Needing You

by Becca Siller

  “I’m so fucking lucky! I literally have the best life and family ever. Even you, Skylar. I’m feeling so blessed right now I don’t know what to do with myself.” Scott pinches the bridge of his nose.

  I get up to wrap my arms around him. “You deserve all of it.”

  “Scott, Natalie wants you to tuck her in,” Darius calls from the door, waving him into the house. Scott beams, running for the house. Darius kisses him tenderly and I see his lips tell him, “I love you.”

  “I’m happy for them,” Riley says, gazing across the yard to the couple in the doorway. “Especially Scott, Jesse did a number on that boy but he still found love. Sometimes things aren’t as bad as they seem.” I give her a slight glare. I get what she’s hinting at. I know she understands my feelings and hesitations with Ian. I think I just need to take things the way they come.

  “Come on, baby, let’s go stay at your place tonight. I don’t want to wake up the baby,” Skylar says, pulling Olivia to her feet. He says bye to everyone and heads out.

  “I’m going to go shower and call Miles, love you babe. See you in the morning.” Riley stands and starts for the house but stops, “Shit, do you want me to sleep in there with you tonight?”

  I sigh. I hate having to have someone with me so I don’t wake the dead with my screams. “I should be okay. I’ll come get you if I need you.” She nods, then heads into the house.

  “Alone finally,” I say, spinning to wrap my legs around Ian’s waist. He slides his hands rhythmically up and down my body. “Let’s go inside, I’ll let you make out with me and maybe even let you get to second base if you’re really good.” Ian growls, standing with me still wrapped around his waist.Inside, I can hear Darius and Scott reading to Natalie. I poke my head in to tell Scott that he can sleep in Skylar’s room. They nod and wink when I blow them kisses. Once inside my room Ian closes the door behind us, the quiet making my heart pound.

  I’m only wearing my bikini and he has on his trunks and an open linen shirt. Our skin lightly grazes as we breathe, leaving tingles all down the front of me. Once on the bed Ian rolls over on top of me and slides his hand up a little further, squeezing my ribs. I moan, wrapping my legs around his waist again. He shifts his weight so he isn’t putting any pressure on me. “Ian, I’m not that fragile. Trust me, you won’t hurt me.” I pull him back down on top of me and moan louder when he presses his body flush with mine. His kisses become more fervent and I’m starting to respond when a memory of Wyatt comes unbidden to my mind. My chest aches at the memory. I try to clear my mind of all thoughts of Wyatt but can’t. Ian kisses down the column of my neck and starts to rub against me. It feels so good but I’m not responding the way I should be beneath a hot man. Deciding to shift the focus to his pleasure I rock my hips up to give him more friction against his erection. He moans and clenches his jaw tightly.

  Ian sits up suddenly, dragging in several deep breaths. “What’s wrong?” I ask, concerned at the sudden withdrawal.

  “Nothing, I just need a second to calm down a little.” He absently reaches back to caress my thigh.

  He’s still holding back from me. It’s not like we’re having sex. Hell, I did this stuff in high school. I’m trying here, damn it. I encourage myself and reach for the brazen Charlie that I used to be. I gather my confidence and pull off my bikini top. Ian closes his eyes and breathes in deeply. When he opens them again, his brilliant blue eyes are burning with desire. “God, Charlie, you’re killing me,” he groans.

  “I want you to touch me here,” my voice comes out as a throaty whisper. I can feel a slight cold shudder work through me but I shove it aside. I need to do this, I need to try.

  Ian slides his trembling hand up to my breast, gently rubbing the underswell then around to the top. His touch is gentle and patient. I wait for the explosion of passion to come over me but it doesn’t. I find myself imagining Wyatt’s mouth on them and how he rolls my nipple a certain way that spears pleasure through me. The memory makes me moan. Ian takes that as a signal. Leaning down he gently samples one taste with his tongue. I close my eyes enjoying the rasp of his tongue against my sensitive nipple. He growls when I push his shirt off his shoulders and slide my hands down his chest to the waist of his shorts. “Am I hurting you?” I ask breathlessly when he jumps from my contact.

  “Only if you stop touching me,” he says, drawing deeply from each breast.

  “We can’t go all the way,” I manage to get out. He stills and pulls away. “I didn’t mean stop,” I say frustrated, but Ian pulls all the way back and sits on the edge of the bed. “Ian…”

  “I just need a minute to calm down.” He’s breathing hard and I know it must be painful for him to be so close but yet so far. I slide up behind him, pressing myself against his back. Tentatively I slide my hand down to grasp his erection but he stops my hand. “Don’t…” he barks and I stiffen at the harshness. “Charlie, you don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine, I’m a big boy.” He smiles and kisses me tenderly to take the sting out of his rejection. I just don’t know how to navigate this situation.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just not ready…” I chew on my bottom lip.

  “Don’t apologize, Charlie. That’s not why I’m here. I like being with you, I like kissing you, and God, your breasts.” He closes his eyes.

  I giggle, “Oh come on, they aren’t that great. They’re real after all.” I tease.

  “That’s what makes them so damn perfect.” Ian slides back onto the bed, pulling me on top of him. I kiss him hard, trying to stoke the fire between us again. I kiss and lick across his chest languidly, learning the curves of his muscles. I’m starting to shake from my building arousal and feel a sudden sting of panic. What am I doing? I’m not ready for this level of intimacy with anyone yet. Images from my time in Tony’s hell start to flash rapidly across my mind. I shake with the sudden onslaught of memories.

  “Can we stop and just lay here? I’m feeling nervous all of a sudden,” I think Ian can see the panic in my eyes because he grabs his shirt from the floor, wrapping me in it.

  Ian doesn’t say anything to me afterwards. I don’t think he was mad but I don’t think he was entirely happy with the way things went tonight. Even though he said he wasn’t expecting sex, his sudden withdrawal makes me think otherwise. He stays with me watching late night television until I fall asleep. I don’t hear him leave and I don’t have any nightmares, just sweet dreams…of Wyatt.

  The next morning, I climb out of bed and head into the living room where Natalie is running around with Deputy. Scott is lying on the couch watching Natalie with amusement.

  “Morning,” I say blearily.

  “Hey, baby girl, how was your night with Ian?” Scott winks, sitting up to make room for me.

  “Good, I freaked out a little. We were making out and I think I tried to push myself too fast. He’s so understanding, I don’t deserve it.” I leave out all of the other awkwardness because Ian is still a really great guy. So what if while making out heavily he thought he was going to get lucky? Who wouldn’t? I wipe the sleep from my eyes. Darius shows up next to me with a big cup of coffee. “Have I told you how much I love you?” I tell him with a huge smile.

  He smiles and nods absently, trying to catch Natalie. “Come on, baby girl, we need to get you fed before your mom gets here.”

  She stops running and spins to look at him with wide eyes that quickly fill with tears. “No, Daddy, I want to stay with you and Scott.” Darius squats in front of her to explain that she has to go back with her mom but they would see her soon. “No, I don’t want to go,” she sobs and runs around to get into Scott’s lap, crying into his shoulder.

  Scott and Darius share a pain-filled glance. “Hey, how about I make you a promise?” Scott says pushing her sweaty hair off her face. “Daddy and I were planning a vacation, what if we took you to Disneyland?”

  Natalie’s eyes brighten. “And you know Daddy really wants to go to the San Diego Zoo,” Darius says from behind them. Natalie no
ds but still sniffles, wiping her tears from her face. “Oh baby, you know I don’t want you to go, but you live with Mommy.”

  “I want to live with you and Scott,” Natalie says, starting to cry again. She alternates between crying and playing for the rest of her visit until Shayla shows up. She dissolves into a sobbing mess when her mom rings the doorbell. I hold her for a long time while Scott and Darius talk to Shayla. I start to sing a lullaby my mom sang to me when I was little. It seems to calm her.

  Darius comes in looking furious, but calms when he sees she’s no longer crying. He bends to pick her up out of my arms. He whispers in her ear as he carries her to the door. I follow behind him but keep my distance. When he hands her to Shayla, she starts to cry again, and when Shayla walks away she screams for her daddy over and over. Darius tries to reassure her but it’s really no use.

  When Scott shuts the door long after they drive away, Darius sinks into a chair, putting his head in his hands. I can see his shoulders shake with silent sobs. Scott crouches in front of him, rubbing the back of his neck, murmuring in his ear. My heart aches for them. They wanted more time with her but there isn’t anything they can do about it. Riley’s teary face comes into the foyer. She puts her hand on Scott’s back. “Is there a way you can get her more often?”

  “Oh, I plan on taking that bitch to court. That little girl doesn’t deserve to live in squalor and watch her mom run through God knows how many men. I will become her full-time parent if I have to spend every penny to my name,” Darius says with such ferocity that I get chills.

  “I’ll help you with whatever you need,” I tell him, still keeping my distance.

  “I’ll start the plans for your vacation. She’ll have the best vacation ever.” Riley spins and heads into her room.

  This last week has been crazy busy. I’ve been working nonstop to help Darius get custody of Natalie and help Riley with the wedding plans. Now it’s the night before she leaves for Scotland. I haven’t seen much of Ian the last few days because he and Olivia have a rough case they’ve been working on. The space has been good for us I think. I don’t want things to move too fast between us. Skylar’s been very cranky without his Olivia. He still tries to say he isn’t attached to her but the only person he’s fooling is himself. He’s supposed to go with Riley to Scotland, but I’m sure that won’t help his Olivia withdrawal. She asked me to come along too for closure or something but I worry about the consequences of seeing Wyatt again. Either way I know if I’m going, I need to decide now.

  My phone rings, bringing my mind back to the present. I crawl off the couch in search of it. “Hello.”

  “Hey, beautiful,” Ian’s thick accent comes over the phone.

  “Hey, how’s it going?” I ask propping myself against the couch arm.

  “Good, hopefully about to get better. Olivia and I are in the area and wanted to stop by. She wants to see Skylar before he leaves tomorrow. And I maybe wanted to see you,” Ian jokes and I can hear Olivia saying hi from next to him.

  “Tell her hi back. And yes, maybe I’d like to see you, too. When will you get here?” I ask as the doorbell rings. “That better not be you,” I say without heat.

  I open the door to Ian’s smiling face, and he raises an eyebrow at my outfit. My hair is still wet and twisted into a very messy bun on top of my head. I’m wearing shorts that could barely be considered shorts and a baby blue threadbare t-shirt that leaves nothing to the imagination. Thank God I put a bra on earlier. “I just got home from a run,” I say as I cock my hip to the side defensively.

  “Trust me, beautiful, I’m not complaining,” Ian says, running his gaze over me. Olivia gives me a swift hug as she breezes past me. I hear a squeal then Skylar’s door slam.

  “Are you off for the night?” I ask, leading him into the kitchen where I make him a glass of his favorite lemonade.

  “On call,” Ian pulls off his suit jacket, exposing a tight t-shirt and his shoulder holster. Guns make me nervous since the attack. “Thanks, beautiful.” Ian snatches me before I can scoot away. He pulls me up to kiss me. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

  I pull out of his arms to sit next to him on the other bar stool. “Oh yeah, shoot.”

  “Have you decided if you’re going to go to Scotland?” He pauses to take a big long drink. “I want this to happen between us. I just need to know if you’re going to go see him again.” There is no anger behind what he’s saying, which makes my chest hurt worse.

  I stare at him impassively for a long time while I process what he’s saying. “Ian, it will kill me if I see him with someone else.”

  “I know,” Ian takes my hand in his, running his finger along my knuckles. “Just know that I’ll be here when you get back.”

  I slide off my stool, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Have I told you that you’re pretty awesome?” Ian smiles as I press my body into his. Gazing up into his intense blue eyes, I’m so shocked by the complete acceptance in them that it takes my breath away. He tilts his head to slide his lips across mine. I open my mouth to him, and he slips his tongue in, languidly stroking mine. His hand runs down my back to cup my ass and squeeze. A sharp vibration against me makes me jump.

  “Fuck,” Ian curses, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “I gotta go, babe.” Ian strides to Skylar’s door and knocks with a quick thunk thunk. “We’re up, Livy,” he shouts. His announcement is met by a cacophony of curses from a very disgruntled Skylar. I laugh as Ian saunters back to me. “Try to have fun over there,” he says, smashing my body to his to kiss me thoroughly. When he pulls away I’m breathless and teeter a little.

  Olivia stumbles out of Skylar’s room, tucking her blouse into her jeans. Skylar follows her out, wearing gym shorts. He’s scowling at Ian, “Hey, it’s the job boss.”

  Ian holds up his hands in supplication. “Call me when you can,” Ian directs, then smacks me on the ass, grabs his jacket and strides for the car.

  “I will, be careful, Ian,” I call after him, grinning.

  Skylar kisses Olivia hard and rough like he’s branding her with his taste. “I’ll call you from Scotland,” he tells her as she runs to catch up with Ian. “Well, that sucked,” Skylar exclaims as he slams the door shut.

  “Tell me about it,” I say, still breathless from that kiss. “I guess I’d better call the airline.” I turn on my heel and head for the land line in the living room.

  “Why?” Skylar follows, looking at me quizzically.

  “I’m going to Scotland…”

  Skylar gapes at me, then whoops with excitement. “Hell, yes!”

  Riley

  I thought I was going to die on the flight to Scotland. A million hours of sitting and a bathroom the size of a refrigerator, like really. By the time we got to the hotel I was cranky and ready for a hot shower. Charlie and Skylar checked into their rooms to rest. Once I set all of my stuff down I called Miles to let him know I was here.

  “I can’t fucking wait, baby. I’m going to send a car for you. I have to shoot for a little while longer but I want you here as soon as possible,” Miles practically shouts into the phone.

  “Let me shower,” I start but he cuts in.

  “No, that’ll take too long,” he snaps.

  “Babe, I feel like shit. I won’t do anything fancy but I need to shower. Oh and don’t say anything, but Charlie came.” Miles goes silent. “Babe, I don’t know if she wants to see him or not, so don’t tell him anything.”

  “I hope this shit doesn’t blow up in our faces. I know he’s slept with at least two other girls,” Miles says soberly.

  I sigh. “Well, I guess we’ll find out. I know she’s going to Ireland alone tomorrow. Skylar wants to go to the set with me.”

  “Is it such a good idea for her to go alone? You know what, never mind, just get here. We’ll talk later,” Miles says impatiently.

  I hang up and turn the shower on until it fills the stall with steam. The hot water soothes my weary bones, relaxing my tense muscle
s. When I get out I dress in a cute sweater and jeans with boots, I pull my hair half back, apply minimal makeup and call it good.

  The car is waiting when I get to the lobby. I’m so anxious to see Miles. Four weeks is a long time. Now that I’m pregnant we both have a harder time with the separation. The ride to the set is quick. Miles set us up with a hotel near their trailers and passes to move freely around the set, well sort of. I doubt we can watch scenes being filmed.

  When my car pulls up I’m shocked to find Miles standing less than ten feet from me, talking to Wyatt. He’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt and looks like he’s just showered. The sound of me shutting the door draws his attention and our eyes lock. The resplendent smile that overtakes him makes me cry, and I put my fingers to my lips to stem the flow of my sobs. He stops mid conversation and sprints for me. Wyatt even smiles broadly at me. I try to run but can only take a few steps before I’m enfolded then lifted off the ground by Miles’ strong arms.

  “I fucking missed you,” he rasps, squeezing me tightly to him.

  “I love you so much,” I whisper in his ear. He spins me, kissing me hard.

  I don’t know how long we stand there hugging and kissing but eventually Wyatt clears his throat. “Hey Riley, you look amazing. How are you feeling?”

  Miles releases me but still holds one of my hands. Wyatt hugs me tightly but briefly. “I’m great now. I’ve missed this guy.” Miles pulls me back to his side then.

  “So has he. I think he’s showed me the baby’s picture at least thirty times. It’s a good thing I never get tired of looking at the little guy.” Wyatt smiles genuinely at me, then glances around. “You came alone?” he asks concerned, but I know he’s secretly looking for Charlie.

  “Skylar stayed at the hotel. He’ll be here tomorrow.” Wyatt’s face falls and his whole body sags. I frown, feeling bad for keeping her a secret.

  “Well I’ll let you two go ‘play,’” he winks, then saunters off.