"Let's just go through what I'll need. First, restate your safe words."
Connie looked surprised as well she might. They'd been over everything earlier, practiced and practiced. This was after all a demonstration, and a tutorial.
"We're showing newbies how to feel and act," he said smoothly. "Therefore?"
"Red, Orange, and Green sir. Stop, slow down, and I'm happy."
"Good girl. We need to leave nothing unexplained. And although it might be teaching, hey, you have to get enjoyment. This could be make or break time for some people." Including Anna, I think. "I never leave anything to chance."
Linsey flashed him a glance. He could tell she knew that hadn't been what she was going to say, but chose not to interfere. It was just as well. The evening was going to push him to his limits, especially if Anna watched.
Caden decided to go for gold.
"This is the design."
Chapter Six
Anna watched Cade through hooded eyes.
"Did you know he was here?" she asked Athol in a voice guaranteed to send slivers of ice down his spine. He shook his head.
"Anna, love, if I had, whatever Linsey said, I'd've told you. You matter. They don't."
That admission stole her breath away. True friends were few and far between for Anna. It was rare she opened herself up.
"Thank you, Sir. Oh fuck, where did that come from?" Anna was mortified. The fact Athol laughed didn't help.
"Like I said, hon," he crowed. "You can't lose it. Never ever. And if I wanted a lady, believe me you'd be her."
"Oh fuck off." Anna didn't give lip service to him. "I can so go off you. Oh my god, what?" She pointed to the other side of the room, where a Dom unknown to her had a sub strapped to a St. Andrew’s Cross. "Who the fuck is he? That sub is not happy. No, don't ask how I know, I just do." The woman in question showed unease in every muscle. "Do something, Athol, or I will. I can't believe no one has noticed." She began to move.
"No need." Athol held her arm, stopping her approaching the couple. It was probably the proper thing to do in the circumstances, because in the mood she was in she'd probably be sued for assault as she thumped the guy in the balls. "Your man has seen and sorted."
"He's not..." One look from Athol stopped her mid-sentence.
"No? He seems to think he is." Athol stood back as Caden left the couple at the cross with a dungeon monitor and approached Anna and Athol. Anna's tummy, which had already done the Samba, began a steady rock and roll.
"Athol, if you love me, don't leave me," she said under her breath. He smiled, and she saw the compassion there.
"Anna, honey, I so do love you, but I value my hide more."
She could have killed him as he nodded to Caden.
"Master Caden."
The acknowledgement of a Sir to a Master. She scowled.
"Athol, you are a wuss."
He grinned. "Oh am I ever. Now it's up to you, hon. Grab your courage and use it." He walked away. Anna glared at his retreating back. What a cop out.
"Anna." Caden stood in front of her. As much as her mind said kneel and submit, her body wouldn't, not here. She looked at him and smiled. Anyone who knew her would recognize that smile and be very wary. His eyes narrowed.
"Well hello, Caden. I won't say it's a pleasure, because it isn't." Behind Cade someone gasped. She ignored the sound, even if inwardly it pleased her. He was not her Dom, she wasn't a sub, and she'd say what she wanted.
"Are you a guest?" Anna went on. "If so, enjoy." She went to move past him. He stopped her by taking hold of her arm.
"Not so fast."
Anna could tell he held his strength in check. The muscles on his arms were tense; the veins stood out, and a pulse beat fast in his neck. She raised an eyebrow in query. It didn't seem to faze him.
"Why are you here?" His voice was deep and demanding. As usual it affected her like no other ever did.
How to answer? Anna swallowed. Caden's face was a blank canvas. He could have been speaking to a stranger and asking the time.
"I'm a member." Technically, it was true. All employees were. As Linsey hadn't accepted her notice, Anna felt confident she was on the right side of Dommissima's rules.
"Then you should abide by the rules. You kneel when you speak to a Master."
Bastard. He had her there. Then Anna remembered something. "This is newbie night so to speak. So it's less formal. And to be honest? No one is my master, with or without a capital 'M'."
There was another gasp, and Anna was fairly sure she saw Linsey put her had to her mouth. Anna was unrepentant. Her knickers might need wringing out, and her nipples about to poke through her blouse—Cade always had that effect on her—but she wasn't going to submit in any way. Not now, not there. It's always the other people watching that screws me, every time.
"I came because it's time to bury my demons and get rid of my past life," she said clearly. His grip tightened. Good, let him see I don't care anymore. Well even if I do, I'm not letting him know. "Let go of me, Caden, I'm not your…" her voice trailed off. The flash of anger in his eyes frightened her. Her skin crawled. What on earth had she done?
"My what?" he asked his voice as smooth as the silk of her blouse.
"Your anything," she finished. Her nails made tiny crescents in her palms, and she bet there'd be blood. Why oh why was she baiting him now after all this time? Did she have a death wish, or a wish to be taken in hand and shown who was boss? Where had that thought come from? Anna felt sick. Cade's face was devoid of any emotion. Only the pulse in his neck showed he wasn't a statue.
"You think not?" His voice was mild, too mild.
Anna swallowed. One day she'd learn not to open her mouth and put both feet in.
"I suggest that as you watch my demonstration, you refresh your memory…" He paused and bent his head. His breath tickled her ear. "Wife."
Caden straightened and beckoned to Athol who had been watching the exchange as he stood next to Linsey. Master Fergus had ushered the interested group of bystanders away, and the four of them could have been cocooned in their own little world.
"Make her watch or send her away." His tone conveyed nothing except boredom. He turned and walked away, evidently not caring what the answer was.
"Demonstration?" Anna asked Athol. "What fucking demonstration. I thought this was a newbie meet the sub night. You know, ask questions and such."
"And see demos. Hell, Anna you should know that. You do all the paperwork."
"Did it all," she replied, and hoped she wasn't going to throw up. "I don't now. Nowhere did I arrange for him to be here. That's next month."
And dammit for remembering.
"This is an extra." Linsey approached them. "Hello, Anna. I see you've decided to break down the doors and see what's inside. Pity you left it to tonight."
"Isn't it just." Anna was seething. They'd both known Caden was here, and neither thought to warn her. She blocked out the fact that until she'd met Athol as his shift ended they had no idea she was going to attend. "However, I can soon rectify that. I'll go."
"Oh no you won't, you coward." Caden had returned, and Anna hadn't noticed. "You'll stop and watch if I have to shackle you to a chair. This has gone on long enough. For fuck's sake, you should see yourself. Green as a lettuce and shaking like a leaf in a breeze. Where's my vibrant, sassy sub? My wife who was with me all the way? My Shibari partner? Look at you; all buttoned up like a prissy virgin. What have you done to yourself?"
Anna turned on him, and her hand shot out and caught him hard across the jaw. His head jerked back, and she took a step away. Now she'd done it. Fury was nothing to what she saw on his face.
"Want to play, do we? On your knees." He leaned on her shoulders. Anna had no intention of obeying. She hooked her foot around his ankle and pushed down hard, the way he'd shown her all those years ago. The fact she was shoeless didn't help her, but surprise did. For one moment she thought she'd won, but she was no match for sheer brute strength. Her
legs buckled, and she was on her knees and sobbing for breath. Caden pressed on her neck.
"Assume the position, Anna."
"Fuck off."
The pressure increased. Cade laughed. Damn him, he's enjoying this, the bastard. She tried to ignore the liquid seeping out of her channel and down her legs. Her curls were wet, and her knickers chafed.
"Ana, do you want me to gag you? Do as you're told."
"No. And no. I'm not yours to play with, Cade." She twisted her head. "And you're hurting me."
The pressure eased, and she took deep breaths.
"Why're you fighting this?" Cade asked in a mild voice. "You want to return, or why else are you here?" He stroked her hair. The soft touch was as erotic as any form of lovemaking. Her pussy spasmed, and Anna realized with horror it would take very little to make her come.
"Er, let me up." Was that weak pathetic voice really her? "Please, Cade, or I'll scream assault, and anything else I can do."
His hand stopped moving, and she took advantage of his inaction to scramble to her feet.
"Thank you." Her voice was laced with sarcasm. She looked at Linsey and Athol and hoped they could see her contempt. "I'm going now. If I get to walk out of here, unmolested, and unchallenged, I'll forget all this. Otherwise be warned. I'll make a stink. A very big one."
"Threats, Anna?" Caden took her chin in his hand. "I don't think you're in any position to make threats. Remember a certain photo?"
"Blackmail, Caden?' she retorted in as sugar-sweet tone as she could manage. "Publish and be damned. You're right. I need to grow up." Although how she was going to achieve that when she wanted to be sick over his shoes, and wasn't sure her legs would carry her to the door Anna had no idea. So much for facing her demons. Now all she had to do was get out of there, get home, and have a good cry. Then accept that as much as she'd be happy to do anything Caden wanted in private, 'in private' were the operative words. She shivered and felt goose bumps cover her skin. Caden's eyes narrowed. He ran his hand up her arm, under the blouse.
"For fuck’s sake, Anna, you're freezing. Athol get me a subbie blanket and a mug of hot milk, please. And bring it into my room." He lifted Anna into his arms as if she weighed nothing.
Anna began to struggle. In truth, being held by Cade was like coming home, but she daren't let herself enjoy it. It was what might come after she couldn't cope with.
"I hate hot milk. And I'm not going anywhere with you, Caden McCourt."
"Exactly, we're not going anywhere except in here. You said you want to grow up and move on? Prove it."
"Pardon?" Anna jiggled in his arms as he walked across the main room and into a small cozy room off to one side. He put her down on a soft sofa and pushed her back gently to rest on the squidgy cushions along the back. Athol had followed them with a soft blanket, which he handed to Caden. Caden wrapped her up and held it close to her body. Anna melted into its comforting warmth. Now if she could just stay like this she'd be happy. Cade, however, had other ideas. He waited until Athol had left the room and they were alone before he spoke. Then his words sent tentacles of fear crawling over her.
"Prove it. Anna. Show me you're over whatever bugged you. Watch me, or even better be my partner. Show me you're grown up. Let me tie you."
Anna froze.
****
Cade wished Anna would say something, and not just stare at him as if he had three heads, or was a python about to strike.
Well?" he asked after the silence had stretched so long it was uncomfortable.
She looked him up and down. Sadly, it wasn't the sort of glance to make his cock stir and become interested. More the sort of look that shriveled his cock and made it hide behind his balls for protection.
"No." She paused. "Thank you."
It was the biggest blow to him since she walked out. Why he'd thought she might say yes, Cade had no idea. After all a leopard didn't change his spots. Or he realized, Anna her ideas. It was then that Cade's vision of a happy ever after faded and died.
"Then I suggest you leave," he said in as even a tone as he could manage. Fuck her. His heart may have been ripped out and in tatters, but no way would he show her. "Because I'll tell you now, my love, if you stay, by god I'll use you as an example, so help me. You loved it before. You got off on my tying you. Don't deny it. It showed by the sheen on your skin. The way your voice hitched and that sexy little pulse in your neck beat so fast. You were so turned on I had one hell of a time denying you your release. Your arousal coated you, and your legs and that beautiful pussy were covered in the evidence. For fuck’s sake." His frustration overflowed. What was he missing? "You loved it, Anna. You showed me, you loved what we could do. And then? Well then, you little coward. You scared yourself, and you ran." His chest heaved. Cade knew he was so close to crying it was stupid. To get worked up over something that happened so long ago was silly. Nevertheless, it had stayed with him, throbbing like a festering wound over the years. Never healing, always there as a reminder he'd failed and he didn't know why.
She struggled out of the blanket and his arms. Cade felt as if he'd lost something special. It had been heaven holding her again.
"Why, Anna?"
She stared at him, and the wounded look was almost his undoing. Caden hardened his heart. He intended to get answers, and if she weren't willing to help him, then he'd have to get closure somehow and move on.
"Well?" he asked again after he decided she wasn't going to answer him. "Cat got your tongue, love?"
"No," she said. Her voice quavered, and it gave him hope. She wasn't as unaffected as she said. "Don't bully me, Cade. I might have reacted to those tactics years ago, but not now. If I say no, it's my prerogative. You might be the great Master, but not to me. Now you go and tie someone up, but don't expect me to watch. Or be that poor sod." She sniffed. "Oh lord, no, not poor sod. It's not that—that's good. It's the rest. It's the eyes…"
She swayed. Cade caught her before she fell. "Dammit, Anna, why are you here if you feel like this? I mean, okay, working outside in reception is bad enough, but to turn up tonight and decide to lay your demons, why?" He gave her a tiny shake, just enough to make her blink and take a deep breath. "Why, love?"
Anna blinked and sighed. It was the saddest sound Cade had ever heard.
"Because I need to move on," she whispered. "I loved you, Cade, but you tore me to pieces. I wasn't enough for you, was I? Not even when I tried to be what you wanted. I never measured up. Oh, don't deny it." She put her finger over his mouth. "You never said, I knew you wouldn't. But I could see it. Every time I said red, or please no. Every time I let you go off to the club alone. God, I knew you were playing with other people, and it crucified me. I wasn't enough. I'd never be enough." She choked on a sob. "So I decided. I loved you so much I had to let you go. Let you fly. I never wanted to leave the ground. I was so stupid to think I could. If you still love me, even a little bit, Cade, let me go. Let me give you what you need, and let me go."
Anna collapsed on the floor. Her body heaved with great dry sobs. Cade watched and wanted to cry with her. He was supposed to be a Master and read people. But his wife, the only person he'd lie down and die for, and he'd never read that.
"Oh, love." He lifted her back into his arms. "No, don't struggle. Just let me hold you. I failed you, didn't I? The one person who means more than anything else to me in the world and I failed you. Why didn't I know? I'm supposed to be a Master, one who can recognize signs, and I missed this one." He kissed the top of her head. What he wanted to do was fuck her senseless, promise her anything she wanted, and be the man for her. However, a little glimmer of common sense poked into his brain. He was what he was. Cade knew he would be no man at all if he denied his needs and his talents.
The soft kiss to his cheek was like a butterfly's wings. "You didn't fail me, Cade. I failed you. You were always open and upfront with what you wanted and liked. I chose to pretend I was happy. I didn't tell you what I wanted and needed. But I can't do it. God, I
wish I could. The number of times I've wanted to come back and say, yes okay, take me with you. Tie me, scribe me, or whatever. But I couldn't. Because to freeze and see how I'd hurt you? Well, that would kill me. So I went and stayed away."
She scrambled off his lap, but instead of walking away, Anna knelt at his feet and bowed her head to him.
"This has never sat easy with me, Cade, not whilst people are watching. It's humiliating, and I hated it every time I did it for you. And to strip off in front of others? It made me feel sick. I loved you so much that I was willing to try. And oh god, I tried. But that last time? When you wanted to demo with me. Mix Shibari and wax play? I couldn't. It should be private, for us alone. I'm not an exhibitionist, and I hated it. I couldn't bear showing you how much it was wrong for me, not when I knew how right it was for you. So I went."
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" Cade was appalled that she hadn't communicated her fears to him. "We could have talked it over and taken it gradually until you were comfortable." He tipped her chin up and listened to himself. What did he sound like? All him, not her. Caden McCourt was ashamed of himself.
"Look at me, Anna. Am I such an ogre?" How on earth could he redeem himself? For the first time in a very long while Cade realized he was frightened. His world was spinning on its axis, and he was terribly scared when it settled it wouldn't be as he hoped for.
The pain in her eyes sent sharp stabs of guilt skittering through him.
"Don't be silly." She stretched up and touched his cheek. It was a benediction of sorts. "It was never you. It's me. I was jealous and not prepared to share you. With anyone or anything, and I know that's not healthy. I thought that by coming here tonight and asking Athol to baby me I could at least get over some of my hang-ups. Be able to read some of those hot novels everyone is raving about instead of coming out in hives when their titles are mentioned. Well, the best laid plans, etcetera. Now I know."
Master Page 5