Pinky Promise

by HJ Bellus

  I speak with authority for possibly the first time in my life. “That means everything to me, State. I’ve never forgotten us, made any new real friends, or…”

  I think about it for a second before blurting it out.

  “Loved anyone like I love you.”

  Both of his large palms clutch to my cheeks and pull me to his face. I don’t close my eyes and just stare into the depths of his brown ones. Our lips brush each other before we kiss. It takes me back to King’s when I’d hide my face in his chest, fighting to forget the hell surrounding us.

  “I’m going to kiss you, Baylor.”

  I nod my head, letting my lips brush up and down on his. He doesn’t lie when he admits to kissing me. I’m flipped down on the couch with my back pushing into the cushions. State’s frame envelopes me, but he keeps most of his weight on his shoulders. My palms dig into his back, urging him to put more of his weight on me.

  “You’re my home, State.” I pull harder on his back and he finally gives in a bit.

  His lips are on mine, kissing me hard and rough. We spend a long time exploring each other’s mouths before pulling back, and we’re both left breathless.

  “I’m never leaving you again.”

  Instead of pushing him away this time, my arms snake around the back of his neck, and tug him down closer to me until our lips are brushing each other again.

  “You have a new life.”

  “You do too,” he argues.

  “You saw it tonight. I have a feeling you’re a star.”

  He smirks against my lips and I know what’s coming. “I’ve always loved you and football. I took all the pain and hurt in my life, and put it into the game. So yeah, I’m pretty damn good.”

  “I don’t want to bring you down.”

  “Then don’t and let me in, Baylor.”

  “Time. Give me time.”

  “Only if you promise not to run away from me.”

  I smile and feel his lips smile right back on mine. “I hate that word.”

  “Weird.”

  “Every time I heard it, it broke my heart because you were gone.”

  “I want to hate, be bitter, go back to King’s and knock some heads, but I know it wouldn’t fix a thing. It all happened for a reason.”

  He never gives me a chance to ask why or even take a blind guess.

  “Because of us, Baylor. We’re survivors and reunited.”

  Twelve

  “How are you not fat?” I poke at his abs, thankful he hasn’t put his shirt back on.

  “Skills, babe, mad ass skills.”

  He brought me a tub of bubble gum ice cream from a creamery near his dorm. I’ve only managed a few spoonfuls, while he’s licked the inside of the tub clean.

  “Do you have to run like two hundred miles to burn that off?”

  We’re sitting cross-legged on my bed facing each other. We decided the couch wasn’t the most appropriate place for us tonight when Miss Tami walked in on us a few hours into our make-out session. His lips are more talented than I remember his catching skills to be, and that’s saying a lot.

  “I have a question for you, Baylor.” The light tone of our conversation has disappeared.

  “Eh?”

  “I have a team barbecue tomorrow at my coach’s house and I want you to go.”

  “Oh, hell no.” I don’t even think about my response.

  “Why?” He places the container on the floor.

  “There’s at least one thousand reasons.”

  “Hit me with the first one.”

  “I don’t belong there.”

  “Bullshit. The next reason.” He covers my kneecaps, stilling the slight shivers taking over.

  “I might be doing okay right now, in my home, and it’s because of you, but I put the capital A in awkward. It’s something I’ve never overcome.”

  “Bullshit, I watched you dance in the middle of a bar.”

  “Miss Tami knows the owner and…”

  “Next.”

  “Homework. I have homework and Rowe, and homework.”

  “So, you’re saying it’s a yes.”

  “State.”

  “My parents will be there and all my teammates. I want and need you there.”

  I bite on my fingernails that are already way too short and my teeth border chewing live flesh. “I want to, but…”

  “Perfect, I’ll pick you up at six.”

  “State.”

  “Nope, you just promised.”

  “I did not!”

  “Did not, what?”

  “Promise.”

  “You just did now.” State climbs over me, pulling me into his hard chest until we are face to face.

  I roll my eyes and feel the ache in my lips that want him so damn bad. “I want to kiss you, but know we won’t stop.”

  He growls in agreement.

  “Hey, State, what have all your girlfriends thought of my name on your back.”

  “Don’t know.”

  “How do you now know?”

  “I’ve never had one.”

  Those four words hit my gut hard leaving me speechless.

  “Never wanted one, was waiting until I found you.”

  “Holy shit,” I whisper.

  “Can I be honest, Baylor?”

  I nod wrapping my arm around his side. It’s addicting.

  “When I saw Rowe, I thought she was your daughter and even though she kept calling you sissy, I couldn’t get past it. It wasn’t until Miss Tami told me all about her when you were bathing her.”

  “She’s kind of like my daughter.”

  “I can tell.”

  “I love her so damn much.”

  “Any of those fuckers who hurt her better never come on my radar.”

  I smile and kiss him, but quickly pulling away. “Always the protector.”

  “I’ll always protect my girls.”

  I let those words simmer in my mind. He’s in no position to take on a relationship with me, not to mention Rowe, but I’m not one to argue.

  “You have no idea how big of a deal it was for Rowe to warm up to you.”

  “Yeah?”

  “She’s been so traumatized, but has made so much progress.”

  “How couldn’t she with you and Miss Tami.”

  I offer him a weak smile. “It’s more Miss Tami. I tend to baby and protect her too much.”

  “No such thing.” He kisses me quickly again. “How long have you lived here?”

  I smoothly flatten a crease of worry from his forehead with my finger. “It took her nearly a year and half to officially adopt me.”

  “You had to stay there that long?”

  His face morphs into a mixture of anger and hurt.

  “No, bounced through three foster homes.” I shrug. “They all thought I was creepy because I didn’t talk and well, uh, I still had the nervous peeing my pants problem.”

  “Oh, baby.” He kisses me again.

  Each time his lips touch mine, I fall even harder for State. Deeper in our friendship, and the strange blossom of raw need seeded low in my stomach.

  “I won’t lie to you State, but I don’t want you to feel guilt.”

  I wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t.

  “The foster homes were hell. I hated them and the parents were terrible, not to mention the other kids in the homes.”

  “Did they hurt you?”

  I shake my head side-to-side making sure to brush his lips. “Nothing hurt anymore after the day I lost you.”

  His arms wrap around me in an unforgiving hug, until both of our breathing evens out.

  Thirteen

  “Shrek. Fiona.”

  A sweet little voice pulls me from the best sleep of my life, but I can’t move under the protective and powerful arms.

  “Where are the green babies?” Rowe climbs up on me peering down.

  “Morning, baby girl.” I wiggle an arm out to pull her down in the hug.

  “Where are the babies?
”

  I notice State’s eyes open and take in the scene.

  “Uh?” I force the sleep from my eyes.

  “When Shrek and Fiona finally fall in love they have cute, green babies.”

  “Oh, Rowe, you’re forever a romantic.” I squeeze her to my chest.

  “Morning, Shrek.” She giggles at some face State must give her.

  “Let’s get ready for the day, missy. Go brush your teeth and pick some cereal.”

  I’m surprised when she bounces off the bed and rushes to my bathroom. Even though she has one off of her room, she keeps everything in mine and loves sneaking into the little bit of make-up I have.

  After we’ve washed the sleep from our eyes, and brushed our teeth and hair, we make it out to the living room. My heart slumps in my chest when I see my bed and no State. Panic threatens to strike, but I try to remember to breathe.

  We round the corner to see State and Miss Tami sipping on coffee. It makes me smile to see them wrapped in an easy conversation. Never in my life did I think I’d feel these emotions again. It’s a vortex of love, pain, and hurt seeing them together. It’s my home that I chalked up to being shattered and gone forever.

  “Captain Crunch or Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Rowe?” I ask her while still staring at State.

  Rowe doesn’t respond and bounds over to State, jumping up in his lap. I smile so large it pains my face, because he’s wearing his football shirt. I’m sure he was uneasy walking around a house with three females, shirtless like a damn Greek God.

  Rowe squeezes State’s cheeks with her petite hands and tries to shake his head. “I want waffles.”

  She growls out the last word just like Donkey does on Shrek. We all erupt in laughter and make our way to the kitchen. State soon learns Rowe’s different quirks in the kitchen, which basically consist of her being in charge in her own little way. She’s to lick every spoon that’s lickable, sit on the counter bossing, and to get the first taste. She’s quite the little madam.

  State indulges all of her demands with ease and goes about the kitchen with Miss Tami preparing the waffles. With my legs dangling from the dining room table, I watch the trio and get chills at how natural it is. And trust me, I don’t miss the little grins Miss Tami keeps sending my way and even a damn wink. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her so damn happy. It’s as if she was floating on air.

  We are complete with State in our life. I finish the last gulp of warm coffee and hop from the table. I pull syrup, butter, and fresh milk from the fridge and then set the table. I don’t feel completely ditched when Rowe jumps up in my lap to eat. I’d almost wondered if she was going to go for State’s.

  The crew made an abundant stack of waffles and they disappear quickly. State smothers his in butter, peanut butter, and pounds of maple syrup. Rowe’s not an adventurous eater, and shocks me when she dips her fork in the peanut butter and does her best job spreading it all over her waffle. I notice she doesn’t eat that waffle and grabs another one, spreading it with her favorite freezer strawberry jam.

  “Good girl,” I whisper into her ear.

  Everyone is full, except State, who polishes off the final waffles. I help Miss Tami clear the table and fill the dishwasher while Rowe lines up all her favorite princesses explaining their importance to State. He’s a good sport, listening, and nodding with each of her voice inflections.

  “So,” Miss Tami whispers in my ear.

  I give her a questioning look.

  “Going good?” She nods over to State.

  With my back to the princess parade, I whisper back to her. “He wants to take me to a team party.”

  “A what?”

  “He plays for the University of Florida Gators and wants me to go the big team party at his coach’s house before the season kicks off.”

  She claps her hands together loudly, and I cover my lips with my pointer finger.

  “I’m not sure I want to go.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t belong there.”

  “Enough. You’ll go.”

  I revert to a bratty twelve-year old. “You’re not my boss.”

  She calls my poker hand. “I’ll tell Rowe and let her dress you.”

  “I can’t do this.” I grit out between my teeth.

  “Looks like you were doing just fine last night and this morning.”

  “It’s different. There’s not a crowd of peers here. I feel left out, like I don’t deserve to be there.”

  “We’ll talk later, sweetie, but I have more confidence in this than anything else.” She wraps me up in a tight hug.

  “Baylor.” A hand covers my shoulder and I turn to see State holding Rowe. “I need to get going. I’ll pick you up at six?”

  “Uh, I can meet you at Alley’s? Isn’t that closer for you?”

  “I’ll be here at six.”

  “State,” I begin.

  “She’ll be ready.” Miss Tami claps her hands proudly.

  Rowe has a devious look on her face, and I know I’ll be getting ready in the car for our date.

  Fourteen

  5:56 the doorbell rings, sending Miss Tami and Rowe into full-action. They both race to the door and swing it wide open. State’s towering stature fills the entire doorframe. My heart threatens to pound out of my chest, cracking my sternum on the way.

  State’s dressed in a blue plaid button-up shirt, paired with khaki shorts and sexy flip-flops. I study him from head to toe, taking him all in from the vein in his neck flexing and his clenched jaw. His eyes bore holes into me turning me into a puddle of goo. My best friend is here, but now I have a feeling we’re stepping into so much more.

  “Shrek,” Rowe squeals throwing her arms up.

  State bends down on one knee, and hands Rowe the miniature version of the larger bouquet of flowers in his hands. “For my princess.”

  He gives her a wink before she turns and sprints for me. Tears dabble the corner of her eyes. “He bought me flowers.”

  I smile down at her and whisper in her ear. “Tell him thank you.”

  Rowe bounds right back to him, wiping the tears that managed to leak from her eyes. “Thank you, Shrek. I love them.”

  Rowe studies the yellow rose petals not making eye contact and then begins petting them with her little fingers.

  “You’re so welcome.” He lifts her chin with his finger. “I remembered Belle was your favorite and that’s why they’re yellow.”

  “You are a real prince.”

  “Rowe, can I tell you a secret?”

  She nods and leans in. State whispers in her ear causing her head to bob up and down. We can’t hear what he’s saying, but he totally has her entranced.

  When she finally pulls back, she tries to whisper, which never happens. “You promise?”

  He places a finger over his lips and nods back to her.

  Rowe’s hand slams on her heart. “I’ve got to get water for these things.”

  Her voice is overdramatized, but it doesn’t affect her joyous skip into the kitchen.

  “I better go help her,” Miss Tami says, hugging State before she rushes into the kitchen.

  Glass clatters and doors slam as I can only imagine Rowe rifling around in her own personal tornado. Miss Tami talks lightly and the sound vanishes.

  “You look gorgeous.” State’s deep voice pulls me from my trance.

  His comment makes me immediately feel self-conscious. I knew letting Miss Tami talk me into a short white jean skirt that I’ve never worn was a bad decision. She also convinced me to wear a tight blue tank top since it’s part of his school colors.

  And God bless her heart, Rowe, helped with my make-up and hair. I laugh and point to my face and then hair.

  “Rowe?” He asks.

  “What gave it away?”

  “The crown on your head, but I like it. You’re royal and my queen.” He walks up to me and hands me a bouquet of yellow roses.

  My heart swells when I spot the yellow UNO card nestled in it. We may hav
e been separated for over a decade, but it’s like our souls never left each other. I pluck the card from the bouquet and flash it at him with a smile.

  “You still a sore loser?”

  He pulls me in, clutching my hip. “I don’t lose, Baylor.”

  The meaning of his words are not lost on me. He’s not going to give up on me, no matter how far I’m pushed from my comfort zone. The only question is will I be brave enough, or even strong enough, to handle it? I still lose my voice when I’m out of the safety of my daily routines. I always revert back to the little girl who never talked, avoiding all social interactions. It’s taken years of being pushed by Miss Tami to find what I have now.

  “I’m so nervous.” I place my clammy palm in his.

  “I can feel your heart pounding on my chest.”

  “Are you sure about all this?” I ask.

  A hint of anger fires up in his whiskey colored eyes. “I have your name tattooed on my back, never have had a girlfriend, and can’t stand the damn game UNO because it’s too painful. I loved you as a best friend in King’s and now, reconnecting? Baylor, I’m beyond certain I love you more than football.”

  He clutches my face. “It was all meant to be. We had to endure the ugly to get here, but I’m not letting go. I don’t give a shit if you’re nervous.”

  I look down at my toes peeking through my flat sandals. “Don’t cuss at me.”

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to get through to you.”

  “Be patient.” I clutch his pinky and bring it to my lips. “Please, be patient.”

  “Do you trust me, Baylor?”

  I nod and pause for a moment. “I just don’t trust myself or life.”

  “It will be our adventure then.”

  It takes a good twenty minutes of Rowe hugging us good-bye, and Miss Tami sending me messages to take a leap, before we escape. State wasn’t lying about the wealth of his parents. We’re seated in his blacked out Range Rover. The leather seats swallow me in; the chrome trim insides are beyond amazing. It’s a perfect fit for State and accommodates his large frame. The music booms from the speaker system. I’m no expert in the radio and speaker division, but this definitely isn’t stock.