by Adams Media
Greater intimacy. Oral sex can make for a stronger, longer-lasting relationship, enhancing the intimacy experienced between you and your partner.
Better sleep. Sleep is the foundation of all health, with the orgasms attained from oral sex enabling you to catch some zzzz’s more easily.
Pick me ups. Oral sex can boost your mood, with elevated arousal and orgasm-releasing, pleasure-inducing endorphins that can relieve depression and anxiety and up vitality.
It cannot be stated enough: Sexual fulfillment is a critical component of one’s quality of life and health. Oral sex is one form of sexual intimacy that can help people to realize life to the fullest, making for more connected lovers and happier relationships.
Genital Perceptions: Attending to the Senses
She so longs to receive pleasure, but she has deep-seated concerns about her genitals. Trust me, she’s not alone, though she’ll feel like it. A number of people wonder if they’re normal or if there’s something wrong going on down there. People are reluctant to receive oral sex for a number of reasons, with lack of body confidence and knowledge about their genitals major barriers to such sexual pursuits. Many are worried about whether they smell or taste bad. Some fret over whether or not their genitals are unsightly. Some stress over the potential of performance issues, like problems with orgasmic response, given personal issues they have with what’s between their legs. This is so unfortunate, because the attitude you have toward your genitals is an important component of your sexual experiences and your ability to let go and fully enjoy yourself.
Genital Perceptions
A study in the Journal of Sex Research reported that favorable perceptions of one’s genitalia not only correlate positively with engaging in sexual activities, like oral sex, but enjoying such as well. How you feel about your private parts may, in fact, be more important than how you feel about your look overall. One study conducted at Old Dominion University found that perceptions of the body during sexual activity may be more influential on one’s sexual functioning than the self-assessment of one’s physical appearance.
Research in the International Journal of Eating Disorders further found that those satisfied with their bodies have greater confidence in their abilities to provide sexual pleasure to their partners. Lovers need to accept their genitals as a passion playground if they haven’t already. Need more incentive? Individuals who are content with their bodies also report more sex and are likelier to attain orgasm.
Can your gal say that she has made friends with her genitals? Recent years have seen a lot of efforts focused on boosting female perceptions of their genitals, not nearly as much has been done for males. People are often really hard on themselves when it comes to what’s below-the-belt, flustered that they don’t look “perfect” down there. And they’re not if they’re comparing themselves to the altered and airbrushed visuals of waxed, makeup-covered, and even surgically manipulated genitalia portrayed in porn magazines and flicks. Ironically, nobody looks like those porn stars, including the models themselves. Yet many of us are guilty of holding everyone up to unrealistic, unattainable standards!
The Canadian magazine See reported that women who had viewed sexually explicit materials in magazines and movies admitted to finding themselves comparing their genitalia to the models featured, focusing on the “abnormalities” of their own genitals. This is critical given that research in the Journal of Sex Research has found that women who have experienced cunnilingus scored higher on self-rated bodily attractiveness measures than those who have never had somebody go down on them. Investigators concluded that the more people can see their bodies (and faces) as attractive, the better their sexual esteem and abilities to see themselves positively as sexual partners. So the key to your gal seeing the appeal in her genitals is realizing — and accepting — the fact that her look is what’s normal for her. No two genitalia are alike, making your lover quite the awe-inspiring masterpiece to be worshipped with lucky you between her legs.
Rolls Off the Tongue
“When I first truly examined my vulva, I was struck by how one of my inner vaginal lips hung lower than the other. I didn’t think it strange, since it has this flower petal effect. Just thought it gave my vulva character. With porn everywhere, it’s hard not to compare, though. I never see models with vulvas like mine or those of other women for that matter. It can make you feel badly, but only if you let it. I’ve decided that there’s nothing wrong with the way I look, and if anyone thinks otherwise, it’s their problem.” —Shakira
Her “Look”
It is rare to find a female with a perfectly symmetrical vulva. Yet, many women are confused over what’s “normal” versus “ideal,” going so far as to pursue tailor-made vaginas. Vaginal resculpting, costing thousands of dollars, may include labiaplasty (a nip and tuck of her inner and/or outer vaginal lips), vaginal liposuction (for a plumper, softer labia), and clitoral hood reduction (where skin tissue around the clitoris is trimmed). Yet the vast majority of women have unmatched inner labia, a clitoris that can be anywhere from small to large, and some degree of hair on her mons pubis, outer labia, and anal opening (at least prior to removal). This look is what is normal and natural for the female form and not what vaginal resculpting promises.
Alert
Genital cosmetic surgery poses a great deal of risk, including risk of infection, scarring, nerve damage, adhesions, pain, and loss of sensation. It goes without saying — this does nothing for your sexual pleasuring!
Judging Genitals
Adding insult to injury when it comes to the very personal matter of her groin: Some lovers have been known to judge a partner’s genitals in not meeting unfair societal standards. Not knowing any better, they get turned off that their partners don’t look like the latest Penthouse centerfold. Make it your mission to explore the vast array of vulvas out there, often found in educational human sexuality materials or being touted by sex-positive advocates like Betty Dodson.
It’s important to remember that everyone is different and beautifully unique when it comes to what’s between their legs. That’s part of what makes every individual sexy and enticing. She needs to embrace what Mother Nature has given her! She needs to work on her self-confidence instead of trying to fix something that isn’t broken. She needs to learn to love and appreciate the gems she has between her legs if she ever expects to awaken their full potential. The payoffs are huge!
So take the time to sit down with her and appreciate her body, getting to know what gives her genitals character and highlighting what you like about them. This could be her vulva’s color, shape, folds, plumpness, protrusions … . Ask her to do the same for herself and for your parts. Remember, what’s normal is to be different and your ability to respond sexually and experience and share pleasure has nothing to do with the way she looks, but how well she can embrace her sexual self in its entirety. Letting her know that you’re perfectly happy with what she has is one way of supporting her in that.
Rolls Off the Tongue
“More than anything — guy or gal — I think it’s important to look like you have a well-maintained bush. It doesn’t matter how much or how little hair you have down there, just as long as it’s clean and well-groomed.” —Kai
Passion Amidst Pubic Hair
People sport all sorts of looks when it comes to their pubic hair, with color, amount, and texture varying greatly. Some go completely bare, while others strive for a specific style, e.g., the Brazilian, while others keep what Mother Nature gave them. For lovers pursuing passion amidst pubes, getting a hair stuck in your throat can happen, causing much discomfort and distress to those who have been there. So how do you avoid such? The easiest way involves combing through your lover’s pubic hair with your fingers ahead of time. Massage her pubic area prior to going south as a part of foreplay, shaking loose any stragglers that could try to trump your game.
If
the hair down there continues to be a problem, or if you’re of the opinion that less is more, suggest hair removal as a form of foreplay or a sexy intimate session in and of itself. Lovers can spend a leisurely afternoon or evening together removing each other’s hair, pampering each other with a sensual bath and erotic massage to boot. Hair removal can be as simple as a good trim of the hair covering the pubic bone, using manicuring scissors, to snipping the hair around or on the outer lips of her vulva to shaving, waxing, tweezing, or using depilatories along the bikini line. Lovers can have fun experimenting with different looks on occasion, and even color, given that, no matter what the form of hair removal, your pubes almost always grow back, albeit itchy and uncomfortable initially.
Smell: P.U. vs. Passion-Inducing
Every one of us has a distinctive signature scent, and we would perhaps do a better job embracing this natural aphrodisiac if it weren’t for the smell-like-roses messaging we’re bombarded with regularly. As you probably well know, sweating can cause a stronger genital odor. People can minimize unpleasant smells by avoiding synthetic (polyester) underwear, tights, pantyhose, and Spandex clothes that do not allow the genitals to breathe. Cotton underwear and exercise clothes, as well as loose clothes in general, are best in circulating air around the groin. Otherwise, bacteria can further set up shop, growing in a sweaty environment that causes undesirable odors.
The odor of one’s sweat can also be influenced by diet, so be sure to avoid consuming too much sugar, caffeine, and alcohol, as these can make the genitals smelly. Do not use deodorants of any sort since these are not made for use on the mucous membranes of the genitals and may have chemicals that can irritate and cause an undesirable reaction.
Thanks to commercials, like those by Massengill and Summer’s Eve, females in particular are brainwashed into thinking that they need to smell like morning dew or blossoms 24-7, lest they stink. If she’s her own worst critic with her scent, it’s time for a reality check. She needs to be realistic in her expectations. It’s humanly impossible to always be shower fresh, but most givers prefer that their lovers maintain a certain level of cleanliness too. While people are not supposed to smell squeaky clean, humans are supposed to have a scent. So be sure to highlight the moments you think her genital region smells oh so good.
Essential
If you think that your partner could use some freshening up, suggest taking a shower together as a form of foreplay, perhaps with the lights off in becoming even more uninhibited. It’s important to remember that some lovers will be turned on to your one-of-a-kind cocktail, while others may have no reaction to the smell of your genitals.
Her Scent
Every female has a vaginal odor of some type that is normal for her, with most women’s smells often described as resembling plain yogurt, slightly pungent and sweet. The same bacteria (lactobacilli) actually exists in both environments, hence the common smell. This scent usually changes throughout her menstrual cycle as her hormones change, becoming stronger or milder. It is further influenced by her personal hygiene, diet, and genital health.
Her scent is perfectly natural and should not be considered a problem unless it suddenly becomes foul (e.g., fishy) or especially strong, which may indicate an infection (e.g., trichomoniasis or yeast infection) or another medical issue. If this is the case, she should visit her healthcare provider to determine the cause of the unusual odor.
Rolls Off the Tongue
“I think it’s important to realize that even if I’m not particularly keen about my scent, a lover might be. After all, the smell of my genitals is supposed to be an attractant — and I’ve certainly had men say that it’s an aphrodisiac. They love it and can’t get enough of it. My attitude is: If a guy doesn’t like the way I smell, maybe that’s Mother Nature trying to tell both of us something, like maybe you’re better matched with somebody else!” —Leslie
Scent and Pre-Oral Hygiene
Though smell-good products may sound like the perfect way to start an evening of oral pleasure, the vagina is self-cleaning and most products on the market are only going to upset the way her reproductive system regulates itself. Some of the products she should stay away from include:
Douching. Rinsing the vagina with water or a special solution (sprayed into the vaginal canal via a tube and nozzle) is not recommended. While women were once told that using a douche could minimize odors and wash away secretions, these products disrupt the vagina’s ability to regulate itself. Douches wash away the healthy bacteria that line the vagina and alter the natural pH level of its mildly acidic environment. Douching can also spread vaginal infections to the fallopian tubes and uterus or lead to conditions like pelvic inflammatory disease (PID).
Vaginal Deodorants. These are unnecessary and contain chemicals that can irritate or damage vaginal tissues or the external genitalia.
Perfumed Soaps and Other Products. Deodorant soaps, bubble bath, and colored toilet paper are just a few of the whole host of products containing chemicals that can irritate the vagina and external genital area.
In staying clean while true to her natural smell, she should wash her vulva with warm water and a mild, unscented soap, like Cetaphil, Purpose, or Phisoderm, taking care to wash thoroughly between her inner and outer lips. Other safe, easy ways she can go into oral action feeling pristine include:
Using baby wipes.
Minimizing pubic hair so that it can’t trap sweat and odors.
Applying baby powder free of talc and cornstarch to the genitals.
Spritzing no more than a few drops of a favorite fragrance near her pubic bone for a “European shower” effect.
Fact
A person’s scent can impact whom we have sex with and how often. All indicators show that people are biologically programmed to prefer the scent of some possible lovers over others, especially when it comes to reproduction. With just one whiff of the skin’s apocrine glands and the glandular secretion and flora present in the genitals and elsewhere, basic drives, feelings, and thoughts can be set in motion, with your nose letting you know you’re aroused.
When injecting liquid into the rectum and colon, use gentle products to avoid irritation or any cuts that could lead to infection. Enemas should also be performed infrequently since they may disrupt the body’s eliminating process, as well as the rectum, bowels, and gastrointestinal tract. Know that an enema does not treat or prevent the transmission of infections, including the spread of HIV. Regardless, prior to analingus, it’s a good idea to wash the anal region with a moist, soft washcloth to clean the area as much as possible.
Question
Is it a good idea to have an enema before engaging in analingus?
An enema, or anal douche, flushes out the rectum, cleansing it of trace amounts of feces. Prior to rimming, some people use a mild enema, which involves releasing water into the anus to trigger a bowel movement or to rid the anal cavity of feces and bacteria. This is typically done two to three hours before analingus, as to give the body time to reabsorb the water before introducing the area to more activity. Over-the-counter disposable enemas are available at pharmacies.
Taste: Becoming a Fine-Dining Experience
In initially going down on somebody, unless you’re using protection, your taste buds are likeliest to detect some degree of saltiness, though your lover may taste tangier or muskier at times. Her taste most often boils down to sweat and discharge, which is in part dependent upon her diet. Garlic and onions, for example, can result in strong odors that influence taste. Her taste can also come down to what you’re used to and what you’ve been eating. Lovers who have diets high in soy sauce, for example, may not pick up on its influence on bodily fluids as much as those who use it on occasion.
In becoming scrumptious herself, your lady can pick out food to positively affect your experience. Encourage her to consume citrus fruits, like lemons
, oranges, and grapefruits in sweetening her secretions. At the end of the day, you’ll need to experiment with your diets to see how they affect your experience. This not only includes the foods and beverages themselves, but the amount consumed.
Exercise may also impact her taste, especially since we “sweat out” so much of our intake. If she’s concerned about the way she tastes, she may want to taste her vaginal secretions the next time she masturbates or the two of you fool around (provided she’s in good sexual health). Ultimately, however, just how yummy she is comes down to your palate, which you can’t be faulted for.
Be Supportive
No matter what her issue, it is one that she needs to feel able to overcome for better oral pleasing. Coming to appreciate her genitals and body is something she must do for herself — and her sexual enjoyment — and may require taking a human sexuality course or getting some sex counseling or therapy in dealing with any deep-seated issues. In the meantime, the best thing that you can do is to be a source of support, reassuring her about how much you love all of her body parts, and letting her know just how much you get off on pleasuring them — that it would mean a lot if she would allow herself to do the same.
Sex Communication