A Man's Guide to Oral Sex

by Adams Media

  Erotic Furniture and Supports

  Oral sex gives lovers the perfect excuse to consider their sex equipment. Pillows, props, bolsters, and other play gear can open lovers to a whole new realm of sexual pleasuring, especially in cases where movement is limited (e.g., pregnancy, or one person may be hurting). In planning ways you want to bend, suspend, prop up, move, or touch each other, consider the following in adding novelty and variety to your oral sex positions:

  Sex Swing. Hung over your closed door, this suspension’s acrylic tubes are placed over the top of the door. You can then slip her legs into the loops, adjusting them on the thighs. The receiver then balances herself with arm handles while you do a little more than lick your lips.

  Super Sex Sling. For long-haul oral sex sessions, place this sling’s thick pad behind the receiver’s neck. You can then position her using an adjustable suspension strap, secured with Velcro cuffs.

  Positioning Sex Strap. For serious eat-me-out sex, the padded strap around her lower waist allows for a comfortable lift.

  Sex Furniture. Sold under brand names like Liberator Shapes and Love Pegasus, these soft, but firm padded platforms come in a variety of inclines, platforms, and shapes. Have fun exploring different sexual positions, including those that help to facilitate orgasm and lift the pelvis for better oral sex stimulation.

  Alert

  In restraining or suspending a partner, make sure that she experiences no muscle or joint stress. Blood flow and breathing shouldn’t be restricted in any way. Arms and legs should not be left suspended for too long, or else the lack of blood flow will cause unpleasant sensations and numbing. The restraint should be safely secured, but not too tight. If that isn’t the case, assist your lover in changing positions or adjust the restraint.

  Taking Your Show on the Road

  You’re ready to realize oral sex in the great outdoors, meaning anywhere but within the confines of your bedroom walls. So whether looking at your washing machine, balcony, or shower in a whole new way, or analyzing if oral sex feats involving a closet, car, plane, or train are well worth the risk, consider the following matters:

  Mouth access. Just how easy will it be for the lips and genitals to meet?

  Depth. How much of your lover’s loins will make it into the mouth?

  Angle. Are you able to reach her major hot spots?

  Space. How much do you have to work with?

  Comfort. Will either of you be uncomfortable, especially if you plan to hold your position for a while?

  Props. Can the sexual scenario be made comfortable? Are any enhancements needed?

  Fantasy component. Other than shaking things up, and running the risk of getting into major trouble in some cases, what can make oral sex outside of the bedroom all that?

  You should have plenty of opportunities to pull off many oral trysts all over the place, so don’t fret too much about what you can pull off. Carpe diem! Just try it, realizing that getting frisky with some flirting and foreplay will better the pleasure to be added in any oral sex endeavor.

  Owning Your Pleasures: Assessing Any Issues

  You’ve gone from oral sex amateur to authority in acquiring and employing everything you need to know for the best this kind of sex play has to offer. Still, you may find yourself needing to perfect your pleasuring pursuits because it feels as though there’s something wanting. In other cases, you — or your partner — may be fielding some issues that are trumping your game.

  Common Mistakes People Make

  Whether new to any type of sex or new to a partner, people will often need a few test runs before figuring out the right formula for flawless frolicking. Knowing which blunders to avoid ahead of time can have you presenting yourself as her best-ever right from the start. Here are the more common ways givers foil their own efforts.

  You Don’t Recognize the Need for Diversity

  While there are generalities that can be made about human sexuality, the truth of the matter is that we’re all very individual in our preferences, desires, wants, needs, and response. Every one of us is unique, sexually speaking, so realize that what might have worked for your last gal, isn’t going to necessarily work for this one. You’ve got to approach a new partner as a clean slate, testing different moves and discovering what works (and doesn’t) when it comes to upmost pleasuring. You’ve got to put aside any ego issues in the feedback she gives you as well. She’s hopefully telling you what she likes and needs without sounding critical. Her being able to share in such a way should be seen as a compliment (in that she can be open with you) and not an indicator of something you’re doing wrong.

  Even after figuring out the right formula, you’ll want to change up oral on occasion. Nothing spells sexual disaster like same old, same old. So consider novel ways to spice things up in keeping both of you interested in the oral action. Diversity is key.

  You Ignore Her Other Hot Spots

  It’s easy to get lost in the focus of your attention, but your lover’s body is covered with erogenous zones just dying for some equal attention. So don’t ignore your lover’s nipples, bum, or back of the knees, just to name a few of the favorite parts within arm’s reach.

  You’re Not Easing Off the Clitoris

  Every gal is different when it comes to how much stimulation her clitoris can handle, and this can vary from one sex session to the next. Sometimes, she may want it hard and direct. Other times, she may need you to ease off on her crown jewel, providing indirect or no stimulation. This can be in the very same oral sex session. So be sure to check in with her and to tune into verbal and nonverbal cues that she may need more or less of whatever you’re doing.

  You’re Not Present

  You had a tough day at work; you’re feeling gassy from gorging yourself at dinner; you’re wondering when you’ll find the time tomorrow to pick up your dry cleaning … . There could be a million reasons why you’re not into oral. But even if you’re not into the moment, pretend that you are. Make sure that your hands are busy, exaggerate your head movements a tad, make some noise … pretty soon you may even start to believe your own performance and really get into everything you’re doing.

  She’s Guilty of the Death Grip

  While a squeeze of your head might seem like nice affirmation for a job well done, it’s not. Amour needn’t involve anaconda-like activities. Your ability to breathe is vital and only guarantees her continued bliss. For you guys who find yourself in this death grip, in getting some air without breaking up the action, grab her hands and squeeze them in yours, providing some much-needed relief for your head.

  Rolls Off the Tongue

  “It’s flattering to know that she’s totally getting off when she squeezes my head with her thighs, but come on! It hurts!” —Malcolm

  The Need to Breathe

  Drowning yourself in another’s pleasure can be intoxicating. But it’s anything but erotic when you have trouble surfacing for a little air. If you find yourself needing to catch your breath, some quick remedies to the situation include:

  Tilting your head slightly to the side to breathe through one nostril.

  Breathing through your nose, an effort made easier in staying above the sheets.

  Using your fingers while coming up for a breather.

  There are also a couple of more advanced tactics you can employ in keeping your passageways open for easier air supply.

  Circular Breathing

  Circular breathing is an ancient technique which enables a wind instrumentalist to maintain airflow (and thus sound) through an instrument for a long period of time via inhalation through the nose. It’s inhaling while you’re exhaling, with the “exhale” based on your ability to fill the cheeks with air when you start to run low on the oxygen in your lungs and force it out as you inhale. It involves four stages:

  As you become lo
w on air, your cheeks puff.

  Air from the cheeks gets pushed through the instrument, using your cheek muscles to maintain sound while you breathe through your nose.

  As the air in the cheeks decreases, and sufficient air is inhaled into the lungs through your nose, the soft palate in the throat closes and air in the lungs is exhaled.

  Your cheeks resume their normal position.

  It is the switching back and forth from the air in the lungs to the air in the cheeks that enables a person to master circular breathing. Know that this doesn’t come easily and does require practice. In mastering this effort, it is best to consult books and online resources, written by music instructors, offering circular breathing exercises. Need incentive? The world record for circular breathing runs at almost ninety minutes of continuous playing of a wind instrument. Now think about what that can do for your oral efforts.

  Yawn

  Open your throat muscles with a good yawn. Singers will often overcome throat tightness, especially in reaching high notes, by relaxing their strained throat muscles. So go ahead and yawn loudly. This not only allows your breathing to pass through without obstruction, it awakens you. Just be sure to explain to your lover what you’re doing, lest you come off as being rude and bored!

  Common Concerns for Both Genders

  Oral sex should be a stimulating, gratifying, amazing experience for men and women alike. But there are times where concerns can get in the way of one’s ability to fully embrace oral eroticism. Here are just some of the issues that could be trumping your or your lover’s game.

  Self-Perceptions

  “Am I doing it right?” “Am I good enough?” “Do I look ridiculous?” “How long until she reaches orgasm?” These are just some of the thoughts that can course through your mind as you’re going down on your lady.

  The solution: If you find yourself caught up in such worries, stop them and focus on the action, making a mental note to talk to your lover later in being reassured that none of these concerns are issues. Or you may just need some serious private reflection time with yourself, confronting the way you harshly judge yourself.

  Guilty Blocks

  Sadly enough, some lovers do not feel worthy of receiving affection. For whatever past reasons, she was made to feel that her sexual feelings, thoughts, and actions were wrong. Ultimately, her sense of well-being when intimate is compromised and she may be helpless to make the changes needed to overcome being her own worst enemy.

  The solution: If this is your lover’s story (or yours), consider consulting with a sex counselor or therapist in figuring out how to get to a better place and address what’s needed from within, from your relationship, or from your partner in accepting the joys of oral sex.

  Fact

  It’s just smart: Avoid oral sex if you feel ill, are drunk, or are high. Not only do these invite more of a gag reaction, they severely impact your sexual response.

  Jaw and Tongue Fatigue

  You’re licking; you’re sucking; you’re flicking; you’re massaging; you’re tired. Whether tongue fatigue, neck pains, sore mouth, or the dreaded jaw lock, you’re cramping up and are feeling like you’ve had your fill of a four star fine-dining experience. But there’s a partner to be pleasured, and you want to be a trooper at this all-you-can-eat buffet.

  The solution: Pursue any of the following:

  Practice jaw-strengthening exercises, e.g., chew gum regularly.

  Try using a different area of your tongue or let your lower lip take solo in providing stimulation.

  Pace yourself. Ideally, you’d be doing this to avoid the situation, but should it strike, resume a slow and steady pace.

  Carefully use your fingers to mimic your tongue until you feel recovered.

  Use Head Candy. This oral sex enhancement is candy pressed against your teeth to provide a soft, slippery cushion. It reduces jaw fatigue, protects your lover’s loins from your teeth, and prevents dry mouth while increasing pleasure for the giver and receiver.

  Just because you’re dealing with mouth or body fatigue, doesn’t mean you need to take a full time-out on her road to pleasure. Ways to maintain the action while taking a break include:

  Incorporating a vibrator to maintain hot-spot stimulation.

  Using your fingers.

  Mixing up techniques for variety.

  Changing rhythms.

  Delightfully distracting her with some erotic talk or massaging motions over other parts of her body can further give you the excuse for a breather without blowing the moment.

  Your Hesitancy in Being Submissive

  Sex educators can’t tell you how many times they’ve gotten the complaint: “He won’t return the favor!” While they’re all about being pleasured, some men can’t get into a giver state of mind. The issue: You may think it’s unmanly to perform oral sex on another. You may not like the idea of being submissive, feeling that it conflicts with your masculinity. While some men have been known to perform oral sex on call girls, they won’t do so at home, feeling that giving oral to a woman is degrading to her. Complicating the issue even more is if you feel that oral sex is a sign that all of you isn’t needed for pleasuring and satisfying your partner. You may worry that oral sex makes your penis obsolete. The solution: If any of this describes you, let your lover know your reservations. Expose yourself to sexually explicit materials that show mutual pleasuring, like the position 69, where lovers perform oral sex on each other at the same time. Be sure to highlight the greater pleasures and satisfaction that can be had in being a giver and receiving such adoration from your gal.

  Question

  Is it okay to kiss your lover after giving oral sex?

  While some lovers have no problems with locking lips after oral sex, others will have nothing of it. Some people see this as a very intimate act and a testament to their bond in sharing everything, while others think it’s gross, especially if emission was involved. To kiss or not to kiss post-oral really comes down to your and your partner’s preferences. So be sure to talk about it and cases where it’s hot versus not.

  Common Concerns for Her

  A number of issues can prevent a woman from letting go and fully embracing her oral sex ambitions. Knowing some of the big trouble makers can help you work through her roadblocks of giving and receiving oral sex together.

  Good Girls Don’t

  Feeling bad can feel oh so good, but getting oral might be pushing it for her. With so many women in our society raised to think that they shouldn’t have sex until marriage, and that it should then only be “vanilla” sex (primarily missionary), it’s hard for some gals to get past the negative messaging surrounding sexual pleasuring. A number have been taught that only “bad” girls do “sexplicit” things and that she’s dirty and immoral if she takes part. She simply doesn’t want that kind of reputation.

  The solution: Work with her on examining the messages she has gotten about sex, including oral sex, over the years, tuning into how they make her feel. Are they fair or do either of you completely agree with them? Are they holding you two back from fully experiencing intimacy and getting in tune with your sexual selves, or are they completely justified? Challenge yourselves in determining if these are healthy messages or if there are other ways to look at sex acts that aren’t so moralizing, demeaning, or sex negative. Make a list of the pros and cons of giving and receiving oral sex, educating yourselves about the physical and emotional pleasures and risks at play. You may just find that good girls “do” or at least try.

  Rolls Off the Tongue

  “It’s so hard to know what’s normal, especially when you might suspect something like a yeast infection. Nobody tells you what healthy discharge looks like.” —Sonia

  Her Discharge

  No matter where she’s at in her menstrual cycle, a woman can stress over whether or
not her discharge is healthy, especially when it isn’t clear.

  The solution: Get informed about healthy vaginal discharge, which can be clear and stretchy or “paste-like” and sticky, depending on where she’s at in the menstrual cycle. Vaginal discharge can also be cloudy or whitish, turning yellowish when dried, and vary in volume, including when she’s sexually aroused.

  Question

  Is it wrong to perform oral sex on a woman when she’s menstruating?

  If you want to have oral sex during the week of menstruation, talk about the potential in that with your partner. With a tampon or diaphragm in place, some lovers have no qualms with going down on a woman given there is no flow. Some aren’t bothered in the slightest in coming in contact with her menstrual flow.

  Your Stubble

  She may love your beard or shadow, but not between her legs. Beard burn can be uncomfortable and hurt. So until you’re clean-shaven, her legs will remain crossed.

  The solution: Consider if a good shave would enhance your oral sex efforts. Then again, she may not be bothered by it. Ask her.