The Nanny's Knickers

by Wren Mingua

  "I've never seen a horse that was six foot two, bipedal, and exceptionally good-looking."

  When he stopped bopping her on his knee, Ben coiled his arms around her waist. "Am I exceptionally good-looking?"

  She leaned closer to him, as if she was going to kiss him. "Of course you are."

  "Well... I think you're really, really gorgeous." Ben started swirling a finger on her cheek, which prompted her to grab his hand and squeeze it.

  "That tickles!" she squealed.

  "Aww. Are you ticklish?"

  "Yes!"

  Zoe knew what would happen next: admitting she was ticklish was practically an invitation. In an instant, Ben's hands started roving over her body in a merciless onslaught of tickles. Breathless with giggles, Zoe leapt from the couch and dashed away; Ben got up and gave chase. He followed her to the kitchenette, where he trapped her near a cupboard.

  "Oh, you're going to get it now!" He held up his palms and flexed his fingers. "Tickle Monster is coming!"

  Just as the Tickle Monster closed in on its prey, there was a knock on the door.

  "Oi!" Someone shouted. They kept pounding on the door, well beyond the point of obnoxiousness. "Are you in there? Granny, get the door!"

  "Ohhh no..." Ben groaned. "I think that's--"

  "James," Zoe finished.

  "Helllllooooooooo!" The pounding didn't stop. "Benji, are you in there? You cunt! Answer the door!"

  "Should I get that?" Ben asked, wondering how he was going to explain Zoe's presence in his flat.

  "It's up to you."

  "Open the door, or I'll be taking a piss on it!"

  "Don't be a twat," whispered another voice. Apparently, James and Jordan had both popped by for a visit.

  When she saw Ben go to the door, Zoe collapsed on the couch and tried to look as casual as possible--never mind the fact that she was wearing Ben's oversized shirt and pants! She already knew his "mates" were going to have a field day with that.

  As soon as Ben opened the door, James stalked into the room like he belonged. "Finally! For fuck's sake! Took you long eno--" His voice trailed off when he saw Zoe sitting cross-legged on the couch. "Well, well... and what do we have here?"

  Jordan entered the room behind his flame-haired friend. When he spotted Zoe, he gave her a polite smile and a nod.

  "I remember you," James said, grinning. "What's the nanny doing in your flat, mate?"

  "She's..." Ben's throat squeaked, so he had to clear it. It was best to get it over with, as James was likely to take the piss out of him either way. "Zoe's staying with me for awhile."

  Looking terribly amused, James strutted around the room with his hands on his hips. "Oh really?" He stopped next to Ben and gave him a slap on the arm. "You wanker! You lucky bastard!"

  "It's not like that," Ben came to her defense. "Zoe's just staying here while she gets things sorted."

  "Are you shaggin?" James squawked.

  "No."

  His red-headed friend thrust an accusatory finger in Ben's face. "You are, aren't you?"

  "James!" Zoe shouted at him. "We're not shagging. I'm just staying here with Ben until I figure out what I'm going to do next."

  "Well... if you ain't shaggin, you should be shaggin. You'd make a lovely couple." James crashed on the couch beside Zoe and wrapped an arm around her. "That is... unless you'd rather shag me?"

  Zoe scooted a couple feet away from him. "Nope. I'll pass, but thanks."

  "She's so polite and everything!" James exclaimed. "I've never had a girl decline a shag so graciously."

  "James... don't be a dick," Ben cautioned him.

  "I'm not! She's obviously your territory, mate. I mean no harm." James hopped off the couch and started bobbing up and down, which had Zoe convinced there was a touch of ADHD in there. "So, are we going to the pub or what?"

  Ben's eyes were fixed on Zoe. "I... don't know."

  "Ohhh... come on!" James gave Ben another slap on the arm. "Jordan and I are going, with or without you!"

  "Is that all you guys ever do? Go to pubs?" Zoe asked. "By the time you're twenty five, you boys aren't going to have any livers."

  James hooked his thumbs into his empty belt loops and thrust his pelvis in her direction, as if that would somehow impress her. "Well, that's only two years off. I better live it up while I can!"

  "You can go without me," Ben said. "I'm staying here with Zoe."

  "Not to say I blame you, mate, but..." James shook his head. "It sounds like you're a bit pussy whipped already."

  Jordan grabbed James by the scruff of his shirt and started dragging him out of the flat. "Let's go."

  "You sure you don't want to go?" James offered. "You can bring the nanny too. It'll be a grand!"

  "No, thanks." Ben shook his head. "Maybe next time. Thanks for stopping by."

  "Pussy whipped. That's what's going on here, I'm tellin' ya..." James hesitated on the way out the door, so Jordan gave him a little push.

  When they were alone again, Zoe grabbed the laptop and turned it back on. "Your friends are certainly..."

  "Twats?" Ben offered.

  "Well... I was going to say colorful."

  "Jordan's alright. But James? He can take a bit of getting used to."

  "I'm sure." Zoe started logging into her email again. Whenever she sent a message, she usually turned into a compulsive email checker.

  "You want something to eat?"

  "In a little bit." When she signed on, she was surprised to see she already had a reply from her mum.

  Mum? Even her thoughts were sounding British!

  Zoe,

  You're living in London with a BOY??? How old is he? How well do you know him? Are you sure it's safe? You're not having sex with him, are you? How long are you going to be staying with him? I hope you know what you're doing, Zoe Elizabeth Manet!

  If you're without a job, you should come HOME.

  P.S. - Is he cute? At least tell me he's cute!

  -Mom

  Chapter Twenty One

  Excerpt from Zoe's blog--

  Looking around London, I can't help but think the average American man is hotter than the average British man. However, the really hot British guys are insanely, wickedly, ridiculously hot. We're talking unholy levels of hotness. What do they have in the water here?!

  The next day, it was Benjamin's birthday. To celebrate, Ben wanted to go to the city of York. At first, Zoe thought he wanted to go to New York, but the Old York was his city of choice. To get there, they first had to ride on the London "Tube," where Zoe spent the duration of the journey with her face in some guy's armpit. It was a tight squeeze, like most subway rides, but she somehow managed to survive.

  When they got to King's Cross Station, they were swarmed by throngs of busy travelers. Ben held her hand as they made their way to the train. When they finally made it beyond the impassable horde, Zoe had felt the jostle of countless elbows.

  "Well... that was fun!" she quipped. "I just love public transportation."

  Ben and Zoe wandered to the back of the train and seated themselves at a table. They were only going for one night, so Ben had packed the smallest of bags, which he tossed on the seat beside him. The train was full, and seats were scarce, so an ancient man in a bowler hat ended up sitting next to Zoe.

  "I like your hat," Zoe said.

  "Ohhh!" Smiling, the old man touched the brim of his hat. "Thank you, love. And where are you heading today?"

  "York." She pointed at Ben, who was sitting across from her. "We're going for his birthday."

  "It's your birthday?" the old man asked. When he saw Ben nod, he exclaimed, "Well, happy birthday! Are you an American?"

  "I am," Zoe said. "He's not."

  "I see, I see..." The old man murmured. His liver-spotted hands shook as he fumbled with his Daily Telegraph. "Are you together?"

  "No," Zoe replied.

  "Yes," Ben said, at exactly the same time.

  Their contrasting answers made the old man snicker. "I
think there might be a difference of opinion here."

  "Zoe wants to be with me," Ben declared, "she just won't admit it yet."

  The train charged forward, and they started their journey in silence. The old man read his newspaper, Ben got out his laptop, and Zoe played some sort of stupid game on her cellphone, which got boring after about twenty minutes.

  About halfway through the journey, the old man got off at one of the stops, and no one sat next to Zoe. However, across the way, a mother was changing her baby's nappy on the table.

  "Ohh... that's so gross," she whispered to Ben.

  "What is?"

  "That!" Zoe tried, inconspicuously, to gesture toward the mother.

  "You don't like babies?" he asked with a chuckle. "So much for wanting you to be the mother of my children..."

  "No, it's not that. It's the fact that she's changing the baby's diaper right there on the table! People eat there, don't they? Yuck." The pungent stench of infant diarrhea polluted the air, so Zoe pinched her nose. Following her example, Ben cupped a hand over his face.

  "I guess that is pretty gross," he admitted.

  "Any-ay..." Zoe continued, her voice muffled by her pinched nose. "I wanna do tok about kiss."

  "What?!" Ben leaned forward, across the table. "Did you say something about a kiss?"

  She let go of her nose and repeated, "I wanted to talk about Chris. I feel bad for him. Do you think he's alright? He went to live with his mom the other day... it sucks that I didn't get to say goodbye."

  "He went to live with Gemma?!"

  "Yeah. In Stevenage, apparently," Zoe said with a shrug.

  "Well... maybe we can stop there on the way back? Pay them a visit?" Ben suggested. "It seems fitting that Lewis chased his entire family away, doesn't it? The bastard. Are you sure you don't want me to kick seven shades of shit out of him?"

  "No! Just leave it."

  "Ugggh!" Ben groaned. "Why not? It's no less than what he deserves!"

  "Like you said... he lost his family. Maybe it's enough."

  Ben raked a hand across his face so violently, it looked like he was trying to smear away his nose. "You know what, Zoe? I love everything about you. Except for that."

  "Except for what?"

  "You're so non-confrontational," Ben said. "And you're so distraught about our age difference, it kills me."

  "Well, I certainly wouldn't want to kill you. Especially on your birthday," she said with a grin. "Happy birthday, by the way. Nine years between us isn't as bad as ten years, right?"

  "Zoeeee."

  "I'm kidding! I don't care about the age difference anymore, okay? When's the last time I've mentioned it? If you like me, I mean really like me, I'm just going to live it up. Because why? Because you're really hot, that's why!"

  Ben smirked at her--the most caddish smirk in the world. "I really like you."

  "Well good!" Zoe lifted her cell phone so she wouldn't have to look at him anymore. He was so painfully attractive, especially when he smiled, that it almost hurt to look at him. "I really like you too."

  They arrived at York approximately two hours after leaving London. As they were leaving the train, Zoe pointed to the bag that was next to Ben.

  "Don't forget your murse," she said.

  "My what?!"

  "Your murse. Man purse," she said with a chuckle. "Maybe that's American slang?"

  "I've never heard that before, so I think that might be Zoe slang," Ben teased her. "Anyway, it's a messenger bag, not a man purse!"

  Ben slung his bag across his body, took Zoe's hand, and headed out of the train. As they made their way to the heart of the city, Ben pointed out several sights along the way: the medieval wall, a dilapidated abbey. They stood in the shadow of the York Minster, a vast cathedral with towering white spires.

  "Wow. That's pretty impressive!" Zoe exclaimed, awed. "Can you go inside?"

  "For nine quid, yeah."

  "Wait... they charge you to go into a church!? That doesn't seem right."

  "I don't think they charge people who want to go inside and pray, but they do charge sightseers," Ben said. "In other words, you and me. Do you want to go in?"

  "Maybe later," Zoe suggested. "Maybe we can tour the minster after we check into the hotel and you can get rid of your murse."

  "There you go with the murse again!" Ben laughed. "What am I going to do with you, Zoe? You're terrible."

  Still holding her hand, Ben led her toward The Shambles, a narrow medieval street with half-timbered buildings and countless shops. Their first stop was a fudge shop, where Zoe blew twenty pounds on a variety of different flavors. She sampled a bit of toffee fudge, which she didn't think she would like, but it made her tongue tingle with delight.

  They found another sweet shop at the end of the street, where Ben lightened his wallet on treats for Zoe and Chris, who they officially decided to visit on their way back to London. On the way out the door, Ben handed her a chocolate bear on a stick, which she knew she would never eat. It had the cutest cocoa face she had ever seen, and there was no way she could bite its head off.

  When they were done shopping, they headed toward their inn. The Golden Lamb Inn was a spooky old building that looked like it was a gentle breeze away from becoming a pile of sticks.

  "We're staying here?!" Gasping, Zoe pointed at a sign in front of the inn. The Most Haunted Inn in York, the sign claimed, in bold black letters. "It's haunted?!"

  "Ohhh, don't worry," Ben scoffed it off. "I think every inn in York is the most haunted inn in the city. I wouldn't pay attention to it."

  "Okaaay... but if I get goosed by a ghost in the middle of the night, you'll never hear the end of it!"

  "If you get goosed by a ghost, that ghost will have officially seen more action than me," Ben said with a pout.

  "You can goose me anytime you want," Zoe said. She had no idea what prompted her to give him such a bold invitation, but she didn't regret it.

  And she secretly hoped he would deliver.

  "I can, can I?! I'll have to remember that." Ben followed her into the inn and they went to the check-in counter. The manager assumed they were husband and wife, which had Ben grinning all the way to their room.

  "One bed," Zoe said, which were the first words out of her mouth when they entered the room. "Of course."

  "As if it matters!" Ben tossed the messenger bag on the floor and rolled into bed. "We've been sharing a bed in the flat."

  "Oh, I'm not complaining," Zoe said. She took a moment to stare at Ben, who was splayed on the bed, looking like some kind of golden god. He was a breathtaking sight, like a man carved from marble. "Definitely not complaining..."

  * * *

  They ended up paying the nine pounds to get into the York Minster, and it made Zoe feel better to know the money was going toward the upkeep of that beautiful place. After touring the cathedral, they went to get fish and chips, and Ben teased that it was "Zoe's favorite."

  They took their food back to the inn and crashed on the bed. Zoe indulged herself in a filet of gloriously greasy fish, and she started to wonder if it really was becoming her favorite. She showed Ben the grease on her fingers and pretended to wipe it on his jeans.

  "Do you need a napkin?"

  "It looks like I could use one."

  He handed her a napkin. One swipe of her fingers had the napkin streaked and semi-soaked.

  "Are you having a good birthday?" she asked.

  "Of course," Ben said, flashing a perfect white smile, "because I get to spend it with you."

  "Sweet talker," she accused him. "By the way, I have a little gift for you. It's nothing too exciting. Chris insisted you would like it."

  "He did, did he? Well... let's see it."

  Zoe dipped into her purse and pulled out a video game for the Xbox360. She knew nothing about the game, other than the fact that it looked like it would be violent.

  "Ah, that's brilliant!" Ben snatched the game out of her hand and gave the box a loving caress. "Chris knows me
well."

  "Apparently."

  "But do you know what I'd really like for my birthday?"

  "Do I want to know?"

  "I want Zoe. In her birthday suit. In my bed."

  "Riiiiight." Zoe gave him a playful little shove. "I didn't want to know that."

  When she finished her fish and chips, Ben was still ogling the video game box. He was like a big kid, utterly absorbed by his new toy. She could actually feel herself getting jealous of her birthday gift, as he was currently giving it more attention than he was giving to her.

  "Ben." She uttered his name with urgency, hoping to draw his interest away from the game.

  "Hmm?"

  "I don't know about a birthday suit, but I think you've earned the right to see me in my panties."

  Ben, who was still eating his food, had a chip hanging from his mouth. He looked gobsmacked. "What?! Your knickers?!

  "Well, yeah!" she laughed. "If you want to call them that... yeah." Zoe started unbuttoning her jeans and easing them off her hips, which seemed to do the trick, because Ben tossed his video game aside. His eyes were anchored to her revealed flesh. Zoe tore the jeans off her thighs, over her legs, and then kicked them off the bed. When she was done, she lay on the bed wearing just a t-shirt, socks, and a pair of light blue "knickers."

  "Wow," he admired her. "You have... great legs."

  "You think so?"

  "I do!" Ben was very adamant about that.

  "They're not the sexiest underwear in the world, but whatever." She pulled the underwear a little further down her hip, revealing a tiny rose tattoo.

  "Oh wow. Now that's cute!" Ben tapped the tattoo with his finger, hoping he wouldn't get admonished for familiarizing himself with it. "I wouldn't have thought you were the type."

  "It's just a tiny little thing. I got it when I was in college."

  "Really."

  Zoe could see him swallowing hard, because his Adam's apple bobbed. "Do you have any tattoos?"

  "Nope. I have a terrible fear of needles, and an aversion to pain," Ben confessed. "By the way... I have to ask. What are those?" He pointed at the bottom of her legs, at her gaudy striped socks.