Incisions

by Barbara Winkes

  “To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I should let her in, but this is good news, right?”

  “It is. I guess she already told the lieutenant. Bristol maybe, though I’m not sure,” Jordan said, sitting next to her. “Are you okay?”

  “Me? Why wouldn’t I be? There’s finally movement, and someone believes in what I said all along.”

  “I believed you.” Truth be told, those words had stung a little, insinuating Bethany had been the first. Then again, her feelings didn’t matter so much when she’d just been given a reminder of what Ellie had been through.

  “Yes, I know,” Ellie said softly. “But you kind of have to. Wait, that’s not what I meant. I know you were sincere about it, but coming from Bethany, that’s a huge vote of confidence. I’m glad about it, not so much about the confirmation that he’s still out there.”

  “We still have very little to go on. Apparently, Josh Ward had a lot of ‘friends’ who hired him for jobs.”

  “Yes, but maybe we can narrow it down some with the help of the FBI? It’s strange, right, but it makes me feel better to know I didn’t make him up. I wasn’t that scared. He seemed kind of…benevolent in a strange way. Very different from Ward. I was lucky to have the tab from that beer cab, even luckier the other guy came back that moment and he didn’t want in. It tells me he might have some decency after all, and that we could communicate with him.”

  Jordan thought that was a tad optimistic. After all he had drugged and kidnapped Ellie, which was nowhere near any decency, but she could relate to everything Ellie revealed between the lines. Still, Ellie’s approach to deal with this experience seemed so calm and rational. She wasn’t freaking out, over-exercising or drinking. It worried Jordan that she might not be dealing at all, suppressing her emotions, and Jordan didn’t have a clue about how to help her—that after all her visits to shrinks and nine years of living with one.

  “Okay. We’ll go from here. I’ll go back to the department later and check on those transcripts.”

  “I’ll come with you. Oh, and I almost forgot about this, Darla came by earlier…Did you catch up with her?”

  “No, I didn’t see her. What did she say?”

  Ellie looked uncomfortable all of a sudden. Jordan told herself it was cynical to assume Darla might be in trouble. She’d been doing so well since she’d been released from the hospital.

  “She wanted to talk to you only, and…she’s pregnant. Is it terrible that I thought it might not be planned?” Ellie sighed. “I thought I was better than that, but obviously I’m just as judgmental as anyone else.”

  “Darla really wanted an out. I wonder what happened. I suppose someone would have told me if there was a problem with the program…”

  “For all we know, she found a decent guy and they are planning a family together—or maybe she does have another plan. Sometimes I have to remind myself, when it’s not the job, it’s totally fine to leave people alone. We don’t always know what’s best for others, and she didn’t seem troubled to me.”

  Jordan wondered if there was a deeper meaning behind Ellie’s words, but for the moment, she was still baffled about the news.

  “She must have found out when she was in the hospital, or soon after.”

  Ellie didn’t contest that theory.

  Jordan had called in quite a few favors so that Darla could leave her old life behind and get her GED while working. Darla was smart and had been eager to get off the streets. Of course, those plans didn’t always work out. Jordan had put a lot of faith in her. She owed her, of course, since it was her case, her perp that almost got Darla killed…They might be even now, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t have an opinion. She knew firsthand what could happen to children of people who weren’t ready to be parents.

  Ellie was right. Maybe this was all in her head.

  * * * *

  It was with a lot more confidence that Ellie walked into the station—ironic that it was partly because of Bethany. At least, her case would now move forward. The man behind her abduction was no longer a phantom.

  Jordan didn’t need to feel insecure about her part in keeping Ellie sane during those past days. It had been a relief just to be with her.

  As promised, Bethany had forwarded the files, and they sat behind Jordan’s desk to study them. It was likely that she still felt guilty about the course of the Darby case. Ellie could imagine that she needed to circumvent some interdepartmental bureaucracy to make those transcripts available to them so quickly.

  She told herself it was nothing she hadn’t known before, a criminal boasting to a friend of his about future endeavors. Still, when she got to the line Bethany had mentioned before, Ellie felt breathless for a moment, with anger, and helplessness at the blatant misogyny. He was talking about her.

  “You need a break?” Jordan asked.

  “No, let’s go on. We don’t want to be here all night.”

  “Okay. We can pick up something for dinner on the way home.”

  The biggest part of Ward’s conversation seemed unrelated—he was talking to the owner of several buildings in the city that had gone up in flames, a man now in FBI custody.

  The man in between was Troy Haynes, Ellie reflected, someone known to Ward, who had been trying to make a deal earlier that was unrelated to the insurance fraud. The one who got away—was he planning something even bigger than blowing up empty buildings? It was a chilling thought. The deal hadn’t gone through this time, but the “scrawny guy” was still an unknown figure.

  Like that friend of Ward’s who had pretended that Ellie was his girlfriend.

  * * * *

  The room looked exactly like the last time she’d seen it. The cot with the cuffs dangling from it, a blanket, on the other side, a small table and lamp. The tiny window, too high and too small to serve as an escape route. She remembered all of it, the feel of the coarse fabric covering her, the cuff biting into her wrist.

  She couldn’t breathe or move, making a choked gasp in the futile attempt to get some air into her lungs.

  “Don’t worry, this will only hurt for a little while,” he said, pressing the sharp end of the tab into her skin. She saw the blood drip down her shirt, pain registering full force, but the scream didn’t come.

  Instead, Jordan woke from the nightmare, coming face to face with Ellie’s wide-eyed alarmed expression. She remembered trying to scream, and, embarrassed, wondered if she actually had.

  “Are you all right?” Ellie asked quietly.

  Jordan held up her hand to ward off any questions and attempts at consolation, got up and headed for the bathroom. Her shirt was sticking to her skin, and she threw it into the hamper with more force than necessary, aware that her hands were still shaking. She hated feeling this way, only slowly extracting herself from the grip of the nightmare. A quick shower would keep it at bay, this time. She couldn’t afford to dwell on this. It was over, for both of them.

  When she returned to the bedroom, Ellie had turned on the light. “Can I get you anything, a tea maybe or…”

  “No. Go back to sleep. It’s fine.”

  “Jordan.”

  She dropped the towel and chose a shirt and panties from the drawer, putting them on before she slipped back under the covers.

  “I mean it. Come on, it’s nothing big. Let’s try to get some sleep.”

  Jordan had no desire to explain how the images from the claustrophobic room had become mixed up with the memory of Darby’s basement. Chances were, Ellie could guess. She looked doubtful, but got back into bed and hesitantly scooted closer.

  “It’s okay,” Jordan said.

  “You’re shaking. You were so far away…For a moment, I was afraid to touch you.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’ve had nightmares before.”

  “Do you want to talk about it—this one?”

  “No.” Jordan wrapped her arms around Ellie tightly and kissed her. “Good night.”

  * * * *

  She sn
uck out of the house early and met with Darla before her shift. In the past, Jordan had often invited her to a sweet coffee and pastry treat, and it seemed Darla still appreciated this sort of food.

  “Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll pay this time. Also, I have to eat for two now, so there’s a good excuse.”

  Jordan had had trouble falling back asleep the night before, and even without the unwelcome reminder of past horrors, her patience was running low.

  “Okay. Tell me what happened?”

  “Well, it’s obvious what happened, isn’t it? I mean, you like girls, but you know…”

  At this point, Jordan was feeling like indulging in lots a caffeine and empty calories too. This day could only get better—hopefully.

  “Yes, I do know the basics, thank you. What I would like to know is what your plan is. You found out about this in the hospital?”

  Darla nodded. “I didn’t want to share this with anyone right away. I mean…this is kind of a miracle, right? Ryder’s people left me for dead, and I would be if it wasn’t for those girls who found me. Now, I’m going to have a baby.”

  It was hard to argue with Darla’s logic, still, Jordan wasn’t sure if this was a reason to celebrate. There was a lot at stake for Darla.

  “Does Sophia know?”

  “Sure, I kind of had to let her know. Serena came by one time, and I wanted to tell you…I hoped you’d be happy for me. Happier than Sophia, anyway.”

  Jordan imagined that the social worker whom she’d contacted for Darla would not be amused. “Well, she knows a lot more about what it’s like to raise a child on a budget. You’re going to drop out of the program?” That came out a lot sharper than intended. Or maybe it was exactly what she’d intended. She’d wanted Darla to be one of her success stories.

  “Of course not,” Darla protested. “Hey, this is all going well for me. I’m not going to mess it up if that’s what you think.”

  “Seems to me you already have.” Perhaps Ellie had the better attitude about this, trying not to judge until she had all the information. Dealing with her own birthmother who had been too young and completely unfit to start a family, the situation felt personal to Jordan. Especially when for a long time, she’d hoped to be able to help Darla start over.

  “Gee, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today. What’s the matter with you? I’m not asking you for money. I got this.”

  “What about the father?”

  Darla rolled her eyes. “We all make mistakes, huh? It doesn’t matter anymore. That was in the old life. This is the new me, classes, job, and all. I’m having this baby, and I’m going to get my degree and get a decent job to support us.”

  “Darla, it’s not that easy to raise a child.”

  “Oh really, and how would you know?”

  Jordan told herself she wouldn’t be tempted to flee from a conversation with a young woman who’d had fewer lucky breaks in life. She had to make her see what she was getting herself into.

  “I was in the system for a while because my birthparents had no idea what the hell they were doing. It wasn’t fun.”

  “Well, I’m sorry about that, but that’s not what’s going to happen to my little one. I was going to tell you I’m grateful for all that you’ve done for me, but I didn’t realize there were conditions, that it’s only okay as long as you approve of what I’m doing with my life. I’m sorry I bothered you. I’ll stick to Sophia in the future.”

  “Darla, wait…”

  Darla tossed a bill on the table and got up. “I need to go to class. Bye.”

  That went well. Jordan shook her head, wishing she had found better words to warn Darla—or kept her mouth shut.

  Chapter Twelve

  On their way to the squad car, Kate and Ellie passed by a small group of uniformed officers outside the building, most of which were familiar. Ellie had noticed the conversations coming to an abrupt halt when she and Kate walked by. Kate didn’t mention it. In fact, she didn’t talk much at all even when they were out on the street.

  Ellie had her own troubling thoughts, but she still felt bad for breaking her promise.

  “I’m sorry. I said I’d be there last night, but when I got home, Dr. Roberts came by to talk about a case…my case actually.”

  “Doesn’t this suck, dating at work, with the exes always around?” Kate sighed. “I guess you heard. It would have been hard to keep a secret, with Jordan practically walking in on us.”

  “She didn’t talk, just…to me,” Ellie admitted.

  “Yeah, I suspected, and that’s okay. I know you’re not gossiping about me, but these things get around faster than you can say ‘none of your business, guys.’ So much for the brotherhood—it’s only for sisters when they say so.”

  “It’s not all of them,” Ellie assured her. “Those who gossip will find something new soon.”

  “Sure. I just didn’t want this to reach Jensen’s family because…I don’t expect them to understand. I’m not entirely sure I understand it, but sometimes you have to be with someone in a way that’s easy and not complicated. I loved Jensen. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that he’s gone, and I don’t ever want to feel that way again.”

  “I understand.” That didn’t mean she agreed. Ellie didn’t know how to be in a relationship without investing all. She’d been disappointed before. She was still convinced that it was worth it overcoming fear and doubts. She wasn’t in Kate’s shoes though, and didn’t want to think about how close she’d come once. No wonder Jordan still had nightmares.

  With Ward dead, and the mystery man finally on everyone else’s agenda as well, Ellie’s situation was a completely different one.

  “You’ll figure it out,” she said. “Believe me, they’ll stop talking the moment they find something new, and no one should be telling you what do or how to feel.”

  “Thank you.” Kate gave her a grateful smile. “It’s not like I don’t have enough to deal with at the moment. I canceled the lease on my apartment, because Jensen and I were going to move in together, of course, and now…The landlord was pretty great about it, saying I could stay until I find something new, but I’m sure he expects me to search for a place. Frankly, I haven’t. I come home from the shift, I spend some time at the Code 7, I sleep and start all over again. I don’t want to think. I guess that’s how I ended up in a new relationship.”

  This was an uncomfortable subject for Ellie, as she had unsolved housing issues as well. Doing nothing was a comfortable solution for the time being, but she couldn’t continue forever. Deep down she knew it was too early for her and Jordan to take the plunge, that they had to tread carefully if they wanted their relationship to work in the long run, not make early, predictable mistakes.

  “You can’t always plan these things,” she said. “The last few months were rough. Maybe you and I should move in together.”

  Kate cast her a quick, surprised sideways look. “I thought you were going to stay with Jordan.”

  “Yes…no. I don’t know,” Ellie confessed. “It’s complicated. I know for sure that I don’t want to go back to my apartment, too many crappy memories, and it’s too much space and rent for me. I’ve been putting this off forever. Jordan won’t say anything, but it’s not easy for her either.”

  “I guess if I found out that my father was a murderer, I’d need a moment to let that sink in. Would you really want to do that? Get a place together until things are back to something resembling normal?” Kate shook her head. “Not that I have any idea what that state would look like. I just know I have to do something.”

  “Let’s try this, then.”

  “Are you sure? I’d like that, but only if I know you’re not going to leave again after a couple of weeks.”

  “I’ll talk to Jordan,” Ellie promised, and then dispatch came on, alerting them to a hit and run accident near the city center. She answered the call, glad that the air was clear between her and Kate. She and Jordan would be fine, too—if Ellie could ha
ve an adult, work-related conversation with Bethany, then everything was possible.

  * * * *

  Jordan didn’t often pay unannounced visits to Jack and Pauline. She could tell Pauline was startled when she opened the door—given the events of the past few weeks, she certainly had reason to be.

  “Don’t worry, nothing bad happened,” Jordan assured her ruefully. Compared to other times, anyway.

  “That’s a good start. Come on in. I’m glad to see you. Do you have the day off?”

  “No, I’ll go in later. I’ve got some overtime left, but Ellie and I want to reschedule the vacation as soon as possible.”

  “Of course,” Pauline said. “You both need it. You’ve been working hard these past years, and I get the sense that she’s just the same. You think you could make time for dinner sometime soon? I’m so glad she’s okay.”

  In the kitchen, she poured coffee for both of them. Now Jordan wished she hadn’t had breakfast with Darla, as she could have enjoyed Pauline’s freshly baked cookies. Even so, sitting with her in the kitchen was calming her nerves, replacing nightmarish memories with good ones.

  “Yeah, me too. I keep going back to that night…I wish she’d spent the night at my house instead.”

  “You couldn’t know, and neither did she. I guess it’s best to move on. You can’t blame yourself.”

  “I guess.” Jordan shrugged, picking up her mug. “I try. We do. There’s just a lot happening on the sidelines. Kathryn Larson keeps calling me, and I really don’t want to forgive and forget. A girl that I helped get off the streets is now pregnant.”

  Even with Pauline’s silence, Jordan could tell right away how she’d gotten this wrong, how she’d let the anger she felt for Kathryn cloud her judgment when it came to Darla.

  “I was a real bitch to her, suggesting she couldn’t handle it. I think I owe her an apology.”

  “You were worried. I’m sure she understands.”