Shot Through the Heart

by Matt Cain

  ‘Nah,’ frowned Leo. ‘Hospital jobs are boring. We need something to put fire in our bellies.’

  Chip rolled his eyes fondly. ‘I thought you’d say that.’

  Leo couldn’t help looking at the white foam in the corners of his mouth. What is that stuff? He tried not to stare but it was putting him off his frothy cappuccino.

  ‘All right,’ drawled Biff. ‘Next up is Layla Lloyd, due in to LAX from London at eleven ten a.m.’ Ronnie raised an eyebrow with interest. Layla Lloyd was a British topless model who flew into LA every few months for a regular round of false nails, hair extensions and Botox. She wasn’t a big star in the US but pictures of her sold for staggering sums when syndicated all over Europe. And the market was particularly hot for her right now as there were rumours she was pregnant by her new boyfriend – a world-champion heavyweight boxer with a penchant for cross-dressing. ‘If we’re lucky she might be wearing something nice and tight,’ drooled Biff, ‘and give us friendly paps the first ever shot of that bun in the oven.’

  ‘Not these paps,’ said Ronnie, shaking his head. ‘Layla’s hated us ever since we busted her cheating on her last husband. There’s nowhere to hide in the airport and once she spots us she won’t give us shit.’

  Chip stood up and began to pace the room. ‘OK, well there is another job that’s just come in. There’s a new movie called War of Words shooting at a secret location out of town.’

  ‘But I thought the studios were cracking down on pap shots?’ said Leo. ‘Last time we covered a film shoot we got chased all over the desert by security.’

  ‘Yeah and if you remember,’ grunted Ronnie, ‘you got away while I got my ass kicked. As usual.’

  ‘Well it’s not my fault if you can’t keep up,’ teased Leo. ‘Maybe it’s time you laid off the fags.’

  ‘We call them smokes in this country, Limey. And a word like fag isn’t very nice.’

  ‘Oh cut it out, ladies,’ piped Chip. ‘And trust us – you won’t have any problems on this set.’

  Biff leaned back in his chair with a loud creak. ‘One of the make-up girls is working for us – a smoking-hot French chick new to LA and keen to earn some extra dough. Word is she’s hawking gossip and pictures all around town. She reckons she can smuggle two paps onto the set as extras so it’ll have to be a hidden-camera job.’

  Leo and Ronnie looked at each other, thinking it over.

  ‘What do you say, guys?’ asked Biff. ‘You interested?’

  ‘What kind of scene are they shooting?’ pressed Leo.

  ‘Some big battle scene. So you’d get to dress up as soldiers and play around with guns . . .’

  ‘Cool!’ crooned Ronnie. ‘Count us in!’

  Chip nodded. ‘Awesome. There’s a great buzz about the movie – they reckon it’s going to be a big hit. It stars Billy Spencer and Mia Sinclair.’

  Leo almost choked on his cappuccino. This was the last thing he expected. He couldn’t go on a film set with Mia now that he’d met her – she’d instantly spot him and he’d be kicked out straight away. And besides, they were going on a date in a few days and he knew that it was daft but he kind of liked her.

  ‘Obviously we want a shot of the two stars together,’ Chip rattled on. ‘There’s big money on any picture that proves Billy’s banging Mia for real.’

  Leo squirmed. He might have only met Mia once but now that he’d spoken to her he couldn’t do his usual trick of switching off his emotions and seeing her as prey rather than a person. ‘Is that true?’ he stammered. ‘Is Billy sleeping with her in real life?’

  ‘Fact is we don’t know,’ said Biff. ‘The French broad was digging this morning and said she had ways of getting info out of any dude. I can only imagine what they are . . .’ He trailed off and gazed out of the window wistfully. He checked himself and cleared his throat. ‘For some reason this time she drew a blank. Which means it’s now your job to find out.’

  ‘OK, we’re definitely in,’ confirmed Ronnie. ‘What’s the address?’

  ‘Coming right up.’

  Chip and Biff began tapping into their computers to access the co-ordinates of the shoot. Leo leaned into Ronnie so no one would hear him whispering.

  ‘Listen, partner, don’t you think we should talk about this?’

  ‘Talk about what? You love this kind of shit. Soldiers, battlefields, dodging security . . . What’s the problem, bud?’

  ‘Erm, no, erm, there is no problem.’

  ‘Good,’ said Ronnie. ‘It’ll be a blast. Maybe even one for the top ten.’

  Leo drained the last of his cappuccino. This was going to be tough.

  ‘Here you go,’ interrupted Chip, handing them a computer printout. ‘When you get there call Dominique on this number.’

  Biff whistled and shook his head. ‘Man, that chick is seriously hot.’

  ‘Yeah,’ agreed Chip, ‘but the dumb broad obviously hasn’t learned that if word gets around she’s a snitch the studios will fire her ass.’

  ‘So you two try and keep your heads down,’ Biff warned. ‘She could be real useful to us in future.’

  ‘OK, boss,’ said Ronnie. ‘We’ll do our best.’

  Leo nodded weakly. He had other more important things on his mind. He was far more worried about being spotted by Mia Sinclair. And messing up his chance on their big date.

  *

  ‘Excuse me? You’re doing what?’

  ‘I’m going on a date with a paparazzo.’

  ‘Sugar, have you gone out of your mind?’

  Billy and Mia were lounging on the sofas in his trailer. He was fully dressed in his soldier’s uniform while she was wearing her nurse’s costume complete with headdress. They’d just run through their lines and were now catching up on each other’s news since they’d last spoken. And there was one piece of news that hadn’t gone down well with Billy.

  ‘Oh don’t get mad with me, Billy, I’m only doing it to get the pictures back.’

  ‘Well in that case, why are you smiling when you talk about it?’

  ‘I’m not smiling!’ She turned to look at herself in the mirror and her face froze. ‘Was I really smiling?’

  ‘You so were! Don’t tell me you’re falling for a paparazzo, Mia! I mean, I’ve heard about sleeping with the enemy but this is something else.’

  ‘I haven’t slept with him, Billy. I’ve no intention of sleeping with him. And I promise you that there’s even less chance of me falling in love with him.’

  ‘Well your mouth might be saying that but that’s not what your eyes are saying. If you need the pictures back then why don’t you get Violet to sue him? Isn’t that what publicists are for?’

  ‘Oh I don’t know, I just thought it’d be easier for me to sort it out on my own. And anyway, I’ve agreed to it now so I can’t back out.’

  He looked at her disapprovingly. ‘You do realize if you go on this date you won’t be able to relax the entire time. You’ll be worried sick that whatever you say will wind up in The Enquirer.’

  Mia pulled a face. Maybe he had a point.

  ‘This asshole will probably sit down to dinner with a hidden camera poking at you.’

  Another good point.

  ‘And as soon as the date’s over his buddies will pop up all wanting their piece of the action.’

  ‘All right, all right! Oh maybe I am being stupid. I don’t know what it is, though, but part of me wants to go on the date. It’s only a little part, I promise. But is that really terrible of me?’

  Billy leaned back and stretched his arms behind his head. ‘Well what do you know? The First Lady of Love is about to take a tumble for some low-down, dirty paparazzo.’ He poked her in the ribs with a taunting grin.

  ‘Oh shut up, Billy,’ she giggled, picking up a cushion and hitting him over the head.

  He mimed outrage. ‘Hey, sugar, watch my make-up!’

  ‘Oooh, “Watch my make-up!”’ she teased. ‘Listen to the big tough soldier!’

  He snatched the cush
ion off her and threw it in her face. ‘Hey, that’s no way to speak to your leading man! You just remember who’s got top billing on this picture!’

  The two of them launched into a play-fight, rolling around on the sofa before collapsing in giggles in each other’s arms.

  *

  Leo and Ronnie had been met by Dominique at the entrance to the set and she was now rushing them through costume and make-up. She was hard-faced and businesslike, nothing like the flirtatious tease they’d imagined from what Biff had said. Although, as Ronnie kept pointing out, Biff had been right about one thing – she was smoking hot.

  ‘Now don’t forget,’ Dominique warned sternly, ‘if anyone catches you taking pictures, you keep quiet about me. Just make up some story about sneaking in through a gap in the fence or something. D’accord?’

  Leo and Ronnie looked at each other, clueless. ‘D’accord,’ they echoed.

  ‘Hey buddy,’ whispered Ronnie once they were at a safe distance, ‘am I imagining things or is that chick wearing no bra?’

  The two of them chuckled like naughty schoolboys. It was the first time Leo had been able to relax since joining the set. The rest of the time he’d been too busy looking around for Mia and being nervous in case she spotted him. It wasn’t like him to be on edge and he really wasn’t enjoying it.

  Once they were fully dressed and made up, Dominique left them in the holding area for supporting artists. ‘Bon courage!’ she nodded briskly.

  ‘Yeah, erm, thanks,’ said Ronnie, sneaking one last look at her breasts.

  As soon as they could, the two of them slipped away into the toilets to remove the little cameras they’d stashed down their underpants. They each attached one of the tiny devices to their collar, which was operated by a cable release in their pocket. Within minutes they were ready for battle.

  They returned to the holding area and found a pair of seats under the shade of a cluster of trees. Experience on film sets had taught them that they could be in for a long wait. Leo glanced around to check there was no sign of Mia and Ronnie lit a cigarette.

  ‘So come on then, bud, are you going to tell me what’s making you so jumpy?’

  ‘What do you mean? I’m not jumpy.’

  ‘Bullshit. I’ve never seen you like this. What’s going on?’

  For a split second Leo considered lying but knew that there was no way he could pull it off. At least not with Ronnie – he knew him too well. ‘OK partner,’ he shrugged. ‘I suppose I’d better come clean.’

  ‘Hmm, this sounds serious.’ Ronnie took a thoughtful drag on his cigarette. ‘Go ahead, shoot.’

  ‘Well this might seem a bit mad to you . . .’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘But the reason I’m a bit nervous is . . .’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘. . . is-because-I’m-basically-going-on-a-date-with-Mia-Sinclair.’ He blurted it out in one breath before he had time to change his mind.

  Ronnie looked at him in disbelief. ‘What? You’ve got to be shitting me.’

  ‘No, mate. I’m afraid not.’

  As Ronnie shook his head repeatedly, Leo explained at length how he’d met Mia the previous week and had come to ask her on a date. Ronnie was so intrigued that he forgot to smoke his cigarette and by the time Leo reached the end of the story, he was holding a long length of ash in his hand.

  ‘But surely you’re not taking this date seriously?’ he grunted, flicking the ash onto the floor and taking one last drag. ‘Whatever happened to never mixing business with pleasure?’

  ‘Erm, yeah, well maybe it would be different with Mia Sinclair. I mean, she doesn’t need me – she’s a huge star already.’

  ‘No but she needs you not to release those pictures. What’s the difference?’

  ‘Oh I know it sounds completely bonkers, Ronnie. But I just want to go on one date and see what happens.’

  ‘But can’t you see that she’s only stringing you along because she wants to get her hands on your shots? Girls like Mia Sinclair don’t date dudes like us, Leo. We’re the paparazzi. We’re the enemy.’

  ‘Really? Are you sure it’s that simple anymore? Because the whole thing’s made me think. You know as well as I do that celebs tip us off about pictures all the time – it’s much more of a two-way relationship these days.’

  ‘Yeah, but they don’t respect us, buddy. They still look down on us like pieces of shit they stood in on the sidewalk. When was the last time you heard of a pap dating a target?’

  ‘Erm, didn’t Britney do it once?’

  ‘Exactly – and look how that ended up.’

  Leo nodded thoughtfully.

  ‘You’ve broken up with enough girlfriends over it,’ Ronnie went on, ‘and you’ve got to be crazy to consider giving it a shot now. You should have sold the photos to Mia’s publicist or cut yourself a nice deal for non-publication. It’s not as if it hasn’t been done before. I mean, what were you thinking, Leo?’

  Leo shrugged and said nothing. Maybe Ronnie was right. Maybe he was being stupid. Maybe he was breaking his golden rule and letting his feelings get in the way.

  ‘LA’s a battlefield,’ Ronnie went on. ‘The stars are on one side and we’re on the other—’

  ‘OK guys, listen up!’ They were interrupted by the sound of the Third Assistant Director, who’d come to round them up for the big scene. He was wearing thick-framed plastic glasses and had long yellow hair, which gave him an unfortunate look of Donatella Versace. He was speaking into a megaphone so that everyone could hear. ‘Now I want the good guys on my left,’ he boomed, ‘and the bad guys on my right.’

  Ronnie looked puzzled and began searching his uniform for clues. ‘Hey Leo, which one are we?’

  ‘You just said it, didn’t you? We’re the bad guys, Ronnie.’

  ‘Oh yeah, course we are.’

  Leo stood up and felt his collar to check that his camera was still in place. ‘Now come on, partner – it’s time for battle.’

  *

  As two long lines of German and American soldiers filed onto set they were observed by Mia and Billy, sitting in their personalized canvas chairs just a few metres away. Several of the extras smiled or waved in their direction as they passed.

  ‘What do you reckon, sugar?’ Billy joked. ‘You see any hotties out there?’

  ‘Mm-hmm,’ she mused, ‘there are some major hotties. And I’ve got to admit, there’s something about a soldier’s uniform . . .’

  They lapsed into a loaded silence as they gazed at the soldiers longingly, both lost in a delirium of desire.

  ‘Check out this one coming up now,’ gushed Billy. ‘The Latin-looking one with the big machine gun. Now he’s really got it going on.’

  ‘Yeah, he’s cute.’

  ‘Cute? He’s gorgeous, Mia!’

  The Latino soldier looked over in their direction and caught Billy staring. Their eyes lingered on each other a little too long and Mia sensed a mutual murmur of excitement. She remembered experiencing a similar sensation just a few days earlier when she’d met Leo. She tried not to think about it now.

  ‘I think he likes you . . .’ she sing-songed. ‘It looks like he’s checking you out.’

  ‘Do you really think so?’

  ‘Oh come on, Billy, his tongue’s practically hanging out.’

  ‘Yeah, well it’s no use – it’ll have to stay hanging.’

  Mia looked at him sympathetically. ‘You know, you could always go and chat to him,’ she offered. ‘See if he’s a nice guy.’

  ‘Nah, it’s way too risky. This place could be crawling with paps. It’s just not worth it, sugar.’

  He picked up his script and began reading his lines.

  Mia carried on gazing at the soldiers as they filed past. Before long her mind drifted to Leo. She wondered what he was doing right now, who he was shooting and whether he’d thought about her since they’d met. She told herself not to be stupid. He probably sees me as a pay check rather than a person, she thought. Right now he
’ll be shooting some other star, trying to screw as much money out of her as he can.

  Whatever he was up to, Mia had to accept that Billy was right; there was no way she could ever trust Leo. There was one fact that was never going to change: the paparazzi were the enemy.

  *

  As he shuffled forwards at the end of a long line of German soldiers, Leo could make out Mia sitting next to Billy Spencer in a shaded area near the monitors. While Billy was reading what looked like a script, Mia was looking straight at them. He could feel his mouth go dry.

  He wanted to make it past her as quickly as possible but the soldiers in front of him were dragging their feet along slowly. There was no backing out now; he pulled his helmet as far down as he could and inched forwards.

  He knew that if he were spotted he’d be in serious trouble and could even be prosecuted for trespassing. The funny thing was that this sense of danger on a job usually gave him a real thrill. Today it was making him feel nauseous.

  ‘Well, what do you know?’ Ronnie mocked. ‘Leo Henderson has got the fear.’

  ‘Shh!’ Leo hissed, keeping his head down. ‘Shut it, Ronnie!’

  ‘Oh come on, buddy, what happened to wanting some fire in your belly? Or are you too scared of upsetting your new girlfriend?’

  Leo ignored Ronnie and pretended to have an itch on the side of his face. After scratching his cheek for what felt like ten minutes, he moved his hand away and realized that he’d made it past Mia undetected. He was in the clear.

  Phew!

  Ronnie looked at him and shook his head with a wry grin.

  The two of them were led onto set by the yellow-haired Third. He explained that today’s scene was being shot in a huge field which had been made to look like a bombed-out village somewhere in 1940s Europe, with the remains of several buildings scattered around and a church standing more or less intact in the centre. Everywhere Leo looked there were cameras, tracks, dollies and cranes, and hundreds of soldiers were being put into position in every corner of the fake battlefield. Ronnie looked mesmerized.