A Cowboy for the Twins

by Carolyne Aarsen

  It all washed over her, pulling her along, and all the while she was aware of Noah holding her close.

  “It’s okay,” he murmured as he held her to him, his head pressed on top of hers. “I understand. You don’t have to carry it all.”

  Watch out.

  The tiny voice of reason whispered behind the comfort of Noah’s arms. She should pay attention, but she was bone weary. Tired of holding everything up herself. Having Noah’s arms around her, dangerous as it might be, felt good for now.

  So she laid her head against his chest, hearing the steady thump of his heart, inhaling the scent of wood mixed with soap and the faint scent of his spicy aftershave. She pulled in a deep breath, surprised when his arms tightened around her.

  They sat that way a moment longer, and then she pulled back, feeling a need to see his face. Wondering what she would see in his deep brown eyes.

  He looked so serious. Then his hand came up, and he eased a strand of hair back from her face, his fingers brushing over her skin.

  Then his hand cupped her face, and he bent his head and brushed his lips over hers. Then, before she even realized what she was doing, her hand was on his cheek, her thumb tracing his strong jawline, and she returned his kiss. His lips were warm, welcoming, and she felt as if she had come home.

  Moments later, she drew back, wondering why she didn’t feel bad about what had just happened.

  “Shauntelle...” His voice trailed off, as if saying her name was all he could do.

  Their eyes held, gazes locked as she tried to read his expression, delve into his soul.

  * * *

  “I wish I didn’t have to have my hair in silly braids,” Millie said, giving her head a shake, her braids bouncing on her shoulders. “I want to have my hair flowing behind me in the wind. I want to feel like Merida.”

  “Merida has red hair,” Margaret corrected her. “Your hair is yellow.”

  Millie ignored her practical sister, her dreamy smile showing Shauntelle that she was off in another world. Probably galloping on a horse.

  The girls had been crazy all morning. Shauntelle blamed it on her own bemusement. She couldn’t count how many times she’d relived that moment when Noah had kissed her. Every time she did, a flush touched her cheeks and a curious warmth filled her heart.

  The whole time she had been working her booth at the Farmer’s Market, she had struggled not to check her watch or her phone. This morning Noah had texted her asking if she still wanted to come. She had written him a text, saying yes, yet her finger hovered over the send key. Again she thought of her parents, and again she realized that no matter what she did, it would be wrong. It was time she put herself and her daughters first.

  Besides, there was no way she would get away with telling the girls they weren’t going.

  So she hid behind their happiness, tucking away her own anticipation and apprehension.

  She turned on the road, driving past the spot where she had first met Noah, her mind slipping back to that encounter.

  “Here’s where our car broke down,” Millie said, her comment echoing Shauntelle’s thoughts. “I’m so glad Mr. Noah could rescue us. He’s so handsome.”

  Shauntelle couldn’t help the quick skip of her own heart. But she didn’t acknowledge her daughter’s comment as she drove on.

  “Here we are,” Millie called out a few moments later as Shauntelle turned down the driveway of the T Bar C. She unbuckled and leaned over the seat, almost panting with excitement. Shauntelle was about to reprimand her, but she wasn’t going that fast, and Millie was too excited.

  “Look, there’s Mr. Noah with the horses!” Millie shouted, her finger jabbing past Shauntelle’s head. “I’m so excited.”

  “You have to sit down until we’re stopped,” Margaret said, her voice prim. But Shauntelle could hear she was just as excited as her sister.

  Shauntelle parked where she had when she and the girls dropped the baking off the other day. No sooner had she turned the engine off than her daughters were out of the car and racing toward the corral.

  “You girls wait up for me!” Shauntelle called out, hurrying to catch up to them.

  But they were too giddy, and they ignored her. Thankfully they didn’t clamber over the corral fence and were content to just stand on the bottom rail, their arms perched over the top as they watched Noah tie up the horses.

  He wore a cowboy hat today, a twill shirt rolled up over his forearms tucked into snug blue jeans, and worn cowboy boots. He looked comfortable, self-confident, and against the background of the corrals, the pastures and the mountains behind him, he fit in perfectly.

  “So are you girls ready to go riding?” he asked as he came nearer.

  “We are so excited,” Millie called out, bouncing on the lower rail of the fence.

  “Are we galloping?” Margaret asked, sounding fearful.

  Noah chuckled and shook his head. “I know you girls are excited, but right now we’re just walking.”

  “Out in the pastures, in the open fields?” Millie asked.

  “We’ll just start in the corrals for now,” Noah said, smiling as Millie’s mouth turned down, expressing her disappointment. He glanced over at Shauntelle. Their eyes held a second longer than they should, but she didn’t want to look away.

  The memory of the kiss they had shared rose and altered everything between them. She knew they couldn’t go back. However, all she saw ahead were questions of how this could work. She had no room for a relationship, and Noah was the last person she should consider dating.

  Losing Roger had pulled the ground out from under her emotionally and mentally. It had taken her this long to find her way again. To create her own life. Did she dare allow herself to depend on anyone again?

  “How are you doing?” he asked with concern.

  “About what?”

  “The doors?”

  “I’ll manage,” she said, his concern touching her. It had been a long time since anyone besides her parents cared what happened to her.

  “Which horse am I going to ride?” Millie asked, her loud voice reminding Shauntelle why they were here. And it wasn’t to flirt with Noah.

  “I thought I would give you the palomino and Margaret the brown horse,” Noah said, dragging his gaze away from her.

  The girls looked at the horses then at each other, as if they had to confer. Then they both nodded. “That will work for us.”

  “We’re so glad you approve,” Shauntelle teased.

  “That’s all I can hope for,” Noah said, adding a grin.

  Once again she couldn’t look away. Once again she felt as if the walls she had built around her heart were being breached.

  “So can we go on the horses?” Millie asked, crossing one leg over the fence, ready to take off.

  “Yes, but I need to warn you girls you have to be quiet around the horses and that you have to move slowly,” Noah said.

  Shauntelle couldn’t help a faint shiver of concern as she grabbed her daughters’ hands to make sure they followed Noah’s instructions. Those creatures were huge. “So these horses are okay?”

  Millie and Margaret were pulling on her hands, but she held them back.

  “I can guarantee they’re quiet. I rode the horses out last night, just to make sure.”

  Shauntelle shot him a curious look. “You took the time to ride them already? Both of them?”

  “Of course I did.” He almost sounded offended.

  “I’m sorry. I guess...I’m just surprised.”

  “I’m a cautious person. I want you to know that.”

  He had his hands in his pockets, his shoulders hunched forward as his eyes seemed to drill into her, underlining what he was saying.

  She held his defensive gaze and gave him another smile, even as the girls tugged at her hands. “I know what you’re say
ing. And I trust you.”

  He seemed to relax at that, and another smile curved his lips. And another shiver teased Shauntelle’s vulnerable heart.

  “I want to ride,” Millie said, still tugging on Shauntelle’s hands.

  “First, we have to introduce you.” Noah turned his attention to the girls. “Margaret, you come with me.”

  Shauntelle was pleased that he chose Margaret first. Millie, with her outspoken and dominant nature, tended to get the most attention. Shauntelle could see from the way she pouted that she wasn’t used to this order of events. Shauntelle gave Millie’s hand an extra squeeze of warning, to ensure she didn’t complain.

  Noah made Margaret stroke the horse and showed her how to walk around him, letting the animal know where she was by talking and touching it. Noah was patient and took his time. Margaret’s grin almost split her face; she was so excited at the attention and at being close to the horse. After he had gone over some basic horse sense, he picked her up and set her in the saddle.

  “This is how you hold on to the saddle horn,” he said, demonstrating.

  “I’m not steering the horse myself?”

  “Nope. Not this time.”

  “Okay.”

  “Are you going to be alright up there?” he asked, his hand resting on the horse’s neck, his other on his hip as he looked up at her.

  Margaret just nodded. She looked happier than she had in months. Which, for Shauntelle, showed her that she had made the right choice in coming here.

  “You want to come and join us?” Noah gestured for Millie to come forward.

  Millie didn’t need any more urging than that, and ran toward Noah and the horses.

  “Whoa. Stop right there.” Noah took a quick step toward her and held his hands up. “Remember what I said about moving slow.”

  Millie stopped where she was and hung her head. “I’m sorry. I forgot because I was so excited.”

  Noah crouched down in front of her, one hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. I know you’re excited. But you have to be very attentive around horses.”

  Millie just nodded. Then Noah held his hand out to her. She slipped it in his and he walked toward the horses. He went through the same routine he had with Margaret. Soon both girls were astride the horses, and Noah was untying the reins from the fence. He clucked to the horses and, with a set of reins in each hand, led them around the corrals.

  “He’s very careful, isn’t he?”

  Noah’s mother had spoken quietly, but her unexpected presence still made Shauntelle jump.

  She glanced over at Mrs. Cosgrove, who was now standing beside her, leaning on her crutches. She looked less pale today, and she was smiling as she always did.

  “He said he rode the horses last night to settle them down for today.” Fay Cosgrove looked over, and in her eyes Shauntelle caught the same intensity she saw in Noah. “He’s a good man. He can come across as difficult, but he’s got a good heart.”

  Shauntelle heard something other than a mother’s pride in her son as Mrs. Cosgrove spoke. It was as if she was trying to convince Shauntelle of Noah’s goodness.

  She wanted to reply but was afraid that anything she would say would reveal the uncertain feelings Noah created in her. So she simply smiled and looked back at the corral where Noah was leading her daughters around. “I’m thankful he’s willing to do this for my daughters.”

  “Oh, I don’t think he’s doing it just for them.” This was followed by a meaningful glance her way.

  Shauntelle felt a flush warm her neck, but right then the girls on their horses came past, giving her an excuse not to answer. She waved at the girls, trying to keep her eyes off Noah.

  “I’m pretending I’m on a bucking bronc,” Millie called out and lifted her arm. When Noah shot her a warning glance, to Shauntelle’s surprise and pleasure, her daughter immediately settled down.

  “Hi, Mrs. Cosgrove,” Millie called out. “Look at us. We’re riding.”

  “You look like you were born on a horse,” Mrs. Cosgrove said with a grin. “When you’re done, you should come to the house for something to drink and some cookies.”

  “Chocolate chip?” Margaret asked.

  “Is there any other kind?” Mrs. Cosgrove asked.

  The girls laughed as they turned their attention back to the horses.

  “Your daughter Millie is quite the character, isn’t she?” Mrs. Cosgrove said as Millie became more subdued.

  “She’s always testing me.” Shauntelle laid her arms on the sun-warmed fence, shaking her head as she watched her daughter. “Especially since...since Roger died.”

  “I’m guessing she has a strong will?”

  “A mighty will,” Shauntelle added. “When Roger was alive he could keep her in check. But since then...” Her voice trailed off, and it was as if she was hearing her own words for the first time. Like articulating her thoughts in front of Mrs. Cosgrove made her realize what was going on with her daughter.

  “I think she needs a strong hand in her life,” Mrs. Cosgrove said.

  Shauntelle realized the truth in what she was saying. And her eyes slid again to Noah, who was chatting with the girls as he led them around the corral. He seemed very comfortable with them. And he wasn’t intimidated by Millie, which was more than she could say for her father. He never seemed to know what to do with the girls.

  “I’m sure it’s been difficult raising the girls on your own,” Fay said. “I’m sure you still miss your husband.”

  Shauntelle lifted one shoulder and gave a slight shrug, not sure what to say. “Of course I miss him,” she said. “But he wasn’t around much even when he was alive. He was a very dedicated doctor and often stayed late at night to work. And then when he got on with Doctors Without Borders, he would be gone weeks at a time.” She stopped there, realizing that she was sounding whiny. “He was a good man too,” she said. “A very good husband and father.”

  “I know your parents were very proud of him.” Mrs. Cosgrove also looked over at Noah and shifted her weight on her crutches. “I understand that pride. I’m proud of my son too, and I also love him dearly.” She stopped there, easing out a sigh. “You need to know how sorry I feel for your parents. Losing their only son and their son-in-law was a terrible blow for them.”

  Then Mrs. Cosgrove put her hand on Shauntelle’s arm and squeezed. “Please know that I don’t want to minimize their loss, but I wish you could let them know my son did everything he could to make sure Josiah was safe. Noah doesn’t like it when I talk about this, but I want you to know that he feels horrible about the accident. He always says he should have spent more time training him. Being there for your brother. He takes it very personally, even though it has been proven that he wasn’t at fault.”

  Shauntelle allowed herself a moment to gather her own confused thoughts, trying to sort out her feelings about her brother, her parents.

  Noah.

  “Your son told me the same,” she said, giving Mrs. Cosgrove a shy look, feeling self-conscious about saying his name around his mother. Like a teen girl talking about her crush. “He told me that not a day goes by that he doesn’t wish things could have gone differently. That he doesn’t wonder what else he could have done.” She paused a moment, wondering if she should say what had been hovering on the edges of any memory of Josiah’s accident. That Noah had less to do with what happened than Josiah did.

  “But I believe there’s two sides to this story,” Shauntelle continued, as memories of the pictures her parents had of her brother floated to the surface. Josiah bungee jumping, racing on his motorbike, hang gliding. And as they did, other memories returned. Other realities. “I think Josiah always was a risk taker,” she said, her thoughts taking shape as she spoke. “I remember him saying fear was for the fearful, whatever that was supposed to mean. I think he thought it made him sound tough. Unafraid.” She sto
pped there, feeling like a traitor to her brother’s memory and her parents’ grief.

  However, she knew what she had revealed was the other truth about her brother’s life. And by talking about him to Mrs. Cosgrove, she could step back from the situation and see her brother through different eyes. Think of him from a different point of view than her grieving and bitter parents did.

  “I don’t think Noah was as much to blame as he seems to think he is.” And in that moment, as the words spilled out of her, she heard the truth in them. Felt a sense of relief. Of a burden shifting off her shoulders.

  “Thank you for saying that,” Mrs. Cosgrove whispered. “I have always felt that, but I also know I’m biased when it comes to my son. I never wanted your parents to feel I was diminishing their loss, but it was also my son who had to deal with a lot. I’ve seen people glancing away from me, heard conversations stop when I come into the café or into church. That hasn’t been easy either. To think that people thought less of my son.”

  Shauntelle heard the pain in Mrs. Cosgrove’s voice. At that moment, she realized that while her parents had suffered a huge loss, Fay Cosgrove had her own sorrows to deal with as well.

  As had Noah.

  Her eyes followed him as he led her daughters around, chatting easily with them. He seemed at ease and, she realized, he was smiling. A real, genuine smile. Something she hadn’t seen since she met him. In fact, thinking back, she never saw him smile much when she knew him in school.

  “I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable,” Mrs. Cosgrove said, misinterpreting her silence.

  “No. Not at all,” Shauntelle said, turning to her and covering her hand with her own in a gesture of assurance. “I guess I never realized the repercussions for you and Noah.”

  “Noah has had a hard life and...well...his father was a difficult and demanding person. I should have been there more for him.” Her regret clearly came through.

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” She was also surprised. She had always thought Noah Cosgrove was one of the lucky ones.

  “I am too.” Then Fay gave her a melancholy look. “And I’m sorry to have taken over the conversation. You’ve lost a lot more than I ever have.”