by Simone Elise
I felt my control on my temper slipping.
“Nothing.” I muttered.
“Good, I will see you tonight then.” He stood up, nodded at Jackson, and walked out of the kitchen, coffee still in hand.
I glanced at the pinhead named Jackson Johnson.
Why was he smiling? What was funny about all of this? I glared at him. The rage I felt towards him wasn’t reasonable.
His smirk still stayed put.
‘What?!” I demanded. Why the hell was he still looking at me!
I jumped off my stool and left the kitchen, seething. As I walked up the stairs, his smirk played on my mind.
It was bad enough I had to deal with him at school, and sit next to him in history, and now… now he was in my house!
I quickly changed, not paying attention to my look, and headed back downstairs.
Jax was now standing at the front door, fully dressed.
Thank God. I’m sure there would be women all around the world who wanted to gawk at his every toned muscle - but I wasn’t one of them. So, the fact that he was now fully dressed, well, I saw that as a bonus.
There was something about him that drew women in. Maybe the edge to his personality. Maybe the fact that he always looked like he had just got out of a caged fight, and was more than capable of coming out the winner of any fight.
I don’t know what it is, but women just love him.
I was not one of those women. Sure, I had wondered why he bothered attending school and sure, I had wondered how he kept his body in such great shape.
But, never once had I asked either question.
Nor would I ever.
Because, when it came to him, I wanted nothing to do with him. He knowing my brothers only made me want to stay away from him more.
I walked down the stairs quickly, passed him, and walked through the open front doors.
“Wait up!’ he yelled behind me.
Did he honestly expect me to ride with him?
Was he that stupid?
Surely not.
“You coming with me or not?” he snapped.
Yep, he was that stupid.
I turned to glare at him. Why I felt so much rage towards him I didn’t know.
“I would rather ride the bus with the junkies, than get in a car with you,” I continued to walk up the drive way.
“Whatever, don’t complain to me if you catch something,” he yelled after me.
“Complain to you? Fuck, I don’t even want to talk to you,” I snapped over my shoulder.
I heard his car door slam, and, then, within a few seconds, I could hear him approaching me.
He drove through a puddle close to me, deliberately I’m sure, and splashed water up my legs.
I glared at the back of his Hummer.
I picked up a rock from the ground and threw it in the direction of his car, missing it by centimeters.
I groaned to myself as I walked up our long drive way.
Why me?
And what the hell was with my aim? I really needed to go for some target practice. If Blake even thought for a second my aim was off, well, he would be pulling me from jobs.
He expected me to always be in control. He expected me to always have his back, which meant I had to be able to shoot straight, and right now I couldn’t even throw something straight.
I groaned. Not only did I have to get a bus, but I was more than positive I would have to spend more time at the shooting range.
***
I glanced up at the clock. I was about 45 minutes late for class.
Stupid bus. Never runs on time.
On the up side though, I had missed forty five minutes of Mr Wood’s class, which meant less time with that pinhead, Jackson Johnston.
I smiled to myself. Suddenly, the day was looking up.
I finally made it to school, and walked up to my locker to dump my school bag in it. I hated school and really saw it as pointless. I wasn’t career minded, although I realized that would be a problem later in life.
I began to head up the corridor towards Mr Wood’s class, dragging my feet as I got closer.
I could just not go in, I thought to myself.
But knowing it wasn’t really an option, I knocked on the classroom door.
It opened slightly and Mr Woods was surprised to see me.
“Nice of you to join us Miss Shields,’ he said in an official voice, laced with sarcasm.
“Couldn’t prolong my tardiness any longer,” I muttered to him.
I wasn’t sure if he’d heard me, but he opened the door wider, and I slipped in, walking towards my desk.
I glanced around and noticed that everyone was sitting in pairs.
My eyes landed on my empty seat, and I didn’t bother looking at the thing sitting in the next seat; I knew who it was.
Bloody Jax.
I sighed loudly and took my seat.
“Class continue,” Mr Woods directed.
The class slowly began to start talking again.
Jax was more in the middle of the desk, then on his side.
“Move,” I muttered.
He ignored me.
“Move,” I said louder.
“Make me,” he challenged.
Well, he asked for it. “Sure,” I snarled. I flung my elbow up in the air and brought it down hard onto his thigh. I might have lost my ability to throw things straight, but I hadn’t lost my strength.
He groaned in pain.
“Miss Shields! Violence is unacceptable!” Mr Woods screamed in my direction.
“My arm slipped”
“Bullshit,” Jax muttered, under his breath.
“Take it like a man,” I whispered coldly in his direction.
I heard him grunt.
“Principal’s office. NOW Miss Shields,” Mr Woods commanded.
I sighed.
“Whatever,” I added, gathering my books. I didn’t want to be here in the first place.
I heard Jax chuckle.
“Don’t worry babe, I will get your homework for you,” he said smoothly.
I rolled my eyes. He wanted to talk dirty? Perhaps no one told him that if he played with fire, he was going to get burnt.
“I think you should be more concerned about where your balls are,” I said loudly.
There were a few soft chuckles from the class.
“Now, Amber!” Mr Woods yelled.
“Yeah, yeah. I know. Principal’s office,” I muttered as I walked towards the door.
I was sure Principal Pike wouldn’t be happy to see me. I think he leaves me sitting in the hallway on purpose. Apparently, my smart Alec remarks give him a ‘headache.’ Personally, I think any head that large would give someone a headache by virtue of the sheer weight of it.
I couldn’t help but smile a little when the door slammed behind me.
I looked back down at the clock. It had only taken ten minutes to be kicked out. That was a record, even for me.
***
I slammed the front door as hard as I could.
After history class, the day had just gone from bad to worse, with me being put on a behavior watch by the principal. I ended up having to eat lunch by myself, and then afternoon classes totally sucked, and, to top it all off, I had to walk home because I missed the bus. It was fair to state that I was in a shitty mood.
“Amber!” My dad hollered from the dining room.
I was so late because I walked home, that I hadn’t even noticed the fact that it was tea time.
I stormed into the dining room.
“What?” I said in a bored tone. There better be a bloody good reason for him to have called me in here.
I noticed Jax sitting, eating at the table.
How lovely. Jax gets a nice hot tea and a snack, and I get blisters on my feet. Fuck, I hate karma.
Oh, how I would love to take that fork and attack his…
“Are you going to join us for tea?” Dad interrupted my, well… evil plans.
; “Hello. No.” I answered quickly.
Dad frowned.
What? I didn’t feel like eating in front of THAT.
“Fine, bed then,” he ordered.
I rolled my eyes and walked out of the dining room.
There was close to no chance that I would be going to bed right now. Dad should’ve known by now I didn’t listen. I had listened this morning about not driving, but I think that was about to change.
What was the worst that could happen? I’d get pulled over, and again, lose my license.
I didn’t need an early night.
I needed drinks and conversation.
I unlocked my phone and scrolled down to Blake’s number.
My off again, on again, boyfriend, Blake and I, had seen more drama than most couples on daytime television.
I hadn’t talked to him in over a week; since he’d hit me, and I had got so wasted, I had ended up at some bar - I still don’t know how I’d got home that night, but I’d woken up in bed next to Blake who went on and on about how sorry he was for hitting me.
I’d left after that, and hadn’t spoken to him.
I think he took my silence as me breaking it off with him.
I knew I shouldn’t even be thinking about calling him, but he was once sweet and charming, and I loved him. Love can make you do crazy things, like it was making me do now.
Now, I wasn’t sure how I felt about him, but I knew he was one of the few people who could cheer me up right now.
I sat down in the middle of the staircase, and dialed.
I really hoped that it wasn’t going to be too weird.
Ringing.
Ringing.
Ringing.
“Hello” said a husky voice.
Aww Blake… how I had missed your voice.
I smiled, just a little. He really did bring out the girl in me.
“Hey Blake, it’s ummm Amber,”
“Amber.” I could hear his voice brighten. “What you been doing babe? I haven’t seen you in a while.” Yeah, well I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see you again.” I spoke the truth. After that fight, I wasn’t sure if we could come back from it.
But the gang was family, and you don’t walk away from family, unless it’s my blood family and, in that case, you run as far as you can to get away from them.
Blake went silent. I’m sorry about…” He started, but I was quick to cut him off.
“Don’t say sorry. Anyway, I didn’t call to fight.” I didn’t need to hear him say sorry. I knew he was sorry as soon as his fist had connected with my face.
I heard him sigh.
“So, why did you call?” he sounded disappointed.
“To see if you wanted to do something tonight? Or if you were doing anything?”
“Oh, well I am just at home with the guys. We are pre-gaming and then heading to this party. Wanna come babe?’ He sounded almost happy, but we both knew that only a high on drugs and money gave him real happiness.
“Sure, so I’ll come to your house then?”
“Sounds good to me. Will I see you soon?” he questioned.
“Yep, you will,” I answered, and then hung up.
Finally, something to do. I didn’t usually drink on week days, but hell I deserved it.
Having that Jackson Johnston move into your house was more than reason enough to get blinded on a Tuesday night.
I went upstairs and quickly changed into jeans and a long sleeved white top.
I jumped down the staircase, grabbed the keys to my Hummer off the hook and headed towards the garage.
I ignored my dad’s warning about my so-called suspension.
If I ran into the cops, I would wing it. What was the worst that could happen? I’d get arrested.
I heard mumbles of conversation coming from the dining room as I passed.
I couldn’t believe it! I made it to my car without anyone having seen me.
Life was a whole lot better as I drove towards the front gates.
I smiled. My night was going to improve.
Chapter 3
I slowly slipped into the house; the sun was blinding.
I hadn’t woke up till after seven, and, as I glanced at the wall clock, I saw it was nearly eight in the morning.
“Amber?” Dad called from the lounge.
I didn’t want to go in there. I was still crying. I hated people seeing me like this; weak and looking like all torn up.
The night before had come flooding back when I had woken up.
Blake and I had got into a fight, although my disheveled appearance didn’t have anything to do with him. I looked this way because of my own doing.
I’d run into, and taken on someone I shouldn’t have, and, given that it was a three to one fight, I was lucky to have made it out alive.
My face was aching, and, to top it off, I had a massive hangover.
I had tears running down my face.
I tried to slip up the stairs. I couldn’t face dad like this. He would think the worst, like always. I’m sure he had questions on why I was always beaten up. Hell, anyone would have questions. A sane person would ask, “Why are you hurt?” I could never, and would never give, someone a straight answer to that question.
Because I lived a life no one would understand. I lived and breathed for a gang that promised me an early grave.
Hell, I was lucky to not be in that grave right now, after last night.
“Amber! I can see you! Get in here!” Dad hollered.
Damn those glass windows! I sighed. Well, I guess I would just have to face him.
I walked slowly into the lounge room, positioning myself staring at the ground. Perhaps he wouldn’t mention my face.
“So, Amber I have…” he broke off suddenly, and I glanced up to see his shocked face as he took my appearance in.
I scanned the room and noticed Jax sitting in the armchair, looking calm and collected.
Dad, however, looked super angry.
“DID HE HIT YOU AGAIN?” Dad yelled as his fists curled. Dad knew I had a boyfriend and he just assumed Blake was the one always giving me a beating. This time it wasn’t Blake though.
“No, I don’t remember what happened,” I answered slowly. I could never tell my father the truth.
My dad took a deep breath, and I knew what was coming, as I saw the vein in his neck bugle.
“You’re lying to me.”
I suppose now wasn’t the time to tell him I lied to him every day of my life.
“I’m not,” I fired back.
“Then tell me what happened!”
“NO. It’s my body, my life.”
“I am your father! And, as my daughter, I’m ordering you to stay away from that abusive son of a bitch you call your boyfriend. This time, Amber, is the last time. No daughter of mine will be abused. You are smarter than this! For God’s sake, I raised you better! How can you possibly think it is OK to be treated this way? With no respect. Your behavior disgusts me. I have dealt with the drinking, the smoking, the violence, and, not to mention your run-ins with the law, but not anymore. This stops now!” He took a deep breath. “You are getting your act together, whether you like it or not.”
My mouth hung open in shock. It wasn’t his words that scared me; this wasn’t my first lecture or warning. What scared me was his tone, the look in his eyes. This was the real deal; he meant business.
“I’m calling your brothers.”
I froze… He couldn’t. He wouldn’t!
I stared at him frozen, my mind going crazy with possible scenarios, a lot of which involved my brothers killing me; or Blake, if they knew he existed.
Chapter 4
My brothers were dad’s secret weapon. I threw a book across my bedroom in frustration. Why I had a book in my bedroom to begin with was a mystery to me.
I slid down my bedroom door, glancing at my reflection in the long mirrors across the room. I was such a mess. I had always told myself that I was a strong, confident woman, but, right now,
I looked like a punching bag; an old punching bag.
I ran my hand through my hair. Taking a deep breath, I pulled myself up off the floor and walked towards the bathroom. I scooped up my surround sound controller from the floor and hit play.
A song started playing that summed up mine and Blake’s relationship well; I smiled disbelievingly. Of all the random songs lined up, this was the one that played. As I walked towards the bathroom door, I stopped, my eyes landing on a photo of Blake and myself. We looked so happy. So innocent.
The gang had ruined us. My eyes stared at the picture, burning a hole into the happy couple. Tears began to roll down my cheeks, and then my eyes landed on the women in the mirror again.
Bruised, bloody and batted.
I ripped my top off, unbuttoned my jeans, and walked into the bathroom.
I entered the shower and closed my eyes, feeling the water run down my body, but I already knew. The water couldn’t wash away my fears, worries or mistakes. It could only wash away the physical evidence of the night before.
“Anywhere But Here” by Sick Puppies filled the room. I placed my head against the cold tiles, as the water washed down my back, and lost myself in the lyrics.
How could life get so complicated, so early?
I put on my bathrobe and walked over to my dresser. My fingers inadvertently reached for the picture of my brothers, tracing their faces. They were in their older teens in the picture, now faded. This is how I remembered them. This is what came to my mind when I thought of them. I didn’t think of them as the soulless beasts they had become.
***
I heard them before I saw them. The sound of crushing gravel drifted through my window. They were here, and my fear spiked.
My brothers.
My reasons for fearing them weren’t the same as for others. I couldn’t exactly claim
I loved them, although I had an independent equation with each of them, but, from the day they’d left, I could safely say there was no love lost.
After all, they’d left me here… with dad.
Not that dad was mean or abusive, but, after they left, he went cold, and, as a result, threw himself into work, and, without supervision, I ended up the train wreck I was today.
I listened closely as the car came to a stop. I wondered if it felt strange for them being back here, after so many years of avoiding the place and the people who lived here. I closed my eyes and took a steady breath; and I listened for the car door.