With a sigh she lowered her hand, tightened her arms around his middle and then relaxed. And Caden understood it was the end. It was her way of saying goodbye, and as far as she was concerned, it was over.
It was like a fist in his stomach. There and then Cade decided he wasn't going to give up without a fight. He'd let her walk away without a struggle all those years ago, but not now.
"No, you don't know. You know nothing. You won't let yourself. Your mind is zipped tighter than a virgin's pussy. Hell, Anna, you didn't even give us a chance to sort something out, and here you are running again. Well, my love, I've got news for you. You're going to wake up and see just what I am. How the hell I lived with someone for five years who kept so much from me is a scary, sobering thought. But if you're so sure I have nothing to give you, then prove it. Either watch me or sub for me. If not tonight, then soon at my club. Show me we have nothing, and I'll let you go. But walk away and I'll fight you every step of the way. After all it's your word against mine that we’re estranged. I was with you the other night. Such a touching reunion, you were magnificent." His stomach heaved at the deception. Cade had never ever forced a woman to do anything, but he was mad. More angry than he'd ever been. He'd been judged and condemned and known nothing about it. "And I had witnesses. Linsey, Athol, hell, even the taxi driver. I'm bloody sure I'm not being convicted again without a trial."
Anna stared at him steadily for long enough to make him want to squirm. Then she stood up.
"Go to hell."
Well that was plain enough. However, no way was she having the last word.
“Don't forget the picture," he said as she walked to the door. She stopped and turned. The look of contempt she gave him was, in his mind, definitely deserved. He didn't much like himself.
"Publish and be damned. And get ready to be dragged through every court in Britain. You say you love me?" She laughed, a high-pitched shrill noise that grated on his nerves. It was like chalk over a blackboard, harsh and teeth-clenching. "Fine sort of love you have. Well all I can say is if showing my body off gets your rocks off, then just go for it. That was then, this is now, and oh shit…" Her voice broke. "Fuck you, Caden, just fuck it all." She ran out of the room and banged the door shut behind her.
Cade stared at the door as if he hoped it would open again and Anna would come in, laughing and joking it was all a mistake. Yeah, and London bridge is for sale—again. Not gonna happen.
The door did open, but it was Linsey. She looked worried.
"Er, Cade? You have a demo due in ten minutes."
It was the last thing he felt like doing, but sod it, he'd ballsed everything else up, he wasn't going to screw this also. He stood up and tucked his shirt into his trousers. He'd no idea when it had come adrift.
"Yeah." Cade ran his hands through his hair. "Coming."
Chapter Seven
Anna held her elbows to stop her hands shaking. She walked across the great room and kept her head down, not looking at anyone, and determined to get outside before she broke down and bawled like a baby. So much for laying her demons to rest. All she'd done was stir them up and piss off her friends. What she'd done to Caden she daren't analyze.
She bumped into someone and muttered sorry. It seemed whoever she hit wasn't prepared to accept it. Her shoulders were gripped in a clasp that brought tears to her arms.
"Watch where you're going, sub." She didn't recognize the voice, but the tone was oh so familiar. She sighed. It might be the place for a Dom, but for heaven's sake couldn't the powers that be have given her a clear route out?
"Get lost."
The hold on her tightened, and she whimpered. "You're hurting me."
"Rude, bratty subs deserve to be shown who's the boss."
Anna looked up at stared at the tall, silver-haired man in front of her. She had no idea who he was, but he needed putting straight. "Let go of me before I retaliate." A white-hot anger filled her. She felt the hairs on her arm go to full 'stand up and be counted' alert. "I," she said slowly, enunciating with care, "I am not a sub, and if I was I wouldn't be yours. Now let the hell go before I end your career as a Dom by giving you two broken arms and mangled balls."
Her words must have surprised him, because he let go and took a step back.
"Sorry, hen." The voice became pure Glasgow. "My mistake." He smiled and held his hand out. "Hamish Alexander. Are you a newbie?"
Anna couldn't help but smile back. He'd changed from all dominant to a charming man, but she didn't believe that persona any more than she believed in little green men from Mars. "No, I'm a disinterested bystander on her way out. Enjoy your evening." She went to move on. He stopped her with an arm in front of her. Anna didn't feel threatened by the blatant show of dominance, just amused. Well, that's one step in the right direction. I don't want to throw up—yet. "Excuse me. I've a car to catch, and I need to shampoo the dog." His arm dropped as he stood back and chuckled.
"Both our losses, I believe," he murmured. "If you change your mind, just ask for me here."
Anna nodded; she wasn't prepared to carry on the interchange. It wasn't as if she'd ever any intention of changing her mind, but if she had Hamish, charming as he was, he wouldn't be the one she changed it for.
She opened the door and stepped into the foyer. Fiona looked up from the desk. What she saw in Anna's eyes, Anna couldn't fathom a guess, but Fiona shot up from her seat as if she'd been ejected and walked over to her, before encompassing her in a bear hug.
"Oh dear, not good?"
Anna shook her head and felt tears slide down her cheeks. She hadn't known she was crying. "Understatement of the year. The only positive thing is I didn't throw up. Apart from that? Well, let's just say as experiments go it's back to the drawing board." She shuddered and wiped her cheek with her hand. "I feel such a bloody idiot. I mean all I needed to do was stop inside. I didn't have to leave the bar even. Just stop for an hour. Such a little thing and I couldn't even manage that."
"Why?” Fiona guided her to the desk and pushed her into the chair behind it.
Anna shook her head. "Oh lord, too complicated to explain."
Fiona perched on the edge of the desk and handed a bottle of water to Anna. "Drink."
Her tone demanded obedience. Anna twisted the lid off and drank. "Thanks." She put the bottle on the desk. "I'd better go."
"Stay there. Don't move. I'll get Athol to drive you home."
"No, don't." Anna put her hand on Fiona's arm. "I've let him down, and you know maybe he's needed inside." Anna had no idea if that was true or not, but she couldn't face him at that moment. "I'll be fine. I'll go home and try to sort myself out."
Fiona shook her head. "No way, hon. You're not driving. If you don't want Athol, I'll ask him to cover, and I'll take you home myself."
"Look, Fi, seriously I'm okay. Athol will be busy no doubt, and anyway, I have to sort myself out."
Fiona glared at her. "So, Anna, are you a Domme? Because you sure as hell aren't behaving like a sub."
"What?” Anna started to laugh. She recognized the edge of hysteria in it and clamped her lips together and clasped her hands. Hysterics was the last thing she wanted. She could imagine the picture. Caden scening inside and her creating a different scene outside. Not to be thought of.
Fiona took hold of her hands. "I'm missing something here. Look, love, no way can you drive, and I don't think you should be by yourself. I'm going to ring a friend to come and get you and take you to our place for the night. Please?"
Ann shook her head. "I'll be fine at home, and I have a dog to take care of. But you're right, I won't drive, I'll take a cab. Um, can you make sure my car is okay please, it's out the back?"
Fiona looked at her for a long moment. "Compromise. Lizzie will drive you home, and I'll come out when I finish. I might not be your Domme, but no responsible Domme would leave you alone. No arguments. And Domme apart, you're a friend, albeit one with secrets."
It was nice to be cossetted. Anna nodded and clo
sed her eyes. "As long as I'm away before Ca … he ... er, oh shit, get me out of here soon, please."
Fiona did as she'd asked. Within fifteen minutes Anna found herself a passenger in her own car being driven home by a tiny blonde who deferred to Fiona as if she were god. Which in Lizzie's eyes, Anna acknowledged, she probably was.
"So, not your thing then?" Lizzie asked as she drove out of town. "I must admit it's not mine either. I leave the display crap to Fiona. What we do is for us and us alone. No way am I putting my wobbly bits on display."
Anna stirred in her seat. "So you mean you'll scene at home in private? And you don't mind her doing stuff with other people and not you?" Her voice wavered. Damn it, why do I sound like a stupid kid?
Lizzie gave her a quick glance before she concentrated on the road again. "Do I turn here?"
"Yeah, and then down the first lane on the left. It's the first house you come to."
Lizzie indicated and followed the directions. "So, scene-ing?" she said as she slowed to take a tight curve and pull into Anna's driveway. "Well, we don't call it that, but I suppose it is. We just do what's right for us. Fiona is brilliant at wax play. She's a great teacher and a brilliant Domme. Other people deserve to see what wax play by the right person is like."
She stopped the car, switched off the engine, and swiveled in her seat to stare at Anna. Her blue eyes glistened in the light of the security lamps outside the house. "She comes home to me, Anna, only me. She might flog someone in a scene, but she doesn't fuck them. I'm the only person she's intimate with. Look on it like going to work. You do your job, and you interact as and how the job demands. Then you go home to your partner. End of."
In a strange way, the words made sense. Anna opened the car door. She'd got one hell of a lot to think about. She ran her fingers through her hair and winced at the knots in it. So much for trying to remain tidy and composed. She bet she looked like she'd been in a force ten gale. Impatient with herself, Anna tucked a few errant strands behind her ear. For two pins she'd cut it short. Leaving it long for all these years because Caden liked it that way was stupid. She had to move into a 'what I like' mode and put herself first.
But I don't want to. The words resounded inside her head, and Anna hoped she hadn't spoken them out loud. She shook her head, and her hair tickled her cheek. Definitely at least a trim needed.
Lizzie walked around the car and touched Anna's arm.
"Are you okay now, hon? You look sort of grey. I didn't think my driving was that bad. Hell, don't tell Fiona or my ass will be red raw and I'll be sitting on a rubber ring for a week." She giggled to show the scenario didn't particularly perturb her.
A deep bark could be heard from inside the house. Anna took out her door key.
"It wasn't your driving. Come on in and we'll have a coffee and something to eat whilst you wait for Fiona."
The barking grew louder, and Lizzie raised her eyebrows.
Anna giggled. "Time to meet Dickens. I've a feeling you've just helped me more than you'll ever know."
****
Cade stood by the window of the penthouse and sipped a single malt as he watched the cars on the expressway. He'd bet they were all normal folks going about their business with their lovers and friends, not beating themselves up over how they'd fucked up big time.
Define normal. One person's normal is the next person's kink. He remembered the rhyme Daisy had made into a cross-stitch picture for him. Everyone's different. My kink isn't your kink, and your kink isn’t mine. If it's safe, sane, and consensual, then everything is fine. But it wasn't.
Even a superb demo and tutorial hadn't lifted his black mood. Once he'd given Connie her aftercare, Cade had spent the bare minimum of time possible talking to people before he excused himself and left.
Now as he glared at the view out of the window, he wondered what he was going to do next. Ditch the penthouse and go back south until his next visit to Dommissima? Some people would tell him to accept what Anna said, cut his losses, and move on. But Caden wasn't some people, and he wanted Anna, even if it was just once more he wanted—no, needed—to feel his cock buried deep inside her pussy. Experience the exquisite sensation as she held him tight and milked him until his prick ached.
He'd made arrangements for Serendip, his own club, to run smoothly whilst he was away. In fact, he thought as he finished the whisky in one swallow and rinsed his glass, they didn't need him at all.
Caden, shut up, grow up, and stop wallowing. He picked up the phone and called Daisy. Ten minutes later he was chuckling. Daisy never minced her words, and he had been, he realized, thoroughly chastised. The expressions, 'stop being a Jessie, and grow a set' had been her words of wisdom. She was right, he decided. It was up to Anna to make the next move. Hanging around in Glasgow wasn't going to make her miraculously change her mind and be on her knees begging to be his sub. If she found out he was still around, he reasoned Anna would be more likely to report him for harassment. In the most positive frame of mind he'd had for ages, Cade took himself off to bed. Tomorrow he was going south once more. He didn't examine his reasons for booking a flight and leaving his car in the underground garage. Even when the flight was delayed for technical reasons, Caden kept his cool. Why he was so unworried about the future he had no idea, but Cade wasn't going to buck the trend to examine his feelings. Instead, once he was home and checked all was fine at Serendip, he set to and redecorated his house. Out went the cool and he admitted unfriendly furnishings, and in came things that he realized reflected Anna. They were also, he decided, a truer reflection of his personality. In the best frame of mind he'd had for months, he stripped wallpaper, painted doors, and spent more time in home ware shops than he'd ever done before or wanted to do again. At the end of a week he was satisfied. He'd created a home, not just somewhere to live.
****
Daisy stared at him for so long Caden wriggled and then held his hands out in supplication.
"Why do I feel like a minnow in a jam jar?"
She shrugged. "I've no idea, Caden. Why do you? Guilty conscience, maybe?"
It was so close to the truth that he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, could be. Oh hell, Daisy, I'm trying to be patient, and it ain't easy. Should I just give in? Let her go and forget everything, or fight for what and who I love?"
"Well, you didn't know anything about her for years, Cade, so who knows? Sometimes I wish I'd never gone up there and recognized her. Then you'd not have had all this stress. But on the other side, at least you can move on now one way or the other. How did you leave things?"
Cade had told her about the night in Dommissima. He didn't have a lot of secrets from Daisy.
"God knows, to be honest. The last thing she said was publish her picture and be damned."
"Will you?"
He shook his head. "Oh no. Even though in theory she still has a week left to come and get it, she won't, and I won't publish. It's one thing having it in here, another to show it to all and sundry. Here it's only a few people who see it. Really it's only up on the wall for me. To look at and remember how fucking gorgeous she looked. And how amazing our lovemaking was after." His voice trailed off.
"And?"
"And how soon after that she left. I guess it was the last straw for her. Just after that we went public. I was so proud to demo with her, to show people how bloody gorgeous she looked and as I thought, what a perfect sub she was. I was in cloud cuckoo land. God, I was so arrogant and so sure of myself. It seems she hated it, and I ignored her. So rather than talk, she went. Now, well now, I guess nothing has changed. Except I have to accept that my lovely Anna has an equal right to what she wants. If that includes the fact she doesn't want to talk or negotiate, so be it." He smiled as he remembered her face in Dommissima. "Hell, Daisy, I've never seen anyone so green and still stand. My brave lady was doing so until I pushed her too far. If nothing else it made me realize that I'd done her a disservice, and not listened. Fine Dom I was. Shit, I hope I'm not so self-centered now."
&n
bsp; "Ah, Cade." Daisy hugged him. "You're the most fair and loyal Master I know. You were blinkered with Anna and thought with your heart not your mind, I'm sure of it. Oh, I'm not blaming either of you," she added hastily. "It happens. It'll sort itself out. Right, now you're back, can we get things rolling?" She let go of him and perched on the edge of his desk, her foot swinging. As usual she was barefoot.
Cade chuckled and tickled her toes. Daisy squirmed and batted his hand away. "Give over. So are you ready to start work?"
"So you're not counting last week then?"
"Nah, your body might have been here, your mind sure as hell wasn't. I asked you if you wanted to host the Shibari evening on the 15th and you said duck egg blue. I asked you to get me a sandwich for lunch on Friday, and you came in with sushi. I hate sushi, and you know it. Then when I said I didn't want it you just looked blank and threw it in the bin and yours along side it. You love sushi. I nipped out and got a packet of crisps and an apple. You ate the apple and offered me the crisps. So, yes, I reckon we ignore last week."
She had a point.
"We ignore last week," he agreed. "Okay, so, let Master Felix host the Shibari evening, and I'll spring you lunch. Anything else?"
"Yeah, you've been booked for a series of private lessons starting in two weeks. I've done all the checks, and your pupil-to-be has passed them all with flying colors."
"Hmm?" Cade couldn't get enthusiastic. So much for the wake up smell the coffee and move on attitude he intended to have. It seemed to have deserted him. "Okay, who is it, male or female, and what am I teaching?"
"Female, and how to be a good sub. Don't worry, I'll sort everything out with you nearer the time. Now you gonna show me this duck egg blue whatever that was more important than hosting the Shibari evening?"
He took the hint. "Come on, let's go look. And I'll feed you and let you have the afternoon off. Merry and Stuart can hold the fort. I'll do tonight."
Daisy jumped down from the desktop and looked around the room. "Great, I just need to find my shoes. What pair am I wearing?"
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