The Quest for the Heart Orb (The Orbs of Rathira)

by Laura Jo Phillips

  “Will it hurt more to know he did that than it does to assume it, but not know?” Karma asked.

  “No, I don’t think that’s possible,” Ren said softly.

  “Then you’ve got nothing to lose,” Karma said. “It’s your choice to make, Ren. Garundel’s actions indicate that he’s willing to abide by your decision.”

  “What do you think I should do?” Ren asked.

  “You should think about it,” Karma said. “There’s certainly no rush, and no one will press you. If you want to talk about it some more, we’re not going anywhere.”

  Ren thanked Karma and Kapia, then fell silent as the rain started again. This time, she didn’t mind at all since it gave her a good reason not to talk. Between Garundel and Marl, she had a lot to think about.

  ***

  Bredon had spent the past two days, and nights, thinking about…memories…just as he’d promised Kapia. It was a far more difficult enterprise than he’d expected since every single time the subject entered his mind, his body reacted in a manner that made sitting in a saddle uncomfortable, and standing in public without the cover of his cloak embarrassing. It made him glad for the cold weather which, for a native desert-dweller, was practically sacrilege.

  He knew perfectly well how to relieve his own…tension…and he wasn’t in the least bit averse to the practice. In fact, he was beginning to worry that the sheer intensity of his…efforts…would surely end in some physical damage to his…self. He’d have been quite willing to pay the cost of said damage had his…activities…resulted in some measure of relief that lasted more than a couple of minutes.

  It wasn’t merely his desire for Kapia that caused this increase in…excitement. He’d wanted Kapia for a long time, and was well practiced in keeping his feelings for her in check. What had changed was the knowledge that she wanted him in the same way. He shuddered at the thought.

  The afternoon was drawing to a close when he finally gave in. He was accustomed to denying his own needs and desires. But he could not deny Kapia. She wanted him, and he could not leave her wanting.

  His decision made, he suddenly couldn’t wait to speak with Kapia. Knowing that Zakiel would soon call a halt, he rode back to the group of women, and invited Kapia to ride beside him away from the others. They rode quietly for a few minutes until they were both certain that they were alone and not close enough to anyone else to be overheard so long as they kept their voices low.

  “Have you come to a decision?” Kapia asked, breaking the silence.

  “I have,” Bredon said, surprised by how calm he sounded. “I want to speak with you, alone.”

  “Are we not speaking alone now?”

  “I meant truly alone,” Bredon said. “Have you any ideas on how to make that happen?”

  “That’s easy,” Kapia said, her cheeks flushed not with embarrassment as he thought, but with excitement. “As a Knight of the First Rank surely you have a private tent.”

  “You cannot come to my tent, Kapia,” Bredon said, aghast at the very idea.

  “Why not?” Kapia asked.

  “You know very well why not,” Bredon replied tightly.

  “Bredon, I spent weeks thinking you were dead, then more weeks afraid that you’d die before I saw you again. Now you’re here, very much alive, and I have no intention of wasting a single moment of time with you.”

  “We…you…would be the object of gossip,” Bredon said. “Not to mention the reactions of your father and brother. How long do you think either of them would let me live if I were to dishonor you?”

  “I will speak with Zakiel first, if you like,” Kapia said.

  “You’ll speak about this with your brother?” Bredon asked, his voice faint with shock. An image of Prince Zakiel with the claws and stripes of the Tigren standing over him in fury passed through his mind. “And what exactly will you say to him?”

  “I will remind him that we love each other, and that after weeks apart, we need to spend some time alone,” Kapia said. “But, whether he approves or not, this is my decision to make. I will be visiting you in your tent this evening, Bredon, so that we can talk privately. After dinner?”

  Bredon could not help but smile at the force his shy little Kapia had become. He suddenly realized that she was a true student of Lady Techu, and he didn’t mind that at all. “Yes, after dinner,” he said with a deep nod. “After you’ve spoken with your brother,” he amended.

  Kapia smiled, then returned to her place beside Ren while Bredon returned to his post. The next two hours seemed interminable to her. First waiting for Zakiel to call a halt for the day, then waiting for the tents to be erected and everyone to settle in. She took a few minutes to wash her face and hands, then entered the neighboring tent through the connecting doorways.

  “I would speak with you, Brother, and you as well, Karma,” she said.

  “Of course,” Zakiel said, frowning a little at her serious expression. He glanced at Karma, but she gave him a tiny shake of her head while Kapia gracefully lowered herself to the cushion across from them. She didn’t know what this was about either.

  “I suspect that neither of you will much like what I’m going to say, but it must be said,” Kapia began. “I will not hide or sneak about as though I’m ashamed.”

  “Ashamed?” Zakiel asked in surprise. “Of what?”

  “Bredon and I love each other, as you know. As you also know, we were forced to be separated from each other for weeks. I thought I’d never see him again.” Kapia blinked rapidly to dispel the unexpected stinging in her eyes.

  “We know that it was a difficult time for both of you,” Karma said.

  “It was,” Kapia agreed. “But we are together again, and I refuse to waste this opportunity for us to spend time together. Private time. Therefore, I wanted you to know that I’ll be visiting Bredon in his tent, alone, in the evenings.”

  “His tent? Alone? Evenings?” Zakiel sputtered. “What exactly are you saying, Kapia? Do you intend to spend your nights there?”

  “No,” Kapia said calmly. “I want to spend time with the man I love without having to worry about what I say in front of someone else. If this were summer, we could go for walks together, or ride away from everyone else during the day. If we were at home, we’d have many opportunities to spend time alone with each other in the palace. We don’t have those options now, so we must make do.”

  “I don’t understand why you must spend time alone with him,” Zakiel declared.

  “You did not spend time alone with Karma?” Kapia asked reasonably. “Tomas did not spend time alone with Tiari?”

  “You are not engaged,” Zakiel pointed out. “They were.”

  “But we were not,” Karma said softly. Zakiel glared at her but she only shook her head. “This is not about us, Zakiel. Nor is it about Tiari and Tomas. This is about Kapia and Bredon, and their circumstances are unique.”

  “You approve of this idea?” Zakiel asked incredulously.

  “It matters little whether I approve or not,” Karma said. “Kapia’s decisions are hers to make. Or didn’t you notice that she is not asking for permission?”

  Zakiel turned back to Kapia. “You will do this regardless of my wishes?”

  “Your opinions are important to me. If they weren’t, I wouldn’t be here. But, in the end, I must make choices that suit my life and circumstances, Brother. Not yours.” Zakiel stiffened and opened his mouth but Kapia shook her head and spoke first. “Please do not tell me that I have a responsibility as Princess of Isiben to avoid gossip and maintain a spotless reputation. Compared to my feelings for Bredon, those considerations are meaningless to me. Besides, Karma will be queen soon, and she carries your son and daughter. My existence is barely recognized as it is. No one will give me more than a passing thought, if that, once you announce the impending birth of the new heir.”

  “I do not agree,” Zakiel said. “People will talk, and it will be ugly.”

  “I do not care,” Kapia said succinctly. “Do
you care what people will say when they learn of your marriage to a woman not of Rathira, let alone Isiben?”

  Zakiel sighed. “No, of course not.”

  Kapia softened her stance. “Brother, this is the Orb Quest. Any one of us could lose our lives at any moment. I ask that you think of what Bredon and I have already been through, and put yourself in our place. What you would want?”

  “If you were engaged, this wouldn’t even be an issue.”

  “I’m aware of that,” Kapia said, for the first time dropping her eyes to the floor.

  “Why aren’t you engaged?” he asked, gentling his voice.

  “Because I have not been asked,” Kapia replied. She lifted her eyes to her brother’s face and sighed at what she saw there.

  “I will talk with Bredon,” Zakiel said, already moving to stand up.

  “You will not,” Kapia said firmly, shocking him again. “I promise you, Brother, that if you say one word to Bredon, or anyone else, about him marrying me, I will never forgive you for it.”

  Zakiel lowered himself back to his cushion, his shock, anger, and outrage giving way to sudden worry. “I will say nothing to him, Kapia, you have my word,” he said finally. “But only on the condition that you tell me why.”

  “Why?”

  “Why he hasn’t asked, and why you don’t want me to step in.”

  “I don’t know why he hasn’t asked,” Kapia said. “And I don’t want you stepping in because if anyone is to ask him that question, it’ll be me, and I’m not ready to do that yet. In the meantime, I will not have him pushed into marrying me, and if you speak with him about it, that is exactly what will happen. Then I’ll be forced to refuse him.”

  Zakiel looked at Karma, who accepted his silent plea to step in as he had no further ideas on how to handle this. “Kapia,” she said, then waited for the younger woman to look at her. “You‘re not asking permission, but you would like our approval, am I correct?” Kapia nodded. “Then we will give it under a specific set of conditions.”

  “Which are?”

  “You spend no more than one hour alone in Bredon’s tent with the entrance closed. If the entrance is opened so that anyone looking in can see you both, you may stay an extra hour. While in public, you will both follow every rule of propriety that exists for a courting couple. I’m not certain what those rules are, but I’ve no doubt you know them to the letter.” Kapia nodded. “And you must swear to us both, here and now, that you will not engage in intercourse.”

  Zakiel made a choking noise and Karma frowned at him. “I’m sorry, Zakiel, but I will not risk a misunderstanding because I didn’t speak plainly.” She turned back to Kapia. “Given the current lack of commitment between you, there can be no chance of a child, Kapia. I understand the power of physical desire, but there are ways to gain relief without the risk of pregnancy. If Bredon asks you to marry him, then the situation will be different. Unlike my own culture, yours would accept a child conceived during your engagement. For whatever reason, he hasn’t asked. Therefore, you must suit your behavior to the situation as it is, not as you’d like it to be. Am I clear?”

  “Perfectly,” Kapia said, careful not to look at her brother. While she had no problem discussing sex with Karma or even Bredon, she was only slightly less embarrassed by Zakiel’s presence than he was. “I’m in complete agreement with you, Karma, on this matter, as well as your other conditions, and I’m sure that Bredon will be too. You have my solemn promise to adhere to them faithfully.”

  Zakiel relaxed at Kapia’s forthright agreement. “If you become engaged, we will revisit these rules. Agreed?”

  “Of course,” Kapia said. Then, for the first time since entering the tent, she smiled. “Thank you, both of you, for understanding. And for loving me so much. I know this isn’t easy for you, Zakiel, and I’m sorry for that.”

  “The most difficult part of this for me is accepting that my baby sister is a woman, and that is not something you need to apologize for,” Zakiel said. “As you said, this is the Orb Quest, and the danger to all of us each and every day is all too real. I cannot deny you and Bredon the chance to grab a few moments of happiness while you can.”

  Kapia leaned over and hugged Zakiel tightly for a long moment, relieved when he returned the hug tightly. Then she rose to her feet, offered Karma a brilliant smile, and left their tent, her step far lighter than it had been when she arrived. As soon as she was gone Zakiel turned to his wife.

  “Why hasn’t Bredon asked her to marry him?”

  “I don’t know,” Karma replied, frowning. “Bredon loves Kapia as much as she loves him. There can be no doubt of that. Do you have any ideas?”

  “Maybe he wants to wait until he can ask my father for permission,” Zakiel said. “Bredon has always been a stickler for following the rules. I’m very surprised that he’s willing to risk Kapia’s reputation, much less his own. Just between us though, I can’t say I blame him for it after all they’ve been through.”

  “I don’t think he had much choice,” Karma said.

  “You think this was Kapia’s idea?”

  “Without a doubt,” Karma said, smiling. “I’m proud of her.”

  “You’re proud of her for wanting to destroy her reputation?”

  “No, love,” Karma said. “I’m proud of her for having the courage to reach for what she wants while it’s here for the taking in spite of what anyone else might think about it.”

  ***

  After dinner Kapia went into her chamber and freshened up. Caral brushed her hair until it gleamed, and she changed into a fresh skirt and blouse, leaving the pants off, but taking her staff. Then she put on her cloak and left the women’s tent. She’d asked Caral to find out exactly where Bredon’s tent was, so instead of wandering around the camp, she walked straight to the far side of the central fire to the first small tent set a few yards back from those around it. She paused outside, biting her lip nervously. She forced herself to stop, sucked in a nervous breath, and scratched at the flap of canvas covering the entrance. “Bredon, are you here?”

  The flap over the entrance was pulled back almost immediately, and Bredon stepped outside.

  “Are you sure about this?”

  “Of course,” Kapia said. “But I’d like to talk for a few minutes first. Can we take a little walk around the camp?”

  “As you wish,” Bredon replied. “Let me get my cloak.” Kapia nodded, then watched him duck back inside. She caught herself biting her lip again and released it just as Bredon rejoined her. He offered his arm and she took it, letting him guide them.

  “Did you speak with Zakiel?”

  “I did,” Kapia said. “Him and Karma both, in fact.”

  “How did it go?”

  Kapia told him about the meeting she’d had, and the first two conditions she’d agreed to. “There’s one final condition,” she said when she was finished. “Karma was adamant that I not do anything that could end in pregnancy, and I swore that I wouldn’t.”

  “I also swear to abide by her conditions,” Bredon said without hesitation.

  “Thank you,” she said, then deliberately brightened her tone. “You asked me for a chance to talk in private, and I’ve provided it. I’d like to hear whatever you wanted to say.”

  “I would prefer to show you, rather than tell you,” Bredon said, his voice deepening. “If you’re agreeable, of course.”

  “I am,” Kapia said, glad that it was too dark for Bredon to see her cheeks. He turned them around immediately and guided her back toward his tent. “Bredon, I know that my behavior today has been very bold, but please don’t take that to mean I have much knowledge on this subject.”

  “Don’t worry, surna,” Bredon said softly. “I will not push you, and I swear that we’ll stop at the precise moment you ask me to.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered, surprised by the depth of her relief.

  “Tell me, when you imagine us together, what is it we’re doing?”

  “Kissing,�
� Kapia said. “The way we kissed when you returned.”

  “Nothing more?”

  “No,” Kapia said with a heavy sigh. “It seems I’m incapable of imagining something that I haven’t actually seen or experienced. I’ve seen Zakiel and Karma kiss like that, so I could imagine you and I doing it. But, even after Karma shared her knowledge with me, I couldn’t actually imagine it.”

  “This is why you want memories,” Bredon said, understanding a little better than he had.

  “In part, yes,” Kapia said. “If I never see you, or touch you, or feel you, then I can never dream of it. And I will regret it forever.”

  “As would I,” Bredon said. Then he grinned. “Even though I have a very vivid imagination, I will be more than pleased to have memories over fantasies.” He stopped in front of his tent and pulled the flap aside. She entered and he followed, letting the flap drop behind him, secure in the knowledge that no one would dare enter his tent without his express invitation.

  He helped Kapia with her cloak and gloves, then gestured for her to sit while he removed his own. She sat on one of two cushions pulled close to the firepot and looked around. This tent was much smaller than the women’s tent, and had only one chamber. But it was cozy, warm, and private. She saw Bredon’s bedroll near one wall, and a few baskets here and there containing his belongings. She watched silently while he removed his weapons and placed them carefully on a stand within easy reach.

  “Would you like something to drink?” he offered.

  “Not right now, thank you,” she replied. Bredon sat cross legged on the cushion close beside hers, then opened the screen on the firepot and tended the fire. Then he closed the screen, and turned his full attention to Kapia.

  “It’s so odd to have you here,” he said in a low voice that wouldn’t carry beyond the walls of the tent. “I’ve dreamt of it for so long that it feels like reality is the dream.”

  Kapia smiled nervously. “Now that I’m here, I’ve no idea what to do.”

  “Then let me,” Bredon said. He reached for her hands and tugged gently. It took a few moments for her to understand what he wanted, but eventually she found herself across Bredon’s lap, his arm cradling her neck. She’d never even seen a woman in a man’s lap before, so her face was all but bursting into flames as she tried to decide where to put her hands. Then, Bredon lowered his mouth to hers and slipped his tongue between her lips. She froze, her heart thumping loudly.