The Naughty Nine: Where Danger and Passion Collide

by Nina Bruhns

  “Anything you say, snooky,” Kopeleski cooed in her ear as he adjusted the afghan around him like a toga. It covered him, just barely.

  Stifling a gag, Giselle said, “Tell me about the Vampire Lester and those Ren and Field guys. Assuming they abducted Ry, where would they be taking him?”

  Kopeleski fixed a hostile glare on Giselle. His eyes warmed when Madam took his hand in hers.

  “Please, darling, where could they have taken my little boy?” Madam asked.

  “I don’t know much about Ren and Field. I’m just the accountant for Lester and for VICTIM.”

  Could he be believed? He seemed sincere as he made smoochy faces at snooky, er, Madam. Gurck.

  “I could perform a locater spell,” Kopeleski offered buoyantly.

  “That would be great, darling,” Madam said.

  “I’ll just need some of the hair from his head,” Kopeleski said, starting to stand.

  “Great,” Giselle complained, and he sat down again. “If we had his hair, we’d have his head. And if we had his head, hopefully, we’d have the whole Ry.” She didn’t even want to think of the alternative. She swallowed hard. “If we had the whole Ry, we wouldn’t need your locater spell.”

  “We could get some hair from the hairbrush in his home. We’d have to find a hair with a root on it of course,” Kopeleski said.

  “What is it? A locater spell or a DNA test? Never mind, we don’t have time for that. Besides, I have a feeling that it might be more definite if you would just tell me if Lester has some kind of contacts or connections in South Carolina. When Ren and Field abducted me, they drove over the big bridge from Savannah toward Hilton Head. Maybe they’re heading the same way with Ry.”

  Kopeleski got a thoughtful look on his face. “Well there is some property that Lester owns. But I don’t think that it’s ethical for me to talk about a client’s holdings.”

  “Ethics, schmethics. This is Ry we’re talking about.” Giselle jumped up to pace about the room. “Lester never needs to know you told us. We’ll just say that we discovered the location with Madam’s third eye. You’ve got one, haven’t you? You’ve got at least two faces you should have a third eye.”

  Giselle held up a hand to stop the comments that threatened to erupt from Madam. “I’m sorry,” Giselle said. “It’s a habit.”

  Madam calmed. “I hate to admit it, but Ms. Hunter has a good point.”

  She did? “I do?” Was it about the second face? “Of course I do. I always have good points. I’m just surprised that you think I have a good point.” She paused. “What was my good point again?”

  Madam didn’t hear her. She was deep in thought. “I can locate Ry psychically.”

  “Oh, Lord help us,” Giselle said, slapping her forehead.

  Madam crossed the room to sit at a small table in the corner. She lit a candle in an ornate holder at the center and then placed her hands, palm down, on its surface. She gazed into the candle’s flame. Several seconds passed. Then a minute.

  “How long is this going to take?” Giselle asked.

  “Shhhh. I need complete quiet to concentrate.” Madam didn’t even open an eye. Another few seconds passed. Madam began breathing loudly in and out. She chanted, “Ohm. Ohmmm. Ohmmm.”

  “This is ridiculous. This is taking too long.” Giselle sighed in exasperation.

  The lid lifted on one of Madam’s eyes. “If someone hadn’t broken my crystal ball, this would be a lot easier.” She went back to her trance.

  Giselle wanted to argue that it was Madam who had broken the crystal ball. She held her tongue. It was her sacrifice for Ry.

  Finally, Madam spoke. “Ry is outside. He’s definitely outside.”

  “Well, that narrows it down,” Giselle said.

  “Quiet, you stupid girl,” Kopeleski hissed.

  Madam spoke again. “It seems like he’s outside because I feel there is a breeze wherever he is. He could be inside, if it’s a drafty room. But I think he’s outside.”

  “So, he’s outside or possibly inside. That’s just great.” Giselle whirled on Kopeleski. “Why aren’t you helping?”

  “You’re absolutely right,” he said from his sprawled position on the settee. “I can join my vast psychic powers with Madam to increase the telepathic intensity of her trance.”

  That hadn’t been what Giselle had in mind. From what she had observed, if psychic powers were electricity, these two couldn’t light a fifteen-watt bulb between them.

  Kopeleski rose from the settee but his afghan didn’t rise quite as quickly. Ewww again. He went to the table and sat opposite Madam. They joined hands. Madam began swaying back and forth. It made it look like the two of them rowed the table like a boat. “Ohm. Ohm.” Madam stopped. Silence.

  “I’m seeing the letter F. The letter F is very prominent in the name of the vampire’s property,” Madam intoned. Then her eyes snapped open. “The name starts with an F,” she said excitedly to Kopeleski.

  “No, snooky.” He shook his head.

  “How about a G, H, I?”

  Kopeleski shook his head after each letter.

  “Is F in the name?”

  “Yes.” Kopeleski clapped his hands together. “It’s in the middle of the name.”

  “Aha. I was right.” Madam closed her eyes again. “I’m seeing the first letter in the name is a P.”

  “No, snooky, it’s a B.”

  “Same thing,” she snarled. “They look and sound the same.”

  “You’re absolutely right, snooky,” Kopeleski soothed.

  “Arrrrr! We don’t have time for this, not-so-psychic, hangman game. Ry could be the one getting hanged while you’re guessing at letters.”

  “It isn’t guessing. It’s very highly tuned psychic waves and you are obviously causing static, which is disrupting my ability to read clearly. You don’t understand the psychic process,” Madam said, not breaking her contact with Kopeleski. “Is there a U in the name?”

  “Yes, snooky.”

  “There is an S in the name.”

  “No, snooky, I’m sorry.”

  Giselle marched to Kopeleski’s side and grabbed him by the afghan. “Listen, Mr. Wizard. If you don’t tell me, right now, exactly where that property is, I swear I will find a way to sabotage every psychic endeavor, every séance, every reading, every spell you are involved in from this day forward.” Giselle growled it. She felt every bit of fierceness she possessed shine from her eyes. “I’m chaos, I’m poison. Remember me? You know I can do it.”

  Good. Kopeleski looked worried.

  “All right. I’ll tell you. The Vampire Lester has property in Bluffton.”

  Giselle pulled him, afghan then man, out of the chair. “You’re taking us there.”

  A Girl, a Guy and a Ghost: Chapter Sixteen

  This time when Giselle passed across the Talmadge Bridge, over the Savannah River, she rode in the passenger seat of the car and not its trunk. The bridge, a suspension type with dozens of cables, stretched from the downtown Historic District to a point on the border of Georgia and South Carolina. It had been built high enough to accommodate the enormous ships that sailed from the Atlantic Ocean to Savannah’s port.

  Even though the moonlight brightly illuminated the night, Giselle concluded, after a look down, down, down, to the dark water below, that being in the trunk had been easier. The full moon shone off the gold dome of the city hall and Savannah’s riverfront looked postcard perfect from this height, but Giselle felt her palms becoming moist and her breath a little too breathy.

  Her hydrophobia had kicked in. Wait. Was hydrophobia fear of heights or fear of water? Maybe it was fear of rabies. She couldn’t recall. It didn’t matter. Whatever it was called, the distance off the ground made her nervous. Giselle exhaled in relief when the car arrived on firm, solid earth just the other side of the water.

  Madam drove her car, an enormous newish-model, white Cadillac. She had donned her usual psychedelic caftan garb and oversized glasses. Kopeleski sat i
n the backseat, at least in part since he perched with his face pressed between the two front seats. He was dressed in a burnt-orange-colored shirt with a blue-and-white-plaid kilt.

  Strange, Kopeleski didn’t sound like a Scottish name. But then the wizard definitely had a strangeness about him.

  “You take a right at highway forty-six,” Kopeleski blurted from between the seats.

  “I know how to get to Bluffton. I’ve lived in this area all my life,” Madam said in a testy tone as she gave the evil eye to the wizard via the rearview mirror. “Just give me the directions I don’t know.”

  “Yes, my little snooky doodles. But what don’t you know? I don’t know what you don’t know. You know?”

  “Argh.” If Giselle didn’t get away from these two soon she’d tear her hair out.

  “Just tell me when to turn,” Madam directed.

  “But, snooky, I did.”

  “Just tell her when to make a turn that isn’t obvious,” Giselle said impatiently.

  “Exactly,” Madam concurred.

  Uh-oh. Madam had agreed with Giselle on something. Did that mean that there’d been a dangerous misalignment of the stars that signaled the end of the world?

  “Although, if Ms. Hunter had agreed to sit in back, it would have been a lot less difficult for you to guide me. But what can one expect,” Madam said in a martyred tone.

  What a relief. An insult from Madam. The stars slid back into their proper alignment and the world turned safely again.

  A cell phone rang. It wasn’t the Scooby theme, but it came from Giselle’s purse. She fished inside and drew it out. Ry’s phone. No ID for the caller could be observed on the face of the phone. She pushed the talk button.

  “Hello?”

  “Giselle?” It was Ry’s voice.

  “Ry, where are you? We were so worried. What happened to you? I came out of Lester’s house—”

  “Giselle—”

  “And you were nowhere to be found. And then I saw those guys Ren and Field peel out of—

  “Giselle.”

  “The garage and your cell phone and car keys just lay there. And the police were so mean to me. I went to your mother.”

  “My mother!”

  “And Kopeleski was there. But they wanted to waste time on locater spells and psychic hangman and—”

  “Hangman?”

  “Then your mother insisted on driving, and I didn’t think we would ever see you again.”

  “Giselle!”

  “Yes, Ry?”

  “I’m all right. Tell my mother I’m in a payphone, at a gas station, near the store that has the two big elephant statues out in front. She’ll know where that is.”

  Giselle turned to Madam. “He says he’s near a store with two big elephant statues. Why couldn’t you see that with your third eye? Big elephant statues are pretty significant, wouldn’t you say? Some psychic.”

  “He’s outside, isn’t he? I told you he was outside.”

  “Well, you had a fifty-fifty shot at that one.” Giselle heard a beep through the cell. “Ry? Are you still there?” The phone had lost its signal. They’d passed outside its service area.

  Madam broke all land speed records, and, no doubt many speeding laws, in getting to the two elephants and Ry. Giselle saw the statues first, side by side. She scanned left and saw Ry standing under a light pole in the gas station, looking scrumptious of course. He appeared tousled. His jeans had a few more scuffs and the black dress shirt he wore was torn. But on the whole he looked unhurt and great.

  Giselle flew out of the car before Madam had brought it to a full stop. She ran headlong to Ry, despite her strappy sandals. She didn’t stop until she hit Ry-ness. And then it seemed that it was only his arms coming up around her back that kept her from burrowing out his other side. She buried her face in his chest.

  “Mrrrrrrrrwwrrrrw,” she said.

  Ry rested his face on her forehead. “What?”

  “Mrrrrrwwrrrrr.”

  “I’m sure my chest is enjoying whatever it is you’re saying, but I didn’t understand a word.”

  Giselle’s head came up. She knew she revealed too much with her teary eyes and trembling lips, but she just couldn’t help it.

  “Babe. You were really afraid for me. You must kind of like me.” He grinned.

  “Oh, Ry, I lo{MISSING SYMBOL}” She caught herself just in time. She’d almost said the bad "L" word dreaded by single men everywhere. “I located—” Yeah that’s was a good "L" word “I located you, finally.”

  He regarded her with a quirk to his lips and an arch to one eyebrow.

  “But rest assured,” she went on. “I really do like you. If you’d been lost permanently, I would have been devastated for at least a whole day.”

  “Hey.” He gave her a shake.

  “Okay, maybe a week.”

  “That’s better.” He chuckled. “You’re such a brat.” Ry hugged her even tighter and she reveled in it. Maybe they could sneak off to the restroom of the gas station for a few minutes. She could use some stiff reassurance of Ry’s aliveness about now. Emphasis on "stiff."

  Then the hair stood up on the back of Giselle’s neck.

  “Ry.” With a viselike grip on Giselle’s shoulder, Madam Divinity ripped her out of Ry’s arms and tossed her to the side.

  “Ow.” Giselle had to catch herself to prevent a fall to the pavement of the parking lot as she stumbled backward.

  “Ry, my darling little boy.” Madam thrust herself into Ry’s arms.

  “I’m okay, Mama,” Ry said.

  “Didn’t I tell you there was danger? I saw danger for you and there was danger, wasn’t there?”

  “Yes, Mama.”

  “Didn’t I tell you that woman was going to get you hurt?”

  Ry pushed Madam to arm’s length. “I’m not hurt and I don’t want you to call Giselle ‘that woman.'”

  “But thankfully, I saved you,” Madam interrupted. “I saw your location and here we are. We would have been here sooner of course if not for the interference of…well, you know. I won’t say it out loud out of deference to you, but you know.” Her head twitched in Giselle direction.

  “You’re here because I called and told you my location, Mama.”

  “Yes, but I saw you here, near the elephants.”

  Giselle couldn’t contain herself. “You so did not. You saw him outside or maybe inside.”

  Madam shook her head. “I saw Bluffton.”

  “You so did not. I made Kopeleski give up the Bluffton location. Besides, this isn’t Bluffton, its Hardeeville. I saw it on a road sign.”

  “Same thing,” Madam said.

  “It is not.” Giselle pushed the hair out of her eyes, huffing in exasperation.

  Kopeleski walked up swaggering in his kilt. “My boy.”

  Ry looked at Giselle and mouthed, My boy?

  “I’m glad you’re safe. This fake ghost hunter had snooky very upset.”

  Ry’s eyes widened at Giselle as he mouthed, Snooky?

  Kopeleski put a comforting arm around Madam’s shoulders.

  Ry leaned toward Giselle. “Snooky?” he whispered. “What did I miss?”

  “A lot, and all of it’s gross, I promise you,” Giselle whispered back. “The short version is that your mother and Mr. Wizard are what they call ‘an item.' And you don’t even want to know how I found that out. Suffice it to say that it involved the wizard wearing an afghan and—”

  “Please, don’t ever tell me. It might cause me to go deaf. My eyesight’s already suffering from my exposure to Kopeleski last night.”

  “Hmmm. Leverage,” Giselle joked quietly, and Ry laughed out loud.

  “What are you two whispering about,” Madam demanded. “I think I should be included in the conversation if you’re going to be laughing.”

  Ry draped an arm over Giselle’s shoulders, and Madam glared pointedly. “I don’t think you would find it funny. Besides, if you all know where those two hulks were taking me, I think
we should go there right away and check it out.”

  “I knew it. You were abducted by Ren and Field. I must be psychic.” Giselle shot a dagger-filled glance at Madam.

  Madam opened her mouth. No doubt to say something rude.

  “Besides, I’m getting eaten up by mosquitoes out here.” Ry said as he smacked at one of the attacking insects.

  The thought of her little boy being in discomfort apparently persuaded Madam to forgo the insult and head back to her car. Kopeleski trotted at her heals.

  “Renfield?” Ry asked as he and Giselle followed.

  “Ren and Field are Lester’s human servants,” Kopeleski said glancing back.

  “Lester has servants named Ren and Field. Renfield?”

  “Yeah, I know,” Giselle said. “I think he’s contemplating another lawsuit. This time against Bram Stoker. I haven’t broken it to him that he’s dead. Bram, I mean. Although, I guess Lester is too. But no, that’s undead. Never mind.”

  Ry chuckled and took Giselle’s hand in his. His fingers, entwined with hers, made Giselle regret reaching the car. Ry opened the back door.

  “Should we trust this guy?” he asked in a low voice, nodding toward Kopeleski.

  Giselle shrugged. “Not completely, but he did give me information on Lester when pressured. Besides your mother is his 'snooky.'” Giselle slid onto the backseat.

  “Don’t remind me.” Ry shuddered, then ducked his head down and got in back beside her.

  An argument ensued about seating arrangements. Madam wanted Ry to sit in front with her. Kopeleski didn’t want to sit in back again. And Giselle refused to sit next to Madam. Finally, they were off. At least, until they again pulled to a stop at the turn from the parking lot to the highway where there was minor bickering, between Madam and Kopeleski, over the best way to get to Bluffton from Hardeeville.

  This led to a remark from Giselle. “See, they aren’t the same at all.”

  This garnered a glare from Madam and Kopeleski.

  “Can we go already?” Ry said impatiently.

  * * *

  During the drive to Bluffton, Ry explained how he had come to be with the big elephants. It seems he had been killing time by strolling around the lane behind Lester’s castle—code for snooping—while waiting for Giselle, when he noticed the garage door open—code for broke into the garage.