Needing You

by Becca Siller

  “It’s not that bad if I don’t move,” I reply hoarsely.

  She chuckles. “Then don’t move, silly.”

  “Ha ha…” I deadpan, but seeing her smiling shyly at me like that is better than any pain medicine around. “What happened?”

  “Your spleen ruptured. They tried to remove it laparoscopically but ended up having to remove it by opening your abdomen just under your ribs on the left side.” She pauses. I look at her pained expression and my chest starts to hurt. It must’ve been pretty bad for her to be here. “You lost a lot of blood so they gave you a blood transfusion…you almost didn’t make it, Wyatt,” she says on a sob.

  “Hey, I’m still here, Charlie.” I squeeze her hand slightly. I don’t know why she’s here but at this point I don’t care. Just her smell is comforting to me. “When did you get here?”

  “Not that long ago. I took a shower then came right here. I wanted to be here for you when you woke up,” she explains with complete sincerity.

  “I’m glad.” My voice shakes, from her nearness and because the pain is increasing with every second.

  “Wyatt, I think you need something for the pain. I can see it in your eyes. I’m not leaving, so don’t worry about that.” She stands, leaning over the railing to press the button to call the nurse. As she does her hair falls closer to my face. I close my eyes to breathe in deeply, trying to pull her essence into me, but the expansion of my chest makes me groan.

  “Holy fuck, that hurts.”

  I can hear the nurse’s voice coming over the intercom asking what we need. “Yes, Wyatt is awake and needs something for the pain.” The nurse responds and I see Charlie relax a little.

  “Thanks,” I say shyly. I hate asking for help but Charlie seems so sincere.

  She reaches up to brush my hair away from my face. Her fingers on my skin like that make my whole body react like a jolt of electricity. She leans in closer and barely brushes my lips with hers. I suck in a quick shallow breath at the chaste kiss. “Please don’t ever scare me like that again.” As she leans back I reach up for her to pull her back down but the nurse comes in.

  “Here you go, son,” the older woman says in her thick Scottish accent. I hiss as the liquid burns going into my arm. “You got about five minutes before that knocks you out.” She smiles warmly at Charlie. “When he goes to sleep again I expect you to eat something, dear. You look dead on your feet.” Charlie nods, looking contrite.

  “Don’t leave,” I say, sounding more panicked than I’d like.

  “I’m not going anywhere. Riley and Miles should be here soon. I’ll have them bring me something to eat.” I pull her to me again and press my lips to hers. I watch as she closes her eyes. My lips are dry and I know my breath is probably terrible but I just needed to feel her like that again. Then I feel the medicine kicking in. My limbs start to tingle, becoming extremely heavy. There’s sand in my eyes and I just can’t keep them open. I give in, hearing Charlie humming softly to me, her sweet voice lulling me into a restful healing sleep.

  Riley

  What was that? My eyes fly open from the sudden sensation. It felt like I was being tickled from the inside, a quickening of my insides. I freeze, hoping it happens again. I have a good idea what it is but I don’t want to get too excited without knowing for sure.

  “Babe, you ok?” Miles asks from behind me.

  “Shhh!” I wait for a long minute but nothing. Just as I’m about to give up I feel it again. A sudden flipping sensation. I giggle and flop onto my back. “Oh my God!”

  “What?” Miles asks alarmed.

  “I felt him.” My eyes start to fill with tears of happiness. I lay my palm on my little rounded belly. “I can feel him moving. It’s the first time I’ve felt it.”

  “Can I feel it from the outside?” Miles’ excitement makes his green eyes sparkle like jewels in the sunshine.

  “I don’t know. Try…” I take his hand and place it on my belly. Miles lowers his mouth to talk softly to my tummy.

  “Hey, little one, can you move for Daddy?” Miles waits, anticipating something, but nothing happens. “Is he still moving?” I shake my head, feeling sad he didn’t get to experience it, too. “Well, if he’s sleeping then I think Mommy needs some attention.” He smiles his lascivious grin. It makes my blood warm immediately.

  “I’ve missed you…” I whisper huskily as Miles rolls over on top of me.

  “Oh baby, I know. You have no idea how much I hate being away from you.” He presses his lips to mine tenderly. “I need you, Riley.”

  I thrust my fingers into his hair, pulling his lips back to mine for a deeper kiss. His hand slides up my thigh, hitching my leg up onto his hip, then presses onto my sex. My mouth breaks away long enough to throw my head back to release a lusty moan. Miles closes his mouth over my throat, making me shiver. He becomes impatient with my clothes and decides to rip my panties off, making me ready instantly. He presses his hard cock into me without any other preparation. The abrupt invasion makes me gasp from the sudden fullness. Miles’ guttural growl of “Fuck baby!” causes my insides to tighten. Everything is so sensitive I come almost immediately. He clenches his jaw and stops for a moment before continuing at a more sedate pace.

  “Oh God…” I rasp as he lifts me on top of him in one fluid movement. I press my hands down hard on his chest after yanking my shirt over my head. Miles eyes widen at the sight of my swollen breasts. His sits up, dragging his tongue over the sensitive nipples. I cry out loudly and start rocking harder on top of him. “Oh…” I moan, my head falling back. Miles tangles his fingers in the hair cascading down my back. His hot breath on my chest makes me writhe. “Miles,” I whimper as another climax crashes over me.

  “Damn, baby,” Miles says against my damp skin. He stands with me still wrapped around his waist, turns and lays me back down on the bed. He pauses for a moment before his hips snap forward. I moan loudly with each deep thrust. My head is thrashing back and forth on the bed. “You like it like that?” Miles asks as he grows tense. I shout out, coming for the third time as Miles slams his hips forward then jerks a few times. He collapses on top of me, gasping for breath.

  I run my palms down his taut back, his muscles rippling under my fingertips. We lie there holding each other for a while, not moving. Miles shifts to take his weight off my body. I look down and our eyes lock, his intensity captivating me. “You were scared for him?”

  Miles looks down, pressing his lips to my bare shoulder. “We almost lost him, Ry.” I think that’s all he’s going to say about it but he continues. “I know he’s fucked up a lot lately but he’s been really working on himself these last few weeks. Ever since that night he called everyone drunk he’s been getting counseling and going to meetings.”

  “Why the change?”

  “Why do you think?”

  “Charlie?”

  “Partly, and partly because I knew he was deeper into his self-destruction than I’d ever seen. I called him on it that night. We’ve been friends for a long time. This lifestyle we live – it can be good if you keep your head on straight. But it can also kill you if you aren’t careful. He got to where he just didn’t care about anything anymore. I went to his trailer that night to find him piss drunk with two naked girls passed out in his bed. I was actually disgusted with him.” Miles contemplates for a moment before continuing. “I’m not innocent or anything but it was really bad, Ry. Charlie destroyed him.” I start to object to his accusation but he puts his finger on my mouth. “I know. But even though it was his own fault he was still destroyed. I was worried he’d do something really stupid…if you know what I mean.”

  I sit staring at Miles for a minute. “You thought he was sick on purpose? Like he tried…”

  “No, but he put his body through some shit there for a while. Turns out it was from a hit during filming.”

  “I didn’t know he was that bad. I’m sorry, Miles. I know what it’s like to watch your best friend waste away. I almost lost Charlie from a
ll of this too. Actually more times than I’d like to recall. I know what you’re going through. That’s why I jumped on a plane and came here. You’re my partner, my lover and my other half – I would do anything for you.”

  “I love you,” Miles says as he presses his mouth to mine, his tongue slipping in without any resistance. Before the kiss can turn into anything my phone rings.

  “Hello.” It’s Charlie. She gives me a brief explanation of how Wyatt is doing and asks if I can bring her something to eat. “You didn’t eat after I left?” I ask. Her hesitation gives me my answer. “Charlotte Lynn!” I growl. “Fine, we’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  Charlie

  Riley and her obsession with eating, how am I supposed to want to eat during a time like this? Well at least before I realized he was going to be ok. Now that I know he is, I’m starving. They aren’t letting Wyatt go home for a few days. I’m sure I’ll stay until he is able to be settled in his trailer or hotel or whatever it is he stays in. Maybe I should talk to him about that first. Maybe he doesn’t want me here. That thought makes me shiver.

  “Hey, do you mind if I stick around until you’re released?” I feel completely stupid for even asking. Why would he want me around?

  “Uh, I was counting on it.” He shifts slightly to face me better but winces at the pain. “We need to talk. There are some things we need to discuss.” I sit staring at him. His face is full of emotion, mostly regret. I don’t want to hear this right now. He just woke up again a few minutes ago. I just want to enjoy looking into his eyes once again.

  “Wyatt, please. Not now. I know we have a lot to talk about…I just can’t right now. I was so worried I’d lost you. I thought I would never have the chance to talk to you ever again. I want to take these few days to just…be.”

  “I still can’t believe you’re here,” Wyatt says bemused.

  “You and a lot of other people. Look, I’ll say one thing for sure. Even though we went through all of that…I still lo…ah care about you.” Shit, I almost told him I still love him. What the fuck am I doing? “I would be here for you no matter what, Wyatt.” I reach my hand up to brush the hair out of his eyes. He’s staring at me and his once remorseful gaze is replaced by…hope.

  Wyatt

  Well hot damn she loves me. She almost said it. I can’t believe it, she still loves me. Even after all the fucking up and fucking around I did…she still loves me. I don’t deserve this girl at all, but one thing I know for sure is I’ll spend the rest of my life making all of it up to her.

  I want to talk to her but Miles and Riley walk in then. They eye our interactions with thinly veiled curiosity. I know Miles is completely aware of the strides I’ve made over the last few weeks trying to become a better person but I wonder how much of it he’s discussed with Riley. I know they tell each other everything but I wonder if Riley even cares to know anything that has to do with me. She was so angry during her last visit. As she should’ve been. I hurt Charlie so badly and for that I’ll always feel regret and pain.

  “Hey, guys,” I rasp out. Even though I’ve had several glasses of water, my throat hurts something fierce. Charlie said it’s because I had to be on a ventilator for a little while. The thought gives me goose bumps. I came really close to check-out time. I’m nowhere near ready for that.

  “Hey, man, how’re you doing?” Miles’ concerned face makes me wince.

  “I’m good, buddy. Don’t look so worried. I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t know I was so hurt.”

  “Scared? I was terrified. I thought I was going to lose you, Wyatt. You’re my brother! I can’t lose you!” Miles is practically shouting.

  “Miles, calm down, babe. He’s fine, look,” Riley murmurs softly to him.

  “I know, Miles. I’m sorry, I…” I trail off because my throat is thick with emotions. Miles rushes forward, wrapping me in his strong arms for a crushing embrace. It hurts a lot and I groan as quietly as I can.

  “Miles, you do realize his side has been cut open, right?” Charlie admonishes gently from the other side of my bed.

  “Shit, I’m sorry, man. Did I hurt you?”

  “A little but I’m ok. I’m glad you guys are here. Hey, did I screw up the shooting schedule?” I ask worriedly.

  “Nah, we were done anyway, just the final touches. I think they need you for one final scene but it’s one you can do on your own when you’re feeling better. The good news is you have a few weeks until the wedding still. But the bad news is…you only have a few weeks until the wedding. I hope you’re going to be well enough to travel by then.”

  Wyatt

  The days have flown by in the hospital. Riley flew home a few days ago because her doctor’s appointment is coming up and I believe Miles is finishing up last-minute details before his trip back to Portland. Charlie’s barely left my side the whole time and now it’s one of her last nights in Scotland. Spending time with Charlie has made a lot of what I went through worth it. Finally, I was released to my hotel room to recover more comfortably. I’ve placed a call to Dr. McKenzie to meet me at the hotel because I feel like this is the best time to sit and have a talk with Charlie. Dr. McKenzie is my lifeline right now and I need her assistance in admitting my sins so to speak.

  Last night Charlie stayed with me. I was in heaven being able to lie here holding her while we watched lame movies on TV. She hasn’t spoken to McShane again, well at least not that I know of, but she also hasn’t kissed me again. Last night I decided to take a risk and kiss her. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen – she could reject me but that wouldn’t leave me any worse off than I already am. I placed my fingers under her chin and gently tilted her head up to mine. The glazed sultry look in her eyes told me she was thinking the same thing. When our lips met I had to stifle my groan from the pleasure. Her lips were so soft and full, her taste as sweet as fresh honey. She turned in to me to deepen the kiss. Her lips were almost urgent against mine. We lay there kissing tenderly for what felt like forever. It didn’t go any further than that. No hands wandering, just tender meeting of our mouths. The memories of that tenderness wars inside my mind with all I have to reveal during this conversation.

  Dr. McKenzie is punctual as usual. I’m looking forward to this meeting but not at the same time. I’m afraid of what Charlie will think when I divulge all of my demons to her. Charlie opens the door for her after helping me out onto the couch in my suite. Dr. McKenzie is the same as usual, kind but professional.

  “Wyatt, I was sad to hear about your injury and surgery. I do hope you’re feeling better?” she asks.

  “I’m still in a lot of pain but glad to be out of the hospital. Dr. McKenzie this is…”

  “Charlotte, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Dr. McKenzie interrupts.

  “The pleasure is mine. Please have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink, some water perhaps?” Charlie asks politely.

  “Water, thank you, dear.” After Charlie returns with water for everyone, she sits looking a little nervous. “Now, Charlotte, do you know why Wyatt has asked for us to all meet together?”

  “Not exactly but I have a pretty good idea,” she answers shyly.

  “Well, he wants to clear the air, so to speak. I know the two of you have had some issues lately. And Charlotte, I know you went through an extremely traumatic event recently. I think Wyatt wants the opportunity to come clean with mediation,” Dr. McKenzie starts.

  “Ok, so what do you want to talk about?” Charlie asks, turning to direct her question at me.

  “Well, I know I’ve had some issues with infidelity. Trust issues and maybe some control issues. Since meeting with Dr. McKenzie I’ve come to realize my mistakes have been partly from ignorance and immaturity and partly from past wounds that were never addressed properly,” I explain. Charlie is watching me patiently, not judging, just listening. I’m starting to feel better about this.

  “Like your issues of abandonment and using sex as a coping mechanism?” Charlie asks directly. I t
urn to see Dr. McKenzie’s eyebrows shoot up. “Dr. Iverson and I have discussed this at length. All speculation of course because he hasn’t talked to you directly.”

  “Those are excellent observations, Charlotte. And what do you think about those issues?”

  “What do I think? I don’t know. My issues with Wyatt aren’t what you think they are,” Charlie answers. I feel a tightening in my chest. I’m afraid to hear what she has to say. I know in my heart Charlie loves me. Loving each other has never been the issue. I watch her as the dread coils tighter in my gut.

  Charlie

  I don’t know if I’m ready to admit my feelings to Wyatt or Dr. McKenzie. I’ve just recently been able to admit them to myself and Dr. Iverson. I take a deep breath and watch Wyatt for a moment. His beautiful profile, his thick eyelashes, and his perfect full lips. Kissing him last night brought joy and pain to me. Joy because there is nowhere in the world I’d rather be than in his arms kissing him all night long, but pain because I don’t think he can ever be what I need. I guess I should just come out and say it.

  “Before you explain all of that, let me just tell you,” Wyatt starts before I can speak. “There is no excuse for the way I treated you and I know that. After learning the hard way when I was younger I never wanted to get close to anyone because they would always leave or send me away. If I felt myself getting attached to a family I would act out or…” He trails off looking uncomfortable, but Dr. McKenzie nods for him to continue. “I would have sex, a lot of sex until I was sent away. I started at a really young age. I learned how to use it to my advantage. It’s become my shield, I guess.” He looks frustrated. “I’m not explaining it well. But when you hurt me, I couldn’t deal. I couldn’t handle how I let myself feel so much for you only to be pushed out once again. I know I shouldn’t have had sex with those girls but it’s the only way I know of dealing with my emotions. I was only able to do it with them if I imagined it being with you. It seemed to be the only way I could become aroused. Once aroused I used it as a way to escape. During, it was about getting off and nothing else. There were no emotions behind it. Well at least I did before. That’s what we’re working on.”