He has the top button of his jeans undone, which exposes just the right amount of his dark snail trail and firm V.
Wow, he is amazing. Michelangelo’s David, has nothing over him.
“I'll just go change.”
He smiles when I don't stop with my objectifying, and walks into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
As I hear him switch on the water, an image of Jasper showering wet and naked pops into mind. With little restraint I have left, I quickly turn and head downstairs, before I barge in there and offer to wash his back.
Strolling into the kitchen, I decide to make some coffee as I could really do with a caffeine fix. Opening up the cupboard to where the mugs are kept, I blanch when I see a bright orange mug with Harmony’s name on it, taunting me. Pulling out the mug, I stare at it. What is this abomination doing here?
I am picturing the mug being involved in a misfortunate accident, when Jasper asks, “What are you doing?”
Turning around startled, I am ashamed of my malicious thoughts.
He looks at the cup in my hand and cringes.
Still holding onto the stupid mug, I quickly blabber, “I'm sorry, I wasn't prying, it was just there and I wasn't going to use it... I... oh God, sorry,” I stutter, turning around and placing the cup where I found it.
He comes up behind me and covers my hand with his. “Why are you saying sorry?”
Bowing my head, I shrug. “I dunno. It just seemed like the right thing to say in a circumstance such as this.”
He grips my shoulders, turning me around to face him. His hair is wet, styled messily, and he smells like vanilla body wash and Jasper. His eyes search mine, and I know that forgetting Jasper will be impossible because I will always love him, and I was a fool to think otherwise. I need him to forgive me because I want him back in my life. And to do that, I need to tell him the truth.
“I'm engaged,” I blurt out.
Okay, that really wasn’t how I was envisioning this conversation going, but kudos to me for saying it without passing out.
“What?” Jasper asks as he takes a step back.
Peering up at him from under my lashes, I repeat, “I'm engaged.”
Jasper’s mouth is hanging open.
“What?” he asks again, clearly stunned.
I don't know how else to explain it to him, so I decide to show him. Walking over to my bag and unzipping the side pocket where my ring is hidden away from prying eyes, I plant it onto the counter and look at him, waiting for a response.
He clenches his jaw, and then he begins staring at the rock like it just told him to go fuck himself.
After a few minutes of him eye fucking it, he snaps his eyes to meet my frightened ones.
“Why aren't you wearing it?” he asks calmly.
That’s it? That’s his response to all of this?
“Because I don't want to.”
Jasper cocks his eyebrow. “You don't like it?”
“No. I hate it,” I reply truthfully.
“It's not big enough for you?” he scoffs, looking at its size.
Lunging forward, I clutch onto his arm. “Don't do that. Don't mock me. I'm trying to be honest. Don't throw it back into my face,” I plead.
Jasper nods instantly, looking regretful for his jab. “Okay, sorry. I'm just...wow Ava,” he says, raising his eyebrows, while interlocking his hands behind his head.
“I know. But I don't want to marry him,” I confess. “I'm giving it back to him.”
Jasper searches my face. “You are?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
I can see the confusion in Jasper’s eyes, but I can also see a glimmer of hope.
I bite my lip, afraid of his reaction to my honesty.
“Because he's not you.”
Jasper’s eyes widen, but other than that, he remains impassive.
He clears his throat and replies hoarsely, “I don't know what to say.”
“You don't have to say anything. I know you'll need time to think things over. And that's okay. Take all the time you need.”
Pushing back off the counter, I collect my bag, and Jasper doesn't stop me. By the astounded look on his face, I know he needs time to deal with this revelation alone.
“Where are you going?” he asks quickly, following me to the front door.
“Home,” I reply. “You need time to process all this, and I need to tell Harper it's over between us.”
“You're going to end it?”
I nod. “I should have never started it,” I admit for the first time.
Jasper blows a breath through his sinful lips. “Let me drive you.”
“No it's okay,” I smile, because I too need some time alone to come to terms with my decision.
Jasper grabs my upper arm, searching my face. “You do realize I don't know where this leaves us. Even if you break up with him, I don't know if I can go back to what we had before.”
“I know. But either way, I need to tell him it's over.”
I am astounded that I am able to string a sentence together right now.
“Thank you for being honest with me,” Jasper says, running his hand through his hair.
Giving him a small smile, I reply, “I should have done so a long time ago. Goodbye Jasper.”
I step off his porch, and take a shaky breath.
“Goodbye Ava,” I hear him utter sadly.
Here’s hoping that goodbye is not for good.
*****
I catch a cab from Jasper’s, and when I get home, I lock my door and slide down it, staring into nothingness.
I stay this way for most of the night and part of the next day. I don’t cry because funnily enough, I am not sad. I am relieved, but more so, I feel free. Free for the first time in forever.
My mom has knocked continually, asking if I am okay. And I only grunt in response, because I have no words to convey how I feel at the moment, and honestly, I am okay with that.
It is now mid-afternoon, and I am still sitting against my door, hugging my knees. I really don’t know what the next step is, but I know I am sticking to my decision of telling Harper that the engagement is off, and I feel happy about that. But I also feel somewhat guilty.
Before I can feel anything else, there is a sharp knock at my door. I decide to ignore it, but the knocking continues for about two minutes incessantly. The pounding is not helping my approaching headache, so I decide to humor whoever is at the door, and then shut it on them when I am done humoring them.
Reaching over my head to turn the handle, I make no attempt to get up or turn around.
“We need to talk.”
That has me spinning around quickly.
His cerulean eyes search mine carefully, and I can’t infer the look in them. He extends his hand to assist me into a standing position, and I accept as I get up slowly to face him.
“Okay,” I stammer moving aside, so he can come into my room.
“No, not here. Let’s go for a drive,” Jasper says, looking at the floor.
I nod. “Let me just put on some shoes.”
Strolling over to my closet, I pull out my sweater and navy Converse. My navy blue slouching beanie is sitting on the floor, so I pick it up because I know my hair is a fright.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
Ignoring my parents who are peering around the kitchen wall as we make our way down the stairs, we walk outside in complete silence.
“Where do you wanna go?” I ask as we hop into Jasper’s truck, trying to break the stillness.
He smirks, but doesn't answer me, and I don't speak further.
As we drive deeper into the valley, I know where we are headed. Why is he taking me here? And what does he want to talk about? I'm scared to find out as I’m convinced we’re going out here, so there will be no witnesses to me balling like a baby when he breaks my heart, telling me it’s over for good.
Turning my head to peer outside the window, I’m hoping not to break down, but as J
asper indicates to take the exit, I shuffle in my seat nervously, uncertain of my future. I think I'm going to throw up, and when he parks his truck, I jump out quickly, crouching over a nearby shrub in fear of being sick.
Jasper leaves me be for a moment, but then I feel him rubbing my back lightly. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” I lie, while arranging myself into a standing position after my bout of nausea passes.
He is holding a blue cooler bag and a picnic rug, and I look at it, and then back at him.
“I knew you would have skipped breakfast and lunch.”
He's so thoughtful and knows me so well.
“C'mon, let’s go,” he smirks while grasping my hand in his.
My cold hand fits snugly into his, and I calm down slightly when I realize him holding my hand is a good sign. Unless he's just feeling guilty because he knows he will be delivering some bad news very soon.
We arrive at the same spot I was sitting at, only a few days ago, and I wish we weren’t here, because he has just tainted this place for me. I will never come back here after today.
Jasper lays out the rug and kneels down, searching through the cooler. “Are you hungry?”
“Um, yeah sure, thanks.”
I am so not hungry, but appreciate the effort he is going through.
He pulls out a deli wrap and hands it to me.
Plonking down next to him I accept the wrap. “Thanks. Smells good,” I fib as I feel bile creeping up my throat.
But I unwrap it and take a tiny bite. “Mmm good.”
Jasper looks at my untouched wrap and chuckles. Looks like my dreams of being an actress just nosedived.
He is silent for a moment then sighs. “Why did you accept?”
I don't need him to clarify his question.
“Because you left me. And he helped me when you weren't there,” I admit, and cringe when I hear how pathetic I sound.
“So it's my fault you accepted his proposal?” he asks, slightly annoyed.
“No,” I shake my head quickly.
“Then what?”
He looks at me, and I can tell he is desperately trying to understand why I would accept being Harper’s wife.
I feel so pathetic admitting this to him, but I promised I would tell him the truth.
“Because he wanted me when you didn't. He made me feel human again.”
Jasper lowers his eyes. “I'm sorry.”
Shaking my head, I close my eyes in anguish. “Don't be. I deserved it. I never should have lied to you.”
Jasper exhales deeply. “We both fucked up Ava.”
I'm waiting for him to explain his note, but he doesn't. I wonder if I should mention it, as I deserve an explanation, but he asks me a question before I can discuss it with him.
“Have you told him?”
Opening my eyes, I look over at him. “No, but I will tonight. I haven't seen him since the altercation at Little Sisters.”
Jasper clenches his jaw, and I wonder what I said to piss him off.
“I saw the bruise on your arm,” he sneers, looking at my bicep.
I frown, remembering I was soaking wet with Jasper, so the makeup must have washed off.
“How could you let him treat you that way? How can you love him?”
Blowing out a sad breath, I reply, “I don't. I don't love him. I just...” I pause, trying to find the right words. “I'm grateful to him.”
Jasper slaps his palm to his forehead. “Just because you're grateful doesn't mean you marry the guy!”
Lowering my eyes, I am so ashamed of myself. “I know. It was a stupid and impulsive thing to do.”
We're silent for a moment, and I can tell by the way Jasper is yanking his hair, that he is deep in thought.
“I don't expect anything from you Jasper. I mean... I know you're dating Harmony. I just wanted to be honest with you.”
Ugh, there I said it, and it felt just as shitty as I thought it would.
“What?”Jasper asks, probing my face for answers.
Confused as to what part of my comment he didn’t understand, I repeat myself. “Um, I wanted to be honest with you.”
Jasper shakes his head. “No, not that. The Harmony thing. You think we're dating?”
I shrug sadly, ripping out a blade of grass to distract myself from crying my eyes out.
“Well, aren't you? She told me she wanted to take things to the next level, so I guess I just assumed, you know,” I explain.
I’m suddenly having second thoughts about my initial assumption, because judging by the look on his face I think I may have my wires crossed.
Jasper reaches out with apprehensive fingers to stroke my cheek. “She's not you.”
I am staring, mouth hanging open because he so just used my line!
“Oh.”
Wow, looks like my wires are definitely crossed, and I am so not complaining.
But I need clarification before I start a victory dance.
“So, you're not together?”
Jasper shakes his head, and I all but jump up and down on the spot.
“But if you’re not together, why does she want to take things to the next level? And why was her orange eyesore of a mug, taunting me with its suggestion that she needed a cup readily available for her morning cup of coffee after staying the night? And why did she kiss you the other night?” I ask the last part of my rant quietly, afraid of his reply.
“When did she kiss me?” he asks, clearly confused by my outburst.
“The other night, at Little Sisters,” I answer glumly, biting my nail.
Jasper seems to ponder on the memory and lets out a small chuckle. “You call that a kiss?”
I nod, suddenly feeling like prey under his intense gaze.
“I don't,” he murmurs while leaning over, slowly lowering his lips to mine.
It is barely a kiss, but it still sends a shiver of desire down my spine.
He pulls back, and I let out a whimper.
“If I was to do that, then I could understand why you might misinterpret what happened between Harmony and I.”
He leans forward, even slower this time and sucks on my bottom lip, teasing me.
“Or maybe even this.”
I am freakin’ panting like I just ran a marathon when he pulls away.
My hormones are demanding I push him onto his back, and have my way with him. But I blow my fringe off my face and joke, “Sorry, my bad.”
He chuckles while fiddling with a fallen leaf, looking relaxed and calm. I don’t understand his reaction, as I thought he was coming out here to tell me it’s over, and that he meant everything in his note.
“Why aren't you mad at me?” I ask, needing clarification.
Jasper shrugs. “Because you were honest with me. That's all I’ve ever wanted from you.”
Here goes nothing.
“So where do we go from here?” I ask apprehensively, looking at him from under my lashes.
Jasper sighs, rubbing his chin. The silence between us is stretched so far out, I am afraid he is not going to answer.
But finally he puts me out of my misery. “You tell him it's over... and we'll start from there. I should have known being your friend is something I physically can’t do. I couldn’t do it once before, and I sure as shit can’t do it now.”
When I don’t speak, and continue staring at him without blinking, he adds, “Ava, I understand why you accepted his proposal. I’m not happy about it, but I get it. What I did was wrong, and I should have never walked out on you.”
“So you forgive me?” I ask, needing to simplify what he is saying.
Jasper stares at his hands, deep in thought. “There’s nothing to forgive you for. We weren’t together because of our mistakes.”
Is he admitting his note was a mistake? The note that has stopped me from begging him to forgive me.
I am silent, deep in thought, when Jasper confesses as he leans over me, shrouding me with his body. “I can’t stay away from you Ava,
I just can’t.” He runs his tongue over his lower lip and continues. “You run away from me again, and I promise you, I will find you. I will chase you down and I won’t stop until you’re mine.”
Well, I’ll be damned.
His possessiveness titillates my senses, and my hormones begin prepping for some hot, sweaty, naked action.
I bite my lip. “Really?”
“Really,” Jasper confirms.
Running my hand over his stubble, I trace my finger over his lips, nose and eyebrows, while he closes his eyes and sighs. We are quiet once again and as hard as it is, I remove my hands from molesting his face.
I really need to process everything because I think... I think Jasper is giving me a second chance.
Looking over my shoulder to stop Jasper seeing my eyes well up with tears, I realize I am so happy, but it's bittersweet. Taking a brave breath, I know what I have to do, and I know I have to do it now.
Turning back to look at Jasper, I see he is twirling a Fawn Lily between his fingers, and I gasp, remembering the one I found on my sweater.
“It was you,” I whisper, piecing it all together.
Jasper hands it to me and smiles.
Accepting it happily, I ask, “How’d you know I was here?”
Shrugging, he simply replies, “Great minds think alike.”
Ripping off my beanie, I place the flower behind my ear, and stroke his cheek lovingly. It is so nice to be able to openly touch him without fear of him demanding I stop.
Of course I’ve just totally jinxed myself as he pulls away quickly, and I frown, lowering my chin.
He grasps it between two fingers, and raises my face to meet his. “Tell him quickly, because I'm not touching you till you do.”
I pull back like I've been burnt. “What do you mean?”
“If we're going to do this, we’ve got to do it properly. I’m not sharing you Ava.”
I pout slightly, but I know he's right. I know what he wants me to do, and I totally agree with him. So I stand up, brushing my hands on my jeans.
“What are you doing?” he asks confused, his beautiful eyes shining in the sunlight.
“No time like the present,” I reply.
Jasper smirks, and I know he is happy with my eagerness to end it officially with Harper.
“You just want my hands all over you,” he says smugly.
Surrender to Me (I Surrender Trilogy Book 2) Page 20