by Simone Elise
“God, wipe the shock off your face will you!”
“Amber, they are dangerous. How the fuck did you get involved with them?”
She shrugged. “He was waiting for me at the airport.”
That pissed me off instantly. “He was waiting for you?” He must have been keeping tabs on her.
“As soon as I got off the plane, he was there, standing with my aunt.”
“Did he have a track on you?” I wanted him dead. Keeping track on her. He must have been watching her, to just be waiting for her at the airport.
“He was monitoring me, yes. As soon as I ended it with the HellBound, he was interested in recruiting me. Then he found out I was working for you a lot so he monitored me again. Then he said my passport flashed across his screen when I boarded a plane to England.”
I was furious. “So, did he recruit you?” I had not only pushed her away, but I had pushed her into the arms of a man nearly as deadly as me.
She really attracted bad men in her life.
“Yeah, he did.”
“AMBER!”
“Calm down Jax. I’m well looked after.” She gave me a pointed look. “Tae doesn’t put me in harm’s way. And I don’t do anything I can’t sleep with.”
“So, have you been doing those hits? They were linked to TNS in the paper!” I was furious. She was meant to be creating a new life! One that didn’t involve getting a criminal record!
“You’ve been reading the headlines? The London news headlines?” She said alarmed, like it wasn’t possible.
I was a subscriber to the London times because, well, it was a connection to her. “Yes or no Amber?”
“Yes,” she said simply.
“YOU’VE BEEN KILLING PEOPLE!” I was up and she was fucking lucky she was in another country. “WITH A SNIPER!”
“I’ve been trained, yes.”
“Don’t sound so cold!” I hated hearing coldness in her voice. Like she was disconnected from the world. Like she was disconnected from her heart.
“What did you expect, Jax? Like I said, you nearly killed me.” She wiped an angry tear away. “I have to go.”
“No you don’t. Don’t you dare hang up. Do your brothers know what you’ve been up to?”
She scoffed. “I think you would know if they knew.” She shook her head. “You should get some sleep.”
“I’m not tired,” I said through gritted teeth. I was more concerned about her, more concerned than I was a minute ago. At least then I thought she had moved on in a good direction.
“You look tired.”
“I can’t sleep without you. So, unless you are coming back, I won’t be sleeping,” I snapped. “What does he have you doing? Killing people? What else?”
I needed details because that man kept in the shadows. Lived on the dirty money and his empire but no-one knew his face.
Well, not here anyway.
Her eyes narrowed. “He treats me like I’m an equal. He doesn’t see me as a weakness. Like you do. Like my brothers do. He looks at me as a strength.”
Well, she had me there. I always thought she was my weakness. And it was true; she still was my weakness.
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. It was my fault she was trusting Tae, because he was treating her as an equal when all I had done was look at her as my one weakness.
“Don’t worry about it.” She looked away from the camera. She frowned again. “It’s not your fault. What I’m doing… it’s not on you. It’s all me.”
“I made you leave Amber. What is happening is all on me.” If she got herself killed, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. “Can you stop it? Just cut him out of your life?”
She smiled. “No.” And then added. “I rely on him now, as much as he relies on me.”
“What does he give you?”
“Money.”
“Don’t you have your dad for that?”
“He cut me off.”
“What!”
She sighed. “As soon as he found out I wasn’t going to school, he cut me off. I’m on Tae’s payroll. It’s my only source of income.”
“I have money. You can have it.” My money could be touched now. She could have all of it, if it meant she would leave him and his dirty business and all this shit with TNS behind.
Her lips twitched. “Thanks, but I’m not letting my ex-boyfriend bail me out. I can look after myself.”
Ex-boyfriend. That hit me hard in the chest, right in the heart; the heart that was beating for her.
“Just take the money Amber.”
“No.”
I sighed; she was going to be stubborn. “What can I do to get you to change your mind?”
“Nothing. It’s actually weird you called tonight.” She frowned for a second. “Because Tae is forcing me to take my new role.”
“What role is this?”
“His invisible hand. Just handling the cash, taking out hits. You know, keep his empire running but from a distance, not have anyone know I report directly to him.”
“Why can’t he just do that? He is in England. I’m sure he is capable.”
“It’s not here, it’s back home,” she said slowly, looking torn about it.
“Here?” She was coming back?
“Well, I’m not sure if I will be located back home, but I’ll be in the country somewhere.” She smiled dimly. “Wherever he decides I’m needed the most.”
I hated someone else having control over her. She was mine.
“Make him locate you here.” I basically demanded it of her. “Make him choose here.”
If she was back in the country, back here, I had a chance to get her back. I had a chance to get my girlfriend back. I’d never had a girlfriend before; she was and is the only one I will ever have.
“I’m not really in a position to ask a favor.”
“I’ll make a call.”
“NO!”
“I want you back.”
Her eyes widened. “Jax, even if he does locate me back home, that doesn’t mean I’m coming back to you.”
That hurt, but if she was back home, I could use all my charm to get her back. There was a slim chance she still felt something for me, and I would take full advance of that when she got back.
“I’ll make a call.” I said, more set on my plan. “I’ll make sure you are located here.”
She looked at me startled. “Jax, NO!”
“I want you back Amber. I don’t care what I have to do to get you back.” Anyone that got in the way had a death wish.
“Well, I don’t want you.” Her eyes were hard. “I told you. I told you that if you broke up with me, that was it. I was done. Well, you broke up with me Jax, and that ended us. So you aren’t getting me back.”
She was cold, harsh and stated facts. Like I should’ve known them.
“Amber I fucked up…”
“I don’t want to hear it!” She cut me off. “I’m tired and I have advance maths in a few hours. I need to sleep.”
She was going to hang up on me. Wait a minute. “You said your dad cut you off because you aren’t studying? But you are doing advance maths?”
“I’m doing maths for my sniper abilities. Improving maths is important. To get the right headshot. I’m tutored by one of Tae’s men.”
She was getting into something deep and the more she got into it, the less chance I had of getting her out of it. I might have pull, but even I couldn’t take down TNS.
“I’ll make a call,” I repeated.
“I don’t want to come home.”
“I want you home.”
“Yeah, well we all don’t get what we want,” she snapped.
“You’re right, because in this case, you aren’t getting what you want. I want you home. You are coming home.” I had a way of getting her home now and I was going to use it.
“If I come back, that doesn’t mean that you and I will ever be anything. I’m not coming back for you. Even if you force me back. I won’t�
�� no… I can’t be with you.” She looked down at her lap. “I can never trust you again Jax.”
I had broken her trust, but I was going to get it back. “I still love you Amber.”
Her head sprung up hearing that, and she looked at me with wide eyes. Like I couldn’t have possibly said that. I watched her expression; she was thinking she hadn’t heard me correctly.
“I love you Amber.” I repeated. “I know I hurt you. I know I pushed you away but I fucked up and I will do everything possible…”
“You can’t get me back Jax,” she said, cutting me off. “But,” she sighed. “I will always love you too.” My hopes went up and then she looked at me with tears in her eyes. “But I can never experience the pain of losing you again. What you did to me. What you are capable of doing to me. Well, it’s not fair.” She wiped away a tear that fell. “You’ve left me a hollow mess and I won’t ever give you the power to hurt me again.”
I knew then that she was never going to trust me again. I had really hurt her.
I nodded my head. “Doesn’t mean I won’t do everything possible to try and get you back.” Hearing what she’d said didn’t change my plans. Hearing she loved me, but would never be with me again… well, it didn’t deter me.
“You’re wasting your time. You should move on. Let me go.”
Wasn’t that the whole point of Troy giving me her number? For me to let her go. To move on. To focus back on the club. Well, that wasn’t going to happen.
“No.”
She rolled her eyes. “You know I’m safe now. You know I’m looking after myself. Now you need to stop moping around, pick yourself up and start breathing and living that club you love.”
“Fuck the club.”
“Jax! If your dad heard that, he would break out of prison to kill you!”
“I don’t care anymore. Don’t you get that? I care about you!”
She looked at me in disbelief. “I was always the one telling you we were perfect for each other and you were always the one pushing me away.” Her voice was steady; serious. “Now I’m telling you Jax, you were right. We aren’t perfect for each other, and every reason you pushed me away, well, you were right.”
“I was a dick.”
“No, you were thinking with your head and not your heart.” I watched her face drop. “Something I was never capable of doing when it came to you.” She straightened her shoulders up, sitting up. “But that’s different now.”
She was saying she no longer thought of me with her heart, but I knew her. If she loved me, even a tiny bit, I had a chance.
“Expect to be on a flight back within days.”
She tilted her head. “You really think Tae will locate me back home? All because you make a phone call?”
“Not just a phone call, a business deal, and the TNS doesn’t turn down business sweetheart.” I had been ignoring my responsibilities at the club. I hadn’t arranged new guns deals. I knew we had a huge shipment coming in next week, and we still didn’t have a buyer.
I may have been taking a back seat in the club, but I still listened to Troy’s concerns. His main worry at the moment was being left with all these guns.
But I’d just got us a buyer.
TNS will jump at this chance to re-stock their guns. They were secretive; didn’t deal directly with anyone, but I was going to make sure they dealt with us. Again, they didn’t trust me; but, if Amber was in charge, she would be making the decision, who was to be trusted and who not.
She yawned and I saw how tired she looked.
“I’ll let you sleep,” I said.
“I should be saying that to you. You look exhausted.” She’d pointed out the obvious.
How could I tell her I couldn’t sleep until she was back? I couldn’t sleep worrying about her. Worrying if she was ok. Worrying that she was moving on. Feeling physically sick, thinking of her making a life without me.
“I’ll be seeing you soon.” My finger hovered over the hang up button. Still not bringing myself to be able to end the call. “I love you Amber.” I found myself needing to say it again. Reminding her I did love her.
“Doesn’t change a thing Jax. Even if you somehow pull it off and get me back home, I won’t ever be with you, because I can never trust you again.”
“But you still love me right?” I asked. She said she loved me and always would, but the way she had said it was like how one speaks about the dead. Like the love would always be there but it was dead.
“I’m not capable of love anymore Jax. You didn’t just break my heart, you killed it and now, well I’m, as Tae says, a ruthless yet effective leader.” She shrugged. “He said in order for one to succeed, sometimes you can’t have a heart. You taught me that too.”
Was she saying I was heartless? “I fucked up and I’ll prove to you, somehow Amber that I do have a heart and you aren’t a weakness. I’ll fix your heart that I broke.”
“That isn’t possible.”
“I did the damage. I can fix it.”
She smiled dimly. “I wish it was that simple.” She looked into the camera. “I need to go, Tae is expecting me in a few hours now.”
“I’ll see you when I’m holding you.”
She rolled her eyes. “You aren’t going to give up are you?”
“No.” And this time a full smile spread across my lips. “I can’t wait to see you and I won’t believe you are back until I wrap my arms around you.”
She nodded her head. “Night Jax.” Looks like she was going to be the one to end the call. She paused, “Try and get some sleep, would you?”
She said that like she knew how little sleep I was getting. I guess it did show on my face. “I can now, knowing you are coming home.”
“Well, you won’t believe it until you are holding me, right?”
I nodded my head. I wouldn’t believe she was back until I could wrap my arms around her.
She yawned and laid down. “Well, knowing you, you will get your way.”
“I will. Night, Amber.” I was really looking forward to the day I could wrap my arms around her again, when she was back. I was going to make sure it was by the end of next week, because I couldn’t last any longer and now it was in my control; I wasn’t going to stop until she was back.
Hell, I’d give them the guns if it meant she was back for the deal.
“Night, Jax.” She hung up, her face disappearing, and I was looking at my wallpaper, which just happened to be a picture of her and me.
I was getting her back, but in order for my plan to work, I needed sleep because I was going to have to be switched on. I needed to take back control of my club.
As Troy had said, I needed to stand up again.
Well, I was going to. All this time I had been blaming the club for costing me Amber, and now I was going to rely on it for me to get her back.
***
“I don’t know how I feel about this,” Tyler grumbled. “We don’t have any history with them. What is stopping them from turning these guns on us?”
“They don’t have a problem with us, and a buyer is a buyer.” I said. I had got in contact with them- TNS, offered them a deal of a lifetime. Our shipment was usually split into smaller portions. And sold off.
We never sold the whole thing to one buyer.
We were giving them enough weapons to start a small war.
“Still don’t know how you pulled it off,” Troy said, his eyes on me. He moved in his seat, leaning forward. “How are we going to pull this deal off without Amber?”
She had been our contact, but now she was in charge of who and who wasn’t trusted so I knew she would trust us to make the deal. She had to approve it and, as soon as they realized how serious I was, they said they would be in contact.
I had lined it up to not be a one-off, but a regular transaction. I was also trafficking them our drugs. I was making sure they had a strong business connection with us so it only made sense - if they were going to have someone pulling strings, well they wo
uld set them up here.
Which meant Amber. Here.
“Just made sense and the opportunity presented itself,” I said simply, ignoring the grunts of disbelief.
Troy thought his plan had worked because, after my phone call with Amber, I was focused on the club. I was focused on this deal. I had pulled every string possible to get in contact with them.
Then I had to throw my name around to even get a phone call.
But it had worked. I got the deal set up and it was for Friday so it only made sense that they would make sure their hand was in the country, supervising. As Amber said, she would be the invisible hand.
I hadn’t told her brothers what she was up to because then they would know what I was doing, and this time I wasn’t letting them get in the way of Amber and I.
I was getting her back.
And I wasn’t going to stop until I had her.
“Well, we will split the money come Friday,” Troy said, and closed the meeting.
Everyone got up and started to leave, but, by the look on Troy’s face, he wanted to speak to me.
So I waited until everyone left; wasn’t even surprised when he spoke as soon as the last member exited.
“What did Amber say to you?” he asked. Trying to find an explanation for me stepping back into my role.
“She just reminded me of a few things.”
“Amber got you to man up again. I told you she has changed.” Troy stood up. “Now don’t bring her back down.”
He had thought that one phone call with Amber was all I needed. I needed Amber in my life, for the rest of my life and I wasn’t letting him or anyone stop me from getting her.
I never thought I would have a weakness, but I didn’t see Amber as a weakness anymore. She had proved to me she could handle herself - multiple times. I was just too blind to realize it.
“Yeah, I won’t be hurting her again,” I said, getting up and following Troy out. I frowned for a second. “Have you heard from her?”
Usually, they always talked on a Monday, but it was Wednesday and I hadn’t had Adam annoying me with new facts about her, or heard them mention her.
“Dad’s visiting her,” Troy said over his shoulder. “So she’s busy.”