Inside Out

by Ashley Ladd

  Her fingers still poised over her keyboard, she glanced up. “Of course. It was mine, too. I thought you might have changed it after all this time.”

  Trey racked his brain for something to say. A lot had happened during the relatively short period of time that had passed since they’d shared that phone number. Entranced by her beauty, confused by the transformation, he stared unabashedly. Finally, he blurted out, “How’s your family taking this?”

  Erica pushed her chair away from her desk. She leant back and stared at the ceiling. “My mom and sister are trying to accept and support me. My dad’s horrified, afraid I’ve ruined the rest of my life.” She paused and drew in a shuddering sigh.

  Her gaze, full of pain and anger, swivelled back to him. “My father thinks he failed, that his seed was bad. My brother thinks I’m a freak. The people at the office here have been supportive. Most of my friends are cool with it. And I’ve made new friends, like me. As for everybody else, it’s none of their damned business and I don’t care what they think.”

  Again, Trey wished people would stop judging other people—that they could be allowed to live their life, their way. “But what if people recognise you when you’re out and about? Isn’t that a shock?”

  Erica scowled and twisted her long hair into a knot at the top of her head and fastened it with a hot pink claw-like clip. “Most people don’t recognise me. If they do and don’t like the real me, they can get lost. This is my life.” She nodded sharply and folded her arms over her chest.

  Admiration flashed through Trey. She was surer of herself than Eric the boozer.

  “Your Uncle Bob’s okay with this?” Trey well remembered Erica’s stoic uncle. The man hadn’t accepted their homosexuality. How would he deal with a sex change?

  Erica fidgeted and buttoned a higher button on her blouse. Her gaze veered away from his, and she shuffled her feet back and forth. “We haven’t told him. Since he’s up north and we’re down here, he doesn’t have to find out.”

  Trey frowned. He couldn’t imagine ignoring his family forever. Maybe he wasn’t as impressed with Erica as he’d thought. Yet, his heart hurt for her. “I thought you didn’t care what anyone thought? You’re really going to avoid your family for the rest of your life?”

  Erica bit her lip, stood and ambled around the office with a faraway look in her eyes. Finally, she faced him and, wringing her hands in front of her, she said, “He’d reject me. At least this way, we still talk. I go for years without seeing him and he’s getting older. When he comes down to see the family, our paths don’t have to cross. He knows I’m always busy working.”

  Trey’s gut wrenched. Scowling, he shook his head. “After they die you’re going to regret not seeing them. People don’t live forever.”

  Erica stiffened, then her shoulders relaxed. She reached out to him, and took a step forward. Then she froze about a foot away, her hand dropped to her side and she regarded him with sadness. “Did you lose someone close?”

  Trey’s breath stuck in his throat. He tried to erect the wall around his heart, to dam the water behind his eyes, yet a tear slid down his cheek. Angrily, he swiped at it with the back of his hand. “My dad died in a car accident last year.”

  Erica’s eyes welled up with tears. She sniffled and dabbed at her nose. “I’m so sorry. I wish you’d called me…”

  Trey refused to cry in front of Erica. He rallied against the ache pounding in his head. He cleared his throat, blinked back the tears and stood taller. “You know the worst part? We weren’t speaking. He died mad at me, thinking I was mad at him. It sucks.”

  Trey’s lungs contracted. He struggled to gulp air. Trying to breathe was almost as fruitless as trying to rein in his emotions. Still, another tear escaped and trickled down his cheek. He cursed himself for losing control.

  Erica’s lips quivered. She stood and pulled him into a hug. She cradled him against her heart and rubbed his back. “It’s okay. He knew you loved him. He was a good man.”

  Trey’s heart contracted. He shook his head. “It’s not all right. Maybe he knew but we still wasted precious time, time we’ll never get back. Don’t do that to yourself. I know you love your uncle. Don’t set yourself up for regrets.”

  Erica rocked him in her arms and murmured unintelligible yet soothing words in his ear. She pressed her new breasts to him and fitted her curvy hips against his. Beside his ear, she murmured, “I’ll think about it.”

  Trey couldn’t let Erica make such a big mistake. The soft hands caressing him were making his libido go crazy, and made it difficult to think straight. “If he loves you, he’ll get over it.”

  His words rang in his head. Pain needled him and he grimaced. Overwhelmed by the barrage of emotions, he let Erica’s warmth creep into him. His legs went weak, he clutched her and his tears fell raw and plentiful.

  He cried until the wetness of Erica’s blouse penetrated his brain. Then he tried to pull back with a mumbled, “Sorry,” but Erica wouldn’t release him.

  She stroked his hair as Eric had often done, slowly, mesmerisingly. Her hands, however, felt much softer than Eric’s. They were smooth and silky like her hair. They felt as if she’d grown a new layer of skin over Eric’s calloused hands.

  “Did you drive here?” Erica pulled back and gazed into his eyes, her own a little glassy.

  He got lost in the whirlpool of her mocha coloured eyes. Warning sirens blared, but he didn’t care.

  Erica’s eyes bewitched him and her heat chased away the bitter cold that had buffeted him so long. “You’re not fit to drive. It’s almost the end of the day so I’ll take you home.”

  “Okay. I still live in Tamarac.”

  “Alone?” The moment Erica uttered the word, she looked as if she wanted to grab it back. Her long, mascaraed lashes swept down over her eyes.

  Alone? He’d been alone and lonely since they’d broken up. No one had taken Eric’s place in his home or his heart although a couple had tried. They just weren’t…Eric.

  He reminded himself this wasn’t Eric, either, but his body quaked nonetheless and his cock twitched. He had no doubt what his dick wanted…Erica. Yet his heart didn’t want to get struck by the same bullet twice.

  His eyes widened and he let his gaze rake over her. The budding smile held the same hint of laughter and coyness Eric’s had. The same soul shone through.

  Confusion accosted him again. This was the same person, but it wasn’t the same person. Or was it? Did it matter what sex Eric-Erica was? The soul and spirit hadn’t changed, just the outer shell.

  Or had it? Had the inner person always been what she was now and he’d been too blind to see it? His head seemed to split in two.

  Erica packed up her laptop, grabbed an expensive-looking Coach handbag and sashayed towards him in high heels. Her pink skirt shimmied snugly around her hips and fell to an inch above her knees.

  Trey did a double take. He could picture her curvy ass wiggling seductively, beckoning to all the men in the office. His heart lurched and he scowled. “Your boss lets you climb around under desks like that?”

  Erica stepped towards the open door, undulating her sexy hips. She looked over her shoulder and winked. “Sometimes I even wear G-strings. Maybe he likes the view.”

  Trey’s gut wrenched. His blood simmered. To prevent the expletive teetering on his lips from exploding, he bit down on them. Then he counted to ten and said instead, “I can’t blame him if he does. I do. Are you wearing a G-string now?”

  She batted her lashes, let her hair cascade around her shoulders and clipped the hair ornament onto her purse strap. Then she grabbed his tie and reeled him in. “Maybe. Or maybe I’m not wearing any underwear.”

  His temperature spiked and he choked. When his cock swelled, his jeans grew unbearably tight. Wondering if Erica was as hot for him as he was for her, he fidgeted.

  Trey couldn’t speak so he nodded. For the first time since he’d last been with Eric, tingles shot down his arms and legs. A warm glow buzzed
inside and he felt an irrepressible urge to smile as wide as that kid on the Mad magazine cover. He hadn’t felt so happy since things had been good between him and Eric.

  “Come on, big boy. I’m tired of this place.” The tip of her tongue wet her lips. “And famished. Are you as starved as I am?”

  Trey blinked. Had he stepped through the door to another universe? Was this the same Erica who had been far less than happy to see him the other day? If they stayed here a moment longer, he was going to kick the door shut and ravish her. He was too far gone to care if anyone heard them banging the walls.

  But he sucked in his breath and tried to check his raging emotions. Erica might not wish to get canned. He really didn’t believe she wore G-strings or went au naturel under her skirt—at work. Through his clenched teeth he managed to grind out, “What are you trying to do to me?”

  Erica released his tie. Then she batted her lashes, unbuttoned the top three buttons on her blouse and fanned herself. “What do you mean?”

  Trey itched to turn her over his knee and spank her cute little tush until she begged him to fuck her. His shirt was restricting his airway and he loosened his tie and undid his top button. “You know exactly what I mean. You might have lost your dick but not your brain.”

  Erica giggled and Trey did his best not to roll his eyes. He felt more like a cave man than a gentleman but took his computer bag in his free hand and widened the door for her to precede him.

  “Unless you want me to make love to you here, we’d best go somewhere private fast. My place okay?”

  Erica bit her lip and hung back. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I don’t know what possessed me except I’ve missed you terribly.”

  For the first time since their breakup, his heart didn’t feel like it was being crushed by heavy rocks.

  He closed the door then he closed the distance between them. Cupping her face, he caressed it as he searched her eyes. “I’ve missed you, too. And I’d like to get way deep into you.”

  Before she could answer, he crushed her against him and slipped his hands under her skirt. Then he spread his hands across her very bare buttocks.

  Surprised and turned on, he groaned. Unable to help himself, he ground his swollen cock against her pussy.

  She searched his face, her eyes bearing into his. “You didn’t believe me, did you?”

  “No. I hope you only did it for me.” Before she could respond, he plundered her lips. He didn’t believe she’d spent the entire day that way—she had done this when she learned he was here.

  She returned the kiss with fervour. Her tongue danced with his and her fingertips blazed a fiery trail down his back. Then she cupped his ass and squeezed. A moment later, she pulled away.

  Without her support, he swayed for an instant. Breathless and crazy with desire, he blinked askance.

  When she locked her office door and curled her finger at him, his cock jumped. “Are you sure? What if they hear us?”

  She glanced down at her watch and a tremulous smile teased her lips. “It’s after five and I’m the only workaholic here. The place is all ours.”

  His heart raced and he stepped forward. But a trace of reserve in her eyes stopped him. His gut clenched but he asked, “Is everything okay?”

  After several moments’ hesitation, she said, “I haven’t been with a man since…”

  Trey froze. Only his throat constricted. Finally, it unclogged and he asked, “What do you mean?”

  Erica looked away, shuffled her feet and wrung her hands. When her gaze met his again, she said, “You.”

  The wealth of emotion in her voice made his spine tingle—however, he didn’t want to examine any of this too closely. Not here. Not now. Maybe not ever… He sympathised that she had demons to deal with but he had his own to battle.

  When he opened his mouth to speak, she raised her hand as if to stop him. “Before we go any further, there are some ground rules.”

  “Ground rules?” Trey echoed, his veins beginning to ice over. He eyed the door, wondering if he should leave before this got too deep. “What do you mean?”

  Erica cleared her throat a couple of times. “I’m all woman, inside and out. I’m not ready to put my heart out there for someone who wants something I can’t give.”

  Perplexed, he tilted his head. “I don’t follow.”

  She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them, she said, “I mean, I’m not ready to have a relationship, especially not with a man who might want another man. I’m still coming to terms with all the changes in my life.”

  Her words reverberated around in his head as he struggled with their import. He wasn’t ready to have a relationship with her, not after the way she’d lied, after the way she’d made their lives so miserable, no matter that his lips longed to devour hers. As the words circled a couple of times more around his mind, he took exception to the fact she thought a bi man would cheat on a beloved partner, man or woman. As they weren’t in a relationship and it was a moot point, he let it go without comment, however.

  Afraid he’d made a huge mistake coming here, he turned towards the door. “I think it’s best if I go. I don’t think either of us thought this out. I didn’t think…”

  A tear trickled down her cheek and she swiped at it with the back of her hand. “No, you didn’t, but neither did I. Maybe that’s the problem with us.”

  Us. His heart sank. There hadn’t been an us in a very long time.

  Although her face mirrored her valiant struggle to stop her tears, another one slid out the corner of her other eye. Then a strangled cry ripped from her throat and she spun on her heel, turning her back on him.

  He couldn’t stand to see her cry. Reversing direction, he closed the gap separating them, turned her around and pulled her into his arms. Wishing he could ease her pain, he rubbed her back and murmured in her ear, “Shush. Everything will be okay.”

  When he spoke, his lips brushed her ear and she snuggled against him. Her warmth seeped into him and his heart did that funny little flip-flop that hadn’t happened since the last time he’d been held in Eric’s arms. He cursed the feelings and wished them away. They no longer had a place in his life, not for the person who had turned his life so upside down.

  Muffled, her voice drifted to him. “I was told this wouldn’t be easy, facing the world, standing up for myself. I thought being myself would be easier, though. But this sucks.”

  He could only imagine how hard things must be. Being a gay—or even a bi—man wasn’t easy, either. He wondered how much harder being a transgender person could be. Not sure what to say, but feeling words of comfort were expected, he mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

  She smiled up at him through her tears. Their gazes locked, her eyes darkened and her lips parted. Before he realised what she was up to, she slashed her lips across his.

  Her lips, moist and salty with her tears, felt wet and warm. They caressed his a second time. Then a third. The sweet and salty taste made him want more but it was her body moulding to his that was impossible to resist.

  She smoothed the flats of her hands inside his shirt and up his chest until one laid alongside his heart. Against his lips, she murmured seductively, “I’ve missed being close to a man. I really need to be close to you now. You can have your wicked way with me and no one else will ever know.”

  He wasn’t so sure, but when she lifted her skirt over her waist and revealed her bare pussy, she consumed his thoughts. When she unbuttoned his slacks and pulled them down to his ankles, he almost came.

  The earth quaked beneath them and he kicked off his shoes and slacks. Then he lifted off her blouse and fumbled with her bra. When the wispy piece of lace slithered to the floor, he gazed in amazement at her gorgeous breasts. His mouth watering, he murmured in a husky voice, “You’re absolutely beautiful. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were born a woman.”

  Erica veiled her eyes for a moment, then gazed back at him. “I was. The doctors just brought out the
real me.” She pirouetted and asked, “You really like?”

  To his surprise, a primitive growl rumbled in his chest. In a raspy voice, he uttered, “I like very much.”

  He couldn’t wait a moment longer to show her just how much he wanted her and took her in his arms. She fit perfectly against him as if they’d been moulded together. Paradise was his again.

  She pressed her lips to his neck then blazed a trail of moist heat to his collarbone. Seductively, she wiggled against him as if trying to weave herself back into his heart. Her breasts were soft and plush and he couldn’t resist them a second longer. He buried his face between them and licked his way to one nipple and suckled it in rhythm with her moans.

  She pushed his underwear down and released his cock. When his penis sprang forward, she curled her fingers around it and gently pumped. She moved her lips lightly across his forehead. “I always loved your cock. I’ve missed it very, very much.”

  “I’ve missed you, too.” Emotions he’d mourned as dead and buried flooded him. Warmth chased away the bitter cold that had frozen them since he’d walked out on Eric. God, he’d missed his baby. Being in the right hadn’t warmed his empty nights.

  As much as he hated to admit it even to himself, he’d missed her like hell, not merely their sizzling trysts. If only Eric hadn’t ruined everything…

  Pain, raw and ragged, stabbed him. His breath caught in his throat and his knees wobbled. He felt as shaky, as confused and angry as he had every day during their last tumultuous year together.

  What in the hell am I doing? Long ago he’d decided that she might own his heart but he was damned if she was going to destroy his soul. He had no concrete proof Erica was any better for him than Eric.

  When she gently shoved him away from her, he sighed in relief, saying a silent thanks that she’d come to her senses instead of tying him in knots again. Before he regrouped enough to move away, however, she dropped to her knees before him and kissed the tip of his penis. While he was shuddering with delight, she took his cock deeper into her mouth.