by Amy Ruttan
Meghan liked you well enough.
The memory of his baby sister punched him hard in the gut. He hadn’t thought about her in so long. She was always in the back of his mind, but since he’d married Lana memories of her came bubbling up everywhere. Good times and the night where he’d lost her.
And he didn’t like it much, because it was a loss of control for him. Control he’d worked so hard for. It got him through the days, months and years. It was how he lived with himself.
“You’re worthless! You’ve always been selfish, Andrew. Always!”
His father’s words still echoed in his mind. It played on repeat, which was why he deserved everything he got. The loss of his career, both as a surgeon and a surfer, being alone—that was what he deserved. If only he had seen that moose before it was too late. Or reacted differently, faster...
“Dr. Tremblay, your patient’s results are in.”
Andrew spun around and thanked the lab technician. He didn’t want to open the results without Lana present, but then if it was the news he wasn’t looking for, if she was pregnant, he would have to be prepared.
Then she’d know you looked before her and she’d kick your butt.
He stared down at the report but he couldn’t bring himself to look at it without her. So he headed back to the exam room where Lana was still waiting. She was staring up at the ceiling and when he entered the room she sat up slowly.
He could tell the simple action made her dizzy.
That’s not a good sign.
“Well?” she asked.
“I thought we’d look at it together.” He handed her the paper. “You open it and we’ll both read it.” He girded himself for the prospect.
She nodded and took the paper from him. She unfolded it and he was hit with the whammy the same moment that she was.
Iolana was pregnant.
“Oh, my God,” she whispered. “We were so careful.”
“Yeah, well, as you said, condoms are not without fault.” He raked a hand through his hair.
What am I going to do now?
This was all his fault. He’d ruined another life.
“I’m sorry, Lana. I know you didn’t want kids either.”
“Well, we have one.” She bit her lip. “I’m not going to get rid of it, so that’s not a suggestion I would even entertain, unless something medically came up.”
“I can respect that. So what do we do?” Deep down he wanted her to tell him to leave. To be angry at him so he could walk away. It would be better for the kid. He couldn’t be a father. He didn’t know how to be. His own father was terrible, he wouldn’t do that to a kid, but then another part of him didn’t want to leave her. He had to stay with Lana. It was the right thing to do.
“I can raise this baby on my own. Nothing has to change.”
“Like hell nothing has to change,” Andrew snapped. “That’s my kid in there too.”
“I am aware,” she said. “We don’t have to stay married to raise a kid. You’re trying to get your green card to stay in the States, yes?”
“Yes.”
Or he wouldn’t have gone through all of this to try and stay.
“So we can co-parent this kid and not be married. People do it all the time.”
“Yeah, but what about the reasons for our divorce? That I didn’t want kids but you did? Your father is going to be none too happy.”
“I know,” Lana sighed. “Well, he’ll be happy about the grandchild and that I’m becoming a mother.”
That was said with contention and Andrew couldn’t help but chuckle. “Your dad is a bit of a dinosaur that way, isn’t he?”
“He’s old-fashioned.”
“Lana, there’s old-fashioned and then there’s prehistoric!” They both laughed at that and then he took her hand and squeezed it to give her a sense of reassurance he wasn’t feeling. “We’ll figure it out.”
“I know, but I just wanted you to know that I can handle this on my own. I don’t want you to feel pressured, especially with the World Championships coming up.” She was throwing up a wall. She was obviously just as scared as him.
Or she doesn’t want you because you’re worthless.
Andrew nodded. “Thanks. So what happens next?”
“I’ll make an appointment with my OB/GYN. I just hope my dad doesn’t get wind of this yet.”
“Do you want me to come to that appointment?”
“If you want, but again, training Jack is your first priority. I mean, this is why we did this whole thing.” She slid off the exam table. “I’m going to make my appointment and then finish my rounds, but preferably away from the emergency room so I don’t have to continue breathing out of my mouth.”
“What?” Andrew asked, confused.
She grinned. “The smells down here are getting to me.”
“Ah, gotcha.”
There was so much he didn’t know about pregnancy. He knew the biology of it. He’d delivered a baby, but obstetrics hadn’t been one of his best or favorite subjects during residency. He’d done his rotation and left it behind to study orthopedics. So he didn’t know all the quirks, what set women off for morning sickness, but he had a feeling he was going to learn it fast enough. And it scared the hell out of him.
“I’m done for the day so I’m going to head down to the beach. Jack is waiting,” he said. “When you get off you should come. The fresh air will help.”
She nodded. “Yeah, that would be nice.”
An awkward silence fell between them.
“Good. I’ll see you later.” And then, without thinking, he kissed her on the top of the head, catching them both off guard.
He had to put some distance between him and Lana, but he also was going to do right by his baby. Even if that meant leaving in the end.
* * *
When Lana got home the first thing she did was shower, because she needed to wash the hospital off herself. Once she’d showered, she tied back her hair and put on a comfortable sundress and her sandals and made her way down to the beach, where she knew that Jack and Andrew were training.
Andrew was standing in a long sleeve wetsuit. It was unbuttoned and off his shoulders and as she came up behind him she got a good look at his scar. The one she had felt under her hands as they’d made love, when she’d held him tight through her pleasure.
Definitely his shoulder had been fractured. The scar ran over his right shoulder and down his arm and she knew she’d felt the rough skin in the front of the shoulder and she couldn’t help but wonder if his accident had something to do with an impaling, only it had gone right through the bone, muscle and tore the joints.
He was lucky he still had his arm.
When she came closer, he turned and saw her there. So he set down his board and pulled on his board suit to hide his scar. “Hey, I didn’t think you were going to come.”
“I said I would,” she said.
“I saw your car pull up and you went straight into the house so I thought you were tired.”
“I am, but really I just wanted a shower first.” She turned and looked at the waves, where she could see Jack shredding the nar. He was just a small figure riding a large wave and then Andrew handed her binoculars.
“Take a look. Your brother has good form.”
“Thanks.” She held the binoculars up and could see Jack, so focused as he maneuvered the board with precision. Their father might have wanted Jack to go into surgery like him, but Jack was born to do this.
Weren’t you? You liked doing this.
Only she didn’t get a chance to do this very often, but she did like surfing. When their mother had left, Lana became responsible and tried her best to make her father happy. Even if it meant giving up her dreams of being a sports medicine doctor and her dr
eams of surfing on an international stage, like Jack was doing now.
“You have a dreamy expression on your face,” Andrew said. “What’re you thinking about?”
“Surfing, but I’m not sure if I’ll be doing much of that in the coming months.” She handed him back the binoculars.
“Well, then, you’d better get it in while you can,” he suggested.
“What?”
“You can surf still. Come on, you can still do it. You were doing it a month ago.”
“I’m pregnant,” she argued.
“Yeah, but it’s not like you’re taking up a new sport that your body is not used to. Your body is used to riding the waves. Go get changed, grab your board and get out there.”
“Only if you’ll come with me.”
Andrew frowned. “I can’t ride the big waves.”
“I’m not talking about the big waves, but we can body surf some of these small ones. Come on, I know you do that. I’ve seen you out here too.”
He narrowed his eyes and then a smile broke across his face. “Fine. Go get changed and we’ll hit the surf.”
“Good.” Lana hurried back to the house and quickly got changed into her two-piece and then her board suit. She tied her long hair up into a bun and then grabbed two small body boards. When she got back, Andrew was down at the shore.
She handed him a board. “Race you?”
“Race?”
“Go!” She didn’t wait as she ran out into the surf, the cold water soothing her hot skin. She was still sweating, so the water and the surf crashing over her was welcome. When the water was waist deep she lay down on her board and paddled out, angling herself to catch a small wave. Andrew was behind her; he was grinning as the wave crested behind them and they rode it together back to shore.
Andrew was tossed before they hit the shore. When he popped up out of the water, still clutching the board, he shouted, “You cheated.”
“No way. I won. That wave didn’t toss me.”
“I think your gods probably shine favor on their wahinis who are pregnant.”
“Well, then, if that’s the case I’ll take full advantage.” She waded over to him and pulled him up, where he was sulking in the shallows. “Come on, that attempt was pathetic. You need to try harder.”
“Fine.” Then he turned and raced through the water, not waiting for her this time. Lana laughed as he paddled out to the next wave. “You’re falling behind, Haole. You need to keep up.”
Lana just shook her head and waded out in the water.
For one brief moment she forgot she was pregnant, that this marriage wasn’t going to last and that she was probably going to have to raise this child alone.
For one moment she was just Iolana, enjoying her time in the water like she always did. It just made it all the more sweet to share it with someone.
Even if that someone was only temporary.
CHAPTER TEN
THEY WERE LYING out on the sand, letting the late afternoon sun dry them. Lana’s eyes were closed and Andrew was mesmerized by her. She was fantastic in the water...that he knew.
And the thing that amazed and terrified him the most was that she was carrying his child.
The panic sunk in again.
How can I be a father?
He’d never wanted kids. All his life, even before Meghan died, his father had told him how becoming a father had ruined his life. Andrew didn’t have a normal childhood. He didn’t know how he could be a good father when he’d had no role model at all.
So he was terrified at the prospect of being a father. Of trapping Lana, who didn’t even want to marry him in the first place.
And he decided to change the subject so that he wouldn’t have a mild panic attack on the beach.
“Have you ever thought about surfing professionally, like Jack?” he asked.
“Once, but my father is a formidable force. He told me there’s no future in it.”
“There’s a women’s league and there would be a definite spot for you. I would’ve trained you.”
“Would being the operative word,” she teased. “In about nine months I don’t think I’ll be able to stand on a board. Heck, in three months, when the championships are happening, I don’t think my center of gravity will comply.”
“Still, Jack was pressured into becoming a surgeon but he didn’t. He went after his passion.”
She shot him a strange look. “Surgery is my passion. I’ve always wanted to be a surgeon.”
“Really?” he asked; he wasn’t so sure he believed her. He believed she loved surgery, but he didn’t really get the feeling that she wanted to be Chief of Surgery or Head of Orthopedics.
“Why is that so hard to believe?” she demanded.
“You just seem to come to surfing naturally. So many don’t.”
“Well, once I entertained being a sports medicine doctor for the American surfing team, but my father vetoed that. It was a silly idea. I mean, they weren’t going to hire me straight out of my residency.”
“It’s not a silly idea; you could’ve done it. You seem to belong out there. And you’d know how to care for an injured surfer.”
“I like surfing, but it’s a hobby.”
Andrew’s father had always thought it was a waste too. The only one who had supported him was Meghan, so Lana’s words were like a slap to the face. The sport had been his whole world, as had surgery, and both had been snatched away from him in an instant. It was hard to hear Lana being so dismissive of something he thought they shared a passion for.
That’s what happens when you assume, Andrew.
“So your plan is to work at your father’s hospital until what? When he retires and you become Chief?”
Her lips pursed together and her eyes flashed with annoyance; he’d pushed her a bit hard. “And what’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. I guess it’s safe.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being safe.”
“That’s where we differ.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Do we now? You don’t seem the type. You’re not a risk-taker.”
Another slap to the face.
Before he could say anything else, Jack came jogging up the beach with his board under his arm. He was panting, but he had been out there for some time.
“I think that’s it for me tonight, Coach.” Then Jack saw his sister. “Hey, Lana, what’s got your bees in a bonnet?”
“Oh, nothing, just that your coach here knocked me up.”
Jack’s eyes flew open in rage and Andrew jumped to his feet as Jack threw a punch that missed.
“You got my sister pregnant?” Jack shouted.
“Jack, I can explain.”
“No, I don’t think you can!”
“We need to take this somewhere private.” Andrew turned to Lana. “This is your fault. If he blows it...”
“Come on, Keaka. He’s my husband. I’ll make you some dinner and we can talk about this in a calm, rational manner.” Lana grabbed her brother’s arm and started pushing him up the beach.
Andrew was relieved, but he had a feeling this wasn’t over. He picked up the discarded boards and followed his wife and brother-in-law up to the house. And laughed at the absurdity of it all.
After he’d got the boards wiped down and locked away, Lana had changed and had Jack sitting on the couch. He had changed as well, but he was obviously really annoyed as he glared at Andrew when he walked into the living room.
“Andrew,” Jack said in a haughty tone. Lana just rolled her eyes and handed Jack a bottle of water, before taking a seat at the opposite end of the couch, tucking her long shapely legs under her.
“Listen, Jack, I didn’t mean this to happen. Your sister is a beautiful...”
&nb
sp; “Don’t say it,” Jack groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “This wasn’t supposed to be a real marriage. You weren’t supposed to touch my sister.”
“Your sister had some say in it too, Keaka,” Lana said, but it wasn’t helping.
Jack glared at Lana. “Don’t call me that.”
“I’ll call you Junior if you don’t ease up on Andrew,” Lana growled at Jack, just like a mother to a son rather than a sister to a brother.
“So now what?” Jack asked. “Are you telling me this marriage is for real now?”
A blush crept up into Lana’s cheeks as their eyes met.
“No,” Andrew said, guilt eating at him. “But I’ll be there for your sister and help raise the baby.”
“Oh, man. Dad is going to be pissed when you two call it quits after you have his grandchild.”
“I know,” Lana mumbled. “Accidents do happen.”
“I don’t want to know,” Jack moaned again. “I feel like this is my fault, Lana.”
“It’s not your fault, Jack. Although the debt you owe me will be astronomical.”
Jack groaned. “Lana, you’re making me feel bad.”
“Good,” she said firmly.
Andrew chuckled as he saw that feisty spark of humor bubble back up in Lana. “Jack, I plan to do right by your sister and our baby.”
Jack scrubbed his hand over his face. “Okay. I believe you. I’m sorry for taking a swing at you, Andrew.”
“Hey, I would’ve done the same if it was my sister.” He regretted the words the moment they tumbled past his lips. They both looked at him with curiosity and he didn’t want to talk about Meghan. He quickly blurted out, “If I had a sister, that is.”
Pathetic save.
It seemed to work. Which was good, because he didn’t want to talk about his sister. That was private. No one needed to know that.
That’s no way to honor your sister’s memory. Burying her in your mind. Not remembering the life she led.
“Jack, you can’t tell Dad that I’m pregnant,” Lana said, breaking Andrew from his guilt-ridden thoughts. “You have to swear that you’ll keep it secret. I’m not that far along and I’m not ready to tell him yet.”