Never, he's mine. Lord, did she say that aloud? Luckily, it seemed not.
All of that, Anna accepted, was one of the reasons she dithered. Not only was Caden a Master, he was also a hot-bod man. She'd never felt she measured up to what he needed in a partner. Okay, she accepted an inferiority complex wasn't a reason for bailing out, but it added to it.
"I know," she said quietly. "Oh god how I know. Although seriously, how can I measure up?" There was silence, and Anna squirmed. Judging by Linsey's face, seemed she couldn't. Oh how wrong could someone be?
"You silly cow!" Linsey exploded. Her voice was harsh, and her face red. "Shibari-above Anna, he wants you. No one else, just you. Can't you get that into your thick head? Caden McCourt, Shibari master and Dominant extraordinaire, doesn't measure you against other people, you're who he wants. Why the hell do you think he offered to come here if not for you … oh hell." Her voice trailed off, and she ran her hands through her once perfectly styled hair. Now it looked like a herd of Wildebeest had trampled through it.
Anna stood up and walked around her desk to stand in front of her boss. Linsey was a good six inches taller, even though Anna still had her heels on.
"Say that again," she said ominously. "In words of one syllable. You had him here even though I told you what'd happened. I thought, yes, that’s okay because it was all sorted before I told you who he was. I spewed my guts out to you. Let you know all my murky secrets, and still didn't say don't bring him." Her voice rose. "I even spoke to him. And now you're telling me I was why he came here? How many more lies? Oh see, I think it's time I said goodbye, and not add thanks for employing me." With as much dignity as she could muster, Anna reached into the drawer of her desk and grabbed her bag.
Linsey stood motionless. Anna couldn't bring herself to feel any sympathy for the stricken look on Linsey's face.
"I do expect a good reference though. And that you won't pass my hereabouts on to Master," she gave the title as much scorn as she could, "McCourt. You owe me that." Without waiting for an answer, Anna walked past Linsey and out of the office.
By the time she reached her car she was shaking. As she sat in the driver's seat, Anna realized she was in no fit state to drive, but she knew she had to get away from the building. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Linsey appear and begin to run toward her. Anna started the engine and drove away. Around the corner and into the nearest car park, where she parked and sat shaking. It was stupid, she acknowledged. She couldn't spend the rest of her life like a gibbering idiot, scared of what might happen. She began to plot.
PART THREE
Resume
Chapter Five
She planned everything carefully. A new netbook and even a new email account in a different name and then she googled Master Caden McCourt. She wasn't taking any chances that her searching would get back to him.
His professional qualifications were impressive. The link to his club dared her to open it. Anna hovered between nosiness and fear. In the end, nosiness won out. She said she was moving on, didn't she? Therefore, checking out just what he was up to was the first thing she needed to do. The second was to get Athol on her side.
To say Athol was surprised to see her was an understatement. After a couple of weeks of self-pity, Anna had taken herself in check. It was time to slay the dragons and move on.
Anna timed her appearance to coincide with the end of Athol's shift. Her dress was understated and showed she had no intention to play. As she stood behind a girl in an almost there skirt and peek-a-boo blouse, Anna began to wonder if she was ready for the funny farm. What the hell was she doing, queuing to go into a BDSM club, on 'Meet the Sub' and Demo night? When the girl in front moved away with a "cheers pal," to Athol, Anna moved forward and glared at him.
"If you say one negative word, comment on my clothes, or ask if I'm a member, not only will I deck you with my handbag, I'll make you sing soprano for weeks. And we both know that even if you look a pretty boy, you aren't," she threatened.
Athol blinked, winked, and smiled.
"Well, good evening, and aren't you a sight for sore eyes? Am I allowed to say our esteemed boss is shit scared, and the phone lines between here and somewhere have been red hot?"
Anna scowled, and then grinned.
"Yeah, you can say that." She paused. "Look, Athol, I need a favour, a big one, and you can say no if you want."
"Try me." Athol encouraged her.
She took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"Will you chum me in? Hold my hand, and make me keep my eyes open? Tell me I can do it, and not let me run away? Please?" She waited anxiously.
Her reply was a big hug.
"Aw, doll, you know I will. But don't you want Linsey?"
Anna shook her head. "Oh no. She's gonna squirm for a bit. And if I do wimp out, faint, or scream in a bad way, I want you to be there. I'm scared, Athol. Shit fucking shaking scared." She sighed. "But if I don't slay my demons now, I'm never going to get my life back. The bugger was right. I'm letting my past shape my future in the wrong way," she added in a gloomy voice.
"He said that?" Athol didn't pretend not to know whom Anna was talking about. He pushed the register at her. "Sign in then."
Anna scribbled her name, amused to see she'd written McCourt, not Jason. A Freudian slip? Who knew, but it seemed it hadn't taken long to revert in that case. How the hell would she cope in others?
"Not in so many words, but he meant it. And I need to get over the wall. So, be gentle with me. And Athol?"
He looked at her, one eyebrow raised.
"I'm not playing. Not at anything. This is simply to see if I can walk through those doors and stay sane. If I start screaming or salivating, you have my permission to shake me."
Athol pulled her into a hug. He was all earthy male, with a clean citrus scent that teased her nostrils. The same as Cade. But on Athol it didn't make her clit throb or her body tremble with the urge to kneel.
"Five minutes." He promised, and rubbed her arms. It might have warmed her up … body wise, but not in a sexual manner. Anna noted the difference. Athol grinned.
"You'll be fine. Uncle Athol will look after you. Fiona is just getting changed, and then we can go."
"Fiona is changed." A tall, athletic-looking blonde appeared from the employees lounge dressed in a long vivid red evening dress that clung so tightly Anna wondered how she wriggled in—or out—of it. "What are you two plotting?"
"To run away," Athol said smoothly, as he spun Anna round and pointed her in the direction of the employees lounge. "Shove your stuff in your locker, hon, and let's pop your cherry, eh?"
Fiona's eyes widened. "Er, Athol?" she spluttered. "I hope that doesn't mean what it sounded like."
Athol winked at Anna, who in spite of the 1812 Overture being played in her tummy grinned at him.
"That depends," he said in a voice that could melt ice. "What did it sound like?"
Fiona chuckled. "Oh no, you're not putting me on the spot like that. Go away and play."
"She'll think you've converted me," Athol whispered as they left the vestibule and went into the comfortable rest area. "Either that or you're a doppelganger. You okay now?"
Anna dug her nails into her palms. "Honestly? I'm not sure. I feel sick, my tummy is cramping, and my mouth is dry. But I'm going to try."
Athol stroked her cheek. The caring gesture helped Anna to regulate her breath and slow her heartbeat.
"That's my brave girl. Let's do it." He took her hand. "Hey, have you forgotten everything you ever knew? No shoes."
She blushed. How could she forget that when she said it so often to members as they signed in? Anna slipped her feet out of her shoes and wriggled her toes in relief. Truth to tell, subbing or not, she hated shoes and wore them as little as possible. She put the shoes into her locker and scrambled the combination on the lock. At least it was still her locker. It seemed Linsey hadn't given up on her then.
"Right, I'm ready."
&n
bsp; "Can you at least undo the top button of that blouse?" Athol flicked her silk blouse as if it were a piece of dirty rag. "Or you'll be taken for a Domme and my street cred will go down the toilet big time."
Anna was remorseful. She hadn't considered what this would mean to Athol. "Athol, do you mind? Really? Because if you do we'll forget about it."
"For fuck's sake, Anna. Watch my lips. I. Do. Not. Mind. Okay? Even if a certain Dom tries to have my hide, I'm solid with it. We're friends, good friends, and this is what said friends do for each other. Help. And before you ask, I know no more than you told me in our confess-fest, except I reckon he's not going to let you go again if he has any say in the matter. Now move that luscious ass and let's get the first stage over."
"First stage?" Anna queried as she followed him out of the lounge and back into the foyer. She was certain Athol had read Cade correctly, and had wondered at his silence before she realized he was giving her space before he moved in for … whatever. "And couldn't we go through the employee's door?"
"First stage is through those doors. So, no, you're not sneaking in. We're doing this all the way properly. Come on, love, pull up your big girl panties. And open that top button, or I will." The last words were spoken in such a way, Anna stiffened.
"What the?" The words were hardly out of her mouth before he took hold of her blouse and undid three buttons.
"Anna, I may be nice to you, but we do this my way. No need to Sir me, but you will do as I say."
His tone and the look on his face made her skin tingle. Yes, he was her friend. Yes, he was gay. And oh yes, he was dominant.
"Sorry." She bit her tongue to stop the title he commanded slipping out. There was no way she was going to add Sir on to her apology. Athol rolled his eyes.
"Oh, Anna, you are so receptive, you know. Why are you denying your true self?" He didn't wait for an answer, but opened the large doors that led into the main room of the club. "Right, stay close, and okay, don't be my sub, but for fuck's sake respect those who're here."
That stung. "Of course I will."
"Yeah, I know." Athol hugged her and put his hand to the small of her back. "But I've got to get a reaction from you somehow. Just to pander to my ego, you know. Ready?"
Spots danced in front of her eyes. Her skin crawled as if hundreds of insects made their way over it, and her heart pounded. She was amazed her companion didn't comment on it. Anna took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes closed.
"Yeah. Let's do it."
The tap to her ass made her jump. Not because it hurt—it didn't—but it was unexpected.
"Open your eyes, or there's no point. And you'll lose me all my Dom cred."
She hadn't thought of that.
"Oh, Athol, I'm being mean, aren't I?" Anna was contrite. She hadn't thought of Athol's side when she'd asked for help.
"Hey, doll, I'm a big boy even if I do look about twelve. And wait and see. It's strange, but once through these doors I'm my real self. No sweat. So do you trust me?"
"What? Of course I do."
She was sure he muttered, god help me, but had no time to ask. Athol took her hand and led her across the room toward the bar.
****
Cade stood in front of the computer screen and swore. Even in black and white, Anna looked as if she was about to faint. He would bet his last rope she was the color of snow and at least as cold.
"Come on," he muttered. "You can do it. Show me, love, show us." The fact he didn't know if there was ever again going to be an 'us' he wasn't going to think about. All he knew was now he'd found her he had to try again. The threat of her picture going on public display was almost an idle one. Cade had hoped against hope that one day that perfect pose would be on show. He was so proud of her in it. After she'd walked out it was the only thing he held on to openly. His lasting hope was that one day, he'd recreate it again with her. Their lovemaking after he'd untied her had been the best ever, and Cade knew he'd never experience anything like it with anyone else.
He and Linsey had had a long chat. Even after Anna had walked out of the club, Cade had had faith in her integrity. What he hadn't expected was for her to walk into the club, indeed any club as she had. Did she know he was there?
He'd travelled north on a whim. Not to try to speak to Anna, he knew better than that. She didn't know, but Cade had someone watching her 24/7. There was no way he'd lose track of her again. Whatever the outcome, they had to resolve their life. Linsey had been overjoyed when he'd offered to help out for the evening. The last thing he'd expected was for Anna to turn up. He'd intended to confront her during the following day.
Ah right. She's got this far. I'll either freak her, or I won't. Cade was pleased he'd asked Linsey not to promote his participation. Athol would have a clear conscience, when Anna undoubtedly confronted him.
"Time, Cade." Linsey had entered the room without him hearing her. She looked over his shoulder at the screen. "What're you staring … oh shit. I had no idea." Her voice rose, and her worry was evident. "Seriously, I'd've told you, if I did."
"I guessed that. Don't worry, I won't renege. Anna might freak, but that's up to her. I wonder why she chose tonight to come in?"
Linsey shrugged her shoulders under the thin blue silk she was wearing. "No idea. I kept to my side of the bargain and didn't contact her. I didn't even know she was here. Athol must have brought her in when he finished his shift. I wonder what he'll do with her when he demonstrates? I can't see Anna participating in scribing, can you?"
She'd better not. For one awful moment Cade thought he'd spoken aloud. He saw red—literally. A haze of anger filled him and clouded his vision. No one, but no one except himself would do that to his wife, and even then not unless she asked him to.
"Probably not," he said is as non-committal voice as he could manage. "But then I couldn't see her walking into the club either. Don't worry, when Athol's busy, I'll look after her for you." If she doesn't emasculate me. "What's the schedule?"
Linsey ran through the list of events. "And we'll keep you until last if that's okay? Sort of saving the best bits."
Cade smiled. "If I'm still in one piece. Lead on, MacDuff, let's go and show our faces. Are you demonstrating?" With one last look at the monitors, where Anna was now seated at the bar, still looking as if she might throw up and clutching onto Athol like a suction pad, he followed Linsey out of the room.
They walked down some stairs to a locked door. Linsey unset the combination. "With Suki. She's always happy to be flogged for a good cause. All tonight's demos are with experienced subs. Hell, we want to show people what they might like, not put them off for life. Connie, who you met, is one of my girls, and I tell you, she's ecstatic at having the chance to be tied by you."
Cade nodded, as he listened with half his mind. The other half was full of regret it wasn't Anna he'd be tying. However, he'd seen no flying pigs, so that scenario wasn't likely.
As they entered the main room—the Great Room, as Linsey called it—there was a tangible ripple of excitement. Cade heard his name whispered and saw more than one person glance his way only to shift their eyes as he glared.
"Protocol seems to have gone to hell," he said in a voice that carried. "Not what I'd have expected."
"No, nor me." Linsey's tone of voice was not pleasant. It could freeze the sun. "And it better be rectified soon. Master Fergus?" She spoke to that evening's dungeon master, who approached her. "Sort those subs, please."
The blond-haired man who had appeared at their side dipped his head. "Of course, Ma'am." He walked over to the group of girls who had spoken. Several stiffened, and one dropped to her knees and bowed her head. Out of the corner of his eye, Cade watched Anna's demeanor. She'd stood up, and he reckoned only the fact Athol was holding her arm stopped her running.
"Ma'am? That's a new one on me." Caden dragged his eyes away from his wife and looked at Linsey, who was watching Master Fergus closely. As first one girl and then another nodded and looked down toward the ground
, she turned her attention back to Cade.
"What? Oh, Ma'am? Why not?"
"Why not indeed. I like it. And it suits you. What does Anna call you?"
She looked at him. His pretense of nonchalance didn't fool her. "Up until recently a friend. Now? Who knows? Probably poison."
The look of compassion she gave him was almost his undoing. Cade felt like crying. He swallowed. "Hey, I've made my bed, I rest on it, okay? My sins are mine alone."
"True, but when you involve me…" Linsey sighed. "Yeah, okay, over to you. What now?"
That Cade reflected was the crux of the matter. "I work for you. I promised you a demo and tutorial. Where's my sub? We need to talk."
Linsey waved, and a tall, dark-haired girl approached and knelt at his feet.
"Ma'am. Sir."
Caden smiled. The sub and he had conversed about the demonstration earlier, and he was happy they would work together. However, he had an idea in mind and needed Connie the sub's cooperation. And Linsey's.
"Linsey, I need to talk to you both in private. Make it look as if we're discussing the demo. Where can we go?" His face must have reflected his need because Linsey didn't ask questions.
"Through here, both of you." She opened a door in the back of the room. "An interview room. Will it do?"
Anywhere would do if he could talk to them both without the chance of Anna overhearing.
"I'm going to be devious," he said once the door was closed behind them. "Connie, you need to listen very carefully."
She knelt in front of him and bowed her head. "Yes, Sir."
Cade sighed. He really wasn't into formality with someone he had no true connection with. Those words that he heard so often failed to stir him. It was as if someone had opened the curtains. Caden realized for years he'd just been going through the motions.
"It doesn't matter," he said quickly. If he was going to win Anna, it had to be without subterfuge. He wasn't going to be anything but open. It was the only way. And if they didn't? Cade decided he wasn't going to think about that.
Master Page 4