The Origins of Heartbreak: A Lesbian Medical Romance (Lakeside Hospital Book 1)

by Cara Malone

  “Already?”

  “It’s not until January, but I wanted to get a head start,” Alex said. She struggled to find the right words to ask Megan the reason for her call. Why are you calling me? seemed too harsh, but the suspense was killing her so she settled on, “What’s up?”

  “Not much,” Megan said. “My roommate just went home for Thanksgiving, and I was thinking about you.”

  She sounded nervous, a rare trait for Megan.

  “You were?” Alex asked.

  “Yeah,” Megan said. “Umm, how have you been?”

  “Fine,” Alex said, her tone guarded. “School’s almost over already, and my mom’s finally starting to put in some job applications. We’re doing good.”

  “Oh, that’s good,” Megan said. “Good for her.”

  Then with a little hesitation, Alex asked, “What about you?”

  Megan didn’t answer right away. The line remained quiet so long that Alex had to check to make sure they were still connected, and then finally she said, “I’ve been such an idiot. I can’t stop thinking about you and how I probably destroyed any hope of being with such an amazing person by just being a complete tool. Alex, I’m so sorry and I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that I was repeating history. I guess I’m a bit dense.”

  “Yeah, you are,” Alex said, smiling sympathetically even though Megan couldn’t see it.

  “I was wondering,” Megan said, “if you would meet me sometime when you’re free so that I can give you a proper apology.”

  “I’m free now,” Alex blurted, much faster than she’d intended to. Was she really going to let Megan off the hook this quickly? Her heart was screaming for her to do just that, but she knew it couldn’t be so easy. She would meet Megan and see what she had to say, but it had better be good.

  “Okay,” Megan said, her spirits lifted. “We could meet at the coffee shop, or the diner, and hopefully get a private booth where people won’t be listening to our conversation. Or you could come over to my apartment.”

  She said this last part tentatively, and Alex wondered if it was Megan’s intention all along—her roommate wasn’t home and she was feeling lonely, so she figured she’d see if Alex was game. That was not going to happen, but on the other hand, Alex wasn’t in the mood for coffee or diner food. She just wanted to talk, so she agreed, telling herself that she’d be out the door at the first sign that Megan had ulterior motives.

  “I’ll come over,” she said. “Just give me a few minutes.”

  “Okay,” Megan said. “Thank you.”

  Alex hung up, put on her coat, and then peeked into the living room. Her mother was sitting on the couch with her computer in her lap, typing furiously.

  “What are you doing, ma?” she asked as she went over to the front door to pull on her boots.

  “I decided to sell some of my Home Shopping Network stash on eBay,” she said. “Most of it has never been out of the box, and I was thinking it might be nice to convert the garage into a little home gym. What do you think?”

  “I like it,” Alex said. She thought that her dad would have liked it, too. “Hey, I’m going out for a little while, okay?”

  “Okay, baby. Where are you headed?”

  “Megan just called me,” Alex said. “She wants to talk.”

  Her mom looked up from the computer and gave her a knowing look, then said, “Good luck.”

  The twenty-minute drive across town was one of the longest of Alex’s life. Her pulse was racing the whole time, and big white snowflakes were falling relentlessly across her windshield. She tried to guess what Megan would have to say when she got there, or what she would say in return, but after everything they’d gone through and done to each other in the past couple of months, Alex really had no clue.

  When she parked on the street in front of Megan’s apartment building, she was surprised to see Megan standing on the front stoop, her hands in her parka and her shoulders hunched up close to her ears like she had been there a while.

  Alex got out of her car and walked up the sidewalk, asking, “What are you doing out here?”

  “It was the least I could do after you drove all the way over here,” she said. “Plus you’ve only been here once, so I wasn’t sure you remembered which apartment was mine.”

  Alex came to a stop a few feet from Megan and her heart was pounding out a drum solo in her chest. What on earth was she doing here, and why did those giant, fluffy snowflakes have to fall on Megan’s fiery hair in such a magical way? The streetlight lit up the snow like fairy dust and she didn’t think it was possible for Megan’s emerald eyes to be any more beautiful. Alex missed that sight tremendously.

  “So,” Megan said, “do you want to come in?”

  “Sure,” Alex said, a shiver running through her, but she didn’t move. “Why did you call me tonight?”

  “I told you,” Megan said. “I realized how stupid I’ve been and I wanted to see if there’s any possibility that I can make it up to you, even though you have every right to hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you,” Alex said. “I’m frustrated that you were more interested in holding onto that lie you tell yourself about hurting people you love than actually giving love a try, but I don’t hate you.”

  “Well, that’s a start,” Megan said with a small smile. She held out her hand and said, “Come on.”

  “I’m not here for anything other than an apology,” Alex said, trying to convince herself of that fact.

  “Of course,” Megan said, furrowing her brow as if any other motive had never occurred to her. If she was lying, she was damn good at it. Alex didn’t take her hand, but she did follow her into the apartment building.

  Twenty-Nine

  Megan led Alex up the stairwell to her apartment. She took Alex’s coat and hung it on the hook by the wall, added her own, and then motioned Alex toward the couch in the living room while she went to the kitchen and asked, “Do you want some coffee?”

  She’d spent most of the time waiting for Alex to arrive pacing the living room, wondering if it was too late for apologies, but she had managed to brew a pot of coffee. It was currently filling the apartment with its caramel aroma, and Alex nodded.

  “Sure,” she said, sitting down and waiting for Megan to join her.

  Things were tense, and Megan wasn’t quite sure how to proceed. She’d thought a lot about what it would be like to see Alex again, and she knew all of the things she should say, but actually getting them out of her mouth was another thing all together. Now that Alex was here in her apartment, Megan’s words were gone along with her courage. She poured two cups of coffee and tried to muster the right words as she came over and handed one of them to Alex.

  “You take it black, right?”

  “Yep,” Alex said, glancing into Megan’s cup. “And you take yours with so much cream and sugar it can hardly be considered coffee.”

  Megan smiled and then hung her head in mock shame. That was more like the dynamic that she missed so much when she was with Alex, and she wanted very badly to get back there. She took a quick sip, and then began.

  “I’m sorry that I reacted the way I did,” she said. “I haven’t allowed someone to get close to me in a very long time, and the way you make me feel scares the hell out of me. I never pursued Chloe, and I wasn’t expecting that kiss, but when it happened I think subconsciously I decided it would be an easy way to push you away and protect my own heart. Then when you caught us, I reacted coldly and cruelly. I thought it would be easier for us both to just sever ties so that I couldn’t hurt you further.”

  “You did hurt me,” Alex said. “Seeing you kiss that girl was very painful, and having you look at me as if I was the one who shouldn’t be there was even worse. But you hurt me the most when you refused to acknowledge the fact that we had something special. We weren’t just fooling around—we barely did that. You helped me get past the most difficult time of my life, and I know that I could help you get over your own issues if yo
u’d just let me in.”

  “Do you still want that?” Megan asked hopefully. She was almost afraid to hear the answer, because now was when she’d find out whether she’d waited too long, or screwed up too badly.

  “That depends on you,” Alex said. “Are you ready to stop running?”

  “Yes,” Megan said. “The reality of not being with you is far worse than the risk of losing you at some point in the future, and I pray that I haven’t lost you already. I know I have a long way to go in making it up to you, but if you’ll let me, I’d like to get started. I want to be with you, and I promise that I’ll never push you away again.”

  “And I’m not going to let you push me away just because you’re afraid,” Alex said, putting her mug down and taking Megan’s hand. “You think you’re the only one who’s scared?”

  Megan laughed, relief washing over her. A single tear escaped Megan’s eye, but it only made it halfway down her cheek before Alex swiped it away for her.

  “Are you sure you want to be with someone as broken as me?” Megan asked, trepidation rising suddenly in her throat. She wanted to make sure Alex knew what she was in for.

  “You’re not broken,” Alex said. “Or if you are, it’s not worse than me. Have you ever heard of kintsugi?”

  “Heard of what now?” Megan asked.

  “Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery,” Alex explained. “I learned about it in my art classes. Potters will repair broken pieces with gold or silver dust that improves the aesthetic quality of the new version of the piece. The Japanese consider it to be more beautiful because it was broken. Megan, you’re stronger than you think.”

  “I’m not a pot,” she said. “I’ve been like this a long time and it’s going to take more than a little gold dust to fix me.”

  “I don’t care if I have to spent the rest of my life figuring out how your pieces fit together,” Alex said. “I want to be with you, and as long as I know you’re in this with me, I’m never going to stop fighting for you.”

  “I am,” Megan breathed, and it felt like a weight being lifted from her chest. “I’m in this, completely.”

  Then Alex put her hand on Megan’s cheek and drew their lips together. Satisfaction bloomed throughout Megan’s entire body—this was exactly what she’d been waiting for, and what she hadn’t dared hope for. It felt like coming home. Alex’s lips were warm against her skin, her breath tasting faintly of the coffee that they’d barely drank.

  Megan slid her arms around Alex’s waist and pulled her into a tight hug, enjoying the curves of her body against her. Alex closed her eyes and let out a low moan, and Megan tentatively slid her tongue into Alex’s mouth. Alex’s tongue met hers, and the sensation sent another shiver of desire through her. She moved slowly, laying Alex back against the plush cushions of the couch and keeping her close, enjoying the warmth of her body that had built inside of her heavy coat.

  She slid her hands very slowly up Alex’s sides, enjoying every curve and every small moan that she elicited. She skimmed her fingers beneath Alex’s sweater, nudging the soft fabric up slowly inch by inch. When she had revealed Alex’s light pink bra and the curve of her breasts beneath it, Megan brought her lips down to meet Alex’s skin. She kissed a trail down her chest, hooking one finger gently beneath the cup of Alex’s bra and pulling it down so that her mouth could find the soft flesh there, kissing and licking her in slow circles.

  Alex arched her back and pressed her body into Megan when she closed her mouth over her nipple, the feeling of her hips connecting with Megan’s sending desire through her. Megan’s body awakened and she had to resist the urge to squeeze, to bite, to press herself urgently against Alex. She’d missed her so much.

  They had all night, and she intended to make the moment last. It was the least she could do after the leap of faith Alex had taken to come here tonight, and the promise she had made. I’m never going to stop fighting for you. Megan murmured the sentiment into Alex’s skin, prompting her to raise her head and ask, “What?”

  “I said I will never stop fighting for you, either,” Megan said. “You’re perfect for me.”

  Alex smiled, her eyes lighting up, and then Megan dipped her head back down to meet Alex’s chest. She inched her way down to the other end of the couch, kissing Alex’s stomach as she went. Megan slid her hands down Alex’s hips, enjoying the rough denim of her jeans against her palms. She unbuttoned them, kissing the skin that peaked out over her waistband as she did it. Alex moved her hips forward, seeking contact with Megan, and Megan pulled her pants down over her hips.

  Megan inhaled the scent of her, groaning, and she never wanted to leave Alex’s side again. She wanted to wrap her arms around her waist and hold her tight. Instead, she used her lips and tongue to tease her, kissing and licking the skin of her stomach, then her thighs, then the ridges of her hips until Alex let out a frustrated sigh and raised her hips to meet Megan’s mouth.

  Finally, she slipped her fingers beneath the waistband of Alex’s panties and slid them slowly down her thighs. Megan kissed her pubic bone and then she breathed hotly against Alex’s skin, causing a minor quake to originate in her hips and echo outward to the rest of her body. Alex spread her thighs a little farther apart and wrapped her legs around Megan, and Megan lowered her lips to meet Alex’s trembling, aching flesh.

  She reached one hand up Alex’s bare stomach and found the soft flesh of her breast, kneading and squeezing her and enjoying the way that Alex’s hips began to take on a life of their own, moving beneath Megan’s touch.

  Megan took her time, paying attention to every part of Alex’s body and enjoying the increasing urgency of her responses. With every lick, suck and caress, Alex’s breathing became a little more labored, a little faster, until she lost control of herself. Her hips moved and reached and craved Megan all of their own accord until she had to put her arms around Alex’s thighs to hold her still.

  Alex let out a moan as her body shook and her belly trembled and Megan teased a long, intense orgasm out of her. Alex tangled her fingers into Megan’s hair as she kept moving her tongue, closing her lips around Alex until finally she drew her thighs together against Megan’s head, left out one last whimper, and went limp on the couch.

  Megan crawled up to meet her and she wrapped her arms around Alex, holding her tight and protecting her against any draft that might chill her.

  Thirty

  Alex took a moment to catch her breath, this orgasm even more intense than the ones Megan had given her the first time they were together. She threw her arms around Megan and they laid together in a tight embrace for a few minutes until her energy returned.

  She nuzzled into Megan’s body, her face finding the crook of her neck, and she kissed her as Megan asked, “What are you doing?”

  Alex slid her hands down Megan’s stomach and beneath the waistband of her leggings, finding wetness and desire there. She murmured into Megan’s neck, “What does it feel like?”

  “It feels great,” Megan said, her hand going down and covering Alex’s as she pressed her palm more firmly against her and her hips answered back.

  The move sent a second shiver of desire through Alex and she felt hungry, like she could spend the whole night making up for the year in which she’d felt nothing at all. She was ready for Megan’s touch again already

  She slid one finger through the wetness between Megan’s thighs and parted her legs to allow their hips to join. Megan rolled her hips in rhythmic movements against Alex’s palm and she sat up, climbing on top of Megan to kiss her, touch her, and take control.

  She slipped her tongue into Megan’s mouth, tasting herself on Megan’s lips as her hand glided back and forth between her legs. Megan moaned and put her hands on Alex’s hips, squeezing the ample flesh there and increasing her desire as Alex began to move her hips to match the rhythm of Megan’s own.

  They were moaning and moving together, their breathing intensified, and Alex yanked Megan’s leggings down over he
r hips, taking her panties with them in one motion. She slid off the couch, coming to her knees and pulling Megan into a sitting position as she desperately sought her out. Alex pushed Megan’s knees wide and yanked her hips to the edge of the couch cushion, and then she brought her head down to meet her trembling flesh.

  She slid one finger inside of her and Megan put her hand on Alex’s head, her fingers winding into her hair as she gave in to the sensations Alex was causing, allowing her body to tip over into a climax that left her shaking and bucking her hips against Alex’s hand.

  Then Megan reached for Alex, pulling her back onto the couch with a kiss. She grabbed a thick knitted blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around both of them, then snuggled into Alex with her arms wrapped around her waist to ward off the cold.

  Alex woke up early the next morning, her arms wrapped contently around Megan. The knit blanket they’d fallen asleep under was warm, and the apartment felt peaceful and comfortable.

  Megan began to stir beneath her, her breath warm against Alex’s skin, and when she roused from her sleep she looked up at her with those big emerald eyes and smiled. It was a beautiful sight.

  “Good morning,” she said.

  “Morning,” Alex answered, giving Megan a tight squeeze and then releasing her to throw her arms overhead in a big stretch. She felt a little stiff from spending the night on the couch, but it was well worth it. “What time do you think it is?”

  “Early,” Megan said. “It’s not quite daylight outside yet.”

  She kissed Alex, gathering her up in her arms as she did it, and then she bent over the edge of the couch to find her sweater. She pulled it on, along with her panties, and got up. Alex whimpered at her absence, suddenly feeling a little bit cold, so she pulled the blanket tighter around her. Megan took their coffee mugs to the sink and dumped out the icy remnants, and while she was loading the mugs into the dishwasher, Alex wrapped the blanket around her and got up, too.