L'amore: The Luminara Series

by SJ Molloy

  “Monday, but I’ve been on the pill.” I rub my finger over my arm where it was inserted.

  “The pill can be unreliable. Did you take it correctly?”

  “Yes, I’ve been very cautious.” Or have I?

  “Have you been sick or taken any prescription drugs that could interfere with the effectiveness of your pill?”

  Then like a jolt of lighting shocking me into reality, I place my hand over my mouth. “That’s it. I had antibiotics in Tuscany, but I still took my pill and never realised.”

  Shit, how could I be so careless?

  “And did you use other precautions?”

  Shamefully, I drop my head, embarrassed to be having this conversation with her. “No.”

  “There you go. That’s why you’re pregnant.” Noticing the disbelief on my face, she smiles. “Alexis, please don’t worry. It will be fine, I promise you. Regardless of the outcome, you have Lucca and you have us.”

  “I don’t think I’m strong like you.”

  She walks over and wraps her arm around me, stroking my hair. “Nonsense. You’re stronger and you know it. You’re loved and in love, so it’s completely different. If you had called me and told me you were pregnant, I would have passed out from shock, but this is different and I’m honestly happy for you. Ideally, I would love you to be married first, but it doesn’t matter. Watching you both, I’ve no doubt in my mind that you’ll be great parents together and have a happy life. I don’t want to miss a minute of my grandchildren growing up, and I hope it will bring us closer together again. Second chances, right?”

  “I hope so. Second chances,” I whisper.

  We hug in the middle of the kitchen, and a few tears escape her eyes. She assures me they’re happy tears, and in this moment I feel love for my mum. I watch her flipping the steak, and the smell of it cooking is making me queasy again so I hold my breath, spreading my toast with cheese and Branston pickle. I fill the whistling kettle and place it on the stove.

  “Have you told Granny?” I ask, standing back from the sizzling, bloody beef.

  Taking a nibble of my toast, she moves me to get to the clean plates. “No, let’s just wait and see first, but she suspects something. Then I’ll be in the bad books for not telling her.”

  “Mum, either way, I just need to know … are you proud of me?”

  She drops her utensil and walks towards me, wrapping her arm around my waist. “Every blooming day, more than yesterday and less than tomorrow, so don’t ever doubt that, ever.” I wonder what she would make of this predicament if she was in one of her fragile episodes.

  “I’m worried about what Granny and Grandpa will think of me.” Chewing the inside of my cheek, I fidget with an envelope with their name on it that is sitting on the counter.

  “Don’t worry about that. If we’re right, it will be lovely news and good for this family to have something positive to focus on for a change.”

  My goodness, someone has virtually reprogrammed Mum’s mind. I think she has stared long enough into Lucca’s azure blue crystals and she’s under a trance.

  I take his meal through to the dining room, stretching it as far away from my line of scent as I possibly can, turning my head. I pass Granny as she walks to the kitchen to help Mum clear up. She’ll likely ask what we’ve been talking about. Interrogate.

  “Thank you, but are you not eating? You need to eat,” Lucca says.

  “I’ve had toast. It’s all I can …”

  “Okay.”

  “Would you like some wine with your dinner?” I ask.

  “Absolutely not. You cannot have wine, Doc.”

  “Keep your voice down.” I signal towards Grandpa and Mr. Carlin, who are too lost in their world of Kings and Queens to have even noticed.

  “Sorry.” He frowns.

  “I offered it to you. Obviously, I’m going to have tea.” Crossing my arms across my chest, I take umbrage to his insult.

  “Come here.” He holds his hand out and I stand by his side. “I am sorry, I know you would not. I will have what you are having. I am not going to drink wine on my own when you cannot have any,” he whispers in my ear.

  “You don’t need to do that.”

  “I want to.” He moves a stray tendril from my face.

  “Oh God, oh no …”

  “Doc, what is wrong?”

  “I’ve been drinking all this time. If I’m … shit, I’ve been abusing my body, and this can’t be good.” I mentally count the weeks back.

  “You must be early on so do not worry about that. We can speak to the doctor, but I am sure it is fine this early. Most women do not know right away.” He’s right of course. It would probably be the size of a seed right now, but it doesn’t help my concern any or make me feel better about it.

  “Eat your dinner before it gets cold, and I’ll bring some drinks.” Mum shows up in front of us and shoves two glasses of chilled cranberry juice in my hands and says she will bring the tea. Granny and Mum both join us for tea to chat with Lucca, and Granny finally gets her teeth into him by interrogating with a million questions.

  They engage in chat about Lucca’s businesses and Tuscany. Granny asks me all about our holiday, but I’m too drained to talk, Lucca kisses the front of my hand and tells her all about it.

  Lucca and I wrap up and go for a short walk outside with the dogs, hand in hand. Now that we have privacy again, I feel I owe him an explanation.

  “The antibiotics I took for the infection for my foot in Tuscany must have counteracted against my pill. Mum helped me work it out because I thought I was very careful.”

  “Well, then it is fate and meant to be. God, I love you,” he says, pulling me in close to him. “Let’s get in. You are chilly.”

  The space next to Grandpa is free on the sofa. I look at Lucca, silently asking if he minds.

  “Go ahead, I will sit here.”

  I curl into Grandpa’s side, resting my head on his shoulder. Everyone is in the main living room, sitting comfortably in front of the fire. Mum and Granny are looking at my photo book with tears in their eyes.

  Lucca and Mum talk about Tuscany and our holiday while Granny smiles at Grandpa with sweet, loving eyes. Her eyes are tired, but I’m sure I notice a glimmer of pride as she passes him the book.

  Opening the front cover, he inwardly catches his breath. “Well, would you look at that? This is really something. Apple, I never thought we would see this day. I couldn’t be prouder of you right now, kid.” He’s referring to my fear of being photographed.

  “I will have copies of this book ordered for both, for you to keep if you would like.” Lucca gestures towards Mum and Granny.

  “Oh, thank you, yes, that would be very kind. We shall cherish it. You’re so photogenic, sweetheart, and you remind me so much of your mother before … well, before …” Granny says trying to mask hide her sobs. Grandpa comforts me, patting my back, but at the same time he’s smiling fondly at Mum. He adores his girl. He’s hurt.

  “Yes, she is very beautiful, Elizabeth.” Lucca adoringly smiles at me, causing me to blush.

  I place my hand on my lower stomach, and Lucca tilts his head, watching me with warmth in his eyes. It sends little waves of serenity through my body. Mum looks at Lucca watching me with a sense of mirth.

  “Are you ready to go to bed?”

  I thought he’d never ask. We kiss everyone good night and hold hands as we walk upstairs. This walk to bed feels different.

  Young.

  Serene.

  Naive.

  He strips me of my clothes as I’m too weak to move. Then we shower together under the hot water, which is invigorating and refreshing against my weak body. Keeping my eyes closed, Lucca stands behind me, holding me against his rock solid body, his arms wrapped around me and his hands protectively splayed across my abdomen. My sleepy eyes open with the feel of his erection pressing behind me.

  “Are you too tired?” he asks.

  I smile.

  “For you, n
ever.” And now I’m wide awake. His touch is all I need.

  “Good, I was hoping you would say that. Tell me what you want,” he rasps, then nibbles my neck, moving one hand to cup my sex and the other to tweak one of my budded nipples peaking under his touch.

  Shaking with desire, I’ve never been so aware of my body. I lean my head back against his shoulder, holding my hands on the back of his neck and gripping his shaggy hair.

  “Touch me, kiss me, then take me to bed. Slowly bury yourself deep inside me then make long, passionate, sleepy love to me.”

  And that’s what I get, over and over until I’m so spent and cocooned with love that I sleep all night engulfed in Lucca’s embrace.

  The noise of rustling paper stirs me from my sleep. Prying my eyes open, I witness Lucca fully dressed and propped up against the headboard with a mint green paper bag, reading instructions on a thin piece of paper.

  Far too early for this behaviour.

  “What are you doing?” I lift the paper from his hand and try to focus, still bleary eyed. It is instructions to a home pregnancy test. Good Morning. I’ve woken up to reality.

  “Where did you get this?” I scowl at his impatience.

  “I asked Grace to go to the chemist this morning. I bought you six.”

  I nearly choke

  “Six?”

  “Yes, I left you sleeping as long as I could, but I am getting restless. Can we do this now?” He holds out a glass of water for me.

  “You need a full bladder,” he informs me.

  Bossy.

  Persistent.

  Bloody pest.

  “I’m well aware of how they work, and what do you mean we?”

  “I’ll help you.”

  I nearly drop the glass from laughter. “You realise I need to pee on a stick, right? How on earth will you help with that, Romeo? We can’t use your urine.”

  “I will hold, you pee. Simple.” He shrugs.

  He has an answer for everything.

  “No … Ewww. I’m not peeing onto your hands. I can hold the stick myself.” He is losing his mind.

  “They will wash. Just aim straight for the stick, come on.” He pulls the duvet off me.

  Is he for fucking real?

  Yes he is.

  I throw the duvet over my head only for him to pull it back again and lift me up. I drink the water and argue that I’m not having him hold the sticks. We compromise when I finally convince him to stay outside the bathroom when I take the tests. Then I say he can come in while we wait on them.

  “We are doing this together, baby. I do not want to miss a single thing.” He’s so persistent on the verge of obsessed, but I realise he’s referring to his regret the day he missed the scan of his and Fran’s baby, the day the baby was stillborn.

  He follows me into the bathroom with a massive smile and lifts all the tests from the boxes and lines them up. I step into the shower.

  “What are you doing? I don’t think you need to be clean first.” He pinches his forehead with his middle finger and thumb because he’s antsy.

  “I’m just having a quick wash.” I’m conscious that I’m scented with sex from last night’s lovemaking.

  Drying off, I wrap myself in my robe.

  “Ready?” he asks impatiently.

  “Yes, here goes. Stick one, Mr. Caruso,” I instruct. He hands me it then kisses me before I order him out the bathroom.

  Six test strips later and he actually did wait patiently in the bedroom without chapping the door every two seconds to check if I was finished.

  I wash up, ask him to come in, then we both stare at the sticks lined up on the vanity for what seems like hours, although only seconds have passed.

  “How much longer?” he asks, shifting side to side and running his hand through his hair.

  “Lucca, can you just …” I sigh, picking some skin on my hands.

  “I am sorry, I am just excited.”

  “And I’m nervous.”

  I turn him away from the sticks so his back is to the vanity and distract him by wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. After running my tongue along his bottom lip, I slide my tongue into his mouth and kiss him, knowing he’ll relax under my touch. It works.

  We’ve been kissing so long that I know my sticks are ready. I open my eyes and sneak a peek over his shoulder to see two blue lines, two p’s, and two smiley faces. When we pull away from each other’s lips, I search his eyes, a soft smile lighting my face.

  “Wow. That was sexy, Miss Robertson.” He smiles with his sexy dimple.

  I move his hand from my breast to my stomach and smile. I don’t say anything, I wordless tell him with my eyes. A simple evocative confession so deep and honest it means more than any words. His eyes are so wide with delirious excitement that he drowns me in his clear blue pools.

  Turning around, he picks the sticks up and studies every one of them. We pass them back and forth, checking and double checking with the instructions. They are definitely positive.

  Pregnant.

  Positive.

  Life changing.

  “Lucca, say something.”

  He drops to his knees and unties the sash around my robe, exposing my naked body. His lips lightly kiss my abdomen. I hold onto his shoulders, trembling, and close my eyes enjoying the sweet sensation. He presses his cheek against my tummy.

  I’m carrying his baby. I never thought in a million years I would have a child, and here I am experiencing this tender moment with the man I have fallen in love with, and the love I feel right now is all consuming.

  “We are going to make great parents, I know it. You have just made me the happiest man in the world, Doc.” His voice breaks with a shaky quiver. He’s exposing his helplessness.

  I can feel his tears on my navel. Sweet, happy tears. “I hope these are tears of joy,” I softly say, raking my hands through his hair.

  Standing back up, he holds my face in both hands with wet eyes. God, he looks so sexy like this.

  Raw.

  Emotional.

  Vulnerable.

  “Lexi, we are having a baby. This is real. I am going to take great care of you, both of you,” he says in his rapturous bliss.

  He picks me up, taking me back to the bed, and leans over me, moving unruly waves of hair from my eyes. His profound loving attention elicits more flutters low in my stomach.

  “I love you with all my heart, but you’re going to need to keep me strong because I’m a little scared,” I confess.

  “Do not be, dolcezza. You have me. We will get through this together.”

  I think about what people might think, how my girlfriends will react? And I feel torn because I want desperately to share this with them. I want to tell Hazel and have our friendly DBB chat. We tell each other everything and I would hate to keep this from her and Cameron, but if I tell them I would need to tell the rest of the girls. I feel it’s too early and I need time to myself to process this and be content that I’m fully accepting the life fate intended for me. I know it’s ludicrous to file this because it’s real and I need to deal with it and address it gradually every day.

  “Lucca, I’d rather not tell anyone about the baby. I know you want to, but I’d rather wait until after I have a scan. Please, promise me. It’s just overwhelming and I want to make sure everything is okay first and I need time.” Just saying the word baby has my skin hot and prickly and my stomach twisting in knots. It’s so surreal.

  “Dolcezza, anything for you. How do you feel?”

  “Weird.”

  Emotional.

  Nervous.

  Stunned.

  Apprehensive.

  Anxious.

  Scared.

  Excited.

  Content.

  Blessed.

  “Are you happy?” he asks with hope.

  I have my reservations, lots of them in fact, but knowing this is making him so elated makes me feel unexpectedly happy—blissful.

  “Yes, now that I’m
over the shock.”

  He kisses me, showing me just how much he appreciates me and just how much he wants this. “Do you feel sick? Are you hungry? Do you need anything?”

  Bloody hell, this needs to stop.

  “Lucca, I only need you. You need to stop treating me like a china doll because I won’t break. I love that you care for me, but can you stop being overprotective with me?” I ask.

  “Never. What do you want for breakfast?” He smiles.

  “Hmmm, this is going to be a very long pregnancy,” I say with snark because he’s ignoring my request.

  “I hope so because it is turning me on thinking about your growing bump and body changing,” he replies.

  “So you have a fetish for pregnant women?” I raise my eyebrows in disbelief.

  “No, only you because you will be sexy as fuck.” He runs his fingers over the slender curve of my hips.

  “Lucca, you’ll need to stop swearing. She might hear you.” I try to keep my swearing to a minimal and mostly I mentally swear but Lucca has an awful habit of swearing out loud.

  He chuckles. “She?”

  “Yes, definitely a girl. I have a feeling.”

  “I would love a little girl.” He smiles. “Or a boy.” He raises his eyebrows and curls his lip at one end then casually shrugs.

  “Lucca, you want a baby, period, so I’m guessing it doesn’t matter.”

  His excitable smile is so sweet and endearing that it melts me. “You are right, it does not, but the idea of having a papa’s girl is growing on me, and she will be every bit as beautiful as her mamma.”

  After Lucca brings me breakfast in bed, I dispose of the pregnancy kits so Granny won’t find them. While Lucca makes some business calls and checks if there have been any updates from the CID on Michael Parks’ whereabouts, I venture to the window to check out today’s weather before picking my clothes.

  “Are we expecting visitors?”

  Lucca puts his phone on hold.

  “Why?” he asks with scepticism.

  “There was a car driving down the road, but it stopped for a while then turned and drove away.”

  “What colour? Did you check the model or the person driving it?” He walks over to the window and pulls the curtain aside.