Two Halves Whole
Page 24
"Oh this necklace?" Haruna said, removing it to show Damon.
"Good eyesight, eh, Damon?" Ryu groused, narrowing his eyes. "You saw that tiny thing from all the way over there?"
Damon ignored him as he took the necklace into his hand. "Is yours from Japan too?"
"Our parents gave them to us," Haruna explained. "We have no idea what it means."
Damon held his palm out to Ryu. Begrudgingly, Ryu handed his own necklace to Damon. 'No idea' what it meant was an exaggeration. The thing was he'd always thought the dragon engraving on the necklace had been for his name, but his birth name had actually meant something else. Haruna had shown him the letter her mother had written, and Ryu couldn't think of how Haruna's name had anything to do with the bird on the necklace.
"Oh—hey! It makes sense now!" Damon exclaimed suddenly. "It's Chinese legend. The red bird together with the dragon represent harmony and good fortune. They also symbolise yin-and-yang and those words together mean yin-and-yang."
Ryu gawked. "So I'm yang and she's yin."
Damon smirked. "Personality-wise, I’d say Haruna is more yang. So the real dragon in this relationship is Haruna."
"Hey! The guy is supposed to be the dragon," Ryu retorted.
"Why can't I be a dragon?" Haruna argued back, hands on her hips.
"You can be both… it's called duality," Damon said, smirking wider still.
"Wait—let me see?"
Angelique came over, and Damon handed her both necklaces. After looking it over for a quick second, she pressed the two tear-shaped pendants together. Beaming, she held it out to them. Together, the pendants formed a heart, the dragon and bird framing the red jewel on the front, the words “Yin” and “Yang” side-by-side on the back.
“Whoa… no way,” Ryu gasped.
Haruna brought a hand over her face, hiding her surprise and her blush. “It’s a couple’s necklace?”
"You can’t tell me you didn’t see that this entire time?” said Damon, brows raised.
Angelique returned the necklaces to them, her face glowing. “That’s way cute! Your parents set you up as little kids!"
Ryu stared dully at the necklace in his palm. “Do things like this even happen in real life?”
More minutes passed, and the four spoke freely. They listened to Angelique and Damon's plans for the week and resolutions for the New Year. Then they began a group jam session with the aid of Angelique's cell phone. Damon’s eyes lit up as the opening to Rocketeer started, and he and Angelique went on an all-out duet. Ryu stole a glance at Haruna; she was finally laughing, and she shyly began to sing along with them. But there was something missing. Ryu lowered his eyes. The ache in her chest, the ache that was also his, returned.
Their party ended as they heard the approaching footsteps of the nurse on duty. She poked her head into the room, condemned their loudness, and reminded them they'd have to all clear out soon. Visiting hours were cut. The holiday season meant it was far too busy and understaffed. The nurse left in a huff and, at last, Angelique and Damon said their goodbyes.
"Nurse is right. We should get going. It's Christmas after all," Damon said.
"Yeah, plus we need to give you two your 'alone time,’ ” Angelique purred, winking once.
“Why do you have to say it like that?” Haruna mumbled, her face brightening as they gave their waves and shuffled out the door.
“Shouldn’t you go home too?” Ryu asked. "Your grandmother is all alone, isn't she? She’ll be pissed-off if she finds out you’re here again."
Haruna opened her mouth, looking set to argue, but then she paused, shutting it. She averted her gaze downwards with a sulk and reached for the gift bag she had come with. She handed it to him. Confused, Ryu reached in. Inside was a thickly-bound book.
"This is…?"
"I thought about getting something expensive, but decided you might like this best," she said softly.
Ryu’s chest tightened. He opened it. Photos. Rows and rows of them. He saw two young children, playing, laughing, smiling, talking. Innocent. Curious. So blissfully unaware.
"It's us," Ryu murmured, too stunned to turn the page.
"Keep going," she said.
Ryu shakily did as she asked. More pictures. His eyes darted across and lingered on one of them. A group photo of four: two men and two women, side-by-side. That blonde that Haruna so resembled. A well-dressed but kind of dorky-looking man wearing something of a mushroom-cut—very early 90’s. He was Haruna's dad, without a doubt. And then there were two, the two that left Ryu breathless. A tough-looking man with a crooked, rebellious grin, sharply inclined brows that accented piercing eyes, and shaggy hair that hung loose and long. His arm was slung over the shoulders of a short woman, full-figured with radiant tan-brown skin, thick, curly auburn hair that shined, and gleaming amber eyes. Ryu knew that man and woman right away, even if he didn't know them.
His father. His mother.
Ryu lifted his head, bleary eyed. Haruna had removed her glasses and was wiping at her face.
"Do you like it?" she murmured.
"I love it." Ryu dropped the album and reached around. He retrieved his journal from under his pillow. Eyeing it for a moment, he exhaled deeply. He handed it to her.
She paused.
"You're letting me read it?" Haruna took it from him and slowly turned over its pages.
Ryu cleared his throat. "It's pretty dull in this place. I, uh, needed a distraction so I was writing in it all night—"
"Day? What is Day—"
"Hey! Don't read it out loud!"
“Oh! You quoted things from the Bible. Wait. What's the Tao te—?”
“Don't. You'll say it wrong,” Ryu groused.
"Fine. Here, you can have it back then," Haruna scoffed.
"No. I want you to have it," Ryu said, pushing the book back.
She knitted her brows. "Why?"
"I didn't get a chance to get you anything so… I want you to have it. It's the closest I can get to…”
“To?”
Giving you my heart.
Ryu smirked, deciding instead to show in his eyes what he wasn’t quite ready to say out loud.
Yet.
Haruna seemed to clue in, for Ryu could see the fluster in her face as she lowered her gaze and swept some hair behind her ear. Her shyness was cute. He wondered if he had always thought she was cute, even back then, back when they were little kids in Japan. Anger tugged at him. There was so much pointless suffering. The deception. They'd been through so much of it for no reason.
"Our whole lives could have been different if it weren’t for Matsumoto," Ryu said finally.
Haruna shrugged. "I don't think I can truly hate him."
"You forgive him? Him of all people? He murdered our parents and ruined our lives. And I'm sure he was BS-ing us with that bad-childhood-sob-story crap."
She gave a pointed stare. "But it’s like the Merchant of Venice. Matsumoto is kind of like Shylock, right?” She shrugged again.”Besides 'ruined our lives’? We're seventeen. We have plenty of years left."
The door swung open, and the nurse poked her head in, giving an impatient tap at her watch before leaving again. With a fluster, Haruna scampered to her feet and started for the door. She stopped short of grasping the knob, whirled around and scuttled back. She swooped down and planted a peck on Ryu’s lips. Ryu was hazy as she pulled back, her smile lighting up her face, her eyes fighting her tears.
“Hurry up and get out of here. You still have to teach me how to use those chopsticks… Ryu.”
“Not even close.”
Waving a dismissive hand, she turned and went out the door. Gone. Registering the room's newfound silence and intimidating emptiness, his eyes fell to the photo album. He lifted it and continued where he had left off. As he turned its pages, he paused at the sight of yet another stunning photo of his mother and father. This time, he was in it too, cradled between them. A
t a glance, Ryu could see he resembled his father a lot. Ryu had his nose and grin. His stare and his eyebrows. His cheek bones. Or were those his mother’s cheek bones, her eyes, and her lips? It was impossible to say. The more Ryu stared, the more he saw he was somehow a seamless blend of both of them.
Thirteen years. Thirteen years since he'd seen them.
Since he'd had the privilege of knowing them.
Ryu thought of, imagined the betrayal they must have felt at the hands of Katsuo. Ryu thought of Katsuo and realised he'd forgotten again. Was Katsuo dead? Ryu wanted to ask Haruna just to be sure.
Albert, Bradley, Clyde, Dan, Yuan. Even Tyler. Even Claudia. Ryu wondered what might happen to them… any of them. Maybe there was something in the news, but Ryu wasn’t ready to look. He wasn’t ready to know.
Ryu turned the page. This photo was of both of their mothers sitting on a blanket on the grass. Haruna and Ryu were fidgeting, hanging off of them. It likely rained earlier, for Ryu could see a rainbow amidst a stunning break of sunshine. Their mothers looked beautiful against the light. And so young. Ryu studied himself and Haruna. They couldn't have been older than two in this picture.
Ryu was surprised just how much from that painful day in 1998 he had been able to recall, especially after he'd blacked out.
Haruna was right. All of it had happened before, from the hailstorm of bullets to the firestorm of Molotov cocktails. Though it was clear that she’d seen something terrible that day, she remembered none of it. Maybe she’d been lucky.
We have plenty of years left.
Ryu sniffed and dried his eyes with the back of his palm. The future? Once upon a time, the future was something that didn’t matter. Now, more than ever, Ryu hadn't a clue where his was headed. He didn’t feel happy. He didn’t feel sad either. But little by little, he knew the part of him, the small part of his heart he’d closed off to the world—he’d managed to open it…even if things were about to get harder. Nonetheless, in this fragile, fleeting, moment, Ryu felt closer to freedom. He hadn’t fully accepted himself, but he was closer to finding himself. Knowing himself.
He was closer to feeling whole.
a note from the author
I want to express my sincere gratitude—truly, thanks a ton for taking the time to get a hold of and read this book!
If you enjoyed it, would you mind leaving a review on Amazon, Goodreads etc. Pretty please?
And if you want to know what's next, check out hafusanshalo.com for any and all updates.
- Thanks again,
Contents
day & night
cracks along the surface
the looking glass
what wonderland looks like
the glass half-empty
The way towards peace
truth & dare
all falls down
what the fox said
into the tiger den
November 4, 1998
light shines through the prism
a note from the author