L'amore: The Luminara Series

by SJ Molloy

  It does.

  Lucca’s cheek rests on my tummy. His fingers lightly tickle the skin of my abdomen with gentle strokes, which elicit that deep fluttering sensation inside.

  Comfortable.

  Tranquil.

  Blissful.

  “I want you to see a doctor as soon as possible, and we will get you all checked out. I have arranged full private health care coverage for you, here and in Tuscany in case we are there.”

  I don’t argue because he’ll be persistent, and I do want to know everything is how it should be with my pregnancy.

  “I need to get this implant in my arm removed also.” That was a pointless exercise which caused a huge fight with Lucca afterwards. I never even knew I was pregnant at the time too.

  He runs his thumb over the skin where it was inserted, sighing.

  I read some facts and recommendations to him from the pregnancy magazine until I feel his body relax and his cheek sink heavier against my stomach. His slowing deep breaths billow across my skin. Knowing he’s fallen asleep, I turn off the lamp but don’t move just yet.

  I close my eyes and reflect on the past few months, these crazy few weeks. Gently, I stroke his muscular shoulders and weave my fingers in his hair with the other hand, twirling my fingers.

  “Lucca Caruso, thank you for giving me your light. I love you, and you are going to make the best daddy in the world,” I whisper. He stirs and splays his hand across my tummy. I’m not sure if he heard me, but it doesn’t matter. I’m only thinking out loud. A few moments later, I need to move to get comfortable until we are positioned in a warm embrace.

  Sleep.

  Lucca wakes me up the next morning by showering me in kisses and caressing my body all over, apologising for being stressed and falling asleep last night. He gives me three early morning orgasms no less, which my body is more than grateful for.

  “I love these gifts of the days,” I mumble, completely sated and relaxed.

  “Hmmm, you have no idea how much I do too. That was amazing, baby. You need to keep your energy levels up because I am planning to give you these gifts of the day, every day, forever and always.”

  “That I can manage. It would be a shame to deny my horny, pregnant body such gratification. It makes me feel so much better,” I say with bashfulness, wetting my lips and smiling. Playful.

  “Well, in that case, I will need to do this throughout the day for my own physical wellbeing, as well as yours, you understand. I cannot have you unwell,” he says, picking me up to place me in the shower.

  “Of course. Then we’ll both be grateful and feel so much better.” I lean over to kiss him with my bruised lips.

  “Did you mean it when you said I would be the best daddy in the world?” he asks while we get dressed.

  “Oh, I thought you were sleeping.” I blush.

  “I thought I was dreaming,” he replies with so much hope in his eyes.

  “I don’t just think that, Lucca, I know it. You will be an incredible father, and I feel very blessed right now, even if I do feel si—” I run into the bathroom to vomit again.

  Chapter 32

  Ghosts

  The family is taking a trip to Inverness for some shopping today. Hayden and Hayley choose to stay at home with Nate because Hayden slumped on the sofa at four this morning after Nate brought him back from a house party and Hayley has a horrendous hangover, although she’s pretending to study. Nate will be pissed about babysitting all night.

  Hayley and Hayden have been briefed about Michael Parks, and she now feels guilty about yesterday and apologises for her carelessness. I suspect she’s avoiding everyone because she received a family intervention this morning. I wouldn’t be surprised if Granny swiped her ass with her loafer and gave her a very rude awakening.

  I ask Hayley to take the dogs out for me as the fresh air will do her good. I’m not particularly in a shopping mood, especially after being sick again this morning, but it pleases Granny, Mum, and Aunt Eva when we spend quality time together.

  While they try outfits and accessories on, I have coffee in a little tearoom next door with the men. Grandpa and Mr. Carlin browse the newspapers, Uncle Jim checks the share price on his tablet, and I catch up on my texts sending a quick one to Cameron telling him about Hayden and Hayley’s drunken behaviour, to which he replied with a thumbs up, smiley face, and the word “legends.”

  I refuse to let Lucca buy me any more clothes, especially since I won’t be fitting into any of them soon. While we’re having coffee, he sneaks off leaving me with Lloyd and Devon. He won’t tell me what he’s bought, but I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough.

  We have an early dinner at La Tavola Italiana—the Italian Table—Rafaello’s restaurant chain. Everyone appears to be in high spirits after shopping, and even Uncle Jim is delighted with his new leather briefcase for work.

  I sit between Grandpa and Lucca after we meet more of his extended Scottish-Italian aunts, uncles, cousins, and second cousins who work here. I’ll never remember them all as there are so many names to memorise.

  “Alexis, you’ve barely touched your pasta, and you look washed out. Are you not hungry?” Aunt Eva asks.

  “My appetite is still not back to normal. I’m good, just tired,” I reply. She nods and gives me a sympathetic smile then gives Mum “the look”.

  Shit, it’s “the look”. She knows I’m pregnant.

  Fuck!

  File W for what. What happened to complete disclosure?

  Mum and I will need to have words about this. I can’t believe she told her. Lucca protectively places his arm around the back of my chair and fidgets with a loose curl, comforting me. Surprisingly there is nothing else said. Maybe I’m just paranoid and she doesn’t actually know.

  We ask for a few main dishes and sides for Hayden, Hayley, and our Men in Black team to take home with us. While we’re waiting for our lunch to arrive, Lucca’s phone rings. He excuses himself then returns with Lloyd and Devon, and I can tell by the look in his eyes that something is wrong.

  “Who was that?” I ask.

  He sits down on edge and whispers into my ear. “It was Nate,” he whispers.

  “Oh, is everything okay?”

  “I’m not sure. Hayley was out walking the dogs earlier and noticed something.” He pinches his brow and temple with his middle finger and thumb.

  He tries to shrug it off, but something isn’t right. I feel myself aware of the surroundings and consciously glance over my shoulder with a slight shiver, as if we’re being watched. Paranoia creeps in.

  “What did Hayley notice?” Aunt Eva asks, having overheard. Now, the full table is listening.

  Lucca searches my eyes and sighs, contemplating whether to mention it in front of the table.

  “Please, Lucca?” I beg for his honesty.

  “Evangeline, she is fine. She was out walking the dogs and saw a strange vehicle parked on the private road. Probably nothing. Perhaps someone was looking for the Murdock’s stables. We should go back soon. I would like to speak with Nate.”

  That silences the table like rolling tumbleweeds, until Grandpa addresses me. “Apple, don’t you worry. You’re as safe as can be at the house with Lucca and all of us. It’s probably nothing at all. Hell, it might even be the photography club stopping to shoot landscape pictures of the sunset. They do that frequently.”

  “Maybe,” I say, twiddling my fingers with worry in front of my mouth. I’m worried that by telling Hayley about Michael Parks, it’s scared her and she’s being extra paranoid

  When we arrive home, the air is thick, grey and dusty and smells smoky, like burnt wood. Aunt Eva reheats the meals we brought back while Hayley whines about being starving and asks what took us so long. She says she heard fire engines and we missed all the drama. That would explain the smokiness. I hope it isn’t serious.

  “Lexi, I hope you don’t mind, but I borrowed your toiletries and makeup,” she adds.

  “No, honey, that’s fine. Are you feeling b
etter?”

  “Yes, I feel much better, and I’m starving.”

  Lucca disappears with Men in Black to pull up the video surveillance from today. It’s not lost on me that he clenched his jaw all the way home.

  I knock lightly on the door to the small lounge to take in a tray of the hot meals for Nate, Lloyd, and Devon. Lucca opens it then signals to Lloyd to switch off the monitors and close the laptops.

  “Is everything okay? What’s going on?” I ask. “Did you find out about the suspicious vehicle?”

  Lucca takes the tray from me and sits it down on the corner of the table. “It was that photography group your grandpa mentioned. We can see from our cameras that they were taking photos.” He narrows his eyes towards Men in Black.

  “Oh … well, I’ll be back with drinks. Just a minute,” I whisper. I can’t help but feel Lucca is keeping me in the dark, and that doesn’t sit well as he’s done nothing but promise to bring me into his light.

  “Thank you for dinner, Lexi. This looks great,” Lloyd interrupts.

  Lucca stretches for my hand before I leave the room. “I promise you, everything is fine, so stop worrying.”

  Closing the space between us, I whisper in his ear as tears fill my eyes, “You’re a terrible liar.”

  He runs his fingers through his hair, shifting his weight. “I will get the drinks. Boys, you should start your meal. Lexi, can I speak to you upstairs in a few minutes?”

  I knew it.

  Dishonesty.

  Without saying a word, I shake my head, drop his hand, and storm into the dining room, grabbing Hayley’s arm.

  “Ouch,” she squeals.

  “A word … in private,” I demand, pulling her into the boot room and shutting the door behind us.

  “What’s eating you? And why are you yanking me into a bloody cupboard?” she asks, dumbfounded.

  “What colour was that car you saw today? I need to know.”

  “It was maroon or burgundy, why? What’s the drama?” She absently plays with her hair.

  I don’t explain. I turn on my heels and go upstairs into my room. With every footstep, the murky storm building in the deepest, darkest cave of my core rises to my throat.

  For a girl who’s supposedly very bright, Hayley can be such a dumb-ass sometimes. The stabbing in my chest is sharp and imminent. My throat is constricting. I’m hot, I’m breathless, and I’m having an anxiety attack.

  I search in my bag for an anti-anxiety pill and pop it on my tongue. I don’t even consider if it’s safe to use during pregnancy. Right now my heart has skipped so many beats that I might just have a heart attack. I pace the floor, angry at Hayley, angry at Lucca, angry at myself, and angry at the whole goddamn world for screwing with my karma.

  Angry.

  The door opens. “Jesus, Lexi, come here, baby.” He grabs my waist and pulls me into his chest. Involuntarily, I throw my arms around his neck, needing his contact.

  My own chest rises and falls as I try to control my erratic breathing. Beads of sweat form on my forehead, and my skin feels clammy. I’m so dizzy from lack of food and this pounding headache and stabbing heartache.

  “Lexi, please calm down and breathe. It is not good for you or our baby.”

  “I feel so dizzy,” I manage to gasp.

  “Christ!” He panics, picking me up and taking me over to the bed. He places me down on my back then lies on his side, still not breaking the embrace. He kisses, soothes, and caresses me until I’ve slowly regulated my breathing, reducing the tightness in my hands and fingers by allowing oxygen and blood to flow properly. My heart and lungs are working more efficiently.

  “You scared the shit out of me. Are you all right?” He wipes the trail of sweat running down the side of my face.

  “Yes, I think so.” His hand rests on the top of my thigh. He runs his thumb over the skin of my thigh and slips it under my dress to rest his hand on my tummy.

  “Doc, I know it is hard, but you need to avoid getting worked up like this. It cannot be good for either of you.”

  Slumping into the mattress and slamming my hand on the cover, I cry, “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t act like everything is normal when it’s not. There’s a fucking lunatic after my blood, and you’re keeping things from me. I don’t like it. Stop treating me like glass. Just be honest with me.” He moves a stray curl from my face and stares into my frightful eyes.

  “I am not keeping things from you. I am protecting you from the truth. I was afraid you would end up like this, and this is exactly what I wanted to avoid. God, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, you know that.” The pain in his eyes is honest.

  I reach my hand up and cup his face. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just tired and sick, both mentally and physically. I want to lead a normal life, Lucca. This is killing me slowly,” I sob.

  He kisses me with such force that his teeth bite at my bottom lip. “You are very much alive and I would like to keep it that way. Nothing is going to happen to you, I promise you. I love you so much. Please, just trust me to look after you so you can concentrate on looking after our baby.”

  He moves his hand to slide my dress further up to my waist, then moves down the bed and softly kisses my abdomen until his mouth meets the trim of my purple lace thong, his tongue slipping along the edge of the delicate fabric.

  “I did say that I would be giving you this whenever required,” he says with that velvet tone deep in his throat as he slides his fingers inside my already wet sex.

  Oh God!

  Folded, crumbled, and melted.

  It’s exactly what I need to take my thoughts somewhere else, somewhere much better. Sated and more relaxed, my mood has shifted thanks to Lucca’s Love.

  Our love.

  The love.

  L’amore.

  He passes me some gift bags. “What’s this?” I ask.

  “You would not let me buy you an outfit, so I had an idea. It is something practical for you … well, for us.”

  I open the bags to find various baby books explaining all things pregnancy, childbirth, and babies.

  “Thank you. This is great.”

  I flick through the pages then wrinkle my nose in disgust when I come across a page showing a woman giving birth vaginally. I shut the book closed, faking a smile and filing that awful thought to the back of my mind. He laughs and I smack his chest. “Yes, laugh all you like. You don’t need to deliver a baby from somewhere so—”

  “Perfect and tight? If I could do it, I would, but I will make sure you have the best medical care, and I will be there every step of the way.”

  I purse my lips as I put the books back in the bag. “What’s in this one?”

  “Look inside.”

  I pull out a professional camera. Puzzled, I look at him.

  “It is to take photos of our baby. It is a Leica M9 Titanium compact digital camera. I wanted something professional so we can take great family photos. Then we can email photos to my parents and your family when we do not see them.” I stare at it for a long time, focusing on the lens. Memories of the dark room in the house on stilts ring through my mind. Michael Parks taking photos of me, Mum being forced to help develop Simon’s photos for his business.

  Shit.

  I never envisaged being in front a camera, never mind holding one and actually shooting pictures. I don’t know what to make of it. My face must be pale. So many emotions run through my mind. Is it a good thing that I’m holding a camera? Or is it going to send me into a panic attack? Will it help me be more tolerant and move me forward? Or will it trigger nightmares?

  I’m confused. Lucca notices the conflict written across my face, he walks over to the dressing table, lifts the photo album he gave me and holds it out towards me.

  “Baby, I understand … I do. I know this is challenging for you, but I want you to remember how you felt when you opened that photo book and looked at all the beautiful memories in those pictures. We have an opportunity to take pictures of our baby, o
ur happy times together as a family. Would you not like to cherish and look back on them in the future?

  Immediately, I think about what my mum said about not having happy photographic images of Cameron and I and it makes me realise, that yes, I would like this for our family. I don’t want to miss out on anything or have any regrets.

  I want our baby to have a normal life. Whatever normal is.

  “Wow, it’s wonderful, thank you. I never thought I would see the day I’d have a camera in my hands. I would love to be able to photograph our baby,” I say, upbeat.

  After my initial reservations I warm to the idea, witnessing the proud smile on his beautiful face and the thoughtfulness behind his gesture. I kiss him, worshipping his lips because if there’s one thing Lucca Caruso is … it’s thoughtful.

  He growls into my mouth. “So am I in your good graces again?”

  “You were never out of them. I was just in a bad mood. You had me right there with your gift of touch, but thank you for the camera. It’s great.”

  “I owe Hayley an apology,” I say as we walk downstairs. I lashed out at her because I was angry Lucca was keeping things from me.

  “Oh, that reminds me. I got gift cards for Hayden and Hayley today.”

  “You’re amazing, do you know that?” I plant a kiss on his cheek.

  “So you keep telling me. If you kiss me on the lips, I cannot be held responsible for what will happen on these stairs, baby. I know how you like that exercise.”

  “Shhh,” I gasp and blush.

  Hayley and Hayden are absolutely delighted with their gift cards. I don’t ask how much is on them, but Hayley says she’ll be set with new clothes for a full year at university. Lucca sits at the dining room table to email and make more calls while the rest of the family gathers in the main living room to watch a movie.

  Mr. Carlin complains about Doris chewing his slippers, and Hayden tosses popcorn across the room towards Hayley, so of course Doris jumps across everyone’s legs trying to catch it and knocks Mr. Carlin’s spectacles off the arm of the chair.