by Adele Huxley
“I’m really sorry—” I started.
“We need to talk—” he said at the same time.
Our eyes met and we laughed. Figures that we’d speak at the exact same time.
“What did you say?”
He smiled almost shyly as the bell on the microwave dinged. “It’s alright, let’s eat first.”
The awkwardness was still palpable. We ate in near-silence, making small talk about the weather, New Year’s Eve plans, anything but what weighed heavy. It was agonizing. While it might seem hard to believe given all my secrets, I hated leaving things unsaid. In my mind, I was just waiting for him to drop a bomb on me. Being so hyper-aware of the police presence, we hadn’t had a chance to talk about everything that had happened, even why Rick was suddenly Steve, complete with a driver’s license and everything. Despite the night we’d spent together, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. With a heavy heart, I braced myself for the worst. I couldn’t blame him if he decided my baggage was too heavy to help carry.
I could tell he was nervous about something. He inhaled his dinner so quickly, I’d only managed to take three bites of the scalding hot burrito before he began to talk.
“My dad died in a car accident.”
I nearly choked on a chunk of tortilla. The way he’d blurted it out! It wasn’t the shoe I’d prepared for, but I knew I had to roll with it. Swallowing quickly so I could respond without spitting my food out, he continued talking before I could get a chance. I slid over on the sofa and wrapped my arm around his shoulder. I didn’t know where this was coming from but I wanted him to know I was there to listen, despite the burrito lodged in my throat.
“I don’t talk about him much, but I want to...with you. It’s just hard...that day...”
“Is that when you got hurt, too?” I asked quietly.
He looked at me sideways, his features cast in long shadows. How I wished I could read his mind, just so I could find the right words to comfort him! After a pause, he nodded. I tried to ignore the unconscious way he rubbed at his bad knee, like he was soothing away the memory.
“Oh God, Bryan I’m so sorry,” I said nestling my head onto his shoulder. “That’s terrible.”
“It uh...it changed my entire life.” I could tell he was having a difficult time with talking. Why right now? Why after everything that happened today did he feel the need to do this? “I wanted to tell you at the cabin,” he said, his voice low. “You’ve been so...honest with me. I know I haven’t been as open but—I was a different person back then. I didn’t want you to find out any other way—”
“But when did you even have a chance?” I laughed. “Between saving me from my psycho ex and teaching me how to ski, we haven’t had a lot of time to sit and get to know each other.” I cupped my hand on his opposite cheek and pulled his face towards me. “It doesn’t matter what’s happened in the past. Who we are now, who we’re becoming in the future...that’s what matters. You have such a good heart.” Bryan studied my eyes. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something more, but chose to kiss me instead. I almost gave into the magnetic pull of his lips, but I felt I needed to drill my point home. “As long as we’re open and honest with each other, I don’t care what’s happened in the past.”
I didn’t mean to completely shut him down, just reassure him. My declaration seemed to comfort him but I could tell there were things left unsaid. By the time we finished the beer, a deep weariness had completely sunk into my bones. After a quick shower to wash off all the grime from our little fugitive adventure, we curled up into bed. Bryan’s arm slipped easily over my waist as he buried his face in my hair, slipping into place like perfect puzzle pieces. I had no idea what the next day would bring, but it felt good to feel safe.
If I’d only kept my damn mouth shut and let him talk, we might’ve been able to avoid the whole thing.
____________
We were pretty much inseparable for the next couple days. With Rick still roaming free, it seemed inevitable that he’d come for me again. Of course, he’d backed off with all the added police attention but it was a matter of when, not if, he’d be back.
Walt didn’t seem to mind my presence in the shop and I made myself useful. I’d greet customers, make coffee, clean up the perpetually messy shop area. Getting free labor was pretty much the only thing I’d ever seen put a smile on Walt’s face. Well, that and stories about Bryan smashing Noah’s face in.
While we hadn’t had the conversation, all the extra time together made me feel like Bryan and I were becoming an official couple. Our lives fit together so easily. We’d go to work, come home, make dinner, go to bed. A few times we went out to the bar if we didn’t feel like cooking. It somehow felt familiar, comfortable, but new all at once. I found myself looking at him throughout the day and trying to remember what it felt like to be without him. I’m not saying I was falling in love or anything crazy like that, but I was content.
Everyone was happy with the arrangement, except for Kayla. Two days before New Year’s Eve, she came storming into the shop. I suppose a little blame could be laid on me. I had been ignoring her calls all day, but in my defense, she had been calling every twenty minutes. We hadn’t actually seen each other since the night I’d run away. I refused to go up to the cabin and she refused to come down to Bryan’s.
The bell tinkled over the door and I heard her call my name. “Liz! Are you here? Lizzie?” There was a crash and her mumbled curses as she knocked a display over, still shouting my name.
“We’re back here,” Walt called out from the register as she appeared. “Ah, how are you, miss? How those skis working out for you?”
Kayla glanced at him as if a lamp had magically begun speaking to her. Quickly blinking and with a slight furrow of the brow, she said, “Yeah, good, whatever.” She looked at me, her expression morphing into exaggerated relief. “There you are! Why haven’t you answered me? I was scared shitless.”
“I’m fine. You don’t need to keep calling me all the time.” It was difficult keeping the irritation from my response.
She reached across the counter and grabbed my arm, pulling me to the opening. “I can’t help it when you’re staying with him,” she said in a low voice. She dove against me, pinning my arms to my sides in a big hug.
I pressed my lips together to keep from screaming. She could be so pig-headed and frustrating! “Bryan isn’t a problem. Steve is the problem and as long as you refuse to accept that, I can’t come back.”
“I think you’re forgetting who assaulted Noah with a gun. Have you seen his face?” she whispered harshly. She looked over my shoulder to where Bryan was working, as if he’d be able to hear her over the sound of the grinder.
“Jesus, it’s like you weren’t even there! Rick had a gun too, remember?” I replied flatly. “And besides, it wasn’t even Bryan’s gun. It was the one Walt keeps here at the shop.”
Kayla scowled and stepped back, picking at her fingernails. “I just don’t trust him...and I miss you! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever! It’s not the same without you up there.”
Despite my frustration, I felt my anger melt a little. Truth was, I missed her too. She really was like the sister I never had, with all the annoyances that came with that kind of relationship.
“I know,” I said putting my arm around her for a half-hug. “You gotta see it from my point of view, though. Going back and forth with this argument isn’t getting us anywhere, is it?”
She nodded. “I know and that’s why I talked to Rick the other night. For the sake of the business and now that the cops have been involved, he’s willing to keep things peaceful.”
I laughed sarcastically. “That’ll be the first time in his life, then.”
“You sent him to prison,” she pleaded with me. “Wouldn’t you be a little pissed off, too? Just talk to him.” I shook my head but she continued. “We’re having a New Year’s Eve party. Just a small one, nothing crazy. Talk to him then, when everyone is around. If
you two can get past this, I know we’ll be able to salvage what’s left of this season. Do you want to go back home without really enjoying yourself out here?”
“Tell me about the whole “Steve” thing. Is that really his name, and he was always lying about being Rick?” I searched her dark eyes as she answered, but she didn’t betray any hint she knew.
“You’ll have to ask him. It’s news to me, too. Just talk to him.”
I’m still not sure what weakened my resolve to avoid Rick. Maybe it was the stress of the situation that made me want to make peace finally. Maybe some trippy love hormones from Bryan had scrambled the logical part of my brain, but Kayla was actually making sense. If I could talk to him and somehow work things out, call a truce, I wouldn’t have to keep running. It was worth one last shot.
I glanced at Bryan when the grinder whirred down. He looked up and around for me, finally finding me standing next to Kayla. He tensed and quickly looked away. Didn’t have to be a mind reader to know they didn’t like each other, but at least he hadn’t said anything to the police when he’d had the chance.
“Alright, we’ll be there.”
“Yay! That’s—wait, no. Just you, right?”
“No...the both of us. I’m not going anywhere without him,” I said nodding towards Bryan.
“But sweetie—” she started to pout.
“No. If you want to see me, you better get used to seeing him too. Package deal.” I crossed my arms to send home the point. It must’ve worked because after a moment, she finally acquiesced.
Her mission completed and feeling as though she’d gotten her way, Kayla said a quick goodbye and left. I stood looking into the shop, watching Bryan hunch over a snowboard.
He looks so cute when he concentrates. I just won’t tell him that Rick is going to be there. A little white lie won’t hurt. At the very least, I can get more information and figure out what it is that Rick really wants. One way or another, I have to get him off my back.
I dropped my bag on the sofa and sighed loudly. I’d already voiced my concerns in every way possible. Breathing loudly seemed to be the only form of protest I had left, short of chaining myself to the truck and refusing to drive.
“What now?” Liz said dramatically. It was difficult to stay mad at her when she looked so cute. Her hair was pulled up into a high ponytail, ears covered with little white puffy earmuffs. She was wearing one of my tan Carhartt jackets and a dark pair of jeans. I don’t know if she was doing it on purpose, but I physically couldn’t look at her and remain angry.
“You know what,” I mumbled.
“We’re already late, can we just not do this right now?” she said tilting her head. “I don’t mean to sound like a brat, but you’ve already agreed, and—”
Sensing a loophole, I interrupted. “I never agreed. I stopped arguing.”
“Same difference,” she said with a smile and a shrug. She grabbed my keys from the little table beside the door and went to go outside. “It’ll be fun, okay? I’ll even let you kiss me at midnight.”
I tried to swallow the tight ball of apprehension that’d been building in my stomach for the last day. When I saw Kayla in the shop, I had a feeling something bad was going to happen. When Liz told me we were going up to the cabin for a New Year’s Eve party, I’d become all but sure of it. It hadn’t quite triggered our first fight as a couple, but it’d come very close. If that’s even what we are. Can we have a couple’s fight without being a couple? I wondered.
“Alright, give it a couple minutes and we’ll be ready to go,” she said as she stomped the snow from her boots. With a bright smile and sparkling blue eyes, she came towards me, arms outstretched. “I promise, we’re going to have a good time. Kay needs to see you’re not going anywhere. If she can’t get through today without starting shit, then I have my answer, right?”
I pulled her into my chest and kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. “I still don’t get it, but okay. I’ll do it for you.”
She leaned back and looked into my eyes. “I’m a little superstitious when it comes to New Year’s Eve, you know. However I ring in the new year hints to what the rest of my year is going to be like.”
I brushed a piece of hair from her cheek and smiled. “How did you spend it last year?”
She looked down and to the left as she remembered, chewing her lip as she always did. “I was alone, in my dorm room, worried about a court date that was coming up in January. I think I was still trying to decide if I was going to cut a deal with the prosecutor. I watched the ball drop and drank an entire bottle of cheap champagne by myself.” She blinked the memory away and looked up at me with a mysterious smile. “How about you?”
“Last year? I think I went to bed before ten. If I hadn’t been staying with my mom and brother, I don’t think I would’ve known it was New Year’s at all.” It came out sounding a lot more bitter than I’d intended.
Liz gave my chest a little pat as if that proved something. “See? This year I plan on spending it with friends and...” she smiled a little, a pink flush rising in her cheeks, “whatever the hell you are.”
“Oh, that’s nice!” I laughed as I kissed her rosy cheek. “I’m just worried about Noah and the charges. If he nails me with trespassing or something—look, I don’t want to end up spending Christmas and New Year’s in a jail cell.”
“We’re meeting them at the pond, off the property. If there’s going to be any trouble, we’ll know long before we head up to the house, okay?”
____________
After shaking off the nerves, I had to admit, I was actually having fun. They’d cleared off the pond and set up a small hockey rink, a fire burned in a sunken pit off to the side, and someone had even brought a small speaker system to play music. No one in the small crowd was drinking too much and spirits were high. Except for a moment or two when Kayla pulled her away, Liz had stuck by me the entire time. I loved how we always found a way to touch, either holding hands or brushing against one another. It was comforting in a way I’d forgotten I missed.
At first, there’d only been fifteen to twenty people all around the pond, coming and going at various times. Skiers who lived further up the mountain heading down the private slope would stop for a quick drink. Within an hour, the crowd had swelled to over fifty. Kayla was the life of the party, her laugh constantly filling the air. I still wasn’t sure how to handle myself in situations like this. Before the accident when I was cocky and untouchable, I’d be hammered and out on the ice, drumming up a super competitive hockey game. Now, I was more comfortable hanging back, observing, noticing things I never would’ve otherwise.
For instance, Kayla was trying very hard to appear like she didn’t care that Noah was hanging all over some busty blonde girl. As she mingled through the crowd, she always made sure to place herself in such a way to keep him visible. I thought she was going to crawl out of her skin at one point when the pair disappeared into the small shed on the far side of the pond. A few minutes later when they reemerged, Kayla made a direct line for the girl, her friendship a guise to keeping an eye on her man. As insightful as Liz is, I’m surprised she doesn’t see it, I thought.
I knew my silence could’ve been misconstrued as antisocial, but with Liz and her bubbly personality at my side, I hoped people would see me only as reserved. After mingling for a bit, we drifted to the edge of the party. With my arm wrapped around her waist, I felt Liz shiver.
“Want to go play some hockey to warm up?” Even quiet, non-Blizzard Bryan had a competitive streak. It’d been a long time since I’d strapped a pair of skates to my feet.
“Couldn’t we just go over there?” she said nodding to the right. “I like the idea of cuddling by the fire. We do good things when we cuddle by fires.”
I rolled my eyes in mock exasperation, pulling her close with a laugh. “Well, I suppose we could,” I said taking her hand and leading the way around the edge of the pond. It was a decent-sized body of water, more
than large enough to accommodate the hockey game. Ponds like that get pretty deep in the mountains. Could even be a nice place for a quick swim in the steamy summer months, I thought.
As soon as I settled into the wooden Adirondack chair, Liz plopped herself down on my lap. With a squeal, she slid back, the steepness of the chair settling her ass directly over my crotch.
“Well then!” she laughed, looping an arm around my neck. With a little wiggle, we rearranged ourselves so we didn’t look too scandalous. “Isn’t this nice? Oh, come over here!” she called out to another couple. “These are my other roommates, Spencer and Morgan,” she introduced us.
“Great to meet you,” I said with a wave.
“Hey,” Morgan said with a broad smile. She had a sweet face and instantly reminded me of every hippie snowboarder I’d ever known. She gave me The Squint and I braced myself, breath catching in my chest.
“This is Bryan, he was at the party just before Christmas,” Liz said, also noticing Morgan’s attempt to place me.
“Ah! That’s it! I thought you looked familiar.” She smiled and settled into a chair to my left. Spencer hovered close by, not quite knowing what to do with himself. He glanced at the closest chair and decided it was too far away, dragging it closer to her side. The guy oozed awkward but Morgan didn’t seem to notice or care.
I let my breath out slowly. Relieved I could avoid confronting the truth a little while longer. I knew it had to come out at some point and apparently, I didn’t have the strength to tell Liz myself yet. The half-truths and partial lies were piling up so high, I didn’t know how I was ever going to dig myself out. So many times I’d tried to tell her everything, especially after I knew Rick had recognized me, but it was far easier to cover up and hide. I’d even gone so far as to tell Walt not to mention anything about my career, just in case. Something had to give. Walking around work on pins and needles just waiting for him to slip had been agony the entire week.