Road to Reason (The Road Series Book 4)

by Ann, Natalie

  Abby, who hadn’t really spoken much in the last twenty-four hours, shyly looked at her mother. “Yes.” Then she turned to Kaitlin. “Thank you. I had a lot of fun today.”

  Kaitlin reached out a hand, laying it on Abby’s shoulder. “You’re welcome. I had a lot of fun today, too. Maybe I’ll see you again the next time I’m in Manhattan.”

  “I’d like that,” Abby said, then pulled her mother’s hand into hers. Together they made their way to Ryan’s car so he could bring them back to the train station.

  Celebrate

  Ryan walked in the door just as Kaitlin finished packing her clothes for the weekend. His suits from the week, along with the rest of his clothes, were already sitting on the bed ready to go. Looking at her dressed in bright red capris with a white shirt and flats on her feet, he decided to change himself.

  After pulling off his tie and laying it on the bed, he walked to the drawer where he kept casual clothes and pulled out a pair of jeans and shirt, quickly changed, and packed up the suit he had been wearing. “Hungry? Want to get some food first or go right to the lake?”

  “I’m starving. If you don’t mind food first,” she said. “We can come back and get this stuff when we’re done if you want.”

  “Sounds good to me.” He grabbed her close, gave her a hug, holding on tighter than he meant to, and loved that she returned the hug equally as hard.

  He leaned back, looked into her eyes and saw something there, something he had been hoping for. Saw a chance at happiness and love.

  It was on the tip of his tongue to blurt it out, but he didn’t. Not yet. Soon though. Instead he kissed her on the lips. “You lead the way. Where to?”

  “Let’s celebrate. I want a burger.” She laughed when he shook his head in disbelief. A burger wasn’t a celebration dinner at all, but he gave in.

  Twenty minutes later they were seated at a local pub. The dinner rush hadn’t started yet, thankfully. Their drinks arrived fast, and their orders were placed. “How does it feel?” she asked him. “To know it’s all over with?”

  “It’s never over with completely. There will be another case, most likely one just like that. Or worse. But I’m glad Layla came through in the end.”

  He reached over, grabbed her hand, and held it lightly in his, his thumb gently caressing her. “She is going to have a long road ahead of her. I hope she calls me if Jason’s family contacts her. But if not, I think she will be fine; she’s a tough lady.” He let go of her hand when their food arrived. Then watched her pick up her loaded burger and take a huge bite. “How was Abby today?”

  She chewed, swallowed. “She was quiet. Withdrawn, even. But she had a good time with Zoe. It’s hard not to at Mac’s house. Even the age difference between the two girls didn’t seem to matter.” She grabbed her napkin and wiped her mouth when he pointed to her lip. “I think she enjoyed catching the fish the best. I know my father was happy. I still shiver when I see fish. All slimy and gross.”

  “You like to eat it though,” he reminded her.

  “Doesn’t mean I want to catch it or touch it, or even see it when it’s alive.”

  “So I was thinking,” Ryan started, changing the subject. “How does San Juan sound? For a few days, at least. I know you wanted to go to Hawaii, but if we only have a few days, I don’t want to waste part of it in the airports. San Juan is a shorter flight.”

  “That sounds wonderful.” She beamed at him. “My schedule is flexible. You pick the dates and let me know.” Then she winked. “I can’t wait. I might even go buy a new bikini.”

  “In that case, I can’t wait either.” He laughed, watching her smile brighten, her eyes lighten and soften just a tad, and knew she was the one he had waited for. And he couldn’t wait to tell her, just not here, in a pub with other people around. Tonight at home, at the lake would be best.

  They ate the rest of their meal quickly, both wanting to leave the bar before the crowd rushed in, then go home to relax. He was itching to tell her how he felt, how much he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

  He was sliding his credit card into the billfold when his eyes caught a woman walking out of the restroom. The brunette turned, stopped and stared. Her chest rose as she looked back at him, then at Kaitlin. Then suddenly she put a smile on her face and approached them. He sat there holding his breath.

  “Ryan,” she said, all but purring. “It’s good to see you. How have you been?”

  He sat up straighter, crossed his arms in front of his chest, and schooled his features. “Monica.”

  Monica looked at Kaitlin, grinned—the type of grin the wicked witch sent sleeping beauty before she handed her a big juicy apple—then turned back to Ryan. “Still aren’t going to forgive me are you?”

  “Nothing to forgive. I’ve moved on, so have you.” He smiled back at her, trying not to give any indication of the turmoil going on within him. “You had bigger and better things planned. Seems like it all worked out in the end.” He looked over at Kaitlin and saw her face frown as she looked at Monica. But he couldn’t worry about that right now, he needed to push Monica along with the least amount of damage possible.

  With an annoyed squint, Monica replied, “Yeah well, I have moved on.”

  “Mom?” A blonde-haired blue-eyed teenager came up beside her and slipped his arm around her shoulders, smiling happily. “Are you ready? Dad’s been waiting for you. I’ve got football practice in an hour.”

  Monica turned to her son, and her eyes softened just a touch, but not long enough for Ryan to believe she’d changed. “Yes, Brian. Tell your dad I’ll be there in a minute.” She turned back to Ryan, must have noticed he lost some of his composure even though his smile was still in place, and smirked at him. “What?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest, mimicking him. No, she hadn’t changed one damn bit. “Still don’t believe me, do you?”

  He continued to grin back at her, refusing to let her see he was bothered. “No, I should have never believed you in the first place. Everything that came out of your mouth was a lie. But DNA doesn’t lie, does it?” He watched her face turn red. “Hope you’re happy with your life now. I know I am.” He turned to Kaitlin, picked up the bill. “Let’s go.” He walked away as Monica stomped in the other direction.

  The drive back to Kaitlin’s was quiet. He saw her glancing his way, but he wasn’t ready to talk. Not at all. He didn’t want to ever talk about it, but knew he had to. At least with her.

  Once they were in Kaitlin’s apartment, he pulled her to the couch and searched her face. Confusion mixed with uncertainty was written all over it. “Let’s talk. I know you have questions.”

  She stared back at him quietly and he knew she saw his hesitation. “I do, but I don’t really think you want to talk about it.”

  He ran his hand through his hair, frustration and agitation combating with regret rushing through him. “I don’t. But I will.”

  “You obviously thought you fathered a child. And by the look of her son, you still have your doubts,” she said.

  “He isn’t mine. DNA doesn’t lie. Monica lied, but the DNA didn’t,” he said bitterly. “Actually, to be fair she always said the baby wasn’t mine, but I didn’t believe her.”

  “I don’t understand. If she said it wasn’t yours, why get a DNA test?”

  “Because I did believe her child was mine, and regardless of what I felt about Monica, I wanted to know and do what was right.”

  Ryan thought back to what happened sixteen years ago as he attempted to explain…

  “Ryan, what are you doing here?” Monica asked, opening the door to her apartment with an alarmed look on her face.

  “You haven’t returned any of my calls,” he said, then looked at her in jeans and an oversized shirt. She always wore her clothes extremely tight and short; he was astonished to see her so covered up. “I just wanted to see if everything was OK. Can I come in?”

  She opened the door further, letting him walk past her. “As yo
u can see, I’m fine. There was no reason for you to come all this way to see me. Why aren’t you at Duke right now?”

  He frowned, expecting her to be happy to see him. It had been a little over a month since they had talked, and he thought they left on pretty good terms at the end of the summer months prior. He was positive she still wanted to try to continue with their relationship, even if it was long distance. “I flew home for the weekend. Like I said, I wanted to see if everything was OK.”

  “You flew back to see me?” she asked, sincerity in her eyes, making him realize he made the right decision to fly home and see her. “That’s sweet.”

  She walked up and hugged him. He returned the hug, but then couldn’t help but feel the bulge under her baggy shirt. Pulling back sharply, he asked, shocked, “You’re pregnant?”

  “Yes.” She leaned back nervously, tugging her shirt down further, and then stepped back away from him.

  He reached for her arm and pulled her forward, forcing her to look him in the eye. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked sharply.

  She scoffed, laughed at the stunned look on his face, then shrugged her shoulders. “Why would I?” she asked, defensively.

  He couldn’t believe she could ask that, not one bit. “Excuse me? You look like you’re several months pregnant from what I could tell by hugging you. We started having sex five months ago. Why didn’t you say anything to me three months ago before I left for college? Or anytime at all since then? I have a right to know,” he demanded.

  She laughed cruelly at him, reminding him how catty she could be. He had witnessed it enough over the summer but brushed it off as her own insecurities. Now he wasn’t so sure she was ever insecure. She looked more like the cold-hearted bitch his friends often called her. “Really, Ryan. What right do you have? It’s not yours.”

  He didn’t believe her. The timing was there. It all added up in his mind, unless… “So you were cheating on me last summer?”

  “No. I wasn’t cheating on you. Not exactly. We weren’t actually going out, Ryan. We never discussed being exclusive.” His look of disbelief only caused her to pause briefly and then say with determination. “And besides, I had a boyfriend, so if anything, I was cheating on him.”

  He glared at her…hard. Anger at being played a fool was so foreign to him. She stepped back further, looking nervous, as she should be. “I wasn’t really cheating on him. He knew about you. Well, not about you exactly, but that I was dating someone else. It was his idea,” she said in defense.

  “What?” He couldn’t believe any of this. He felt like he was living a nightmare. What kind of man allowed his girlfriend to date and sleep with someone else?

  “Listen,” she said with a nasty sneer, and he realized how truly ugly of a person she was. “First off, it was a summer fling. I thought you understood that. I’m sorry you thought it was more. Second, I’m six months pregnant. I conceived before you and I even started having sex.”

  “You slept with me while you were pregnant with another man’s baby?” he shouted incredulously. “And he let you? What kind of disgusting asshole is OK with that?” He was revolted and felt…dirty. This was only getting worse in his mind when he thought it couldn’t possibly. He wished he never came back to see her, but he still wasn’t convinced it wasn’t his child. And until he knew for sure, he wasn’t walking away for good.

  She crossed her arms, stared him down, angry and insulted—and she should have been in his mind. “Who are you to judge? Matt is the one who wanted me to date someone my own age. But I didn’t want any part of it. I just wanted to get married, but he wouldn’t until he felt I had experienced a bit more in my life. We agreed to an open relationship for one summer before he would marry me. I didn’t want to do it, but it was my only choice.”

  “For someone who didn’t want to do it, you weren’t very reluctant to climb into bed with me. Matter of fact, if I recall correctly, you were more eager than I was that first time. Every time I saw you, for that matter.” Her face reddened, but she held her ground.

  “I wanted to get married, but he didn’t think I was ready. I had two choices to make the marriage happen. I chose both things.”

  He shook his head. “So let me get this straight. To get him to marry you, you got pregnant and you did what he asked? You slept with another man,” he spat out, nauseated to even be having this conversation; it was all just too unbelievable for him.

  He was starting to doubt his own judgment and where he went wrong this summer, how he couldn’t have seen what was right in front of his face. “So this whole thing was a game to you. The whole summer. It was all about getting you what you wanted.”

  He stalked around the room. “Regardless, I still don’t believe the child isn’t mine. The timing is too close.”

  “We had protected sex, Ryan,” she reminded him with a huff. “I didn’t have protected sex with Matt. I never did. I was on the pill and I stopped taking it two months prior to meeting you.”

  He didn’t believe her. “Does Matt believe the child is his?”

  “Of course he does. We’re getting married right after he is born.”

  “He,” Ryan said. “So it’s a boy?”

  “Yes. I’m having a boy. And I’m telling you right now…it’s not your child,” she told him slowly pronouncing the last three words. “There is no reason for you to get involved. Go back to your privileged life. Back to your friends and your football games with all your college buddies. I don’t want a boy, I never did. I want a man. I did what I could do to get that man,” she said, mocking him. “Just move on with your life. I’m over you, was over you the moment you left for college.”

  He looked at her and saw how cold and emotionless she was at that moment. It was hard not to believe what she was saying, but also hard to believe anything that came out of her mouth now, or even how she felt toward him, that he meant nothing to her.

  He wouldn’t have said he was in love with her, not at all, but he’d liked her, a lot, and he’d thought it was reciprocated. Nevertheless, he still believed there was a chance the child was his.

  Stalking to the door, he threw it open. “You can have your man. Live your life with him. But be prepared for a DNA test when your son is born. If he’s my child, don’t think you will be keeping him from me. But you—you can go to hell!” He slammed the door behind him.

  No Better

  “Obviously the DNA test proved the child wasn’t yours,” Kaitlin said a bit hesitantly. She had never seen Ryan like this before. Never this ruffled. This un-composed.

  He didn’t look angry, or even hurt; instead he looked haunted. The urge to pull him closer to her and hold him was overwhelming, but she knew he would push her away, that it wouldn’t be welcomed.

  “Yeah. He wasn’t mine. That was a good thing, I guess. It would have gotten ugly if he had been. Even when I showed up after the baby was born—after Brian was born—and she told me his name. I thought it was a slap in the face, just too close to my name.”

  He leaned forward on the couch, put his face in his hands, rubbed them up and down, like he was trying to scrub away the memory. “She laughed at me when I asked her about the name. Not a mean cruel laugh, just a silly one. Like I thought too much of myself. She told me it was her father’s name and it had nothing to do with me. They had gotten married before the baby was born, too. I think she was afraid if by some remote chance the baby was mine, they could stand together as a couple to fight me.”

  He looked rough right now, haggard, and she knew the whole situation had to have been difficult for him. Then she wondered why she never heard of any it of before now. “I’m surprised no one told me about this. Our families are close.”

  “No one knew. Except Monica, myself and Matt. And now you.”

  Disbelief. How could he have kept this secret? Why would he have? He was eighteen years old. Still a kid on some level and the fact that he shouldered it by himself and never told his parents or even his brother mystified her. “Wh
y didn’t you tell your father?”

  “And disappoint him?” he said warily. “No way. Besides, there wasn’t anything to tell, not until I knew for sure. And once I knew I wasn’t the father, it didn’t make a difference. Why drag them into it? It was over at that point.”

  “But you lived with that secret for months. You had no one to talk to. No one to lean on.” She couldn’t imagine not being able to talk to her parents or her brothers about something so important in her life. “She hurt you though.”

  “No, she didn’t hurt me. But she made me see things I didn’t see before,” he said, holding her stare.

  His eyes were cold, unfeeling. She sucked in her breath fast, her eyes swelling with tears, then slapped her hands around her mouth and blurted out, “Oh my God. I’m no better than her.”

  She pushed back away from him on the couch, trying to establish distance, not wanting to be near him.

  “What are you talking about? You are nothing like her at all,” he said, confusion replacing the coldness in his eyes. He reached for her. “Come here, Kaitlin.” He had softened his tone and scooted next to her.

  But she jumped up and took a few steps back. “Yes, I am,” she told him. “The whole time she was with you, it was a pretense. That was me for years. Don’t you see? For years, everyone I was with, it was all an act. It wasn’t who I was. I was pretending to be someone else.”

  She wiped a tear from her cheek. “Monica wanted something from you. She used you. Used you to get what she wanted out of her life—she didn’t care about anyone else but her. Just like all the other women you date. They want something from you. You know that,” she accused him, all of it starting to make sense to her. “That’s why you dated those women, right?”

  She sniffled and took a deep breath. “Because you knew where you stood with them. You didn’t have to worry about being blindsided by their actions.”

  How could she have been so stupid? Ryan froze and she saw the truth in his eyes, even though he didn’t acknowledge it. She was no better than Monica in her mind. Everyone she’d dated over the years, even Ryan, it all was part of her plan to get to her next goal in life. It was all about what she wanted.