by HJ Bellus
I start a hot shower for State. I know he’s showered in the locker room, but I didn’t miss his sore muscles when he packed Rowe to her bed snuggling her deep in her blankets. He made sure she was asleep before leaving her.
“Hey, baby.” I snag his hips when he walks into my bathroom.
He kisses me before stripping bare to get in shower. “You joining me.”
“No, sweetie, enjoy the hot water.”
“Okay, stay awake?”
“Of course.”
Once he’s in the shower and the steam covers the glass, I grab the shirt he was wearing and pull it on. I let him take his time to wash away the game and all the sore muscles. The way he pushes himself on the field, I know there’s no way it’s possible.
I’m perched on the end of the bed, pretending to read a magazine when he steps out and dries himself off. State flicks the bathroom light off, strides towards me then eases his way onto the bed. He’s body covers mine. I kiss his scented skin and roll over on top of him.
“You mean everything to me.” I roll my hips on his boxers.
I feel him grow hard underneath me.
“You, too.” He picks up my hand and kisses my ring.
My hands run down his chest to his abdomen. I sneak my hand underneath his boxers. I work him from base to tip and then reach over and flick on the lamp on my nightstand. State struggles when I swivel on his hips. With my back to him, I slowly drag up his shirt over my back and rub my core over his. He had no idea I was panty less.
My palms press down on his thighs, then I sit back down with him filling me entirely. I don’t have his mouth to stifle my moan this time. It’s sheer determination. My teeth sink down into my bottom lip until it’s painful. It takes all my strength to sit up tall.
I hear the audible gasp from him and know he’s absorbed the message loud and clear. My fingernails dig into his flesh. I rise up and fall down into my forever. The pace picks up. It takes long conflicting moments until I feel his fingertips dig into my flesh. He guides the pace from here on out and we fall together.
Thirty-Three
His face is there and then gone. I stand by a little girl screaming his name over and over. Her knees collide hard into the cold tile below. She’s scared and hopeless. Her brown eyes are familiar. When I study them a bit longer, I recognize her. It’s me.
State’s walking away with his new parents. The woman holding his hand peers over to me with no emotion in her eyes. I scream louder and fight to get to him, but then he’s gone. Vanished into thin air.
I open my mouth to let the little girl know everything will be okay and to be brave, but no sound comes out. I try again, but no sound. I tug on her shoulder to get her attention, but my hand doesn’t connect with anything. A bright flash lights up the entire hallway.
Current day; State is standing there with Rowe on his hip. They’re happy and waving to me. I run to them but an invisible glass wall stops me. A woman steps up beside them, running her hand down his arm and then kissing his lips.
I lose it all. I fight to find my voice, kick, and claw at the translucent barrier, but they don’t hear. I watch her hands then glide over her swollen belly. State reaches down and place his there, too. She’s wearing my ring.
With the last bit of energy I can muster, I scream again as loud as I can until my vocal chords ache.
My shoulders begin to shake and then I finally hear my name roll from the deep voice I’m trying to scream out.
“Baylor, baby, wake up.”
My shoulders continue to shake and his voice soothes me. The images slowly disappear when I roll over and open my eyes.
“Hey.” He brushes the hair back from my face. “I’m here.”
I throw my arms around State’s neck and roll up on him. “Oh my God.”
“It’s okay, Queen.” He runs his massive palms up and down my back.
“It was horrible. The day you left me and your mom sneering at me, and then you were holding Rowe with another woman. She was wearing my ring and pregnant.”
I let it all out in long rush.
“It was just a nightmare.” He grabs my hand and kisses my ring. “I’m here. You’re okay. I’m never leaving you.”
“State. It was awful.” Tears stream down my face. “It felt so real.”
“It wasn’t. Just a damn nightmare.”
“Something bad is going to happen.”
“Don’t go backwards, baby. Everything is okay.”
His finger traces the healing tattoo on my back.
“Make love to me. Take it away.”
He rolls me over, settles between my legs, and drops his head to mine. His lips lightly brush mine. We don’t kiss. We absorb in all the feelings circling us. State plants his elbows on each side of my head and pushes into me. He works himself into me slow and steady.
“I can never lose you, State. I’ll die.”
“You’ll never lose me.” He continues his rhythm. “This is forever.”
My fingernails dig into the top of his shoulders. I match his pace with my own hips. I arch my head back into the soft pillow, and State lowers his head and kisses my neck.
“Together,” he growls.
The harsh tone in his voice sends me over the edge. I feel him pulse inside of me. He keeps his normal growls silenced.
“Together forever.”
With State on top of me, I let my eyes flutter shut until sleep takes over once again. No more nightmares come, only bright light surrounds me.
We sleep late into the morning and I know it’s from our lack of sleep the two nights before. I pry my eyes open when I feel the bed dip. State’s sitting up and smiles back at me. He stands to his feet moving slow. I can see he’s hurt and stiff from the game yesterday
He picks up my panties from the floor and slides them up my legs. I raise my hips to help him.
“You doing okay?” He asks.
I nod to him. “You don’t look so hot.”
“I won’t lie to you. I’m hurting bad.”
I sit up in the bed and lace my arms around his neck. “I’ll grab my oils and set up my massage table before Rowe wakes up.”
“Mmmmmmm. You always take such good care of me.”
“It will be a struggle to stay in professional mode with you.” I wink.
“I better be the only one you tell that to.”
“You’ll never know.” I wink and swing my legs off the side of the bed.
I use the restroom and brush my teeth quickly. State already has the table set up and he’s still in his glorious black boxers.
I lean on the door jam admiring him for a few seconds. “I’m sorry about last night.”
“I’m glad I was here.” He walks over and snags me by the waist pulling me to his chest.
“It was so real.”
“No, this is real.” He seals his lips to mine.
I enjoy the long kiss before pulling back and pushing him away. “Lay down or this is going south.”
“My south likes you.” He places my hand over his indeed very hard south region.
“Lay down. You need worked on, baby.”
State reluctantly follows my instructions. I play some Sam Smith and begin rubbing down his shoulders. He squirms a bit every time I hit a sensitive spot, so I take my time and rub out his muscles.
“Why haven’t you done this before?” He finally asks.
“Seems we’re typically busy with other things.”
We both share a light laugh while I continue to work him over. Rowe bounds into the room at the end of the massage.
“State,” she squeals.
She plops down on the ground and peers up to him through the face hole.
“Morning, princess.”
“Your face looks funny.”
“Now is that anyway to treat your Shrek.”
“Well, it does.”
“I’m going to get you.”
“You’re not fast enough.”
“You’re probably righ
“Geez, they don’t make football players like they used to.”
“That’s it.” State raises himself from the massage table in one swift movement, swoops Rowe up from the ground, and tosses her on the bed. They ensue in an all-out wrestling match, giggling and squealing the whole time.
Thirty-Four
It’s the last home game of the season. They’re undefeated and only have one game left before going to the championship game. The championship game will be held in Arizona and State already has my airline ticket booked. Rowe is in her game day gear and already buzzing with excitement.
It will be her fourth game at the stadium. She’s already won the heart of the entire team. They make it a point to bring her down during warm-ups for their own little coaching session from her. It makes my heart smile every time I see her tiny frame surrounded by goliaths of men on their knees circling her.
I answer my phone while Miss Tami maneuvers the crazy traffic.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Queen.”
“What’s up?” I ask. He never calls this close to the game.
“Just calling in to check on my girls.”
“We’re heading to the game right now.”
“Why did you answer if you’re driving?”
“I’m not, father.” I emphasize the last word. “Miss Tami is so I can turn in one of my online assignments.”
“Good.”
“Just a second, State.” I turn to the back seat and glare at Rowe.
“Get back in your seat now and buckle.”
“But I want to talk to Shrek.” She pouts throwing herself back in her booster seat.
“Buckle up and then you can.”
I place the phone back to my ear and ask State a question. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Ahhhhh, such a little sap you are.”
“I’ve missed you, Queen.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
“So, I hear my princess wants to talk to me.”
“Yes.” I turn to check on her again. She’s struggling to fasten her seatbelt. “She’s getting buckled again then I’ll let her talk.”
Miss Tami grumbles about traffic in the background.
“See you soon.”
I catch it out of the corner of my eye before it happens. A large semi-truck blows through an intersection. Everything happens in slow motion. I scream.
“Baylor.” State’s voice floats through the phone.
The speeding semi-truck crashes into the driver’s side of my car. The sound of metal colliding and crushing fills the air. Shards of glass pepper every single inch of my skin. My head bounces off the passenger door and then airbags whip me around. My head spins. Blood drips down my face. When I look over to Miss Tami she’s slumped over the steering wheel with a deflated airbag between us.
“Miss Tami,” I scream.
I fight to get out of the car, but I’m trapped. Rowe screams from the back. People from the outside of the car tap on the window and I hear their voices about calling for help. I try to slam open my door again, but then quickly realize it’s blocked by a large tree. Rowe’s screams continue making my head swim. When I turn back to her, she’s covered in blood and not in her seat.
Thirty-Five
State
“Baylor,” I scream into the phone.
The locker room falls silent as I roar into the phone. The line finally goes dead and so does my heart.
“State?” Coach Pete steps in front of me. “Everything okay?”
I bury my face in my palms feeling sick. The bile rises up in the back of my throat.
“State, get up.” I hear off in the distance.
I look up to see my coach. The one man I’ve never disrespected and have always put my entire faith in. I’ve pushed my body to the limits for him and the team. The rest of the guys stand behind him. I finally rise to my feet and look them all in the face.
“It was Baylor. The call ended. I think they were in an accident.”
Coach nods. “Get undressed.”
He turns, pulls his phone out of his pocket, and begins talking to someone. The problem is I can’t move. I remain frozen, feeling the ground dissolve below me. Ryder steps up to me and pushes me back down on the bench, then he kneels before me and pulls off my cleats. Another teammate raises my jersey above my head and then unlaces my pads.
I let them dress me while replaying the scream over and over again in my head. She’s hurt. She could be dead. I bolt from the bench barefoot and make it to a urinal just in time to lose the contents of my stomach.
“Shayne and my wife are out in the car ready to take you.” Coach Pete pats my back.
“Where?”
“To the hospital.”
Somehow, and I have no clue how, I make it to the car and climb in the backseat. Shayne’s at the wheel and Momma Pete tries to hide her rolling tears behind her large sunglasses.
“They’re at the Piedmont Hospital. It was a wreck, State.”
I look up to Shayne with a blank stare. I can tell there’s more she’s not telling me, but I can’t find the courage to ask her.
“It was fatal.”
Those three words roll of her tongue and crush my world. My chest grips with fear. I open my mouth to ask more questions, but nothing comes out.
“Miss Tami didn’t make it,” she continues. “Rowe and Baylor were taken by ambulance to the hospital.”
I stare at her, willing Shayne to tell me that they’re okay and everything will be just fine. This is all just a nightmare and not real.
“That’s all we know.” She focuses her eyes on the road and another word isn’t spoken.
We drive by the scene of the wreck. The state police are still there along with a clean-up crew. There’s a semi-truck with a large trailer and then the remnants of Baylor’s car. The driver’s side of her car is gone. Crushed beyond belief.
Shayne has to open the door for me once we arrive at the hospital. She takes my hand, and Momma Pete takes the other. We walk down a long, sterile hallway to a desk. Shayne does all the talking for me.
“Baylor Jones.”
“Are you immediate family?” The receptionist asks.
Shayne chews on her bottom lip.
“I am.” Words finally escape me.
“ER room number three. I’ll let them know you’re heading back. You two can take a seat.”
I trudge with heavy footsteps down the hall where she pointed. I count the rooms as I pass them until I hear Baylor screaming.
“Sir, you need to wait a second.” A nurse presses a palm in my chest.
“Let me go. I need to get to my family. Rowe and Miss Tami need me. Let me go.” Baylor’s voice is frightened.
I have to get to her.
“Let me in,” I growl with a new determination to be there for my girl.
“Sir, they’re trying to get her stitched up.”
I push past her with her petite form no barrier for me. When I step into the room, I see Baylor being held down by nurses while a man tries to get a needle into the crook of her arm.
“Baby.” I rush to her side and grab her face.
She’s hurt, bruised, and cut.
“I’m here.”
“State.” My name falls off her lips before panicked sobs kick in.
“Hey, let them help you. I’m here.”
“Where is Rowe?”
“I don’t know, baby. I’ll go find out as soon as you get help.”
She rises from the bed with anger streaming from her core. “NO!”
“Baylor, come on, baby.” I peer down and notice the man has the IV in her arm while pumping meds into her.
“Where are they?” She screams.
God, how in the hell do I tell her? What in the fuck do I do?
I make eye contact with a nurse and she gently shakes her head side to side as if reading my mind.
“I’ll go check as soon as you let them help you.”
“FUCK you….” Her words trail off and her eyes become droopy.
Immediately, my lips are on her forehead. “I love you, Baylor. God, I love you. Please come back to me.”
Her eyelids flutter shut and I’m not sure we’ll ever be the same.
“Thank you,” the man says to me.
“Is she going to be okay?”
He nods. “She has some severe lacerations and a possible concussion. We’ll perform other testing just to be sure.”
“Thank you.” My whole body begins to tremble. “Do you know where the little girl that came in with her is?”
My voice cracks with fear.
“She’s in surgery right now,” he responds.
“Why?”
“I can’t divulge that information with you since she’s a minor.”
“She’s her custodian and the other one was killed. Jesus.” I run my hands over my head.
One of the nurses grabs me by the arm and pulls me outside the room. “I’ll give you her patient number and you can watch the television in the waiting room for updates.”
I nod.
“I’ll also come let you know Baylor’s room number once we get her all fixed up.”
I nod again.
My parents are in the waiting room when I sit down. Neither of them says a word. My mother takes my hand in hers and gently kisses my cheek. The minutes that tick by are painfully slow, since no one wants to update us because we aren’t immediate family. It makes the engagement ring in my pocket burn with hot flames. Why didn’t I marry her?
“Do you need anything, son?”
I shake my head and then feel the rage boil up.
“Yeah, I fucking need Baylor right now. I need to know Rowe is okay and I fucking need Miss Tami to be alive again. Think you can handle that, mother?”
She cringes back with my words and I don’t feel a bit bad.
“I’m sorry, son. I’m so damn sorry.” She kisses my cheek. “Let me go see if I can help.”
She stands from the chair and digs around in her purse. She pulls out her credentials and heads off.
“She just wants to help, State. Let her.” My father pats my back.
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