by Adele Huxley
“Enlighten me.”
“Do you remember a couple years ago a professional skier got into an accident? Made the news for months—”
The light went off in his head. His eyes glimmered and he shot a finger at me. “Ah! That’s where I know you from! You’re the Blizzard. Shit man, yeah, I do remember that.” I tried to nod confidently, though I’m not sure I was able to pull it off. “I thought you were supposed to be this heartthrob or something. You look like shit.”
“Thanks,” I said with a glare. “You aren’t looking too pretty yourself.”
Rick clicked his tongue and grinned. “I even remember the spread your girl did in Playboy. Hot little thing you had there.”
I should’ve been prepared for him to throw that back in my face. I gritted my teeth as the images flashed through my mind. Turns out, whatever I was to Angela at one point, towards the end I primarily became her path to fame. When it looked like my career wasn’t going to hit the big leagues, she’d decided to cash in on the tragedy in any way she could. Interviews, articles...Playboy was the real launching point of her D-list popularity.
Rick finally looked at me with a modicum of respect. At least he knew I wasn’t bullshitting him anymore, but gaining respect from a guy like that left me feeling filthy.
“Yeah, well, looks aren’t everything.”
“Yo, you still got her number? That spread was smokin’ hot. She had the sweetest little pussy—”
“No,” I snapped. I hated even thinking about that blonde vampire. I steadied myself and plastered on another smile. “I don’t need it, remember? I’ve got Liz’s.”
That shut him up, bringing him back to the point we were originally circling. “So what, you’re loaded or something?”
“You could say that. Between my career and the accident, I have a fair amount in the bank.” Money and power...
He took a couple steps towards me, the image clearing in his mind. “Let’s just put this all out there, make sure we’re speaking the same language. You’re saying you want to buy Beth’s virginity from me?” he said incredulously, as if he hadn’t done the very same thing to her.
“That’s right,” I nodded, the words tasting bitter. The deeper into this persona, this amplified asshole version of myself, the easier it became. “Are you deaf? I told you I already took it. Early Christmas present, remember? See it as a way to recoup your losses, move on to the next naive girl that doesn’t see you for the shit head you are.”
Rick’s dark eyes darted back and forth between mine as he considered the offer. “Half a million.”
“Fuck off,” I spat. “I know what you gave her.”
His eyebrow twitched. “You know what she says I gave her. She’s got a tight little ass, but don’t let that fool you,” he said conversationally, like we were suddenly friends and he was offering me advice. “Whatever she says I paid her, add a couple hundred thousand on top and you’re getting closer to the real number.”
“I’m not sure you understand the concept of depreciation. You don’t get to ask for more when the value is gone.”
He turned to face me, the friendly guise slipping. “I get to ask for more when I’m the one in control. Half a million dollars.”
“Three hundred.”
A wicked smile spread across his face but his eyes didn’t move from mine. For the briefest moment, I’d thought I’d won. When I heard Liz’s voice behind me, my world came to a screeching halt.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Liz said. I turned to see her standing with Kayla. I had no idea how long she’d been there, but apparently long enough. She looked at me with tears in her eyes but gestured for me to continue. “Oh please, keep bargaining. Let’s see how low you can get him. Quick question, though. When you’re finished, do I just lay down and spread my legs here?” She motioned to the ground at her feet.
Kayla looked at her in confusion. “What are they talking about,” but Liz waved her off.
“No, seriously, carry on.”
“No, that’s what not what I meant. You don’t understand—” I started to say. An icy dread seeped into my heart.
“I know what I heard. Like I’m some type of commodity you two can pass around?” She shot me the same disgusted look she gave him. Of all the horrible times for her to come back...
“Liz, please,” I begged. I had to make her understand what I’d been trying to do, that I’d been doing it for her, for the future.
She thrust her finger out to Rick but glared at me. “Say what you want about him, but he was always upfront with me. He’s never pretended to be anything he isn’t. He might be a raging prick, but at least he’s an honest one.”
“Thanks, babe,” Rick laughed. He looked like a kid at Christmas, the glee on his face visible.
She switched her index finger for her middle one, but her eyes locked on me. “I trusted you. I trusted you more than anyone else.” Her lower lip quivered with anger. I needed to hold her, to explain what I’d been doing, so I took a step forward. She jumped back, almost knocking Kayla over in her urgency to escape. “Don’t you dare come near me.”
“I trust you, too. I’ve been more open with you than anyone—”
“Not open enough. I’m done with good intentions,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’m done.” She walked away, stopping after only a few short steps. She turned and looked over her shoulder. “And by the way, just so you know, I’m still a virgin. At this rate, I will be for the rest of my life,” she glared at Rick, sparing me only a glance. “Fuckers.”
Rick stepped back and leaned against the wall of the utility shed, laughing to himself. “Looks like you screwed up, boy. Screwed up real good.”
I looked at him for a moment, considering the chance to wear out my pent-up rage on his face. No cops, no guns, just my fists pounding some sense into him.
He raised an eyebrow, as if he could read my thoughts. Crossing his arms, he smirked. “Let’s make it three-fifty and you have yourself a deal.”
If it weren’t for all those potential witnesses standing around, I just might have killed him then and there.
“I knew I shouldn’t have come,” I grumbled. I took a makeup remover cloth from my bathroom drawer and wiped my eyes clean. There was no way to salvage my makeup, so I chose to start fresh. Plus, it’d give me a chance to splash cold water on my face and cool my blotchy skin. I’d always been an ugly crier.
“Don’t start,” Kayla said with a huff. She pushed herself up on the bathroom counter beside the sink and handed me another tissue. “You didn’t seriously think you’d solve everything in one five minute conversation, did you?”
I glanced at her and scowled at my reflection. “I didn’t expect him to be such a...”
“Rick?” Kayla laughed. “I don’t know what the hell is going on between you two, but I’m sure you’ll be able to find some type of solution.” My hand paused mid-wipe. Should I tell her? Maybe if she knew exactly what was at stake, she’d be able to give me some advice I could actually use. Bryan was good and all, but she actually knew Rick.
“Maybe,” I replied. My silence implied I was leaving a lot unsaid. I plunged my hands under the cold faucet and splashed the water against my face, running through the conversation I’d just had with him.
I had tried, I really had. Letting him get under my skin wasn’t going to do any good for anybody. So, I’d offered to give him back the money. He counteroffered by saying he wouldn’t beat me if I let him record my first time. As calmly as I could, I told him if he raised a hand to me, I’d kill him in his sleep. Rick had apparently found that amusing and implied I should keep a better eye on my drinks from then on, so I threw my beer at his head. It wasn’t any one thing he’d said or done. Simply being in his presence was enough to make me lose my shit. As I’d walked up the hill to the cabin, I realized making peace with him was going to be close to impossible. Unless I found a way in...
Toweling off my face and cringing at the blotchy, red skin I saw in the mirror, I co
nsidered Kayla for a moment. Can I trust you? I thought.
“He’s never told you?” I began slowly.
“Told me what?” she replied with a practiced innocent blink.
Was she really ignorant or just playing me? “I’m sure if you knew, you would’ve said something about it by now...Kay, I...” There was something in her expression that made me hesitate, something hungry. She lived off alcohol, drama, Diet Coke, and gossip. I decided to test her, give her some of the truth and see what she did with it. “Rick loaned me money a while back.”
“Aw babe, and he wants you to pay him back?” she replied with a sympathetic pout. “How much? I have some saved up. I’ll help you out.”
“Two hundred and fifty thousand.”
Kayla laughed. “No, seriously. I want to help.”
“I am being serious,” I said balling the towel up and throwing it across the room. I opened my makeup drawer and began patting my skin with powder. “And I don’t need help paying it back. I have the money.” I looked myself in the eye. “I just don’t agree with the repayment terms.”
Her mouth hung open. “How? Why?” she stammered. “I had no idea you had that kind of money. You don’t act like you’re—”
“Rich?” I said with an edge to my voice. Kayla looked at me with wide eyes. To her, showing you had wealth was almost more important than actually being wealthy. “It’s not for me.” I replaced the lid on the powder and sighed. “It’s for my dad.”
“So...what then? What’s the problem? That’s why he’s been after you, because of the money?” Kayla shook her head. “I know he can be a real asshole sometimes, but it just doesn’t sound like him. If you want, I can try and talk to him about it?”
I avoided her eye, trying to appear embarrassed when in fact, this was exactly what I’d hoped she’d say. She and Rick had a different relationship, one almost of equals. If she was able to convince him to back off, then all the better. Plus, their conversation would reveal the truth and I’d get to see what she’d do with that information. Two birds, one juicy stone.
“If you don’t mind. I know borrowing money from people gets complicated, I just...” I sighed, resting my hands on the counter and looked up at the ceiling. “I never thought he’d come after me so hard.”
Kayla rubbed my shoulder and nodded. “Let me see what I can do, alright?” After a moment of comfort, she jumped off the counter with a loud clack. “Now! Let’s get you fixed up and back out to that party. If we get a few drinks in everyone, I think I’ll be able to work my magic. New Year’s is coming!”
____________
We slipped and slid our way back down the mountain. All I wanted was to find Bryan, ignore Rick, and ring in the new year right. With the seedlings planted in Kayla’s brain, I felt as though I’d done enough for one night. I could control baby steps and with enough, I’d eventually fix things.
Scanning the people scattered across the snow and ice, it wasn’t difficult to spot the tall figures of Bryan and Rick standing to the side of the small shed. Kayla was babbling on about something, but as we drew closer, I put my hand on her arm and held a finger to my mouth to indicate quiet. I motioned that we should move around back, unnoticed. Approaching the opposite side of the shed, it was easy to hear their conversation. We couldn’t see them from this vantage, but Rick’s voice came in loud and clear.
“So what, you’re loaded or something?” I heard Rick ask.
“You could say that,” Bryan chuckled. The arrogance in his voice sounded so foreign. I’d never heard him act so cocky. “Between my career and the accident, I have a fair amount in the bank.”
I furrowed my brow. His career? With everything that’d been going on with Rick chasing me, the whirlwind way I’d started to fall for him, I realized with a shock that I didn’t know that much about him. I knew a bit about the accident, that his father died, but nothing deeper. I didn’t actually think he was just a guy who worked in a ski shop, did I? And he had money? This whole thing was odd. Why hadn’t he said anything about this?
Rick laughed this time. “You’re saying you want to buy Beth’s virginity from me?” My eyes flew to Kayla who looked at me with surprise. I didn’t have time for embarrassment. My heart froze. Is this what they were actually talking about? Had Bryan seriously said that before I’d walked down the hill? I couldn’t move. I barely heard the words, my ears were ringing so loudly. My neck and chest prickled with heat as my temper rose.
I closed my eyes and hoped Bryan’s reaction would be different, would be more like the Bryan I knew. I must be getting all this out of context, I thought, but instead I heard that same laugh. “Are you fucking deaf? I told you I already took it...recoup your losses...naive girl.” These words popped out as if in bold print on a page. Kayla looped her arm through mine and pleaded for some kind of explanation.
Naive girl? Is that what you really think of me? I was furious. I was that terrible kind of angry that leaves you shaking, trembling, even crying. The kind where men think they should try and comfort you when really, they should be hiding any sharp objects within reach. I stood there listening to them negotiate a price on my body, too shocked and horrified to do anything. It was only when they started throwing out genuine numbers that I lost my shit.
Pulling Kayla out by her arm like a shield, I emerged from the shadows of the shed to see them facing each other, deep in conversation. Bryan’s back was to me and I was sure Rick had seen us appear, but he made no notice.
“Three hundred,” Bryan said.
I didn’t know who to glower at more, the jackass who’d ruined my life and was chasing me or the jackass who just offered to sell me like livestock. Rick stood back and smirked. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to hurt someone so badly in my life. No matter how much that policeman Hughes had liked me, I don’t think I’d be able to talk my way out of an assault charge with my breasts.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I shouted. For some reason, the shocked look on Bryan’s face made it even worse, like a kid who’d been caught in a lie. “Oh please, keep bargaining. Let’s see how low you can get him.” My vision swam in tears but I resorted to the same snarky attitude that’d always kept me strong. “Quick question, though. When you’re finished, do I just lay down and spread my legs here?”
Kayla gasped and pulled me close. “What are they talking about?” I shook my head. So much for my well-laid plans, but I guess it didn’t matter anymore.
The tiny foundation we’d built together crumbled to ash. I couldn’t believe the person in front of me, the one I’d heard talking with such audacity, was the same who’d knelt in front of me, bandaging my wounds while I spilled out my life story. The same kissable mouth, the same warm, hazel eyes but who really lurked behind them? I panicked as he stepped towards me, afraid of what I might do if he touched me.
“Don’t you dare come near me,” I snapped.
“I trust you, too. I’ve been more open with you than anyone—” he started but I couldn’t bear to listen to any more.
I pushed him away, like I push everyone away. Even my self-righteousness couldn’t make me feel any better about it. Bragging about taking my virginity...I couldn’t stop myself. I had to throw it back in his face if that’s all he cared about, embarrass him even a fraction of the amount he’d embarrassed me.
“And by the way, just so you know, I’m still a virgin,” I said directly to Rick. If I was on my own, I had to protect myself completely. “At this rate, I will be for the rest of my life, fuckers.”
I turned right around and followed my footsteps back up the hill, cursing the entire way.
____________
“More,” I said holding out my mug of hot chocolate. Kayla and I were both curled up in my bed, nestled in a sea of pillows and blankets. We watched the dancing flames of the lit fire, a light snow drifting by the windows outside. Without a word, Kayla reached over to the side table and picked up the bottle of whiskey and uncorked it.
“You know how I
feel about the guy, but I don’t understand why you’re so upset with him. It’s not like he lied to you or anything,” she said as she tipped another shot into the cocoa. I pulled it close, wrapping my hands around it and took a sip. I glanced at the open laptop at the foot of the bed. A Wikipedia page had been left open, Bryan “The Blizzard” Marsh’s face in the corner. I hadn’t been able to read anything past the first paragraph, but Kay had given me a brief rundown.
“He lied by omission, for weeks. This isn’t a little thing, you know?”
“I guess...”
I turned towards her, my eyes tearing up before I could even pry the words from my mouth. “I told him everything. Everything. We even...last night...” The tears rolled hot and fast down my cheeks. Kayla wrapped her arm around me and pulled me into a tight hug. He knew everything, even stuff I’ve never even been able to tell her, my closest friend.
“It’s alright, sweetie. Shhh, don’t worry about him. He’s nobody,” she said as she soothed me. “At least now we can trade sex tips,” she giggled. Kayla was a sweetheart but she could never really handle deep conversations very well. Her instinct was always to joke.
I shook my head, wiping the tears away with the back of my hand. “No, we didn’t do that. Pretty much everything but...” I sniffed. The party was still raging outside, coming up to midnight and this was how I was going to bring in the new year. Half drunk, crying over some guy, in bed with my best friend. Classy.
“Aw, what an asshole.” She paused as if deep in thought. “You actually sold your virginity?”
I groaned and pulled the comforter up over my head. “Can we please not talk about this now?”
“Why did you do it? Because you could?” For once, she sounded curious and sensitive. My defenses were lowered and it caught me off guard.
I poked my head out and sighed. “If you boil it down, yeah. I knew he wanted it, so I figured why not? I think I’d heard about some girl selling hers online and got the idea.” Tucking the puffy comforter under my armpits, I chuckled. “The way I see it, I’m not actually a prostitute until I give it up. Until then, I’m merely a con artist.”