Surrender to Me (I Surrender Trilogy Book 2)

by James, Monica

  He reaches over to the nightstand, handing me a glass of water, which I gratefully accept as I down it all in one gulp.

  His worried eyes search mine, and when I chew on my lip, I wince in pain.

  “What happened?” I ask, almost afraid of his answer. “Where’s Har.. Harper?” I stutter, his name feeling like toxin on my lips.

  Jasper flares his nostrils and that angry little vein starts pulsating under his eye again.

  “He's in hospital, although he should be in a body bag. He broke two of your ribs and bruised your spine. That’s why you couldn’t move your legs. There was a shard of glass as big as my fist imbedded into your lower back. Luckily it didn’t sever any nerves and was a superficial injury. When he threw you,” Jasper says, having a hard time getting the words out. “You hit your head against the mirror resulting in a mean concussion, and the amount of glass that cut your head open...” he says angrily, not finishing his sentence. “Let’s just say, the doctors have been picking glass out of you for hours and then stitching you back up,” he concludes, his eyes haunted at the memory.

  “Really? So I’ve been to hospital?” I ask, reaching up and touching my head, but wince out in pain when I run my hand over a gauze pad.

  I am having serious memory loss right now and am slightly afraid this will be permanent.

  Jasper nods.

  “Why is everything so sketchy? I can only remembering bits and pieces. I know I had a concussion, but is this normal? This memory loss?”

  Thinking back to what I can remember, which is not much, as it feels like parts of my memory have been wiped, I do remember him talking to me, as his voice was the only thing pulling me out of oblivion.

  “I remember you talking to me,” I say, thinking back to his sweet words which I only remember part of.

  “You went into shock Ava. I couldn’t snap you out of it, so I talked to you, trying to keep you conscious until the ambulance arrived and took you into emergency.”

  “How long til they arrived?” I inquire curiously.

  “About twenty minutes,” he replies, shifting closer to me.

  My heart melts.

  He spoke to me for twenty minutes, looking after me when I needed him the most. I wish I could remember what he said to me, because the parts I do remember, were the most heartfelt things I have ever heard.

  Leaning my head onto his shoulder, all I can smell is him, and I savour the scent. Speaking of scents, I wonder what state I am in right now, as I have a serious case of cottonmouth and my hair feels like straw.

  “What day is it?” I ask pulling away, looking at him.

  “Sunday,” he replies.

  “What time is it?”

  I can’t tell what time of day it is as the heavy curtains are drawn, shutting the world out.

  Looking at his black leather cuff watch he answers, “11:54pm.”

  Holy shit, I've been out of it for over twenty four hours!

  I look around the room, and for the first time I realize where I am, and that is not in a hospital bed. I am in Jasper’s room.

  “Why aren't I in the hospital?” I question.

  Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful I am not stuck in some stuffy hospital bed, but I feel like I should be. Or at least on some killer drugs to numb the pain.

  He looks at me with a small smile, and my questions have been answered.

  “Veronica?”

  “Veronica,” he confirms with a dimpled smile.

  I groan when I think about how I all but ruined my best friend’s wedding. How could I have been so selfish?

  Even after everything, she still manages to be there for me, getting me discharged, as she knows how much I hate hospitals. I cover my face with my hands because I am such a sucky best friend!

  Jasper gently lowers my hands, meeting my eyes, and I admire the view as he looks like a total badass with a black eye.

  “You gave everyone such a scare,” he whispers, frowning.

  “I'm sorry.”

  I feel like such an ass.

  He reaches forward brushing aside my hair. “You've got nothing to apologize for.”

  Yes I do.

  This is all my fault. I couldn’t leave well enough alone, and I just had to confront Jasper when I did. All at once, the fight between us on the lawn, the hotel, the fight with Harper, comes flooding back to me.

  Suddenly, I need to tell Jasper everything.

  “You loved me,” I whisper, searching his face. “All this time I thought you stopped because of what Harper did. The note, the flowers and the letters, he fucked with it all.”

  I feel an internal panic attack approaching as I think about everything Harper did.

  Jasper pulls back quickly. “What do you mean he fucked with the flowers and the letters?”

  “I thought the flowers you sent me were from him. He gave them to me and pretended he bought them for me. He shredded all your letters Jasper. Everything you wrote me, I never read. And I wish I did. But Harper did read them, and that’s how he copied your writing. You must have hated me. Now I understand why you didn't want to be around me,” I confess, my head lowering in shame.

  Jasper is working his jaw backwards and forwards, and I can actually hear him grinding down on his jawbone.

  “That fucking...” He leaves the sentence hanging, cracking his knuckles unintentionally.

  He shuts his eyes tightly, and blows a calming breath through his lips. After a few moments of him attempting to calm down, he reopens his eyes and snarls, “I should finish what I started.”

  I latch onto his arm. “No, don't,” I say in a panic, my eyes widening as I remember the sound of Jasper’s fist connecting with Harper’s face.

  It is a sound that will never leave me, but worst still was the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I watched Jasper being struck. I can’t withstand to see him be hurt that way ever again. And all because of me.

  “What happened baby? Tell me?” Jasper asks, looking at me softly, not wanting to push.

  I take a deep breath because Jasper needs to know it all.

  “You were right, he was playing me. All this time Jasper, even when we were first together, he was using me the whole time. He never loved me. He saw weakness in me, and he knew he could use that to his advantage. He said I was a mindless twit, and that he could mould me into whatever he wanted. Wear what he wanted, ate what he wanted.” I lower my eyes before I continue. “Fuck like he wanted.”

  I am so ashamed of myself.

  Again I can hear Jasper’s jaw grinding back and forth.

  But I need to clarify something, a BIG something.

  “Jasper, what Harper said about us sleeping together...”

  Jasper shakes his head, holding up his palms, looking repulsed. “You don't have to explain.”

  “Yes I do, because it's not true. We never did. Ever. I haven't been with anyone since you.”

  Wow, that's kinda pathetic as I'm sure he's been with a laundry list of girls. I lower my face, wishing I thought before I announced my lameness aloud.

  He pushes up my chin with the back of his fingers. “Me neither.”

  Looking at him surprised, my mouth drops open.

  “Gee, totally offended you think so little of me,” he chuckles deeply while closing my gaping mouth with his pointer finger.

  “I just thought you and Harmony...” I leave the sentence hanging because I can’t complete it without vomiting everywhere.

  Jasper shakes his head. “You’ve ruined me for anyone else, so you’re stuck with me,” he replies light heartedly.

  This is the best thing I have ever heard, and if my whole body didn’t feel like it had been put in a cage match with ten UFC fighters, I would totally be happy dancing.

  “So, what happens now?” I question, frightened.

  “With what?” he asks, scrunching up his brow.

  “With us,” I whisper, afraid of his response.

  He softly places my hand in his. “What do you want?” />
  At the moment a toothbrush, some shampoo and some drugs sound extremely appealing.

  But as I look at him, taking in his messy dark hair, his strong nose, his perfect jaw, and of course his bright cerulean eyes, there is only one answer.

  “You.”

  A slanted smile pulls up at the corner of his lips.

  “Ditto.”

  Chapter 28

  And Then There Were Three

  It's been five weeks since I’ve had the worst, and the best day of my life. And that happened all in the span of twenty-four hours.

  Harper spent three days in hospital, much to Jasper’s disgust, claiming he should have put him in there for a month. I was just happy to see the back of him, and thankful he left quietly.

  I spoke to Sally and told her everything that had happened with Harper, in hopes she could pull some strings and help me get a transfer back to Los Angeles. Sally being Sally got me my transfer within the hour. I seriously owe her big time because I couldn't go back to Singapore, knowing that Harper is there. I made that mistake once, and I sure as hell wasn't going to make it again.

  I haven't sent for my things and I won't, because they were never really my things to begin with. Everything that matters is sitting next to me, holding my hand.

  After I told Jasper everything (and convinced him not to kill Harper,) we got back together. And this time, it’s for good. Everyone is happy for us, everyone except Jasper’s mom who still hates me. She has moved from Chicago to Los Angeles, and I choose to ignore the niggling feeling that she is up to no good.

  But none of that matters because Jasper loves me and wants me forever. My heart couldn't take another separation, from the man who changed me into the person I am finally proud to be. I can now say with conviction, I am happy with the person staring back at me.

  Even though my exterior has healed, the internal scars will never close over, and that’s a good thing, because what doesn’t break you, makes you stronger. And I never really knew how strong I was, until I met Jasper.

  These past five weeks have been the best five weeks of my life. And that of course is due to the loving people around me.

  My parents.

  My friends.

  My cat.

  My Jasper.

  My L.A.

  I am so happy to be home.

  So here I sit, curled into my boyfriend’s side, nodding off while watching some trashy TV.

  I have been house sitting for V, as she and her husband (weird right?) are hopefully hula dancing their way around Hawaii. They are due back in two days’ time, and I am so happy I decided to go with my gut and fly them to Hawaii for their wedding gift.

  To say sorry for being the shittiest friend alive, I added an extra week to their ten day vacation. V said I owed her more than that, and she accepts cash, personal cheques and credit cards (ha ha!)

  But in all honesty, I really couldn’t have asked for a better best friend, who was more concerned for my safety, than her own wedding.

  I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such great people in my life. But whatever it is, I thank the universe daily for them.

  My head droops and I hear a deep chuckle, which of course wakes me up.

  “Sorry if I’m boring you,” Jasper says, kissing the top of my head.

  I stifle a yawn. “No, don’t be silly. It’s just all the food we ate. Chinese and wine is a definite cure for insomnia.”

  My tummy rumbles and I place my hand over it embarrassed.

  “You still can’t be hungry. You know you stole my springroll,” Jasper jokes.

  I giggle. “I told you, they only gave us one.”

  Which is a total lie.

  I have been feeling quite hungry lately, which is always a good thing, as I always feel better with a full belly.

  My tummy rumbles again, but this time it is more of a gurgling sound. Suddenly I feel my stolen springroll beginning to make an unwelcome appearance in my throat.

  Oh no. I think I am going to be sick!

  I quickly jump up from the sofa with my hand covering my mouth, before I make a mess. Rushing into the bathroom, I make it just in time as I throw up my two springrolls, and my satay chicken.

  Ugh, that definitely didn’t taste nice the second time around.

  Flushing the toilet and closing the lid, I place my hot sweaty cheek upon it as I suddenly feel really warm and unwell. Maybe I am coming down with something? Or it could be stress? Come to think of it, I have been feeling quite off color for the past week.

  With my cheek pressed against the cool lid, I peer around the bathroom which I have totally made mine. My toiletries scatter the white countertop, my perfumes are sitting atop the cabinet, and my green toothbrush is entwining with Jasper’s red one in a glass on the sink. My eyes roam towards the wall, and I feel another bout of nausea approaching. And fast.

  I lift my head and sprint over to the wall, which is holding up my calendar. There is a red circle marked around the 15th, which was six days ago. That red circle signifies when I am due for my monthlies. I do this as it gives me enough preparation time to stock up on chocolate and tissues.

  But the 15th has come and gone, and I haven’t got my period yet. I am NEVER later. I am like clockwork.

  But that’s impossible, I can’t be...

  I scoff at the thought.

  Jasper and I are always safe. Well, except for that one time when I was meant to go to the drugstore, but got completely side-tracked. V’s wedding and being manhandled by my psycho ex took precedence over the drugstore, and I totally forgot to go.

  OH MY GOD...

  I suddenly feel dizzy and hold onto the edge of the basin for support.

  A startled gasp escapes my lips, which I muffle with my hand.

  “Ava? Are you okay?”

  Am I okay?

  The thought has me running over to the toilet, and throwing up the rest of my meal.

  Once I am done, I peer back over at the calendar and groan, thumping my head on the toilet lid.

  What if I’m... pregnant?

  FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

  *****

  Ava and Jaspers’ story continues in the final book of the I Surrender Trilogy:

  Surrendered

  Early 2014

  Sign up at theEDGEbooks.com for announcements on the release dates and more!

  Acknowledgements

  To my publishers, theEDGEbooks.com- this crazy ride just keeps getting crazier and crazier, thank you for holding my hand.

  To Kailin Gow- thank you for holding both my hands.

  Gayle and Peter- thank you for bringing my Jasper into the world.

  Fran- you always make me laugh!

  My family and friends who have put up with me being MIA, especially Jaz- THANK YOU!

  To Louise and Gemma- “Good friends don’t let you do stupid things...alone.” Thank you for being with me every step of the way.

  Lisa- Thank you for the advice, I’d be lost without our chats.

  To ‘P.O.E’- Daniel and Rhett- You have transformed my words into music, and for that, you ROCK!

  Daniel- I LOVE YOU!! You’re my Jasper.

  To my menagerie of pets- Mummy loves you!

  To The I Surrender Street Team- You are the BEST street team alive! An extra special thank you to Jillian- girl, you saved my butt!! Where is my cat icon for that!?

  And lastly- to all the supporters of I Surrender and Jasper White, I Surrender to you all!

  Follow Monica James on:

  https://www.facebook.com/monica.james81

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