born.”
I nodded and walked over to Connor, smiling up at him. “It’s okay. She’s a beautiful baby. We’ll make this work Connor,” I reached out and touched his hand.
He smiled at me and nodded, patting my hand gently. “You’re right”
I held Regina in my arms, staring down at her for a moment before looking back up at Connor. “Did the marriage papers go through?”
“Yes. You are officially Mrs. Sara Wright.”
I offered him a small smile. “It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” I asked playfully.
He chuckled and nodded. “It sure does,” he whispered, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my forehead.
My heart fluttered and my body felt hot. I was embarrassed but excited at the same time. Was this how life was going to be from now on? Now that I wasn’t afraid of the type of man Connor might be, I found myself excited to find out what was going to happen next.
Maybe my adventure was just beginning.
Chapter Five
Life was wonderful with Connor. It was better than I ever could have imagined. I learned so much from him and in those first few months as his wife, I really started to fall for him. At first, my feelings came as a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t expecting to feel anything for him at all and I wasn’t really expecting him to feel anything for me either.
We slept in separate beds for the first few nights but soon enough I wanted to be close to him, even as I slept. Soon enough we were like any other married couple. We were laughing together and falling in love like other people around us. It was more than I ever could have hoped for.
Life in Billings was far simpler than life in New York. People gossiped of course, but it was an innocent kind of gossip that didn’t seem to do any harm. Money held little weight here. People mostly grew what they needed and traded vegetables and fruit for meat. We didn’t seem to buy much and I was okay with that. I was happy to do away with all of the money-hungry politics I had grown up with. I was happy with the simpler things.
I was welcomed by Connor’s church, a small country congregation that met twice a week. We sang songs and met after service for lunches and dinners and for the first time in my life I truly felt like I was part of a community. Everyone in Billings was so kind to me and showed me nothing but love and respect. With the exception of one person. Her name was Ariel and it wouldn’t take me long to realize she despised me.
Ariel was a beautiful young girl who had been married off to one of the local farmers. The rumor that floated around town was that she hated her husband with a burning passion. She had married him out of desperation and regretted her decision immensely. He took good care of her and they had a young son together, but that didn’t stop her from being miserable with her life. She despised her own husband and had eyes for Connor. She had offered herself to him on several occasions, though he never took her up on her offers since he was a God-fearing man who’d resolved to only lay with his wife.
Now that I was here, Ariel had turned her rage and jealousy on me. I did my best to avoid her, but church days put us in close proximity. At first it was easy to handle, but with each week that passed, she was getting braver and bolder.
One afternoon I was chatting happily with a few of the local women when Ariel crossed the small field. The women gave her one glance and said their goodbyes; she was good at dispersing people. Few people wanted anything to do with her.
“So, we finally have a chance to talk. Sara was it?” she asked, looking me up and down.
I wasn’t required to be polite to this woman so I just offered her a curt frown and crossed my arms. “Sara Wright.”
“Ahhh, that’s right, you married Connor. You must think highly of yourself to catch such a wonderful man.”
“I answered an ad,” I said simply. “I didn’t come here to take anything from anyone or interfere with the town.”
“For someone who wasn’t trying to interfere, you did an awfully good job,” she said with a sneer.
“Ariel, I haven’t done anything to you. Why do you continue to come after me?”
She took a step forward and suddenly I was trapped between her and a tree, my back pressed against the rough bark.
“You took what was supposed to be mine!” she snapped, her eyes wild and raging.
For a moment a spike of fear dug itself into my belly and I swallowed thickly, my eyes trained on Ariel. Her jealousy had been a mere annoyance before, but now I could see that she was dangerous..
“He didn’t belong to anybody! You are a married woman, Ariel! I’m sorry you aren’t happy but that is simply not my fault,” I said quickly.
“You think he’ll love you? You’re just a stand in until he finds someone better. You’re so naïve. How could you be a good mother? You think you can come here and just learn what it takes to be the wife of a rancher? You’re just some spoiled brat from the city! You’ll never fit in here!” she spit at me.
The words hit far too close to home, because at the end of the day, she was right. I didn’t fit in here; I didn’t fit in anywhere, really. I was going to be just as much out of place here as I was in New York. I didn’t want her to see how deeply she had cut me so I closed my eyes and pushed myself off the tree, brushing past her.
“HEY! Where do you think you’re going?” she snapped, grabbing my wrist.
I turned and tried to twist away, but Connor appeared behind Ariel and separated us easily. “Ariel! What do you think you’re doing?”
She grit her teeth for a moment and forced a smile on her face. “Connor, I was afraid your lovely bride was going to go tumbling down the hill. It would be a shame to see her break an ankle,” she said sweetly, but with a hint of malice.
Connor frowned but took my hand and led me away from the church. As we walked down the lonely, dusty road, he looked at me and frowned. “Are you okay?” he asked, reaching out and touching my cheek.
I looked down and nodded slowly. He knew about the issues between me and Ariel, but he knew there wasn’t much he could do. If she ever hurt me he would take action, but his back was up against the wall just as much as mine had been. I didn’t want to cause him anymore stress, so I smiled up at him and stood on my toes, kissing his cheek gently.
“I’m okay. I promise. She’s just being difficult. I’m sure she’ll come around,” I said, trying to sound positive, but I wasn’t sure of that at all.
He nodded and wrapped his arms around me, smiling and pulling me close, pressing our lips together. Wind tossed our hair and my eyes fluttered closed. It felt so good to be in his arms like this. He pulled away and I looked into his eyes, my fingers tangling in the sandy colored hair at the base of his neck.
“As long as I have you I’m okay
,” I whispered.
Chapter Six
The cold dead of winter came around before I could prepare for it. It snowed in New York, of course, but not like this. Here, once the snow started, it didn’t stop for days. Within a week I was up to my knees in drifts and trudging through the paths made by the cattle. The baby was strapped to my back and I had become much more confident when caring for her.
Regina was gurgling and giggling in my arms now and I actually felt like I was settling in as her mother. She looked at me with big, green eyes and would grin so bright the stars would be put to shame. She was beautiful and she made my heart flutter a million miles a minute.
Connor was a good father and seeing him and the baby together often made my heart ache. I wanted more; I wanted to be a family. I had finally found someone who made me want to have a child of my own.
My wish would come to fruition soon enough. The morning sickness started shortly after the first snowfall. I would be caring for Regina or cooking breakfast and my stomach would suddenly begin to lurch. It was one of the most unsettling things I had ever experienced. I had to run outside and heave until there was nothing left in my stomach before stumbling back into the kitchen. Connor offered me strange looks here and there, asking me if I was okay.
Even though my face glistened with a thin sheen of sweat, he seemed to buy it when I said I was fine, opting to leave me to my chores. I could tell he wanted to ask more, but he seemed to get the idea that whatever I was dealing with, it was something he couldn’t really help me with.
In the letters I wrote to my sister, I described the issues I had been having and she suggested that I might be with child. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it myself, but my heart fluttered with hope and a grin spread over my face. Could it be? Could I really be pregnant? My breath hitched in my throat just a little and I found myself clinging to the thought that I was possibly carrying Connor’s child.