Like hell.
“You can't just say something like that without following it up with an explanation!” I had so many questions. What had happened? When had it happened? And what did it all mean for me, if anything at all?
I could just not imagine Matthew getting a divorce. When he was younger, he'd always been very firm about knowing his duties as an alpha and his duties to his family and fulfilling them.
The one thing that had bothered me about him. How stubborn he was in his views of what an alpha needed to be. But unlike me, at least he'd known his place from the get go. It had taken me a painful lesson to learn mine.
“There isn't that much to say,” Matthew claimed. His arms sank to his sides. “Danielle is a lovely woman and she was the perfect wife. She just wasn't perfect for me.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “She wasn't good enough for you?”
“That's not what I meant to say.” He shook his head. “It's not that she wasn't good enough for me, we simply weren't good for each other, I think.”
“The way we weren't?” I asked before I could stop myself.
He visibly cringed. “You know it's not the same.” He took a step toward me, and I had to keep myself from taking a step back, because his proximity did things to me, even after all these years. He locked eyes with me and it was like all the days and weeks and months I'd lived without him vanished in a puff of smoke, making me feel like a kid again. Like a kid with a crush.
God dammit.
I drew in a breath.
“We had problems,” Matthew said. “But compatibility was never one of them.” His lips quirked up. “Neither was chemistry.”
He came another fraction of an inch closer.
I stood still, heart pounding.
He pressed his lips to mine, and, without thinking, I leaned in. I couldn’t help myself. This was Matt. And for one glorious moment, everything else ceased to matter.
Sadly, that moment didn't last longer than a second or two. Then reality came crashing back in.
What was I doing?
I had no idea, so I withdrew from Matt and directed the question at him instead. “What are you doing?”
He gave me a small smile. “You never said what you'd do if I kissed you, so I figured there was only one way to find out.”
“You're out of your mind!”
“And you liked it.”
I bent down, grabbed some snow and flung it at him. He simply laughed while Fiona barked at the both of us.
“Okay, okay,” Matt said eventually. “I won't kiss you again unless you ask me to.”
I shot him a skeptical look. “Does that mean you'll be staying in town for a while?”
“That depends.” Matt's expression grew serious again.
“On what?”
He licked his lips. “Tell me honestly, did you really get knocked up in college? Because I find that story hard to believe.”
I swallowed. What was I going to say? I should have known he wasn't going to believe the rumors. I'd come here tonight knowing he might want to talk about the fact that I had a seven year old son, but even so, I wasn't sure what to do.
Tell him the truth?
Make up a lie?
I closed my eyes. No. He'd met Jake. He wanted to know, and even though I was scared of what was going to happen from here on out, I knew I couldn’t keep the truth from him any longer.
“I wasn't knocked up in college,” I said eventually, looking at Matt again. “Those rumors are just that. Rumors. I never slept with anyone in college.” How could I have? I'd been heartbroken.
“They say you don't know who your son's father is.”
An unamused sound escaped my lips. “They say that because they don't know.”
“But you do.”
I took a deep breath and caught Matt's eye. “I didn't sleep with anyone for a long time after... “I gestured between us, words failing me.
From the expression on Matt's face, I couldn't tell what was going on inside him. He drew his arms around himself, maybe to be a shield from the cold, and he was quiet for a long time, as if he had to debate this news with himself before he could direct words at me.
“I never meant for you to find out this way,” I said when the silence became too much.
That finally got him to talk. “What way did you want me to find out? Were you going to send me pictures from his college graduation?”
Ouch. I cringed, but I knew that his anger was totally justified. “I'm sorry.”
“Why didn't you tell me?” he demanded.
“You were married,” I reminded him. “I wasn't going to be the family-destroying omega. We had an agreement, remember? Each of us was going to live our own lives. You'd already moved on and I didn't want to drag you back. I didn't want to see you get disowned.”
He grew quiet again, but this time, his silence did not last as long. And when he spoke, his voice shook with suppressed emotion--mostly anger, I assumed. “You shouldn't have made that decision for me.”
“No,” I agreed, my own voice not completely steady either. “But I was young, and I was pregnant with the child of the man I loved, who had married someone else, and my life was falling to pieces around me and I wasn't making the smartest decisions. That's... not an excuse... but all I can say for myself.”
Matt's expression softened the slightest bit. Although the lines of his face were still tight, he didn't seem angry now. Just... sad. I wasn't sure which was worse. “That's something else you never told me,” he said.
I raised an eyebrow at him, because I didn't know what part he meant.
“You never told me that you loved me,” he clarified.
“Would it have mattered?” I couldn't help but ask, because there'd never been any doubt about the temporary nature of our relationship.
He hesitated.
I forced a smile. “See, you can't even say. You weren't kidding when you said we had problems.”
He shook his head. “I cared about you too. It just... took me far too long to realize.” He exhaled. “I can't believe you got pregnant.”
“Yeah... Neither could I. It's been eight years and I'm still wrapping my head around the fact.” And I couldn't at all think about what might or might not have been if I’d told Matt earlier. I'd lose my mind if I did.
“I need some time to process this.”
“Yeah... Sure...”
He walked away, and I didn't stop him. Even though I had so many questions burning on the tip of my tongue. Was he going to stick around? Did he want to help raise Jake?
Did he still have feelings for me?
Did I want him to?
I didn't know.
I really didn’t know.
10
Matthew
I was a father.
The thought stuck in my head and wouldn't leave. I had no idea how to handle this news. How did one react to becoming the father of a seven-year old over night? Was I supposed to be happy at the discovery? Angry that the secret had been kept from me for so long?
I didn't know. I just didn't.
I'd never been very in touch with my emotions, and this turn of events was entirely too much for me.
My breakfast tasted of nothing. I hardly realized that I was eating it as I tried to remember the boy's name. Jake, was it? It was a good name. Eli had chosen well, even without my input.
I sighed.
Eight years and not a single word. How could he?
“Are you listening?” my mother asked from across the table, one elegant eyebrow arched. I gave her a look. Had she been sitting there the whole time?
“I'm sorry,” I said. “You were saying?”
She released a long breath, as if I was greatly inconveniencing her. A feeling she had been impressing on me my whole life, really. But that was just the way she was. Everyone inconvenienced her. Except maybe for my sister, who was really just a miniature version of her. Well, not so miniature anymore, I suppose.
“I was sayi
ng,” she said with emphasis, “that your father requests your presence in his office when you've finished your breakfast. Although I really don't know why I have to deliver your father's messages now. As if I was a maid! Can you believe it?”
I shot the only maid within earshot an apologetic look. My mother often talked as if the staff couldn't hear her. “Thank you for telling me,” I said, wondering what the old man wanted. I'd only seen him once in passing since I'd come home. My father had always been a busy man, and he'd never made a secret of the fact that my presence or absence in this house concerned him little.
I headed up to his office on the second floor as soon as I was done eating and knocked on the heavy door.
“Enter,” came my father's gravelly voice from within. He sat in his large leather chair behind his large mahogany desk as I stepped into the room. I don't know if it was the size of the furniture that did it, but somehow, he appeared small to me. Smaller than he used to, anyway. His hair had receded and what was left of it had turned gray, and I had to admit that my old man really was becoming old.
“Mother said you had something to discuss with me,” I said as I took a seat in the less-than-comfortable chair in front of his desk.
“I hear you got a divorce.”
I swallowed. Sitting in this chair made me feel like I was a schoolboy again and receiving a scolding. “That is correct,” I made myself say, because I wasn't a schoolboy anymore. I was a successful businessman, damn it.
My father furrowed his brows. “That is regrettable. And highly foolish of you. I must say, you disappoint me, son.”
I grimaced. “Because I don't want to be with a woman I don't love?”
“Love, bah.” He made a face. “You think I love your mother? I married her because it was the smart thing to do. Her family used to own some of the lands our hotels stand on today. I needed her for that and her uterus.” He made a dismissive gesture. “What else are women good for?”
How to respond to that? I'd never thought that much about my parents' marriage. I hadn't necessarily assumed that they were in love with each other, but I would have liked to think that my father had a little more regard for my mother than that.
I really didn't know this man at all.
How was I his son?
“Your woman didn't even give you children,” my father spoke on while I remained silent.
“I've been too busy to raise kids, anyway.” Not that I wouldn't have made time if I'd known about Jake... but that was a different topic. And not anything I was going to discuss with my father.
He gave a dry laugh. “We are alphas. We sire children. We do not raise them.”
What to say to that? My father certainly lived by those words. He hadn't raised me. My mother hadn't raised me. Their staff and expensive private schools had.
All so they could have heirs.
“You say that like it would be a bad thing to spend time with your children.”
He shook his head. “My time needs to be put in the business so this family can prosper. No good comes out of an alpha thinking he has to waste his time doing a woman's job. Trust me, we don't have their instincts for handling children. It's all--“He stopped speaking to clutch his chest.
I stood from the chair. “Are you all right?”
He straightened again and waved me off. “It's nothing.”
Was it, though? We alphas often ended up getting heart problems as we got older. Was that was this was? It would certainly explain why my sister was so concerned.
“In any case,” my father continued. “You have to find yourself a new woman. Or let your mother find you one. And don't mess it up again.”
“Certainly,” I said, only because I didn't want to stress him, not when he'd been holding on to his chest a moment ago.
I excused myself from his office and left the house, intending to take a walk to clear my head.
Before I knew what I was doing, my feet had carried me into the town's center, and from there, it was only a short walk to Oceanport Elementary School.
I didn't linger by the school's fences, but I glanced across the schoolyard as I walked by, hoping to catch a glimpse of my son. I hadn't been able to get a good look. It had been dark, and I hadn't known that I was the boy's father back then.
There were no children on the schoolyard, though. They had to be in class, and I couldn't hang around until break time. People would start to wonder.
So I headed on, head full of questions. What was I going to do about Jake? If that day had taught me anything, it was that I couldn't use my own father as role model. Sadly, I couldn't think of anyone else in my life to imitate either.
I had to do something, though. I wasn't going to let Jake grow up like me--without knowing who his father was. No, I was going to be there for him. And I wasn't going to let my mother, my father, or even Eli stop me from that. Not any longer.
11
Elias
“Dude, you actually told Matthew the truth?” My brother shot me an incredulous look while pouring coffee for us both after I'd put Jake to bed the day after I'd come clean about his parentage.
“Last night,” I confirmed.
“And you waited until now to mention that fact?”
I shrugged. “I couldn't believe it myself. I mean... He asked me, and I... fessed up. Just like that.”
Griff raised both eyebrows at me.
“Told you I couldn't believe it either.”
Griff took a sip of his coffee and immediately grimaced, presumably because he'd burned his tongue. “How did he react?”
I laid my hands around my mug, as if to keep myself warm. “He got angry. At first, anyway. And then... I don't know. I think it was too much for him to process.”
“It is a lot,” Griff agreed. “I don't know what I'd do if someone told me I had a seven year old kid.”
I sighed. “I have no idea what he plans to do now.”
“What do you want him to do?”
Good question. “I'm not sure. Whatever's best for Jake. But I'm not sure what that is either. I don't really want to see him dragged into Matt's family.” I shuddered, because they could do that. There were some old laws by which the child of an omega was the possession of whoever had sired it. Especially if it was an alpha. And I was sure that, if anyone, Matt's family were exactly the kind of people who'd use that to their advantage. They had the money to get all the lawyers they needed too.
My best case scenario was that they wouldn't want to have anything to do with the illegitimate child of an omega, but that was sad too. I'd rather Jake not know his relatives than know that they rejected his existence.
“Maybe you can run away together,” Griff joked.
“Very funny.”
He stuck his tongue out at me.
“I don't know who's more mature,” I commented. “You or Jake.”
My brother grinned at me. “Probably Jake.”
“Yeah?” I cocked my head. “What makes you think so?” Not that I really needed a reason, but Griff looked like he had one. Which made me curious.
“He scolded me today.”
I had to laugh, because I could picture it so well. My kid had strong opinions. “What did he scold you for?”
Griff mimicked Jake's voice. “Daddy says not to leave the fridge door open so long.”
“That's my boy!” A smile took over my face and I almost forgot the serious topic we'd been discussing.
But Matt was right to be angry for missing out on this. For missing out on all the moments like this we'd had over the years. Missing out on everything. I stroked my hand back through my hair and sighed. I'd be mad if I was him.
But making this decision hadn't been easy for me either. I still remembered our very last night together so clearly. As if it had been yesterday. I'd never wanted to become too attached to Matt, but as our time together drew to a close, I knew that I'd messed up. All I could think about was that I wasn't going to see him again, not intimately, and that thought had h
urt.
It had hurt so much it had been difficult to breathe when I dwelt on it.
And that night, after our last time together, I had no idea what to do about all these feelings I had as I watched him get dressed, my eyes lingering on the gorgeous patches of skin that were slowly being obscured from my sight.
Was I never going to see him naked again?
Feel the warmth of his skin against mine?
I bit my lower lip. Hard. I'd become way too used to this... thing... we'd been doing. Way too attached. It was a fling, right? Nothing more. It shouldn't hurt to see it end when I'd always known that it would.
Matt turned around to me, dark eyes catching mine. “Are you okay?” he asked. Probably because I just sat there, unmoving.
I didn't know what to say. Was he okay? With all of this? “You're going to get married,” I said. Not new information, of course, but there was no other coherent thought in my head.
He dropped his gaze, for only a second. “Yeah,” he said then. “Weird, right?” He laughed, but the sound had something helpless to it. I'd never known Matt to feel helpless about anything, so I reached out to him, grabbed his arm and made him sit on the bed with me.
“Do you want to get married?” I asked.
He opened his mouth, then closed it again, looking at me as if he wasn't sure what to say. Another expression I didn't see too often on him. “I have to,” he said eventually, with new resolve. “It's the right thing to do.”
My heart sank, because Matt rarely backed down from a decision he'd made. His most alpha quality, probably. He was stubborn as hell.
The same way he'd been stubborn about pursuing me too. Leading me to this cabin in the woods again and again. He just wasn't stubborn about keeping me now that he had me, and I kind of wished he was.
I took a deep breath, because I wasn't going to cry. “I'm not going to see you again, am I?”
“Eli...”
“Is there any way we could...?”
Gently, he grabbed my chin and caught my eyes. There was sorrow in his gaze, but his expression was hard. “I'm sorry,” he said, as he leaned in to kiss me, one last time and I tried to memorize the way his lips felt. Hard and rough and warm and soft all at the same time. “I'm going to miss you, Eli.”
The Omega's Secret Baby (Oceanport Omegas Book 1) Page 5