Three Stupid Weddings

by Ann Gallagher

  Dom showed me a pair that was absolutely covered in Ewoks in various poses. “Except you know I can’t say no to Ewoks.”

  “Nor would I ask you to.” I hung the other socks back on the rack. “Ewoks, it is.” I held out my hand. “I’m buying.”

  “What? I can—”

  “Dom.” I wiggled my fingers. “Gimme. I’m buying.” When he still didn’t move, I added, “You’re coming with me to some sweltering hot weddings with a bunch of strangers so nobody pesters me about not having a boyfriend. The least I can do is buy you some Ewok socks.”

  He hesitated but finally handed them over. In a sheepish tone, he asked, “We, uh, don’t have to leave yet, do we?”

  “Have you ever known me to drag you out of a shop like this?” I made a go on gesture. “Take your time.”

  It was a good hour before we left, and that was fine by me. I ended up grabbing a Jabba the Hutt gravy boat because it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever seen, and Dom actually found a Star Wars T-shirt he didn’t already own. Not a bad haul, I decided.

  On the way out of the shop, my earlier funk seemed like it had happened a million years ago. Trying on tuxes had been an exercise in frustration, and I’d felt depressed and ugly and fat through the whole thing. But now, as we walked back to my car with some goofy Star Wars socks in a bag, I didn’t feel so bad. In fact, I felt pretty fucking good.

  All because of Dom. He knew when I needed a break for my sanity. He knew how to take a hard day and end it on a fun, silly note. He knew me, and somehow he always knew what I needed when I needed it.

  And more than ever, I was grateful beyond words that I’d have him with me at the weddings this summer.

  Chapter 4

  Dom

  My boss was pretty accommodating about letting me take off for each of the weddings I was going to with Vic, but I didn’t want to burn too much of my vacation time. After all, the year was only half gone and I needed to conserve some off time in case I ran out of sick days or something.

  “They really limit you on sick time?” Vic asked as we got into his car.

  “Yeah. It’s bullshit.” I sighed. “One of the only things I miss about my old job—unlimited sick time.”

  Tsking, he started the car. “And I thought my boss was a jerk about taking time off.”

  “Right? Ah well. It is what it is until I can find something better. But thanks for letting me work today before we leave.”

  “Letting you?” Vic chuckled and started backing out of the parking space. “You’re saving me a ton of headache, so I’m not going to bitch about when we leave.”

  “Still.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Besides…” He paused to shift into Drive and head out of my apartment building’s parking lot. “Since you put in a half day, we’re leaving after the morning commute and before the afternoon, and we’ll even squeak past Boeing traffic.” He flashed me a quick smile. “Trust me—this works out.”

  “Okay. I just don’t want to keep you from your family more than—”

  “We’re going to see so much of my family this weekend, I’ll probably be itching to bust out early. Relax.”

  I still felt kind of bad, but I let the subject drop.

  After he’d merged onto I-5, Vic said, “So, since you’re my ‘boyfriend,’ we’re probably going to need to get our stories straight.”

  “Like about how long we’ve been together? How we met?”

  Vic nodded.

  I drummed my fingers on the console between us. “I guess we started dating after you and Max broke up?”

  “Yeah. Let’s say…two months?” He glanced at me, eyebrows up, before focusing on the road again. “That gives a little buffer between when Max left and we started dating.”

  “I can work with that. How did we meet?”

  Vic thought about it for a moment. Finally, he smiled that sweet smile that had drawn me across the room the night I’d met him. “Why don’t we stick with the real story for that one?”

  “You…want them to know we met at an aro/ace support group?”

  “Well, we don’t have to include that part. Just say I was at a party with some friends, you noticed my Princess Leia T-shirt, and we’ve been BFFs ever since.”

  The memory made me smile. I’d noticed him well before I’d noticed the shirt, but it had given me the perfect in to start a conversation. “I guess we don’t need more details than that, do we?”

  “Nah. As long as we have the important things—how long we’ve been dating and how we met—that’s probably enough.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “I feel like we’re putting together alibis.”

  “I know, right?” In a stage whisper, I added, “We’ve got this—they’ll never know we were the ones who hid the body.”

  Vic made a dramatic gesture of shielding his mouth as he said in a similar voice, “If anyone asks, that knife block was missing a butcher knife the day I bought it.”

  “Well that’s what you get for buying your knife set at a garage sale.” I clicked my tongue and shook my head. “Cheapskate.”

  We exchanged glances, then both burst out laughing.

  “Okay, okay,” he said. “So we’ve got our story straight.” He held up his fist. “We are ready for this weekend.”

  I bumped my fist against his, but admittedly, felt a twinge of sadness.

  Do you know how much I wish our cover story was true?

  ~*~

  So that whole thing about getting out of Seattle before traffic? Yeah. About that.

  We did get out of Seattle and past the I-405/I-5 interchange where Boeing and airport traffic clog things up. But then there was a wreck near Federal Way, about fifteen miles to the south. And once we made it through the congestion from that, there was another fender bender right in the middle of I-5 in Tacoma, which meant holy shit traffic. After we’d crawled out of that nightmare, we got to Lewis-McChord, the big military base, just in time for base traffic, followed by another accident, followed by God only knew what nonsense in Olympia.

  When all was said and done, the three-hour drive to Portland wound up taking almost five and a half. That left us with just enough time to get to Vic’s parents’ house to drop off our things and get ready for the rehearsal dinner.

  “Oh my God.” Vic pulled into the tree-shaded driveway of a pale yellow two-story house. “Finally.”

  “We totally should have taken the train.”

  “I know, right.” He shut off the engine. “We’d have been here two hours ago.”

  “And that lady up in Chehalis wouldn’t have cut you off.”

  “Exactly!” With a dramatic sigh, he took the keys from the ignition. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to go to sleep.”

  “Except we have to go to the rehearsal dinner first.”

  Vic groaned and let his forehead fall onto the steering wheel. “Fuck my life.”

  I tamped down a laugh as I rubbed the back of his neck. “Maybe getting out and stretching your legs will wake you up. And there will be food.”

  “Mmm, food. Okay, you’ve talked me into it.” He lifted his head, offered a sleepy smile, and opened his door. We collected our bags, and after he’d locked the car, we headed up to the house.

  Vic’s mom, Karen, met us at the door. She was a petite woman with a gray ponytail and blue wire-rimmed glasses opened the door, and her face lit up when she saw us. “Come on in, boys. It’s so good to see you.”

  “Sorry we’re late.” Vic hugged her. As he let her go, he gestured at me. “You remember Dom, right?”

  “Of course I do.” She beamed at me. “How are you, sweetheart?”

  “I’m good,” I said with a smile.

  “And, um.” Vic cleared his throat, and he blushed as she shyly said, “He’s here as my date. He’s my boyfriend now.”

  I hadn’t known before today how I would feel hearing Vic introduce me as his boyfriend, but I sure knew now—like I wanted to be anywhere but here. I wa
nted to date him for real, and pretending we were was a lot of salt in a wound I hadn’t expected to be this tender.

  Unaware of my thoughts, his mother blinked in surprise. “Oh. Well. That’s wonderful to hear!”

  I hoped my smile masked the weird feelings tumbling around inside my head.

  Get a grip, Dom. You knew what this was.

  Karen gestured down the hall. “As much as I’d love to sit down and chat for a while, we’re in a hurry, so let me show you to the guest room. Are you boys going to have time to get ready?” She frowned at her watch, then at us. “We need to leave in twenty minutes if we’re going to make it.”

  “We should be fine.” Vic turned to me, eyebrows up. I nodded.

  As Karen led us down the hall, I tried and failed to ignore the knot of apprehension in my chest. Maybe this was a bad idea. I didn’t want Vic to have to face his family’s matchmaking efforts right now, but was I really the best person for this? Any number of our friends could have come instead. Did it have to be me, the guy who didn’t want to be Vic’s fake boyfriend?

  But I did volunteer. I could have suggested someone else. Since I didn’t, I needed to suck it up and see this through.

  Since we were crunched for time, Karen showed us the room without much fanfare. Quick rundown of where the bathroom was, the house’s Wi-Fi password, and where we could find extra toiletries, and then she left us to get ready, reminding us again that had to leave soon.

  After she’d shut the door, Vic eyed the bed uncertainly. “This, um, it’s not going to be weird, is it? Sleeping in the same bed?”

  “No. Why would it be?” I shrugged. “Won’t be much different than how we watch movies.”

  “You mean aside from your cat trying to sit on my head?”

  I laughed. “Yes. Aside from that.”

  He chuckled too but still seemed uneasy. “I’m serious, though. If you don’t—”

  “It’s fine. I promise. We should get ready to go.”

  “Yeah, we should.” He checked his phone. “We have a few minutes, so I’m going to grab a quick shower. I need something to wake me up after the drive.”

  “Okay. I’ll be ready when you are.”

  He gave me a quick smile, then disappeared into the bathroom.

  As soon as I was alone, I shifted my gaze to the bed we’d be sharing, and my shoulders sank right along with my heart. Though I refused to say it out loud, I really wasn’t so sure about us sharing the bed tonight. Sure, we’d spent more evenings than I could count cuddled on the sofa under my gigantic Star Wars blanket. And while he was the type of asexual who was totally fine having sex if his partner wanted it, he knew I was repulsed by the idea of it. Even if we were a couple, going to bed together didn’t mean sex.

  So why did sharing a bed with him this weekend seem uncomfortably intimate?

  I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I was way overthinking this. The whole point of me being here was to help my friend and keep his family off his back while he got over Max. Rooming together was part of the deal, and it didn’t mean anything.

  Except…maybe that was the problem. Maybe it didn’t sit right because I was here pretending to be his boyfriend, but the minute we’d step into this room and shut the door, the charade would drop and we’d just be friends again. Friends who were getting into bed together, and knowing us, we’d be equally cuddly as friends or boyfriends. I couldn’t say definitively that I’d feel better sleeping somewhere else—a hotel room, maybe—but I wasn’t quite comfortable sleeping here.

  I took a deep breath, let it out, and turned to open my bag. I was overthinking this. Vic needed me this weekend, and I’d be here for him. We’d share the bed, and it would be no different than when we hung out on my couch. The only difference would be, as he’d pointed out, that my cat wouldn’t be trying to sit on his head.

  And if I told myself that enough times, I might actually start believing it.

  ~*~

  The evening was hot and sticky, which didn’t bode well for tomorrow afternoon’s outdoor reception. At least I didn’t have to wear a tux to this one since I wasn’t expected to be in any of the formal portraits. Vic was going to be miserable.

  For tonight, we could just dress casually, so we’d both put on shorts and T-shirts. His mom had gotten a kick out of us both wearing Star Wars shirts, and she didn’t believe us when we said we hadn’t planned it that way. We really hadn’t! We both just had a lot of Star Wars shirts, so it wasn’t unusual for us to each to show up in one.

  After we’d assured Karen we wouldn’t wear anything Star Wars-themed tomorrow—she didn’t have to know about the socks we were saving for his cousin’s wedding—we’d headed to his sister’s house, which was where the rehearsal and reception would be held.

  On the way into the sprawling yard, Vic slipped his hand into mine. We exchanged looks. His eyes asked if this was okay. I nodded and tried not to let it show that I was more than okay with that gentle contact. Even if it was just for show, I could indulge in enjoying the warmth of our hands and how perfectly they fit together. As physical as we could be sometimes, this was definitely new, and yes, I liked it. Aside from the part where it was an act, anyway, but this was what I’d agreed to, so I went with it, and I let myself secretly enjoy little moments like this more than I probably should have.

  Vic introduced me to members of his family I hadn’t yet met. I recognized a lot of their faces from his social media and also that giant collection of photographs around his mirror at the salon.

  Each time he introduced me as his boyfriend, it was surprisingly easier to swallow. In a way, I guess that made this a rehearsal for me. While the wedding party would be going through the motions of tomorrow’s ceremony, I could get used to going through the motions of being Vic’s fake boyfriend. It only took two or three introductions before the sting started to wear off. After all, it wasn’t like Vic was doing this to hurt me. We had an agreement. There was a purpose behind this. A purpose that revolved around giving Vic time to get over the man who’d treated him like garbage. Yeah, I could do this. Vic needed me, and I was going to be what he needed, and my stupid thoughts could go kick rocks.

  “So how long have you two been together?” Andrea—Vic’s sister and also the bride—asked after we’d shaken hands. To Vic, she said, “You didn’t mention anything about a new guy after…” Her eyes flicked toward me, then back at him, her brow pinched as if she wasn’t sure how to finish the thought.

  “We’ve been friends for a long time.” Vic smiled as he took my hand. “Just started dating a couple of months ago, though.”

  “Oh. How did you meet?”

  I glanced at Vic. “At a party. He had a Star Wars T-shirt on, so that kind of broke the ice.”

  Vic’s smile broke into a toothy grin as he squeezed my hand. “Always knew that Princess Leia shirt was lucky.”

  Andrea laughed. “Trust Star Wars to be the reason you found love.”

  Don’t wince, don’t wince, don’t wince…

  I didn’t wince. Not quite sure how, but I kept a poker face.

  “So what do you do, Dom?” Corbin, the groom, asked. “For work?”

  “Mostly sit at a desk and wish paperwork would do itself.”

  That sent a ripple of laughter through the group.

  “At least you get to sit down,” Vic said with exaggerated exasperation. “Some of us have to stand all day.”

  “Hey, the gods favor no one.” I gave his shoulder a nudge with my own. “So at the end of the day, I complain that my eyes hurt while he complains that his feet hurt.’

  He laughed, returning the nudge. “I think I’ll take the sore feet, thank you very much.”

  “Exactly. So quit complaining.”

  We exchanged good-natured glares and laughed again.

  “Speaking of work,” Vic’s dad said, “How is business these days? Things were kind of slow a while back, weren’t they?”

  Vic shrugged. “Oh, it’s still slow sometimes, but it’s better
now. We’re getting into wedding season, and I swear I’m still tired from prom season.”

  “I’m surprised girls going to prom can afford anyone at that salon,” Karen said.

  “We actually ran a special for girls from some of the lower income areas. Next year we’re talking about doing a joint thing with a couple of boutiques and manicure salons too, so we’re getting a lot more prom business.”

  “Well that’s wonderful,” Karen said. “I’m sure they appreciated it.”

  “They looked great too,” I said. “The salon’s Facebook page had photos of everyone.”

  “I’ll have to go look at them.”

  “You’ll have to scroll for a while,” Vic said. “The page is pretty much brides, brides, brides until the end of time.”

  “Oh right, this is your busy season.” Andrea frowned. “Are you sure it’s okay for you to be taking time off on a weekend this time of year?”

  “Honey, please. I can afford to take a weekend off for my baby sister’s wedding.” He rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. “My baby sister who just had to schedule her wedding in June knowing full well it’s her big brother’s busy season…”

  “Eh.” She grinned and winked at him. “You know I did it on purpose to make sure you had your priorities straight.”

  Vic huffed, and in a deliberately whiny voice, said, “Mom! Andrea knowingly scheduled her wedding during my busy season!”

  Andrea tsked, and in a similar voice, said, “Mom! Vic’s acting like my wedding isn’t the most important thing ever!”

  Karen rolled her eyes and turned to me. “You see what these kids put me through? This is why I was gray by forty.”

  “You could always put them in timeout,” I suggested.

  “Hey!” Vic scoffed. “Whose side are you on?”

  “I’m just saying.”

  “Vic totally needs a timeout,” Andrea said.

  “And you need to be grounded,” he replied. They stuck their tongues out at each other, and we all laughed.

  “All right, you two.” Karen chuckled, then nodded past us. “Oh, it looks like the archway just got here. Paul, would you mind getting that set up? And Vic, could you give him a hand?”