Needing You

by Becca Siller

  Riley

  I feel terrible…absolutely terrible! I want to be out with my family and best friend but the smell of that food makes me seriously want to hurl. Curling in a ball on my side, I sigh. “Well, little one, I hope you let me eat eventually,” I say softly, rubbing my tummy.

  “Do you think he can hear you?” Miles’ deep voice comes from behind me.

  “He? How do you know it’s a he?” I ask without looking at him. “I don’t think it even has ears yet,” I say, smiling and again rubbing my tummy.

  I feel the bed dip behind me. “I just have a feeling it’s a boy but I’ll be happy either way.” Miles starts rubbing my back gently. His touch is so comforting even though I’m feeling this ill. “Still feeling bad, baby? Is there anything I can get you?” he asks, leaning in to kiss my shoulder. His lips linger on my skin, making it tingle.

  “Do we have any Sprite left?”

  “I think so, I’ll bring you some and maybe some bread?” he asks, again trying to get me to eat even though that’s the last thing I want to do.

  “No, just something to drink. I really don’t want to throw up anymore today. I love you,” I say, then turn and kiss him. His face lights up with a smile. He jumps up to leave and is back in what seems like seconds with a glass of ice-cold Sprite, he even added a straw. “Thanks,” I say, trying to drag my worn-out body up to a sitting position.

  “I hate that I can’t be there for the first appointment. I would give anything to hear his little heartbeat,” Miles says with a wistful smile as he lays his hand on my tummy.

  “I’ll take a video of everything that happens and send it to you, I promise. I just want to know when we’re due,” I tell him, sipping a little on my drink.

  “Are we gonna have the wedding as soon as I get back?” Miles asks without looking at my face. His hands and eyes are still locked on my abdomen.

  “If we can. I’m a little worried I haven’t met your parents yet. What if they think I’m some slut that got knocked up just to trap you?” I question fervently.

  Miles snorts. “Right…I’ve talked to them several times since Vegas and I’m pretty sure all I talk about is you and how in love I am. I think they got the picture. Besides I told them I was going to propose soon, and that was before I knew I was going to be a daddy. They’ll love you, Ry, I know they will.” Then he looks me straight in the eyes. Miles’ deep gaze always makes me turn liquid inside. Feeling my breath catch, I begin to pant softly. “You are so beautiful, Riley Ann Tate.”

  “God, I love you, Miles,” I throw myself onto him, our mouths crashing in a tangle of sensual passion and heat. I could orgasm just from the way Miles kisses me, the expert strokes of his tongue and the way he holds me tightly. His hands wrap around my ribs squeezing so perfectly. Pulling away breathless, I pale. “Crap…” I say as I slap my hand over my mouth and run for the bathroom. The sudden motion pushes me over the edge.

  Miles stays with me until the vomiting passes, then I dismiss him so I can rest. He leaves reluctantly but is understanding. With my tiny Pomeranian Sebella at my feet I sleep for a little while. Slowly waking, I feel the bed dip but it is too slight to be Miles. Then I smell Charlie’s unique scent of vanilla and coconut. She snuggles into my back, throwing her arm over my waist, holding my hand like she did when we were teens. The familiarity of it is so comforting I feel tears in my eyes. “Charlie, I’m so happy you made it back to me in one piece,” I whisper with shaky words. Looking down at our joined hands I can see the stark white bandage around her wrist. My stomach begins to ache again, but this time for a different reason.

  “I wouldn’t miss out on my first niece or nephew. But I don’t know about one piece,” Charlie says softly. I can hear the pain in her voice, which makes my stomach ache that much more.

  Slowly I turn to face her. Her once beautiful blue-green eyes are haunted and full of shadows. I know I can’t even begin to imagine what that bastard did to her. “Why do you say that, Charlie?” I ask as I brush a strand of her beautiful golden hair off her face. Even her hair seems dull and lifeless.

  “I don’t want to talk about that now. I want to hear all about the baby. How are you feeling?” she asks with a sweet smile I know is forced.

  “Terrible…” I say, and begin bawling immediately. “It’s awful, Charlie, I can’t eat or drink anything and I feel like even if I slept a million hours I’d still be exhausted. It isn’t anything like I thought it would be,” I cry even harder.

  Charlie runs her fingers through my hair and whispers softly, “Oh, Ry, this is the very beginning. I think it is supposed to get easier as you get further along. And you’re that tired because you are creating a life inside of you. That can’t be an easy job,” Charlie’s sweet words begin to ease my tears. “I’m pretty sure creating a perfect little baby that’s as beautiful as its mama is even more exhausting.”

  “You got that right,” I laugh. Sitting up, I pull Charlie into a hug. As she leans back I catch a peek of her chest and notice it has bloody bandages on it. “Charlie, your chest…it’s bleeding.”

  “Really?” she responds, looking down. “Shit, I need to change the dressing,” she adds calmly.

  “I can help you,” I offer hesitantly.

  “I don’t want you to get sick…” she replies, looking ashamed. I wave my hand with impatience. I want to do this for her. I need her to know I’m here for her no matter what. “Ok, let me grab my stuff,” Charlie relents, getting up and leaving the room. I go into the bathroom to splash a little water on my face, trying to relieve the swelling around my eyes from crying. Charlie comes back in and places a container full of gauze, tape and ointments on my bathroom counter.

  “Charlie, why are you so nervous? It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood.

  “I just don’t want you to freak out from what you see, okay…” she says cautiously. “I just don’t want everyone worrying so much.” I nod my head.

  Charlie pulls off her shirt. I suck in a breath when I see for the first time the number of cuts, burns and bite marks that mar her previously perfect skin. I swallow several times to keep the tears back and the bile down. Then Charlie turns and pulls the bloody bandage from her chest. I can’t fight the tears this time. In the middle of her chest right above her breasts is a large gash. It’s deep and ragged, clearly intended to inflict pain. “Oh God, Charlie…”

  Wyatt

  The mood in the house is relaxed and cheerful despite the fact that Miles and I are leaving for Scotland in the morning. Charlie went into Riley’s room a little while ago, then came back out to get her bandages. I feel a little dejected that she wouldn’t want my help but I swore not to push her and I plan to keep my word. Finally, Charlie comes out of Riley’s room followed by a very pale Riley.

  “Jesus, babe, are you ok? You look like you just saw a ghost,” Miles exclaims, rushing for Riley. Charlie darts into her room without making eye contact with anyone.

  Riley watches as Charlie runs into her room, then emerges with her purse. “Darius, will you please take me to the pharmacy? I need to get a few more things for my wounds,” Charlie asks quickly, still avoiding everyone’s gaze.

  “I’ll take you, babe,” I offer but she shakes her head swiftly.

  “No, that’s ok, you stay and relax. I know you’re tired after spending all that time in the hospital with me. I’ll be right back, I promise.” She leans up to kiss me on the lips briefly, then rushes out the door with a confused-looking Darius.

  Staring at the closed door for a long moment, I wonder what the hell is going on. Why would she just take off like that? And why doesn’t she want me with her? Hoping Riley can shed some light on the situation, I turn to her. “Would you like to explain what the hell that was all about?” I question Riley sharply.

  “Back off, Wyatt, I’m not about to let you get Riley upset like this,” Miles says, stepping in between us.

  “It’s ok, baby,” Riley says, placing a sha
king hand on his shoulder. She looks up at me with huge watery eyes. “I helped her change a bandage on her chest,” she adds, as if that is explanation enough.

  “And…” I prompt, waving my hand. Miles glares at me but I just roll my eyes at him. His overprotectiveness is irritating me right now.

  “Wyatt,” she starts, then pauses, the hesitation clear in her voice. I can feel my patience slipping even further. “She asked me not to say anything but I don’t know how I could keep this to myself. Tony cut her up,” she says as the tears roll freely now.

  “I know. She told me he cut and burned her for not cooperating,” I explain.

  “No, Wyatt, he cut her chest. She has a huge, six-inch stitched-up gash on her chest and that’s not the only one. The bruises…Oh God, Wyatt, the bruises.” Her words are garbled and don’t really make a lot of sense at first. But Riley’s statement hits the room like a mountain of bricks. There are no words to describe what I’m feeling right this moment. I know I’m just standing staring at Riley, wishing I’d just imagined this whole thing, like I’m still waiting for her to tell me what happened.

  “Wyatt, are you okay?” Skylar asks, grabbing my forearm and turning me to look into my eyes.

  “I’m anything but okay,” I state, then walk calmly into the backyard to sit and silently try to process everything. I don’t want reassuring comforts from someone who doesn’t have a fucking clue how difficult this is. My girlfriend, the woman I want to marry, has been beaten, probably raped, and now I know she’s been tortured. The pain in my chest is so suffocating I cough, trying to breathe again. I know she hates herself for it too, and that’s the worst part, as if I wouldn’t want her if I knew. Why would she keep something so painful from me? I don’t understand and now I don’t know how to bring it up. Maybe I won’t, maybe I’ll wait until she’s had more time to heal emotionally before I mention it to her.

  In the distance I hear the sliding door open and close, followed by a heavy footfall. I know it’s another guy approaching me. “Please, I just want to be alone right now,” I plead, hating the helplessness and desolation in my voice.

  “I know, son, but I think you need someone, too,” Bill’s deep mature voice says.

  “I don’t know what to do or say to…to…that!” I exclaim, flicking my wrist at the house where Riley dropped the bomb.

  “Nothing. There isn’t anything you can say. I’m not that shocked by Riley’s statement. We all knew she was hurt worse than any of us could have ever imagined or handled but she is trying to protect us from it. She wants to carry the weight of it on her shoulders. That’s how she’s always been. Has she ever told you about the night her parents died?” Bill asks.

  “No, she doesn’t like discussing her parents,” I tell him, shaking my head and wiping a stray tear from my face with my t-shirt. I swear I haven’t cried this much in my life.

  “I remember it like it was yesterday. Charlie was always so funny. Gina and I loved having her around. She was the good influence in her and Riley’s friendship and good for Skylar too,” Bill says with a wistful smile. “Charlie was over that night studying for a Spanish test for school. Gina and I were about to put dinner on the table when the police showed up at our door. When they told Charlie her parents had been in an accident, I was expecting her to break down and cry but she remained stoic. Even afterwards I never saw her break down. Until one night Gina sat her down and told her she needed a plan or some direction. Charlie lost it. She started yelling at Gina and anyone that walked into her path. Gina let her get everything out. It was hard standing by watching all of this unfold. The pain I saw in her eyes that night…Eventually she broke and began sobbing, crying for what seemed like hours. The point of me telling you this, son, is that she is the kind of woman that carries it all. She feels like if she depends on someone to help her, she will lose them again. Do you understand what I’m saying?” Bill asks.

  “I suppose. I guess I’m kind of the same way. But with her I try to be an open book. I want her to confide in me with anything.” I study Bill Tate, the man that helped raise Charlie. The man that took care of her when he didn’t have to. I have a lot of respect for this man. Lord knows no one stepped in for me like that. I take a deep breath as Bill gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Thanks to his talk, I actually do feel calmer.

  “I suggest you just show her by hanging in there and not running when she pushes. And trust me, son, she will push. Now as for her chest, I will talk to her and get her set up with a plastic surgeon if she wants. I’m not about to let her walk around with that reminder every time she looks in the mirror. But I also can’t force her to do anything that she doesn’t want to do.” My lip twitches with a smile at Bill’s vehemence.

  “Thanks, Bill. You and Gina are really great people. I wished for parents like you when I was a kid,” I tell him, sensing a pull in my chest that I haven’t allowed myself to feel for a very long time.

  “Well, you got us now and that’s what matters. I will always be here for you, son. Don’t ever hesitate to call me if you need me. No matter what,” Bill says, following up with a big man bear hug.

  Charlie

  Scott and Darius are trying to cheer me up on the drive to the pharmacy but despite their best efforts it’s just not working. I saw the look in Riley’s eyes when she caught sight of the damage done to my body. I can only imagine what she’s thinking.

  “What’s eating you, baby girl?” Scott asks, turning around in his seat to face me. He must have sensed my wayward thoughts.

  “Riley asked to help me change my bandages,” I say flatly. I looked up to see Darius’s eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. “She freaked out like I knew she would even though she tried to hide it.” Sighing, I lean back in the seat exasperated.

  “Can you blame her?” Darius’s sweet deep voice softly asks.

  Shaking my head, I look out the window. “I just hate that she feels so sorry for me. The scars on the outside are just a reminder of what’s on the inside. I just wish everyone knew how much I really want things to go back to the way they were before. I’m just so…tired.”

  “Listen, Charlie, there isn’t anything you can do about how people react to what happened. We love you and when you’re hurt we feel it in a way too. Just like when Wyatt or Riley hurt, you hurt for them,” Scott’s tender words make me smile inside. But they don’t help brighten my mood.

  “I suppose you’re right. I guess that’s something I need to work on. How badly were you hurt in the accident, Darius?” I ask, trying to turn the conversation.

  Scott grabs Darius’s hand reflexively at the mention of the accident. “It wasn’t too bad. The problem was that Skylar and I ended up trapped upside down and were unable to get free. I had a pretty good bump on my head but neither one of us needed any serious medical attention. Thank God we were wearing seat belts,” Darius says, winking at me through the rearview mirror.

  “That’s really good to hear,” I respond, smiling.

  It doesn’t take long for me to freak out once we get to the pharmacy. All of the people milling around inside put me on edge. I have to go sit in the car while Scott and Darius get what I need from the pharmacy. The stitches and bruises on my face make for too many curious stares. When they return to the car I‘m all too ready to get back to the safety of my home. In my mind I know Tony’s dead and can’t hurt me anymore but I still feel myself looking over my shoulder, waiting for his next attempt. Only moments before Scott and Darius return I begin shaking and sweating uncontrollably. I’m terrified that someone is waiting to snatch me up and take me back to that room. Every person I see is a predator biding his time to attack and torture me some more, taking the last bit of self-worth that I have. I have a feeling Dr. Iverson is going to have his work cut out for him. But I want nothing more than to be the strong confident woman I once was.

  Darius helps me out of the car and back into the house. Into what could only be described as an intervention. Like the ones on TV where the family
corners the addict forcing them to receive help. Immediately my glare lands on Riley. I know she told them about my chest. About what she saw on the rest of my body even though I asked her not to. My stomach heaves at the thought of everyone in here looking at me with pity in their eyes. I just stand glaring at her, running my tongue over my teeth in agitation. At least she has enough sense to look contrite. I don’t speak, just raise my eyebrows at her. I notice Wyatt isn’t in the living room, and taking a quick peek around, I realize that he and Bill are absent. They must be outside talking or something. Thank God.

  “I’m sorry, Charlie, I couldn’t keep it in. There isn’t anything to be ashamed of,” Riley says, but Gina places a hand on her arm to make her stop talking.

  I grasp at my last thread of sanity and hold on tight. I see Scott rush for the sliding glass door, gesturing for Wyatt to get in here. I don’t want him in here. I don’t want him to hear or see all of this. But I’m assuming that Wyatt is their equivalent of the bomb squad brought in to try to keep me from going off. Too late for that. I train my icy stare back onto Riley. Miles stands to get between us. Before he starts to speak, I hear Wyatt come in.

  “Hey, babe, you’re back,” he says, but I know his calm demeanor is faked.

  “Charlie, Riley is worried about you. She just wanted to talk about what she saw. It helps her to talk about things,” Miles states in his calm authoritative voice that pulls that thread of sanity tighter.

  “I told you not to say anything, Riley. In all these years you have never betrayed my trust like this,” I say coolly.

  “I know, Charlie, and I’m so very sorry, it just came out when Wyatt asked what was wrong…” Riley starts explaining but is interrupted.

  “Listen, Charlie, Riley messed up, badly,” Gina says, turning to give Riley a disapproving glance. “But it’s out now, everyone knows. You don’t need to hide from any of us here, we love you.”