Finding Perfect

by Susan Mallery

  Josh bent forward, keeping his upper arm still, moving the weight up and down to work his triceps. “You’re getting tied in here. Sure you’re ready for what small-town life really is?”

  “I’ll figure it out as I go. What’s your concern?”

  “Pia talks tough. She’s smart, she’s funny, she pretends nothing gets to her. But that’s not true. Crystal’s death hit her really hard. Before that…” He set down the weight again and straightened. “She’s had some tough breaks. Her dad died, her mom left. There were a few bad boyfriends. Nobody wants to see her get hurt. You mess with her, you won’t just answer to me. You’ll answer to everyone.”

  Raoul had been a football star since he was sixteen. He was used to being the person everyone wanted to be with. The one who was liked.

  “You’re saying I’ll be run out of town?”

  “That’ll be the least of it.”

  “I like Pia,” he said at last. “I’m not going to hurt her.”

  Josh didn’t look convinced. “You can’t be sure.”

  “I don’t want to hurt her,” Raoul amended. “I care about her, too.”

  “I guess that will have to do for now. But if that changes, you’ll answer to me.”

  “Think you can take me?” Raoul asked, not bothering to hide his amusement.

  “Absolutely.”

  Josh was in good shape and they were about the same height, but Raoul had a good twenty pounds of muscle on him. Not to mention years of playing football. Cycling wasn’t exactly a contact sport.

  “I’m glad you’re looking out for her,” he said, because it was true. “Pia needs more people on her side.”

  Josh studied him. “Nearly everyone would tell you she has the whole town on her side.”

  Raoul had his doubts. “She’s a local girl and they like her. But who does Pia have that she can really depend on? One-on-one? She’s all alone in the world.”

  A reality that was going to complicate her life when she decided to have Crystal’s babies. Babies no one else seemed to know about.

  He thought about the soldier he’d known—the soldier who had died in his arms. What would Keith think about all this? Raoul had a feeling he would be pleased that his children were being given a chance but suspected he, too, would worry about Pia being on her own.

  “You looking to change her situation?” Josh asked.

  “I don’t do long term.”

  “You were married. That the reason?”

  Raoul shrugged and set the weight back in the rack.

  Josh did the same, then hesitated. “I was married before Charity. It didn’t go well. Sometimes it’s not supposed to.”

  Raoul nodded because he wasn’t going to have the conversation and agreeing moved things along. If he mentioned a bad first marriage, people assumed he’d been cheated on. Or had discovered Caro had married him for his money. Either would have been a whole lot easier than the truth. Hell, he would have preferred if she’d left him for a woman. But the real reason their marriage had ended gnawed at him. It woke him at night and left him wanting to scream at the heavens.

  There were things that couldn’t be fixed, he reminded himself. Actions that couldn’t be undone. Like throwing a rock in a pond. There was nothing to be done but to wait out the ripples and hope no one got hurt.

  He and Josh walked to the locker room. After showering and dressing, they agreed to work out together the following week. One of the things Raoul missed most about playing football was working out with his teammates. Josh could be counted on to push him. Sometimes Ethan Hendrix, a friend of Josh’s, joined them.

  Raoul knew it took time to fit in a place, but he was willing to take things slow. He liked Fool’s Gold, so he was being careful not to make any missteps.

  He left the gym, intending to go back to the office, but instead found himself walking home. He couldn’t get Pia off his mind. Kissing her had probably been a mistake but was worth it, he thought with a grin. Not only because he’d enjoyed the feel of her mouth against his, but because of the look on her face when he’d done it. Surprised didn’t come close.

  He reached the small two-bedroom he’d rented and went into the study and booted his computer. When it was ready, he sat down and logged on to the Internet, then typed IVF into the search engine.

  An hour later he had a clearer understanding of what Pia was going to go through. Two hours later, he knew there was no way he would ever agree to something like that. Not that it was physically possible, but still. Not only was Pia going to have to chemically prepare her body for pregnancy, she would be carrying triplets. Assuming all the embryos took. If they didn’t, she would have to deal with the loss and, he assumed, the guilt that went along with it.

  Hard enough to be pregnant, but how much worse was it to be pregnant and alone, with no one to depend on? It wasn’t like there was a dad she could go after for help or financial support.

  Crystal had asked a lot from her friend. He was still convinced Pia would go through with having the babies, even if she hadn’t figured that out yet. But he wondered if she really knew what she was getting into.

  THE FUNDRAISER FOR THE SCHOOL might have technically lasted only a day, but it had put Pia behind by an entire week. An amount that probably didn’t sound like much, she thought as she stared at her scheduling board. But Fool’s Gold had a festival every single month. Some were smaller than others, but work was always involved. With success came hours of behind-the-scenes planning.

  Summer was the busiest time, but fall was a close second. The city Halloween Party was barely six weeks away, and before that was the Fall Festival. The Thanksgiving Parade was after the Halloween Party but before the Christmas Gift Bazaar. The Saturday Day of Giving led into the Live Nativity outdoor service, which was the Sunday before Christmas. Then there was New Year’s and so on.

  One project at a time, she reminded herself, making notes on her dry-erase calendar. That’s how she got through. It’s not as if any of the events were new. The plans pretty much stayed the same. She had master lists that were cross-referenced, decorations stored all over town. If this ever got old, she could probably apply to run the world. There were—

  She paused and stared at the calendar square. Instead of noting when she needed to arrange to have chairs and booths pulled out of storage, she’d drawn a string of little hearts. Although sweet, it wasn’t exactly helpful. Worse—she knew the cause.

  Raoul’s kiss.

  No matter how many times she told herself he hadn’t meant anything by it, she couldn’t get her gut, or her heart, to believe it. That one little second of contact had changed everything. Suddenly he wasn’t just Raoul, someone she knew, he was a guy. And because he was a guy, she had to be careful around him, which she didn’t like.

  Awareness was everything, she thought grimly. Two days ago, he’d been everyone’s definition of tall, dark and handsome, but she hadn’t really cared. He’d witnessed her at her hysterical best, had dealt with it winningly and she’d thought of him as a friend.

  Now she found herself thinking about that stupid kiss two or three hundred times a day. She’d wondered why he’d done it, wished he would do it again, imagined him doing more than kissing her. It was pathetic, not to mention a waste of time.

  She didn’t have a type, but if she did, it wasn’t him. He was too perfect. In all her “happily ever after” fantasies, the guy in question had been normal. Maybe even boring. Boring was dependable. With boring, a girl had a shot at the guy not leaving. But Raoul? He was heartbreaker material even when he wasn’t trying.

  “It was just a kiss,” she whispered to herself. “Let it go.”

  Good advice. And someone, somewhere, would probably take it. Just not her. Not when she could feel the light brush of skin on skin, feel the heat of him and wish…

  She lightly bumped her head against the wall, hoping to gently pound some sense into herself. Maybe the problem wasn’t that Raoul was not her type, maybe the problem was more generi
c than that. Maybe if she’d had more kissing in her life, she wouldn’t feel like she had to read too much into what had happened. Maybe she should date.

  Pia rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. Like that’s going to happen.”

  If she went ahead with the embryos implantation, her dating days were long over. Besides, she’d never exactly excelled in the man department. They always left, and for the life of her she couldn’t figure out what she was doing to drive them away.

  The door to her office pushed open. Pia glanced up and was surprised when Raoul strolled in.

  He looked good, she thought, telling herself to make sure she looked cool and sophisticated. Barring that, she should try to avoid appearing desperate or needy.

  “Hi,” she said, going for cheerful. “I haven’t had an emotional crisis today so we can’t possibly have an appointment.”

  Instead of seeming impressed by her sparkling wit, he stared at her with an intensity that made her wonder if she’d dropped a bit of breakfast on the front of her shirt. As casually as she could, she glanced down. All seemed well.

  “Pia,” he said, moving toward her. “We have to talk.”

  Not exactly words one expected to hear from a macho guy. “Okay,” she said slowly. “What about?”

  Maybe he’d been as rocked by the kiss as she had been. Maybe he wanted to kiss her again and make her his love monkey. A week or two of intense male attention would probably cure her allergies.

  “I’ve been doing research on in vitro fertilization,” he said.

  She plopped down on her chair and held in a sigh. So much for the love monkey invitation. “That’s more than I’ve done,” she admitted. “Is that what we’re going to talk about? Because if it’s anything gross, I don’t want to know. I have a weak stomach.”

  He moved toward her desk. “It won’t be bad. You take some basic tests, then your body is prepared to receive the embryos.”

  She hadn’t liked the sound of that when she’d read the brochures the lab guy had given her, and she didn’t like it now. “Prepared, how?” She quickly raised a hand. “Never mind. Are you going to sit?”

  He placed his hands on her desk and leaned toward her. Apparently sitting wasn’t on the schedule, either.

  “Pia,” he said, his dark gaze intense. “You can’t go through this alone. You need someone to take care of you, and I want to be that person.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  THE WORDS SWIRLED AROUND in Pia’s head. This was even crazier than the kiss.

  “I haven’t decided I’m going to have the babies,” she whispered.

  “Sure you have. Are you going to walk away from them?”

  “No, but…”

  If she hadn’t been sitting, she would have collapsed. Was Raoul right? Had she already made her choice?

  She closed her eyes. There was no way she couldn’t have them, she thought with some finality. Whether or not she was the best person, she was the one Crystal had picked. It was crazy and scary and life-changing, but it had to be done. Her friend was depending on her.

  She opened her eyes. “Oh, God. I’m going to get pregnant.” She sprang to her feet, as her chest tightened and her heart rate zoomed into triple digits. “I can’t breathe.”

  He came around the desk, took her hands in his and held on tight. “I’ll help.”

  “This has nothing to do with you.”

  “I want to help. Be your…” He seemed to be searching for a description of what he was offering. “Pregnancy buddy. I’ll drive you to the doctor, go get you pickles, whatever you need.”

  “I don’t need pickles,” she told him, ignoring the warm feeling of his skin against hers. This was not the time to indulge in weakness. “I don’t really like them. Not enough to binge on them.” A pregnancy buddy? “Maybe you took too many hits to the head when you were playing football.”

  Despite her tugging on her hands, he didn’t release them.

  “Pia, I’m serious. You don’t have any family here. You have friends, but they all have lives. You need someone to depend on for the next nine months. I’m offering to be that guy.”

  Did kissing come with the offer, she wondered, before pushing the thought away.

  She managed to free her hands and take a step back. “You can’t know what you’re saying. Why would you give up nine months of your life to help me?”

  “Why would you offer to have Crystal’s babies?”

  “That’s different. She was my friend.”

  “Fair enough. I didn’t know her, but I did know Keith. These are his kids, too. The man died in my arms, Pia. I was there. I owe him. Helping bring his children into the world seems like the least I can do.”

  That almost made sense, she thought. Given that everything about their conversation was beyond believable.

  “Okay, maybe,” she conceded, “but maybe you could just donate something to charity instead. You’re a rich, famous guy. You have a life. Probably a girlfriend.”

  “I don’t have a girlfriend. I wouldn’t have kissed you if I did.”

  Which begged the question of why he had, but she would deal with one weird incident at a time. “Raoul, you’re really sweet, but no.”

  “Why? Don’t you trust me?”

  She frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not going to offer this, then change my mind. I’m not going to leave.”

  She did her best not to wince at his words. He knew enough about her past to guess that being left was one of her issues. Slowly, she returned to her chair and sank down. After drawing in a breath, she looked at him, as if she could find the answer in his handsome features.

  There was nothing new there—just the same large, dark eyes, high cheekbones, perfect mouth.

  He pulled up a chair and sat facing her. “I mean it, Pia. I want to help. For you and for Keith. You should let me try. I’m good at getting stuff done. All that quarterback training. What you’re doing is important. Let me help.”

  She might not be willing to accept a man she barely knew would do this for her, but she could almost get that he would do it for Keith.

  “What does being a pregnancy buddy mean?” she asked cautiously.

  “Whatever you want it to mean. Like I said, I’ll drive you to the doctor, go on craving runs, listen to you talk about how your ankles are puffy.”

  Something passed through his eyes—a dark, scary emotion that made her wonder about his past. But before she could ask, the emotion was gone.

  “I’ll be there for you, Pia. In whatever capacity you want. No expectations, no rules. You won’t have to go through this alone.”

  That sounded perfect, she thought wistfully, wondering if it was possible. Could she really depend on him, trust him, know that he would be there for her?

  Leaning on other people hadn’t been a big part of her life. Not since high school, when both parents had left her—in one way or another. As she and Raoul weren’t involved emotionally, the situation was completely different from what it had been with her boyfriends. If he chose to leave, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Right?

  Which was what it came down to. Depending on someone she wasn’t sure would come through for her.

  “It’s an interesting idea,” she began. “And I appreciate it. But why would you do this? What’s in it for you?”

  “I’ll be there,” he said firmly, “because I like you. And because you’re doing a good thing. Maybe because there are things in my past that didn’t work out the way I wanted them to, and this will make me feel better about them.”

  “How do you know what I’m thinking?”

  “I just do, and I’ll be there.”

  A part of her wanted to believe. Being able to depend on someone, especially while she was pregnant and worried about giving birth to three kids and raising them, would be heavenly. But the rest of her knew that leaving was what most people did best.

  “Look at it this way,” he said. “Use me shamelessly. Then if I do walk away, you get to be right. A
win-win.”

  An interesting point. He sounded really sincere. Not totally sane, but sincere.

  “Okay,” she said slowly. “Maybe.”

  “I’ll take it.” He leaned in and brushed his mouth against hers.

  Again, the light kiss had her entire body reacting. She wanted to haul him against her and have him put some back into it. Instead, she contented herself with remembering to breathe.

  He stood. “Let me know when it all starts and I’ll be there.”

  She wasn’t clear on the implantation process, but she was pretty sure it was something she didn’t want him to see.

  “In the waiting room,” he amended at her look of squeamishness.

  “Okay. That would be fine. I’ll let you know.”

  He left.

  She continued to sit on her chair, feeling both stunned and a little relieved. Maybe this would be for the best, she told herself. Having someone else to help. Having someone else looking out for Crystal’s babies. And if he got bored or distracted and walked away, so what? She’d been abandoned in ways Raoul couldn’t begin to imagine. He couldn’t possibly hurt her. So she was safe. And being safe was really what mattered most.

  RAOUL TRIED TO BE UP at camp nearly every day. He timed his visits for recess or lunch so he could spend time with the kids on the playground. It was fun to toss a ball around with them. For the most part they were a little small to throw or catch a football, but a baseball worked well and Josh’s sporting goods store had donated several balls and mitts.

  When he arrived, the kids were still eating lunch. He went to see Dakota.

  She was one of those neat people who had trays and color-coded, arranged files. Sort of like Pia’s office, but without the huge calendar or the posters proclaiming Founders Day and Kissing Booth—$1 a kiss.

  “How’s it going?” he asked.

  “Great.” She motioned for him to enter.

  He took the chair next to her desk.

  “All the classes are in place and the kids are settled. We’re okay on desks, still a little short on blackboards and books. So there’s some creative sharing going on. It’s probably good for the students to see that life means being flexible.”