Getting Off: A Novel of Sex & Violence (Hard Case Crime)

by Lawrence Block

  “And if it’s two guys?”

  “Oh, I didn’t even think of that. Where would the second guy fit in?”

  “I suppose I could always blow him.”

  “Sure,” Ree said. “That’d work.”

  The Cascadilla Lounge was in downtown Seattle, tucked in between a pair of four-star hotels. The lighting was indirect and subdued, and a piano trio supplied soft jazz. The clientele ran to men in suits.

  “Business travelers,” Ree said. “Some of them are here for the drinks and the music, but most of them are looking to get laid.”

  “Just like us,” she said.

  They found room at the bar, and got a thoughtful look from the barman who filled their order for two glasses of white wine. “He’s trying to figure out if we’re hookers,” Ree told her. “Like the redhead at the end of the bar. I’ve only been here two or three times, but she’s always here, and always on the same stool.”

  “She’s cute.”

  “You don’t want to—”

  She shook her head. “The Blue-Plate Special tonight is dick,” she said. “Besides, you’re the only woman in my life.”

  “I wonder if anybody’s gonna hit on us. Those guys before, Luke and Gordo—”

  “They were assholes, Ree.”

  “Yeah, I know. But they were ready to go, Kimmie.”

  “Hot to trot.”

  “You bet. By now we’d be switching partners for a second goround, and in another hour we’d be back home doing each other and talking about what jerks they were.”

  “Instead of drinking wine we paid for ourselves and waiting for someone to make a move. Unless we’re the ones who make the first move. You see anybody you like?”

  “There was a guy who was sort of cute. I don’t know where he went.”

  “Those two have been giving us the eye. At the table to the right of the piano player.”

  “We could give them the eye right back. Except—Kimmie, you know who they remind me of?”

  “Luke and Gordo.”

  “Uh-huh. Luke and Gordo, plus twenty pounds and fifteen or twenty years.”

  “So let’s not give them the eye.”

  “No, let’s not.”

  “Ree, are we being too fussy? We’re not gonna marry these guys. We’re just gonna fuck their brains out.”

  “If we could even find their brains.”

  “We could go home.”

  “I was just about to say that. But, you know, we just got here.”

  “I know.”

  “Not that we couldn’t have a perfectly good time by ourselves, but—”

  “I know.”

  She picked up her glass, held it to her lips without sipping from it. The pianist was playing something she liked, something she’d heard a million times, but she couldn’t identify it. She frowned, concentrating.

  “Gloria!”

  The male voice boomed in her ear. She turned and saw its source, a tall man in his early forties, wearing a dark suit with a chalk stripe. Whoever Gloria might be, her name had triggered something in her own memory. “Laura,” she told the man. “Thanks, I was going mad trying to name that tune.”

  “Ah, Laura. But she’s only a dream, right? But you’re Gloria, aren’t you? You’ve got to be, ’Cause I never forget a face.”

  Who was he? And when had she ever called herself Gloria?

  “Especially a face as beautiful as yours,” he went on. “I guess you don’t remember me.”

  “There’s something—”

  “What?”

  “Familiar about you.” And there was. The voice, for one thing, deep and resonant. The jawline, the sculptured brow, the blue eyes. She tried to coax the memory out into the open, and her effort amused him enough to make him smile, and as she registered his smile, the door in her memory slammed shut.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t quite place you.”

  “Don’t apologize, Gloria. We knew each other very briefly. Ran into each other in a bar in downtown Philly. I don’t even remember where it was, but—”

  “Race Street.”

  “Yeah, that sounds about right. By God, you do remember!”

  “But your smile is different.”

  He grinned, once again showing her two rows of perfect teeth. “Miracles of modern dentistry,” he said, and tapped his upper incisors with his forefinger. “Chipped a tooth, did a real job on it. My guy capped it and the one next to it, and while he was at it he got rid of the gap between them. Up until then I never knew it bothered me, but afterward I had a lot more self-confidence. Started going to the gym, keeping a year-round tan. Taking better care of myself generally.”

  “That’s great, Sid.”

  That brought the smile back. “That’s right, I was calling myself Sid a lot in those days.”

  “Your name’s not Sid.”

  “Well, no. It’s Kendall, actually, which was my mother’s maiden name. Ken’s what people call me.”

  “And you’re not from Philadelphia.”

  “No, did I say I was? I’m from Tulsa, I’ve lived there all my life. I was in Philly on business.”

  “I guess I knew that.”

  “And now I’m in Seattle on business. But I’m not working tonight. Gloria, we only had the one night together, and I’m not sure how much of it you remember, but I have to say I’ve thought about you often.”

  “Really?”

  “Absolutely. And they’ve been good thoughts. I had a great time with you.”

  His hand was resting on the bar, and she laid hers on top of it. “Me too,” she said.

  “And here we are, running into each other after all these years.”

  “Quite a coincidence, Ken.”

  “It is, isn’t it?”

  “And an opportunity.”

  “Just what I was thinking.”

  She rubbed his hand with hers. “The only thing is,” she said, “I’m here with my girlfriend.”

  “That would be the lady standing next to you? The one who’s being very careful not to pay any attention to our conversation?”

  “Her name’s Ree.”

  “Rhea? That’s a pretty—”

  “No, just Ree.”

  “Even better. I think your friend is beautiful, and I bet it wouldn’t be hard for me to find a gentleman here who agrees with me.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  “And I’m staying right next door at the Alexis, and they went and upgraded me to a suite. Plenty of room for four, and a lot more comfortable than this joint.”

  “I’ll tell you what,” she said. “Let me take Ree to the ladies, and we can freshen up and talk things through. You’ll be right here when we get back, won’t you?”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Because it took us long enough to find each other,” she said. Her hand dropped to his groin, and she watched its effect reflected in his blue eyes. “I wouldn’t want to let you get away again, Ken. Not after all these years.”

  Ree said, “Sid from Philadelphia!”

  “No wonder I couldn’t find him,” she said. “His name’s not Sid and he’s not from Philadelphia. And what I remembered was his pasty complexion and the gap between his teeth, and now his teeth are capped and he discovered tanning beds.”

  “Isn’t he worried about skin cancer?”

  “He won’t live long enough to get it.”

  “Kimmie—”

  “I did him once,” she said. “By proxy. Kellen Kimball died for his sins. Ree, if you want to split, just take the car and go home. I’ll catch a cab or something.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Oh, sweetie, I’ve got to fuck this guy. I mean I’ve just got to.”

  “So? Why can’t we share? We both fucked Kellen. Why can’t we both fuck Ken?”

  “Ken and Kellen.”

  “I love how their names go together.”

  “Except it’s actually Kendall, and that’s even better. Kellen and Kendall
. As in Ken Doll, and isn’t that the perfect name for him?”

  “And we can do him like Barbie never did.”

  “Oh, yes. With the strap-on, and everything we talked about. Ree, I don’t want to leave you out of it.”

  “That’s a good thing, because I wouldn’t let you.”

  “And afterward you can slip out, and, I don’t know, wait for me somewhere. Because you know what I have to do.”

  “You have to kill him.”

  “I do, I really do. The bastard is still on my list. His name’s crossed out, but there’s an asterisk next to it in the record book. He’s unfinished business.”

  “I know.”

  “But just because I have to do it doesn’t mean you have to be there when it happens.”

  “Maybe I want to.”

  “You think?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe I want to see you do it. Maybe not. All I know is I’m wet just picturing you with the knife.”

  “Shit, I didn’t bring a knife. Or anything, really. I didn’t think I was going to need anything. I guess I’ll think of something. Ree, you can always slip into the other room.”

  “I know.”

  “Or not. Whatever. Come here. Jesus, you really are wet, aren’t you?”

  “Sopping.”

  “Well, let’s go find our Ken Doll,” she said. “Let’s let him know just how lucky he is.”

  “So what we were thinking,” she told Ken, “is Ree and I both think you’re awfully cute, and I know how much fun you are to party with, so what do we need with another guy?”

  “Because as far as we’re concerned,” Ree said, “three is not a crowd. Unless you feel differently.”

  “Not me,” he said. “I think three’s a terrific number. I mean, think about it. It’s the very number God picked when he was deciding how many people to be.”

  “But there are a couple of things you ought to know. First of all, you know how you told me your name was Sid, but it’s not?”

  “Hey, I’m sorry about that, but—”

  “No, it’s cool, but the thing is my name’s not Gloria.”

  “So Sid and Gloria are actually...”

  “Ken and Kim.”

  “Kim,” he said, and looked her over, and nodded. “Works for me. Ken, Kim, Ree—three people, three letters each. Keeps the typesetting costs down.”

  “Except sometimes Ree calls me Kimmie.”

  “Kimmie. Well, that works, too. If that’s all I need to know—”

  “One other thing,” Ree said, “is neither of us has any pubic hair. See, Kimmie went and got herself a Brazilian, and I liked it so much I went and got one for myself.”

  “And that leads into the third thing you should know,” she said, “which is that Ree and I are kind of into each other. So if that’s something that turns your stomach—”

  “Turns me on, is what it does.”

  “Then maybe we should all go inspect that suite you mentioned.”

  The suite was luxurious, the bed king-sized. When he finally excused himself to go to the bathroom, Ree said, “You know what I almost forgot?”

  “How much you love cock.”

  “Yeah. He’s got a nice one, too.”

  “You like him, don’t you?”

  “Sure. He’s a nice guy. Oh, like maybe I don’t want to go through with it? Kimmie, he’s the guy. That means there’s only one way this can end.”

  “I wish I’d brought a knife.”

  “Tell him you’re hungry. They’ve got twenty-four-hour room service, don’t they? Order a steak, they’ll give you a steak knife with it.”

  “Maybe. You know what? I bet he’d let us tie him up. Once he’s tied up there’s a dozen different ways I could do it.”

  “Tie him up with what?”

  “The cord from the window shades. No, we’d need a knife anyway just to cut the cord. Oh, the tie-back sashes! Like to hold the drapes in place. That would work.”

  “Are there enough?”

  “Two pairs here, two in the living room. That’s eight, that’s more than enough. Once he’s tied up you can just wait in the other room, and—”

  “No way. I want to see it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “The whole idea is so hot. I might even want to help.”

  “You think? Shhh, here he comes. Ken, Ree and I were beginning to think you fell in.”

  “Oh, I figured I’d give the two of you a chance to do some more of that girl–girl stuff.”

  “Without you watching and joining in?Where’s the fun in that?”

  “God,” he said, “how’d I get so lucky?”

  And Ree said, “Seriously, Ken, you were gone a long time. Do you feel okay?”

  “You want to know how I feel? I feel like I died and went to heaven. What, did I say something funny?”