My Absolution

by Joz Maxel

  My fingers are turning white as I hold them interlocked in front of me. With my rage boiling to astronomical heights I start to rock back and forth in my chair. " Is this where I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?"

  He throws his cigarette on the ground and stands. "No, Corey, I don't expect a fucking thing from you. I'm trying to tell you I'm owning my mistake and I'm trying to make it right. I don't know what else to say or do!" He puts his hands in his pockets and looks up to the sky. "I'll do anything you want me to do to make it possible to get to know my son, that's all I want."

  I stand up and see a glimmer of the man I used to know. I know he's sincere in wanting to know Rourke, but he hasn't confronted Nova yet. I told Rourke I was willing to put my issues aside if he wanted the chance to know Dane, but Nova has to give her blessing or it's no deal. Rourke agreed to the terms, now I'm about to make the same deal with Dane. God help me.

  "Rourke wants the same."

  Dane's focus immediately falls on me. "He does?" He starts to rock from side to side, left foot to right foot.

  "I'll put aside my issues with you and let Rourke have this. But I swear to fucking Christ, Dane, that if you screw this up with him, you won't be allowed anywhere near him again. You read me?"

  "Absofuckinglutely!" Even my threat of never seeing his boy again can't school the smile he's so freely sporting right now. "What about Nova? She gonna be okay with this?"

  I take a deep breath and look down the alley. "I'll talk to her."

  He nods in understanding and takes a few steps toward the stairs of the deck, then turns around. "Corey?"

  I pull out the keys to the back door and start to fidget with them. "What?"

  "A few days ago, you told me to stay away. Why the change?"

  "Because," I look over my shoulder, "Rourke wants this and I love him enough to not get in the way." I unlock the dead bolt and pull the door open just enough to let myself back in, then slam it shut.

  Nova

  "What about Accaius and Delilliah? Those are pretty original, no?" Brenda asks me while she thumbs through a baby name book we picked up on our shopping excursion this morning.

  "Jesus, Bren. That's borderline child abuse, and I will not have my godchildren subjected to that."

  I put two steaming mugs of Green Tea on the table and a plate of squares Brenda just had to buy for Grant, which by the looks of it, won't make it to their final destination the way she's stuffing them in her face. I sit down across from her with a look of bewilderment. "Honey, I thought those were for Grant?"

  "They're soooo good. Want one?" She holds a gooey square out in front of me and I smile.

  "No, sweetie, they're all yours."

  "So..." She pops the square in her mouth and wraps her hands around the hot mug. "You still haven't talked with Corey?"

  I slump down in my chair. "No. I'm not sure what to say to him. This whole situation is just...fucked, you know?"

  Brenda takes a sip of her tea. "Here's what I think. You've moved on from what happened, right?"

  "As much as a person can, I guess."

  "And you're willing to let Rourke get to know Dane, right?"

  "Well, he has every right to know him if he wants."

  "You love Corey?"

  "Yes, of course I do. More than anything."

  "You love Rourke?"

  I tip my head to the side and sigh. "Is there a point to these questions?"

  "Corey is fierce in protecting those he loves, and Rourke is his boy in all the ways that matter. He feels threatened by Dane wanting to be involved in Rourke's life. Make him see nothing will change."

  "What if I can't?"

  "Honey, I know you better than you think I do. You have it in you to make that crazy ass man see he's being stupid over all this. He will always be Rourke's dad, father, bro, whatever the fuck he needs to call him."

  "When did you get to be so wise, Yoda?" I squeeze her hand and offer her a smile.

  "When I watched my best friend blossom into the gorgeous wife and mother she is today." She squeezes my hand in return and stands up. "Now, I have to pee again. Fuck me!" I giggle as I watch her waddle to the bathroom. I hear the front door opening at the same time I notice Corey's bike in the driveway.

  "Nova?"

  "In the kitchen." I take a bite from one of the squares Brenda can't get enough of and not even two chews in, I'm looking for a napkin to spit it out in. "That tastes like feet."

  "What tastes like feet?" I finish wiping the remnants of the square off my tongue when I look up at the amused look on Corey's face.

  "What are you doing here?"

  "Wanted to talk, if that's okay with you." He leans his body against the door frame and crosses his arms.

  "God damn it. If I wasn't knocked up, Corey, I'd climb all over you." Brenda smacks his ass as she walks back into the kitchen. She grabs her purse off the back of the chair and turns to face Corey. "I could give it a try if you're willing. Grant doesn't have to know."

  He leans down to kiss her on the cheek. "As tempting as that is, I only have eyes for one girl, if she'll still have me." He gives her a wink and a smirk. "But if she's done with me, I'll come knocking on your door."

  "You'll be coming all over something by the time I'm done with you." She pats his chest and turns to me. "Bitch." She blows me a kiss on her way out of the kitchen. Before she's out the door, she shouts, "Love you! And remember what I said, Nova!" Then she's gone.

  "Nice to see Grant still has his hands full."

  "He's a very lucky man to have her. Might drive him to drink, but he's still lucky." I smirk and start to clean up the kitchen.

  "I asked Dane to come by the shop today." I stop what I'm doing and take a deep breath. I'm scared to look at Corey in case the two came to blows and I'll see it all over his features.

  Pushing off the door frame, he walks over to me and grabs the mugs out of my hands to put back on the table. He takes my hands in his and pulls me down to sit on the chair behind me. He grabs another chair and pulls it in front of me to take a seat.

  "We talked, and I think we're on the same page. Nothing he says or does can change the past, but he wants a chance at knowing his son. Rourke and I talked the day I stormed out, and he wants the same." Corey looks up with a worried expression. "I told them both I would make that happen, but only if it's okay with you."

  I stand up from my chair in a slow and steady rise, and make the few steps toward him. Putting my feet on either side of his chair, I lower myself onto his lap to straddle him. Both my hands find his stubble covered cheeks, and I gently kiss the soft lips that belong to the man I love with all my heart. I rest my forehead against his and offer him a subtle smile. "I'm okay with all of this. I have to be."

  Rubbing his hands up and down my back, he raises his head. "I don't want this to set you back."

  "Honey, I'm strong only because you helped heal me. If it gets to be too much, I'll tell you, I promise."

  "He upsets either of you ,he's done."

  I nod. "I have no doubt."

  He folds his arms around my waist and stands up. "Corey, what are you doing?"

  "I need to make up for lost time. It's been four days since I've been buried deep inside you, and that shit's gonna stop right fucking now." His kisses start at my chin and move along the curve of my jaw. I tilt my head to the side to give him better access when I notice the clock on the stove. It's almost noon, which means Lola is about fifteen minutes away from walking through the front door.

  "Lola's going to be home soon," I inform him as I run my hands through his hair. "We better make it quick."

  He lays me on the table and starts running his hands down my sides. "I can do quick." His strong hands grab the flimsy material of my leggings and yank them off in one strong pull. He leans down to kiss the top of my thighs before he moves the thin material of my panties to the side, giving me a quick flick of his tongue on my clit. He closes his mouth over my heated centre and dives in like a starving man. The lic
ks, the sucking, the biting becomes too much The need for him is overwhelming.

  "Jesus, babe. That feels so good." My back arches off the table as my hands slip into his hair to hold him close.

  As he pulls me to the edge of the table, he kisses his way up my body until his mouth is a breath away from mine. "Taste how sweet you are." He places his lips on my mine, sliding his tongue against mine. There's nothing hotter than tasting myself on the lips of the man I will never get enough of. As I savour the taste of myself on him, he slides his pants down his legs, just enough to free his rigid cock, then slides into me. "Fuck, I missed you." Our bodies moving together is creating a delicious friction against my already sensitive and taut nipples. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I draw him in deeper, closer.

  Being where we are, and the chance of being caught is feeding into the build of my release. I hold his face in my hands and see that he too is feeling the same. His hands go into my hair as my nails graze down his sides. A few more thrusts, we both find our absolution.

  Panting, he rests up on his elbows, hands still entwined in my hair. "You are so fucking beautiful when you come." He smiles before he lays a tender kiss on the tip of my nose.

  "I love you," I circle my arms around his neck, still feeling him pulsing inside of me.

  "Love you, too." He places a soft kiss on my lips before he leaves me on the table, sated, and at peace.

  As he does the button on his dark wash jeans, he takes in the fact that I have yet to move. Smirking to himself, he asks, "You okay?"

  I turn my head in his general direction, still unable to focus properly. "Yeah. Why?"

  He glances out the window to see Lola jumping out of our neighbour Stacey's car, skipping toward the front door. "In about five seconds, our youngest will be bouncing her way in here."

  "Shit!" Rolling off the table, I quickly grab my discarded clothing and get a smack on the ass, shouting, "You'll pay for that!" while making a mad dash to the ground floor bathroom.

  "I'm counting on it."

  Nova

  Today is our "End of the Season" family barbeque, and today of all days, Corey thought it would be a good idea to invite Dane. He thinks having everyone I love around will help lessen the blow, but I'm not so sure. Corey and Grant are sitting on the deck, drinking beer, while watching Lola try and pin Rourke on the lawn with her Tae Kwon Do moves. Brenda and I are in the kitchen. She's scowling at me, sipping her herbal tea, while I enjoy a glass of Dr. Zen Zen , prepping the food, when I hear the rumble of my dad's chopper pull into the driveway.

  "Angela nail down your dad yet?"

  "Don't even go there, woman. You're knee-deep in baby making, and if you keep talking like that, you'll give your husband a complex."

  "Grant knows I love him. I just never thought becoming a fucking whale could make a girl so god damn horny!" I burst out laughing at my best friend's expense. "Fuck you, woman. I give Grant the look and he suddenly has work projects in the garage. We're running out of batteries, Nova. This is serious shit." I have both hands bracing myself on the counter because I'm about to pee my pants listening to her tribulations.

  "Oh my God, honey. Look at you." Angela throws her bag on the table in front of Brenda and drops to her knees to put her hands on Bren's stomach. "You're so big. How far along are you again?"

  Rubbing her belly, she rolls her eyes at Angela. "Five months, and I've enjoyed every moment."

  Wiping the mascara I'm sure is running down my face from laughing so hard, I turn around, just as my dad walks into the kitchen. "Hey, Dad. Did you bring the steaks?"

  He takes the tooth pick out of his mouth as he walks toward me, putting the package of steaks on the counter. "That's the greeting I get these days?"

  "Hello, Dad. Nice to see you again." I wrap my arms around his waist and give him a hug. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and holds me tight to him. "Is he here yet?"

  I release my hold on him and take a step back. "Not yet."

  Angela hits him in the arm to get him to move to the side and holds out her arms. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" Her hug is quick, but heartfelt.

  "I'm good, keeping busy." I'm saved from Angela's concern by Maybelene throwing herself at my dad. "Leni! Take it easy on your granddad. He's getting old."

  "Never too old for this. How's my Mayberry doing?" He moves her a step away from him to size her up. It's been a few months since he's seen her. No doubt she's grown a few inches since then.

  "I made captain on my volleyball team, and I got 97% on my math test. Jenna said she wasn't gonna be my friend anymore because Brandon asked me to the school dance coming up, so I told her she could go—"

  "All right, Leni, you have all afternoon to tell your grandpa your life story. Say hi to Angela, and take these snacks outside, please."

  "Come on honey, I'll help you." Angela grabs the plate and walks out to the back with Leni.

  "Well..." Bren gets up from the chair, holding her belly. "I'm gonna go grind on my husband's lap. Nice to see you again, Randall." She gives him a wink on her way out to the back.

  Shaking his head, he leans against the counter and crosses his arms. "Are you okay with all this?"

  "Yeah." I start grabbing salad stuff out of the fridge. "This if for Rourke, right?"

  "You say the word and he's gone, okay?"

  " I know, Dad." I offer him a smile. "Lola's out back waiting to show you her new moves."

  He puts the toothpick back in his mouth and pushes himself off the counter. "I can just imagine what injuries I'll be walking away with." He kisses my head on the way out.

  This is going to be a long ass day.

  Dane

  I'm not so sure about this anymore.

  Not only will I be seeing Nova for the first time in fifteen years, but I'll be hanging out with my son. What does one bring to an occasion such as this? Flowers for Nova, a few magazines on skateboarding and Harley's for Rourke, and Kinder Surprise for the girls, none of which sound like a good idea now that I'm standing at the front door. I take a deep breath, smooth the invisible wrinkles from my shirt, and knock. I hear Nova's voice getting more distinct the closer she gets to the door, and when it opens, our eyes instantly connect. She's even more beautiful than I remember, and still able to take my breath away.

  "Dane?" She throws the towel she has in her hand over her shoulder and comes a few steps closer, her eyes roaming all over my features. "Oh my God." I'm not sure if her whisper is of awe or consternation.

  Fifteen years of regret are finding a new home in my throat, making it hard to form the words I want— I need —to say to her. In a strained breath, all I can form is, "Nova."

  She visibly swallows, takes a deep breath, pulls her shoulders back and smiles when she sees the flowers in my hand. "Those for me?" She arches an eyebrow when her eyes meet mine again.

  Clearing my throat, I take a step back from her to pull the flowers in front of me. "Ah, yes. I wasn't sure if roses were still your thing."

  She takes a moment to enjoy the scent before she grabs them from me. "They're beautiful. Thank you."

  "Well, there you are! So nice of you to join us, handsome." Angela walks by Nova to give me a hug, but my eyes never part from Nova's. "Come on in, sweetheart." She keeps one arm around my shoulders to guide me in. "Everyone's out back waiting for you."

  "Yes, come in." She stands back to give me room to enter, but I don't miss the glare she gives Angela. In the time it takes me to walk from the front door to the back, I can see that Corey and Nova have had a very good life together; the blueprint evident in all the captured moments on the walls. I can't help but think what moments we would have had together if I didn't fuck it all up.

  Angela feels my hesitation before we walk through the back door. "Just like taking a Band-Aid off—quick, and painless as possible."

  I turn my head to look at Angela. "What?"

  "Honey, the hard part is already done. Now you get to meet your son, and he's been waiting to meet you."
>
  "Really?"

  She smiles and gives my shoulder a squeeze. "You gotta take that step, sweetheart, and find out for yourself."

  Corey

  I'm sitting in my chair, shaking my head while listening to Grant and Rourke banter back and forth about last night's hockey game. Across the table, Randall is cuddling an injured Lola, who hurt her hip when she tried to show her grandpa a kick she'd just learned in Tae Kwon Do and fell. I stare at my girl long enough to catch her attention and give her a wink. She winks back at me and burrows herself further into Randall's lap. He gives her a kiss on the top of her head and jumps into the conversation when over his shoulder, I see Angela, and then Dane. Rourke glances at me and notices how intently I'm looking over Randall's shoulder.

  "Why are you looking..." he turns his head and sees the same thing I do, Angela and Dane looking right at us. "Oh." Randall turns around to see what has captured our collective attention.

  Angela heads toward Brenda, who is trying to braid Leni's hair, while Dane stands there, looking unsure of what to do. Still holding on to Lola, Randall walks over to Dane, shakes his hand, and brings him over to the table.

  Grant looks at me first, then stands from his chair and reaches over the table to offer his hand to Dane. "Hey, Dane, I'm Grant." Dane nods his head and shakes Grant's hand.

  Dane turns his attention to Lola, who is now very interested in the chocolate Dane has in his hand. He realizes what she's looking at and reaches out a Kinder Surprise to her. "Ask your dad if it's okay."

  She looks to me with pleading eyes. "Daddy, can I have it, pleeeeeeease?"

  "Go ahead."

  She snags it from Dane like I'm going to change my mind. "Here, take this to your sister. She gets one, too." Dane hands the other chocolate to her and she wiggles out of Randall's arms and runs to her sister.

  "Ah, Randall, you were gonna show me..." Grant moves from behind the table.