To Honor and Cherish

by Kari Trumbo

  “How did you know it would do that?” Pete asked.

  Before Rose could answer or reach out to her beloved, she found herself looking through the rubble of Chase and Meg’s barn. Every ounce of her being wanted to leave. A thick coat of dust covered everything. A coat of anxiety and apprehension covered her just as heavily. It was difficult to see which items had been destroyed and which were just filthy. She looked across the rubble and saw Meg, just where she was supposed to be. Her only friend, cradling the body on the ground. That of her husband Chase. Pete again appeared next to her, she could almost feel the arms around her when he hugged her close. She missed him so much. A tear ran down her cheek. She relished the feeling of being near him, tilting her head, she imagined he petted her hair to comfort her.

  “Rose, I have to go into town for the Doc. He’ll need to get Chase. Meg can’t handle this.”

  “You can’t help him now and Meg will be fine. Stay with me, please,” she pleaded.

  “I can’t do that. Meg needs me.”

  Rose had a retort prepared, but in front of her, the grave gapped open wide, a pine box in the bottom. She shivered at the sight of it. Rose could feel eyes on her all around. It happened every time she came into town, be it church, mercantile, or even a funeral. Her color didn’t belong. It was so uncomfortable. How they managed to worry about her when they were here to pay respect was beyond her comprehension. Nonetheless, their staring eyes felt like coals burning into her back.

  Next to her stood Meg. She wore the only mourning dress she’d left the way Charlotte had purchased it, ruffled high collar and all. On all the other dresses, Meg had removed all of the embellishments, feeling it was wrong to dress up more in mourning than you would for every day. Rose was so proud of Meg for standing up for what she believed. For her to come to the funeral at all was frowned upon in polite society, but Meg would hear none of it. Rose reached out for her friend’s hand and found that her own was made of vapor.

  She startled and her eyes flew open. Rose wiped the tear, still clinging to her cheek on her sheets. She missed Pete more than she thought possible. She hated the dream, but couldn’t seem to stop it. It made her at once feel sorry for Meg and herself. She had been having the same dream off and on, but more frequently in the months since Pete left. Rose missed everything about him, and wrapped her arms around her body, trying to warm up her chilled skin and remember the feeling of Pete’s arms around her.

  It was the only way she’d been able to think of Meg positively since their argument months ago now. If Rose missed Pete so, how much more must Meg long for Chase? It had to be unbearable.

  “Yet she still sent him away,” Rose whispered, parroting the angry voice inside her head that she couldn’t seem to get to go away since she’d discovered she was pregnant. She rose from her bed, wrapping a dressing gown around her chilly shoulders. She poked the coals in the cook stove, stoking the fire, and added a small log. Soon the little fire was hot enough to warm a small area around it. She put a kettle of water on the stove and rummaged through her jars of leaves, looking for the catmint.

  Gently pulling two dried leaves from the jar, she put them in the bottom of her cup. The kettle would take a few minutes, it didn’t matter sleep wouldn’t come until she had her tea. When the water finally got hot enough to whistle, she poured it over the leaves and let the hot water pull flavor and other benefits from the catmint. A pungent aroma wafted from the steaming cup. It would help her relax and go back to sleep. She’d had to do this every time the dream woke her. Unable to sleep again without its help.

  Rose blew delicately on the cup and took a tentative sip. She didn’t do this for the flavor, but she enjoyed the soft, calming warmth. “Lord, I want to forgive Meg. Why do I get so angry every time I think of her? Please, do something to help me get over this nightmare and my anger.”

  She pulled her rocker over to the halo of warmth around the cook stove. Pete had made it as soon as he’d found out she was pregnant and he would be gone. Finishing her cup, she felt a little more relaxed. Rose rubbed her rounded belly and was rewarded with a gentle push back. If Pete got home by Christmas, he should make it before their baby was born. Thanksgiving was only a few days away. Only a month longer to wait.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The day before Thanksgiving turned cold, the first day of real chilly weather they’d experienced. Meg and Margot stood by the stove to keep warm, busy with Thanksgiving preparation. Meg decided to ride over to invite Rose so it made more sense to butcher a chicken with one more mouth to feed. Conversation would be even better too, if Rose was back to her old self again.

  Meg hadn’t spoken to Rose in such a long time, almost two months. Pangs of regret knocked on the back of her conscience. So Rose hadn’t forgiven her, shouldn’t she have continued to try? Rapping on Rose’s front door, she waited for a reply. Meg knocked again when she heard no answer. Then she called for Rose and heard nothing from within. Finally, she wiggled the door a bit. It opened easily and she poked her head inside.

  Rose sat in a rocking chair knitting what looked like a blanket. She turned her head and pushed herself out of her chair heavily. Rose rounded on Meg, eyes wild with anger and hurt. Rose threw the knitting on the chair and advanced on Meg.

  “Get out!” She pointed at the door, her expressive face contorted in rage. “You waited this long. Why couldn’t you just stay away? Get out.” Rose pointed at the door again, enunciating her anger and raising her voice with each point of her finger.

  Meg backed out the door a half-step. “I…I just wanted to invite you to Thanksgiving dinner.”

  “Get out!” Rose was so furious with Meg she couldn’t even hold eye contact.

  “You betrayed and ignored me. I don’t want your apology.”

  Meg rushed outside and closed the door behind her. Her beautiful friend didn’t look so beautiful now. The envy she’d experienced in the past tamped down in a bitter hurt. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t lose Rose. Meg said a little prayer for Pete to come home in perfect health and soon. Perhaps he could mend this rift. He’d always been such a calm and direct man, though Meg had always thought Rose to be the same.

  She’d never seen Rose this emotional and wondered if it had anything to do with the pregnancy. She wished she’d had some experience to draw from. The lack of a child felt as poignant in that moment as the loss of her husband.

  Meg walked the horse back to her ranch deep in thought and questioning her own actions. The walk helped to clear her scattered thoughts and resolve how she could fix this mess. Listening to that voice who’d told her she was right had been the wrong answer. She should’ve gone right away and made sure Rose had what she needed and would be all right. Even if she wouldn’t stay at the ranch house. Now she’d made the situation even worse. She’d piled hurt on top of hurt with Rose.

  Meg got back to the ranch and started putting together some items in a wooden crate; milk, flour, eggs, butter, yeast, sugar, and salt. Meg had seen the vast amount of garden produce Rose had brought in during the fall so she didn’t concern herself with that. She went out and showed Margot how to catch and process a chicken. She then took a leg and thigh portion from the bird, wrapped it in cloth and instructed Margot what to do with the rest. In a separate crate, she gathered four of her younger chickens. She placed her now heavy wooden crates in the back of a small wagon and hitched her horse to it.

  Meg made the trip to Rose’s front door for the second time that day. This time, she didn’t bother to knock and warn Rose of her presence, she walked right in. Before Rose could say one word, she deposited the box of foodstuffs on the table.

  “I was sure you were running out of supplies by now, there’s some chicken in there you’ll want to care for right away.” Meg refused to let Rose’s anger deter her and she held up her hand when Rose looked like she wanted to interrupt. “If you need to get into town for any reason, I’ll take you. The invitation for tomorrow still stands. I let four chickens out on yo
ur front yard.”

  Meg turned and left before Rose could say anything. She may have neglected her friend for far too long, but that was going to stop right now.

  ~~~

  Rose looked at the contents of the crate. Her guilt hit her hard and fast. She felt all alone, like no one cared. She’d been concerned with how Meg would handle knowing about her pregnancy. If she was honest with herself, she was only mad Meg had sent Pete away. Rose wasn’t young, almost forty, this would most likely be the only child she and Pete would ever have and he’d missed most of her pregnancy. If he didn’t get home until Christmas, it’d be a matter of timing if he made it home in time for the birth at all. She had been emotional and worried since she’d realized they had finally conceived.

  Pete had known she was pregnant before he left and he’d been so happy. She just couldn’t seem to keep her emotions in check. He was always so solid and steady and she was an emotional mess right now. She missed Meg so much, but somehow she couldn’t control her anger and feelings of betrayal.

  Rose pulled the wrapped chicken out and put it in a cast iron Dutch oven with salt, pepper, and a few potatoes. She could eat from that for a few days. Praying a prayer of thanks and forgiveness, she sat back down to her knitting. Even being thankful didn’t quite heal the wounded part of her heart.

  ~~~

  Meg walked off Rose’s porch and climbed back up into her cart. She rode back home hoping Rose didn’t throw away the meat out of spite. She’d just arrived home just in time to hear a commotion coming toward the house. Four horsemen and a wagon with many horses in tow came up the lane. Meg wasn’t sure what to make of it. She went for her gun first, worried the outlaw from the boarding house had finally figured out the ranch was unprotected. She soon put the gun away when, from quite a ways off, she realized the rider in the front was Jax. Worry slammed into her chest, he was not riding like he usually did.

  She tripped over her skirt getting down from the carriage, catching herself on the board in front of the seat. Running to meet them, she again stumbled and fell, quickly picking herself up as they rode into the front near her. Expectantly, she watched Jax ride up to her. She had to hold herself back from touching him to make sure he was really here, in front of her. Instead of any happy reunion she’d had in mind, Jax threw her his reins and dismounted in one quick motion. He didn’t even stop to greet her. His arm was wrapped in cloth then wrapped to his torso. He clearly wasn’t in any mood to talk to anyone, not even her. In fact, he looked so exhausted she could hardly believe he was upright.

  Pete and the others dismounted looking sore and tired, they handed her their reins, taking the cue from Jax. They all looked sore and tired. Jax grabbed the horses hitched to the wagon from Mac, then he led those two in the barn and turned the extra horses out to pasture, leaving the wagon out in the front yard. The other hands headed right for the bunkhouse without so much as a word.

  Meg felt a bit indignant, not to mention overwhelmed, with so many horses including the one of her own to care for. She’d missed Jax so much while he was gone. It was obvious he didn’t feel the same. Luckily for her, Margot had heard the noise and came out to help. Meg handed her the reins of three of the horses and they both led all of them in the stable for a good rub down, some oats, and water. She’d handed the reins of the horse she’d used to Margot so she only had two horses to work with.

  Jax stood in the stable, caring for the two horses used on the wagon. He turned and saw Meg come in, rushed to finish his task and turned to leave.

  “Jax.” Meg stood in the doorway with her arms crossed.

  “Yes, boss-lady, what can I do for you now? I’ve already ridden halfway across the country for you when I shouldn’t have had to. What more do you want from me?” He growled, looking past her toward the exit and the bunkhouse beyond.

  “What do you mean? I hired you to drive the cattle. I thought that was clear when you were hired.” She didn’t want to fight with him, she wanted to talk to him and see what was wrong. “You’re hurt, do you need your room back in the house to mend?” she sounded more hopeful than she’d intended. She only wanted to be near him and hear his voice. Her need was making her look foolish and needy, but there was so much to share and questions to ask him.

  “No.” His voice was gruff and tired. “I have been trussed up like this for a long time on the trail. I only want my bunk.”

  He left without another word. Meg was not sure how much more of this day she could handle. Then she noticed her father wasn’t there. She ran out of the stable to catch up with Jax.

  “Jax, wait.”

  He stopped again, his stance one of complete agitation. He didn’t even turn to face her.

  “Where’s my father?”

  “Your father is in town. He was tired. It didn’t make any sense for him to ride all the way out here to see you, then ride all the way back into town. Or maybe he should have, just for you?”

  That was the proverbial straw, she’d had enough emotionality and cruelty for this week.

  “What gives you the right to treat me that way? Was I rude to you? Do I ever cut you down in front of your men? Do I treat you with contempt or disrespect even when I’m tired or don’t feel like being nice? If my father had been owner of this ranch instead of me, would you have done what you just did? Of course not. You would’ve had all your men take care of their own horses and would’ve come in the house and given a report of the drive. You want to be foreman? You want the pay? Start remembering who pays you.” She strode up to him as she spoke. Walking past him, she poked him in the chest, hard.

  Meg turned on her heel and marched back up to the house leaving Jax to stand there and think. This was not the welcome home she’d imagined. Closing the front door behind her, she ran to her room for privacy from everyone. The boss wasn’t allowed to cry.

  ~~~

  Noise from the small lean-to that acted as their barn for their two horses woke Rose from a short nap. She pushed herself to the edge of her chair.

  “If Meg doesn’t leave me be, I’ll give her a reason to.”

  The door pushed open and Rose unleashed a guttural growl.

  “Didn’t I tell you to Get Out?” Rose snarled through her teeth.

  “No ma’am, but if you really want me to leave, I’m sure I can find someplace else to lay my head.”

  Rose inhaled and gasped, “Pete!” She got up as quickly as her girth would allow and ran as to him, holding out her arms.

  Pete folded her in his arms and held her close. She drank in the feel of him holding her close. He rubbed her back, reveling in his Rose, even if her shape was new to him. He breathed in the smell of her hair. She trembled as he touched her cheek.

  “My Rose-petal, every part of you calms my nerves and whispers home to my soul.” He held her until she broke the embrace. When she did, he held her hands wide and looked at her with a huge grin on his face.

  “Rose, you look amazing.” His face glowed with happiness at seeing her. Rose smiled shyly. “I rode up to the ranch looking for you. I peeked into the ranch house looking for you in the kitchen. I assumed you would be there, which is why I rode that last mile and didn’t leave the group when they passed by here first.” He cupped her cheek in his hand. “When I couldn’t find you, I had to ride all the way back here. I missed you so much.” His hands dropped to her shoulders. “I was really surprised you weren’t there. In fact, I’m a little surprised you didn’t just move up there when you heard we’d be late.” Concern knit lines on his face. “We talked about you staying with Meg so that I knew you’d be safe.” He searched her face, she looked at the ground to avoid his eyes. “Why didn’t you?”

  “Meg sent you on that drive when I asked her not to. I needed you here more than she needed you to go. I didn’t want anything to do with her.” Anger made her voice ragged.

  “Rose, we talked about this before I left.” Pete put his hands gently on her shoulders. “I would’ve gone even if she hadn’t asked me to. I was need
ed, and we needed the money to buy things for the baby. We weren’t sure if you would be able to work while pregnant and the pay I got from going made up the difference. Jax is a good guy but his men were green. He didn’t know that Gus was coming. But it didn’t matter, because he wasn’t even much help until we got to South Dakota. He was a master at haggling with the guy at the stockyard and got us a good price for all the cattle, but a wrangler he is not.”

  “I don’t care about the cattle. You’d have left me? No matter what?” She scowled, unable once again to control her anger.

  “Yes, because I knew you and Meg could handle anything together. What’s happened while I’ve been gone?” He looked at her with concern and with tender care rubbed her shoulders.

  Rose shrugged off his hands and hugged him close again. “I got angry with Meg. Maybe it was fear, I don’t know, but I was mad. Nothing she said was going to fix it. Didn’t seem to matter though because after a couple rounds of arguing, she gave up and didn’t even try to talk to me until today.” She sagged into him. The tension of the hurt of abandonment fueled the burning coal of anger in her again. “Maybe we aren’t as close as I thought.” Rose nuzzled into Pete’s shirt.

  Pete kissed the top of her head. “Rose you were never an angry woman and I don’t want you to get that way. It’s a poisonous seed that will kill your spirit.” He gently rubbed her back with the tips of his fingers to calm her down. “I need to rest now and I want nothing more than to curl up and sleep with you for the whole rest of the day.” He backed away from her and took her chin in his hand caressing her jaw with his thumb. “Let’s eat that chicken I smell roasting, then sleep. Sound good?” Rose closed her eyes and nodded. He kissed her forehead, she wanted him to put his lips on hers, but she knew he’d have no willpower to stop.

  Rose nodded and hugged him close again.