A Man's Guide to Oral Sex

by Adams Media

  Casual or not, having oral sex is quite physically intimate for both the giver and receiver. In most giving scenarios, your face is nestled in your partner’s loins, your lips, tongue, and face pressed against the softness of her thighs. No matter the social meaning of this act, being up close and personal can make any experience extremely emotionally intimate. You can hardly get any more physically personal than involving your head and face in pleasuring your lover. Add to that the symbolism involved, and it can be a huge deal.

  Symbolically, oral sex is the meeting of the cultured, reasoning, intellectual (top) half of one’s self with what’s regarded as another’s raw, carnal, unrefined smut central. The impermissible nature of this meeting violates social order. It’s seen as a “corruption” of the self, even in the most celebratory of sensually fused circumstances. A sense of intimacy — and libidinal energy — is practically immediate in lovers daring to defy social taboos together. Casts Romeo and Juliet longings in a whole new light, no?

  Fact

  Want more oral? Consider wooing your lover the French way. Napoleon’s love letters to his beloved Joséphine are famous for his hints at cunnilingus: “I kiss your heart, and then a little lower, and then much lower still.”

  The Importance of Oral Sex

  Regardless of the type of relationship you’re in (or not), or the circumstances around your carnal encounter, oral sex has come to mean hot sex. Because it is a self-esteem booster to get some or give some, oral sex can make or break a specific sex session. It can heavily influence the quality of a couple’s sex life for the better when regularly engaged in, or for the worse when given zero attention. This very intimate form of connection can be a relationship strengthener. In The Hite Report, women reported that a lover going down on them implied a special kind of acceptance. It was meaningful for a partner to put his mouth down there and to go exploring. Oral sex was seen as being the closest two people can get physically and resulted in positive feelings for her sense of femaleness.

  Oral sex is the best kind of sex for some people, with many holding that it is unlike anything else. This sexy gift of pleasure offers excitement, variety, exhilaration, and closeness. Sex partners adore the more precise targeting of erogenous zones that comes with oral sex, often feeling heightened sensitivity as a lover makes them moan. A lover’s tongue and lips feel amazing in being soft, moist, and warm against the sensitive genitals. Whether giving or receiving, oral sex can be meditative, with either partner slipping into a zen-like state of enlightenment in reaching a heightened state of awareness that can be spiritual in nature.

  Rolls Off the Tongue

  “One of my most treasured moments was when my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It wasn’t the significance of it being the ‘first’ that stands out so much as that he went down on me both before and after intercourse. He really wanted to make sure that I was sexually satisfied, and had no qualms about what it would take to make me multiorgasmic, including going down there after we’d worked up a sweat!” —Signe

  Sexual Anatomy: Passion-Inducing Parts

  You know that her private parts entail a vulva and vagina, but do you really know which exact parts are best when getting more than a little bit fresh? Her groin is covered with hidden treasures just begging to be unearthed, aching to be probed by the tip of your tongue. Whether bringing her response to life or maximizing her pleasure once the juices are flowing, you’ll want to spend some time becoming well acquainted with her oft-overlooked, but most reactive hot spots. Prepare to see her wares in a whole new light.

  Mapping Her Landscape

  While some people are lucky enough to cover the anatomy of sex at some point in their schooling, the vast majority never thoroughly learn about the ins and outs of some of our most amazing private parts! The result: Many lovers have no clue what is where, how to play with a juicy bit, or how to reach peak sexual response with spots that are solely for pleasure. Not your average biology lesson, the following sections on her genitalia are among the most important in this book if your aim is to become a better, savvier lover. Here, you get the quick ’n’ dirty down-low on sexual makeup for planning your carnal connect-the-dots.

  Her External Genitalia

  Known collectively as the vulva (or pudendum), a female’s external genitals consist of the following:

  Mons pubis. Also known as the mons veneris, this pad of tissue rests atop a female’s pubic bone and, in its natural state, is covered with pubic hair once she hits puberty. The purpose of the mons pubis, it is speculated, is to bear the brunt of sexual thrusting, protecting a woman’s pubic bone.

  Outer lips. Also called the labia majora, these rounded, sensitive skin folds are covered with pubic hair and contain glands that produce her unique scent. They serve to protect her inner vulva.

  Inner lips. Sometimes referred to as the labia minora, these often thinner and smoother folds of skin are found between her outer lips and the vaginal entrance that join at the top of the clitoris to form the clitoral hood. They may or may not be longer or more pronounced than the outer lips. Full of nerve endings, these lips may be pink, bright red, or deep brown to black. They are often damp since their sebaceous glands produce a sebum (a lubricant) which coats the skin to form a waterproof, protective covering when combined with secretions from the vagina. Together, the inner and outer lips are known collectively as the labia. Both sets of lips are highly erogenous.

  Clitoris. The hub of her sexual pleasuring and orgasm, this most sensitive sexual organ — cradled between her labia — houses about 8,000 nerve endings. Extending anywhere from two to four centimeters on the outside of the body, the clitoris actually continues internally back into her reproductive system. Composed of a clitoral glans (head), where the inner and outer lips meet, its body contains spongy erectile tissue that fills with blood when she becomes excited. This tissue involves a pair of corpora cavernosa (two clitoral shafts) which extend back into the body, wrapping around her vaginal opening, urethra, urethral sponge, and vagina. These legs or crura can be as long as nine centimeters.

  Clitoral hood. This sheath of tissue (also known as the prepuce) protects the clitoris along with the commissure (an area of skin which can be viewed by gently pulling back on the outer lips and hood). Its purpose is to protect her crown jewel from becoming over-stimulated.

  Urethral opening. Often mistaken for the clitoris, this protrusion, through which urine passes, is found between her clitoris and vaginal opening. A few women find it stimulating to have this area played with.

  Vaginal opening. Typically one inch in diameter, the introitus (as it’s also known) opens to the vaginal canal.

  Perineum. This soft tissue between the vaginal opening and anus contains nerve endings and spongy erectile tissue. It is the area where much of her pelvic floor muscles criss-cross each other.

  Bartholin’s glands. These are located on either side of the vaginal opening and provide lubrication during sexual response, secreting a small amount of fluid.

  Rolls Off the Tongue

  “One of the most touching moments I’ve ever had during oral was when my lover went down on me for the first time. He delicately played with my clit, as though testing the waters before pulling back to just look at my vulva, then exclaiming, ‘You’re beautiful!’ It was so sweet.” —Michaela

  Her Internal Genitalia

  A female’s internal reproductive system consists of the ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, cervix, and vagina, but here, we focus on the parts that you may choose to stimulate during oral sex.

  Vagina: A highly muscular organ connecting the vaginal opening and cervix, the vaginal canal sits at a 45-degree angle, extending four inches deep in a female’s unaroused state. With sexual excitement, this elastic canal can double in depth and width. Its greatest concentration of nerves is in its lower one-third.

  Cervix: The s
mall, fleshy dome-like opening to the uterus, the cervix is a hot spot for some. Pressure or thrusting against the cervix can, however, be uncomfortable or painful for a number of women.

  G-spot: A nickname for the Gräfenberg spot, this female prostate or urethral sponge, as it’s also known, is located approximately two inches up the front (abomdinal side) wall of the vaginal canal. Made up of paraurethral glands, ducts, and blood vessels, this tissue swells during sexual arousal, with its erogenous reactions varying from woman to woman.

  Essential

  Oh, oh, oh! The three o’s — oral, orgasm, and oxytocin — make for a killer combination. During orgasm, the body releases hormones thought to be associated with attachment, bonding, and closeness: vasopressin and oxytocin, your “cuddle chemicals.” The neurohormone oxytocin spikes three to five times higher than its normal levels in a female’s bloodstream, brain, and spinal cord just before climax. In both sexes, this reaction sensitizes skin, encouraging more touch. Be sure to capitalize on this information!

  What Happens When She Gets Hot and Horny

  First researched and outlined by sexologists in the 1960s, the “sexual response cycle” involves a general pattern of events that a number of people typically go through when sexually stimulated. This model for understanding the process of getting all hot and bothered is largely seen as having five phases:

  Desire

  Arousal

  Plateau

  Orgasm

  Resolution

  While these stages generally happen in sequence, your lover can experience these responses in any order. She may also “stray” off of this beaten path, with her body doing what works for her. There is nothing wrong with this. The blueprint for sexual response varies from person to person and from time to time, and is influenced by a number of factors.

  Many researchers, in fact, are saying that the original linear sexual response cycle doesn’t work for women, since many of them don’t move progressively or sequentially through those stages. Conversely, some may not even experience all stages, jumping from arousal to orgasm and satisfaction. Or they may experience climax, but no sexual desire. Though they’re also often cast as “abnormal” if they don’t respond in a certain way, men and women who don’t conform to the cycle’s patterns can still fully partake in pleasurable sexual experiences.

  Other circular models, involving factors like seduction or emotional intimacy, have been proposed in trying to capture the female sexual response. It’s simply important that you know the potential differences between your sexual response cycle and hers.

  With that said, let’s look at one of the major ways sexual response has been captured by sex researchers.

  Desire

  An entity of its own, separate from sexual arousal, desire motivates us to get sexually active. Desire can be sparked — intentionally or not — by sex objects, physical arousal, fantasies, spontaneous excitement, longings, images, sounds, scents, memories, interests, or experiences — any of which can be sensual, pornographic, thrilling, or heart-soaring.

  Desire can come on unexpectedly or you may actively seek to feel consumed with its libidinal urging. In propelling our sex drive, desire urges us to seek out a partner, pursue sexual opportunities, engage in sexual behaviors, and realize sexual satisfaction. It is impacted by our health, mood, and attitudes, among a whole host of biological, psychological, social, and relational factors.

  Fact

  Does desire really come before arousal or is it the other way around? Research is suggesting that desire may not necessarily lead to sexual excitement, but that it may be a type of afterthought. Desire may be a reaction we have to a subliminal or physical sensation, like touch. In other words, your body and hers appear to be primed for sex!

  Arousal

  During the Excitement Phase, your body is preparing itself for sex. Whether it’s you or your partner, you may notice faster, heavier breathing, an accelerated heart rate, a sex flush (typically a reddening of the chest and/or face) or lubrication. This is in large part because the body is experiencing myotonia (muscle tension) and vasocongestion(the accumulation of blood in the genitals, which causes them to become darker, more swollen, and harder). As your lover’s body gets ready to make contact with yours, natural lubrication pushes its way through her vaginal walls. The Bartholin’s glands, too, begin secreting lubricating fluids. Her uterus may elevate slightly, and her vagina may ache. Her clitoris swells with blood, the erectile tissue becomes erect and even doubles in size. Her vaginal lips may be more visible and firm. Her breasts may swell and enlarge, with her nipples possibly becoming hard and erect.

  Plateau

  A state of high arousal, the Plateau Phase extends heightened sexual response with continued sex flush, faster breathing, and a higher blood pressure and heart rate. Some may even experience short muscle spasms in their face, hands, and feet. During this time, a woman’s incredibly sensitive clitoris is fully erect, pulling back up under her clitoral hood. Her sex skin has become its darkest on her inner and outer lips, areola, and nipples. Her vagina continues to lengthen as her uterus lifts up off of the vaginal canal and her vaginal entrance tightens. She’s becoming ever more lubricated.

  Orgasm

  This peak of sexual arousal physiologically involves an intense series of rhythmic pelvic contractions as the body releases sexual tension, muscles contracting. One’s pulse rate, breathing, blood pressure, and sex flush are at their highest levels. But that’s just one way to describe her climax. Ask a gal how she would describe an orgasm, and you can get any number of incredible responses, like “pure energy,” “light,” “heaven,” “awesome,” and “indescribable.”

  Question

  Is orgasm necessary for sexual satisfaction?

  While climax is often seen as the crème de la crème of sexual response, it isn’t vital to sexual gratification. A number of men and women have reported that sex without orgasm can be very satisfying. This is in part because they value the other oh-so-sexy components involved in ideal sex, including being in-sync with their partners, erotic intimacy, connectedness, and being present and uninhibited.

  In some cases, female ejaculation may accompany climax. Most often due to G-spot stimulation, this is the emission of a prostatic-like fluid known as ambrosia, which can be secreted during climax. It’s released mostly via her urethra, but is not urine. This perfectly natural sexual release can happen each time a gal experiences a lot of sexual excitement, sometimes, or never.

  Resolution

  In this final phase of the sexual response cycle, lovers come down from heightened arousal. As blood pressure drops and one’s heart rate and breathing slow, the sex flush disappears, and blood drains out of the pelvis. Your lover will come down from her orgasmic platform gradually, with her breasts becoming their regular size, her clitoris resuming its normal position, her uterus shrinking, and her vagina relaxing.

  While it’s great to have a solid understanding of human sexual response, whether it’s yours or your lover’s, remember that this is a loose road map for a lot of people, but not everyone, every time. So don’t get hung up on what’s going on (or not). Get caught up in what’s going on in the moment, the sexual energy exchange, and the fun to be had in pursuing a shared pleasure, as all of that is what puts everything over the top.

  Fact

  Stephen Taylor of the U.K. holds the Guinness World Record for longest tongue, measuring at 3.74 inches beyond the center of his closed top lip.

  Meet Your Tongue

  It’s all too easy to dive into what’s below-the-belt in charting your sexual pleasure pursuits. But when it comes to oral sex, it’s not a bad idea to examine the muscular organ of the mouth in addition to the pelvic area’s playground. Your tongue can very well be considered a sexual organ in its own right. It’s not only one of the main sources of exhilaration for a recei
ver, but this body part plays a major role in a giver’s pleasuring as well, and in ways that are often neglected. So let’s explore the love muscle that will bring your lover’s gems to life.

  The tongue is a mass of muscles, glands, and fat that enhances oral sex via:

  Movement. The tongue can move in almost every direction, as well as compress and expand. It enables you to manipulate the genitals with up-down, side to side, and in and out motions, and with great skill and exact pressure.

  Texture. Coated with a moist, pink tissue known as mucosa, the tongue is covered with tiny bumps called papillae which give it its rough texture. These are what create the friction that adds to the sensations you deliver.

  Taste. The papillae are covered with thousands of taste buds, which are collections of nerve-like cells that connect to the brain via nerve pathways. Each contains 50 to 150 taste receptor cells for detecting the chemical makeup of solutions, enabling you to detect if your lover’s genitals or fluids are sweet, salty, bitter, sour (acid), umami (savory), and fatty. The flavor of your feast is a combination of taste, smell, touch, temperature, and consistency (texture).

  Feel. Your tongue is sensitive to thermal and tactile sensations, helping you to analyze all of those other qualities that add to your pleasures, like the groin’s density, oiliness, texture, and viscosity (consistency).