Two Halves Whole

by Melissa Abigail

  “Where’s Seth?” Haruna asked, confused as to why no one had raised the question, especially Gabrielle. It had been twenty minutes.

  “He said something about needing to finish homework or something,” Ryu mumbled.

  “I have to go to the washroom,” Gabrielle said suddenly. She got to her feet.

  “Me too,” Angelique concurred.

  “I’ll come,” said Tracy.

  Haruna ogled the three as they darted away, leaving the two of them alone.

  They all had to go?

  “You can go with them,” Ryu muttered dryly.

  Haruna whipped around to face him.

  “I don’t have to…” She squinted. Why was she telling him this again?

  “Girls always go in groups. I guess it’s true what they say,” he said offhandedly. “Weird.”

  No. You being here is weird. Haruna felt the onset of malaise, watching as Ryu removed a white ball, like the one from the day before, from a massive wad of tin foil. She watched with intrigue as he slowly bit off the top. His eyes shot up at her. She tore her eyes away, feigning interest in her pasta.

  “Want some?”

  Haruna bristled. What the what? She shakily lifted her head. Surely, she’d misheard? Yet there he was. Unravelling the foil in its entirety to reveal five more white balls.

  “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly—”

  “I made way too much. I can't eat it all,” Ryu averted his gaze to the ceiling, “I mean, if you want. No big deal, so…”

  No big deal?

  Haruna couldn’t fight her grin. Ryu was stubborn and could never admit to caring about anything, but he must have made extras to share since she had asked him about it yesterday. His gesture was… sweet. Haruna reached for one. She cautiously nibbled at its end.

  “This thing is just rice?” She turned it over in her hand, inspecting it.

  “Not just rice,” Ryu muttered. “Onigiri. It’s called onigiri.”

  Haruna shut her eyes, relishing the savoury ball of sticky, chewy goodness. She couldn’t believe something so simple and weird-looking could be so tasty and satisfying. Perhaps there were things Ryu could teach her about that other half of herself she knew nothing about. Haruna opened her eyes, noticing Ryu quickly avert his gaze. He’d been staring. She brought her hands onto the table, and her sudden movements drew his attention back.

  “I want you to show me how to use chopsticks,” she said.

  Ryu lifted a brow. He smirked and retrieved the pair he had earlier placed to the side. They were different from the ones he had had yesterday: intricately designed and non-disposable. Once between his fingers, he demonstrated, lifting and placing down the onigiri.

  “See. Easy.” He flipped the chopsticks around and held them out to her. “Go for it.”

  Haruna was stumped. What part of that was easy? She took the utensils from him and eyed one promising ball of onigiri. Intense in her concentration, she fumbled with the sticks until managing a light pinch. She grabbed hold, but before she could bring it over to her side, the ball collapsed and exploded like a tiny supernova, reduced to a mess of seaweed and rice grains.

  “You’re kidding.” Ryu stared.

  “I’m so sorry!” Anxious, Haruna swept the remnants into a small mound. Ryu did the same, reaching for a pile of abandoned napkins to aid in the clean-up. “It’s harder than it looks!”

  “No, it really isn’t.”

  “Yes it is! This is dumb anyway. Why can’t we just use forks?”

  “Because this food isn’t meant to be eaten with forks?”

  “That’s just stupid then!”

  “How can you be so good at everything else and so bad at this?”

  Oh? Haruna tilted her head, bubbling with glee. "So you admit I'm good at everything?"

  That was the closest to a retraction of his old put-downs she’d ever heard. Finally, some leverage. She braced for his steadfast denial and was ready to gloat. She was going to milk this one for as long as possible.

  Except something else happened.

  Something Haruna didn’t see coming.

  Her smile vanished as though wiped off. It was that look, like a hawk’s eye on a hare. Oftentimes, it was like Ryu saw through her, like he was inside her head for real, always calculating, hunting for a weakness to call into question, forever calling her bluff. But this time there was something else behind that look, like he was searching for something else entirely. Haruna flinched at the sudden warmth, the touch of his hands enveloping hers.

  “The problem is that you’re holding them wrong,” Ryu said.

  Above the echoes of others around them, Haruna could hear her heart pounding between her ears. She gazed down at her hand and his hands carefully moulding her fingers around the slender instruments. She looked up. A pair of girls had looked over. They whispered. Haruna suddenly remembered that somewhere lurking were groupies and classmates and people in their grade that knew who she was. Who he was. That the two of them were completely different. The Head Girl and the Bad Boy. An honour student and a slacker. A West Ender and an East Ender. And up until a few days ago, one of them had been dating one of the city’s wealthiest teenagers, while the other lived and still lived in an orphanage.

  What was happening?

  Haruna couldn’t meet his eyes any longer. Not without feeling she would explode into a million pieces exactly like the ball of onigiri.

  “I… better get to class,” she mumbled.

  "There's still twelve minutes until the bell," Ryu muttered back.

  "Yeah, but…"

  "Doesn’t look like you’ve finished eating."

  No. She hadn’t finished her pasta. And yes, there was still twelve minutes until the bell. But why was he pointing this out? And why wasn’t he letting her go?

  "Aren't you worried that people are going to talk? If they see us this close?"—No. That came out wrong—“Actually, what I mean is we went from being enemies to…”

  Haruna felt a knot in her stomach. To what? What were they? Friends?

  She looked at him fully, fighting her internal panic. He remained neutral, still, not even acknowledging the others around them. Wasn’t he concerned? Couldn’t he see what she could?

  “You’re always worried about what other people think. You think they’ll talk?" He startled her with his grin and eased in until his face was close. Dangerously close. Any closer and their noses would touch and maybe other things too, like their foreheads or…Haruna’s eyes wandered to his mouth as he whispered, "If they're going to talk, maybe we should make things interesting?"

  Make things interesting!

  Haruna wasn't sure when she had stopped breathing.

  Haruna only noticed the footsteps or heard the sound of her friends’ voices over her heartbeat when Ryu pulled back and released her hand.

  “Hey! Japanese onigiri!” shouted Tracy. “Those are the best in Vancity!”

  “You can have it if you like,” Ryu said, casually nudging the remainders to the centre. Angelique and Tracy took one each while Gabrielle politely declined.

  Haruna wasn’t sure what it was. She watched the last of the rice balls be plucked from its wrapping and felt something of annoyance. According to Ryu, the onigiri hadn’t been made for her, but, for some reason, she didn’t want anyone else to have it.

  “You okay? You look out of it,” asked Angelique with a gentle run of her hand along Haruna’s back.

  Haruna mustered a grin and shook her head. “No, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  Ryu picked up his litter and clambered to his feet.

  “Going?” Tracy asked.

  Ryu gave a cool nod. He faced away. Short of moving off, he paused, seeming to have remembered something. He looked back at Haruna, halfway. “By the way, you can keep those.”

  Haruna was in a daze as he shoved a hand into his pocket and continued on his way. She lowered her head to see that the chopsticks were stil
l clutched in her hand.

  Exactly as he had positioned it.

  For the remainder of the week, Haruna was lost in her own mind. She patrolled the halls, carrying out her duties as Head Girl, badge pinned proudly to her chest. Haruna wondered if she was convincing anyone at all, because on the inside she was a wreck. Okay, not a total wreck. But she couldn’t think clearly, and she absolutely hated it. And it was all because of one boy.

  What exactly happened on Tuesday?

  Nothing, she told herself. Nothing happened.

  Because she and Ryu weren’t even friends. She couldn’t deny there was something odd about all that had been going on lately. If there was nothing between them, people had no reason to talk… so why did she feel so anxious? And what did Ryu mean by making things "interesting?" Was he suggesting they actually date each other?

  No. No way.

  What reason would there be? To prove a point? To show off? There couldn’t be any other reason. Right? Ryu didn’t like her that way. He was messing with her. Ryu was a guy who, in spite of whatever tricks he was up to now, was a rebel without a cause. Besides, subtlety wasn’t his thing. If he wanted to ask her out, he would have just done it. But he'd never do it. Haruna was not the kind of girl he’d go for, and the feeling was absolutely, completely mutual.

  Speaking of feelings, Haruna recalled the feeling of his hand on hers. Kind of firm, but somehow so… gentle…

  No.

  Her grandmother had said it best. Haruna needed to stay away from that “type."

  Actually, she wasn’t even sure she why she was thinking about this at all. There were more important things to think about. Like getting to class.

  Haruna opened the door for her locker and gawked. It took a moment for her to remember what she was there for as she idly sorted through books in search of one in particular.

  “First period, here I come,” she moaned to herself.

  Within a few hours, she would be back in the cafeteria with her friends. She was eager; and yet, there was a squirming mass of unease attached to it. Ryu hadn’t joined them for lunch on Wednesday, and once again neither had Seth. After all that had happened, she was left hanging, left to stew in her speculations and left… with his chopsticks. Maybe she didn’t want him to show her how to use them, anyway. I’ll give them back, she thought. Then she could forget Tuesday ever happened. But when Haruna allowed herself to refocus, she noticed something.

  No one had asked the questions: where was Ryu? Where was Seth?

  Friday came around, and by quarter to eleven, the girls were at their typical spots at the lunch table. Haruna was stunned to see that just like Wednesday, just like Thursday, neither of the boys were there. She ate in silence, the chopsticks waiting in her bag. She hid any indication that something troubled her. For the moment, she decided to step out from her own mind. Her friends were a little off. Tracy was much more subdued than her usual chatty self. Gabrielle was quieter too, though she already was pretty quiet naturally. By contrast, Angelique seemed unable to stop talking, as though trying to make up for the unusualness of it all.

  Something wasn’t right.

  The girls managed to finish their meals early, and together made the trek to the washroom. Tracy washed her hands and left first. Haruna and Angelique took time perfecting their faded makeup while Gabrielle dried her hands in paper towels. Haruna could see their unhappy faces in the mirror's reflection. She could take it no longer.

  “Did I miss something?”

  Gabrielle lifted her head. She exchanged a look with Angelique before acknowledging Haruna. Her usual mild-mannered expression was not there. She looked tired. She looked agitated.

  “You only just noticed?” Gabrielle muttered.

  “What do you mean? Noticed what?”

  “Never mind. Everything’s fine.” Gabrielle turned sharply and pushed through the doors.

  Haruna stared in disbelief. She had missed something. She spun towards Angelique. “What the heck was that?”

  “Oh come on, Haruna. You never bothered to ask her until now?” Angelique sighed. “I mean, I know the ‘Mani thing’ is on your mind but can you really be that into yourself?”

  “What do you mean, ‘into myself’?” And furthermore, Mani who?

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  Angelique retracted her words, but the damage had been done.

  “But you did say it,” Haruna spluttered, then bolted out the door.

  So that’s what they truly thought? She was self-centred? How was she supposed to know something was wrong if no one bothered to tell her? If something happened, Gabrielle could have said something. Weren’t they best friends? Haruna rushed down the hall en route to Gabrielle’s locker. She could hear the faint pitter-patter of Angelique behind her, but Haruna didn’t allow her to catch up. It wasn’t long before Haruna spotted Gabrielle standing in the corner of the hallway. Before Haruna could call out, she heard arguing. She slowed to a stop.

  “Why don’t you get over it already? Maybe you’re just not good for the part, ever thought of that?”

  Haruna instantly recognized the voice as Tracy’s. Haruna glanced over her shoulder to see Angelique appear at her side. She had caught up with her.

  “I’m ‘not good’? You’re the one who’s awful. It’s obvious you just got the role ‘cause you’re brown.”

  “What? Are you kidding me?”

  “I'm dead-serious. Everyone in the Drama club knows you didn’t deserve that part. But people want to be politically-correct now.”

  Haruna and Angelique inched closer to see who Tracy was arguing with. They glanced at each other, shocked. It was Debbie.

  “I don’t even know how we were ever friends, Debbie. You're an idiot!”

  “I don’t care what you call me—the real idiot is the person who thinks YOU have any talent at all!” Debbie finished up by flashing Tracy the finger, then moved off.

  Haruna and Angelique watched as Tracy stormed away with hunched shoulders. Gabrielle turned and froze, visibly taken by surprise at the sight of Haruna and Angelique behind her. But the surprise didn’t last. She knitted her brows, face pink.

  “I don't understand. Why is she picking on Tracy?” Gabrielle murmured.

  “Some people at this school have an entitlement complex. And nothing says drama quite like Drama club drama,” Angelique said with a shrug. She was strangely nonchalant.

  “But to go as far as to accuse her of being some diversity prop?”

  Angelique sighed. “That’s not the worst of it. Tracy was telling me over the phone yesterday. People have been saying stuff to her for a while. Calling her a terrorist, of all things.”

  “She isn't even religious!” Haruna interjected. Which was true. Tracy barely talked about her faith and she never once covered her face or hair.

  “Why should it even matter whether she is religious or not?” Gabrielle snapped.

  Haruna faltered. “I-It shouldn’t but—”

  “It's part of who she is! Just because some random people did something bad doesn’t mean she’s bad, and she shouldn’t have to be punished for…”

  Gabrielle clammed up. Haruna followed Gabrielle's diverted gaze and Angelique’s turned head. A stone-cold Seth came up the hall. He and Gabrielle locked eyes, briefly, but he continued on without a word.

  Gabrielle lowered her head. “I’m going. I’ll see you guys in English class.”

  Then she breezed past them. In the direction opposite from Seth’s.

  Haruna met Angelique’s eyes, bewildered. “Why is Gabrielle acting like this?”

  Angelique regarded her for a few seconds, rubbing her arm, seeming unsure of how to break some pretty awful news. "Haruna… Elle and Seth broke up."

  Ryu watched his friend. Seth’s back was slumped against the wall, his face obscured by smoke fog. Ryu advanced, hands in pockets. It was clear that something was troubling Seth. Their circle of friend
s—or whatever you could call it—had gotten much smaller, and Seth wasn’t used to having enemies. For the last few days, he had done his best to ignore the dirty looks from Tim and Kevin, or the casual insults from Jackson and Cody. Things had gotten harder, and it had to have affected him in some way. Perhaps he resented Ryu because Ryu had caused it to happen. That’s what Ryu had thought at first, except that couldn’t have been quite it. Ryu noticed something more obvious, so clear. Seth and Gabrielle must’ve fallen out. Seth hadn’t said a word about her since Wednesday. And since then he’d been blazing nonstop. Yup. Things were bad.

  Ryu leaned back and both boys were positioned against the same wall. Seth just stared off, like he was under hypnosis.

  “You good, Seth?” Ryu muttered. Stupid question. But at least he asked.

  Seth drew his thumb and forefinger from his lips and the smoke billowed out as he spoke. “She dumped me.”

  Ryu twitched. “You serious, man?”

  Seth let out a small huff which sounded like cynical laughter. “I’m Jewish. They’re hardcore Methodists, so…”

  “So what does that mean?”

  “It’s over is what it means. And you know—it's pretty funny. My parents weren't exactly thrilled about it either but her parents hate me.”

  Ryu thought in some ways the news was surprising, and yet, no, it wasn’t. Ryu shook his head.

  “I tried to tell you, man. Girls like her…”

  “Girls like her what, Ryu?” Seth pulled away from the wall, arms to the side as his newly reddened eyes flashed with anger. “You think you have any right to say anything after what’s been going on with you and Haruna?”