by Amy Ruttan
Jack rolled his eyes. “He’ll find out, you know. He has spies everywhere.”
“He’s right,” Andrew agreed. “I’m sure we’ll get a call tonight when he gets home from the hospital, congratulating us.”
“On that note, I have to go.” Jack bent over and kissed the top of Lana’s head. “See you, sis.”
Andrew felt a pang of longing. The last time that he’d seen his sister alive, he’d kissed the top of Meghan’s head just like that, before they’d got into the car to head for home after a late night movie. He’d promised to look after her, because they were both united against their anxiety-ridden mother and angry, abusive father. The movie had been an escape. He’d been away working as a surgeon in Vancouver for three years. He’d come home because Meghan had begged him to.
Meghan was all he had.
Then she was killed in a head-on collision with a moose.
There was nothing he could do to save her because he’d almost died that night too, but that didn’t stop his father from blaming him for Meghan’s death.
You’re not responsible.
“Are you okay?” Lana asked.
“What?” Andrew asked, shaking the thoughts of his sister from his head again.
“Jack said he’d see you tomorrow and you didn’t even acknowledge him. You just stared out into space. I thought you went into shock.”
“Nah—” he rubbed the back of his neck “—I just zoned out, but I wasn’t thinking of anything in particular.”
“So why don’t you tell me about your family?”
Andrew stared at her. Her dark eyes penetrated into his soul and, though he should walk away, he felt like talking to her about his family. For once, in a long time, he didn’t want to keep it all to himself.
He wanted to talk to someone about it.
“What is there to tell?”
She cocked her head to one side. “Come on, Andrew. We’re going to have a baby together. I know our marriage isn’t exactly real, but shouldn’t I at least know about my baby’s family? I know you’re Canadian, but I don’t know where you’re from. I don’t know your parents’ names. I really know nothing about you.”
“I like to be a man of mystery.” He raked his hands through his hair and then saw that stubborn expression of hers set in. “Fine. What do you want to know?”
He didn’t know where to start with it all, but he had a feeling that once the gates were opened everything would come pouring out of him and he had to regain some control.
“Where were you born?”
“Actually, I was born in Algonquin Provincial Park.”
“You were born in a park?” she asked in disbelief.
“My mother was driving home from Huntsville to my hometown of Whitney. The park is this huge nature reserve and the road that connects Huntsville to Whitney is about sixty kilometers. Or thirty-seven miles for you Americans.” He winked and grinned.
She chuckled. “Thanks, but converting something into metric doesn’t explain the birth in the park thing.”
“She went into labor right smack dab in the middle of that road. I came pretty fast and all she could do was pull off at the parking lot to a hiking trail and give birth. Thankfully, there were lots of tourists up from Toronto to see the fall colors and there was a doctor on one of those tour buses.”
“So you were born in the fall?”
He nodded. “And you were born when?”
“Winter. Though I’ve never seen snow. After high school I went to Stanford in California.”
“I’ve seen lots of snow. Too much, really.”
She smiled. A sweet smile which made his heart skip a beat. “I’m sure. So you have a mother. Any siblings?”
“I lied before. I did have a sister, but she died.” He was surprised at himself for telling her that. No one knew that outside of Ontario.
Her expression softened. “I’m sorry.”
Andrew braced himself, expecting her to ask why or how, but she didn’t. And he was relieved. Inevitably, everyone that found out he had a sister always asked those questions and he just didn’t want to discuss it.
“How about your father?”
“There’s not much to say.” He shrugged. “He wasn’t very supportive. My parents are still alive, but I haven’t been home in quite some time.”
“So, surfing? Why surfing? If you grew up in northern Ontario there really aren’t many places to surf there.”
He laughed. “I went to medical school in Vancouver and picked it up there.”
“Ah, well, that does explain it.” Her stomach grumbled and she winced. “I suppose I should try and eat something, though I don’t feel very hungry.”
“How about some chicken soup?” Andrew got up and went into the kitchen, poking around her bare cupboards. “Uh, when was the last time you went shopping?”
“Me? Why do I have to always go shopping? Don’t be sexist!” She was teasing him. “Honestly, I forgot.”
“Let’s go out to dinner.” He scooped up his keys from the kitchen counter. “Whatever you think you can stomach and we’ll go there.”
“That sounds great.” She stood up, but teetered a bit. He raced over and steadied her. He’d been avoiding her for a month and just touching her again, being near her, reminded him how she felt in his arms.
A longing set in. He missed her.
“Are you okay?”
“Just dizzy,” she sighed. “I hate this. I have a knee replacement tomorrow afternoon. If I’m wobbling around like this, how am I going to stand for all those hours?”
“I’ll go with you,” he offered. It was the least he could do.
“You will?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I’ll make sure you don’t throw up into the patient’s incision.”
Lana was going to laugh, but instead her eyes widened, her complexion turned green and she pushed him away, running to the bathroom, where he was privy to some not so attractive sounds on the other side of that closed door.
Good job, Andrew. You had to mention vomiting and incisions.
* * *
After Lana got over her spate of nausea the only thing she wanted more than anything was an ice cream cone. So Andrew drove to the nearest ice cream truck, which was parked beside a beach not far from her home, and now she was sitting on a bench, enjoying the sunset and her chocolate-dipped soft ice cream cone.
She said it was heaven.
He was chalking this up to the first of many pregnancy cravings. He’d complained that ice cream wasn’t a good dinner choice. There was no sense in complaining; she was growing his kid after all. It was the least he could do.
“I think after you go to sleep I’m going to order in a pizza. Ice cream is not a very filling dinner,” Andrew complained again.
“Yes, but please wait until I go to bed. You order some weird stuff on your pizza and no, I don’t want to talk about pizza right now unless you want to see this ice cream come back up.”
He chuckled. “I thought that your perfect wedding had something to do with pizza?”
“And unicorns, but you don’t see me talking about those,” she warned.
“Okay, message received. Enjoy the dairy goodness.” He didn’t particularly like the cones, so his ice cream was in a tiny paper bowl. It was cookie dough, something he’d always liked as a kid. The ice cream was okay, but the company was better. Lana looked so relaxed, her long bronze legs stretched out but crossed at the ankles. Her hair was braided back and she seemed to be glowing in the waning sunlight.
“You’re glowing, you know,” he said in awe.
“What?” she asked in disbelief.
“Isn’t that a pregnancy thing?”
She snorted. “Maybe because of the sweat.”
Andrew chuc
kled. “You know, you’re quite funny when you’re not trying to be so serious all the time.”
“So you’ve said.” She grinned at him. “It’s been a busy month.”
He knew she’d been avoiding him too.
“It was a fast month since our wedding.” And the moment he mentioned the wedding all he could think about was the wedding night. The wedding night that he’d never meant to let happen, but he was powerless when it came to her.
He wanted her. Even now. He tried not to think of her, but memories of when he’d taken her in his arms plagued him constantly. He could still taste her on his lips, feel the softness of her skin on his fingertips and he wanted those long legs he’d just been admiring wrapped around his hips.
They finished their ice cream in silence.
There was a bit of ice cream on her cheek; he reached out and wiped it away with his thumb. Her eyes widened as he touched her and, before he knew what he was doing, his hand was cupping her cheek and then slipped behind her head, pulling her close to kiss her.
Lana melted into him and she tasted like chocolate and vanilla. The familiar scent of coconut and the beach wrapping him in a heady memory of the first time he’d kissed her. He’d known then that once was never going to be enough. And dammit, he was right.
She touched his face as the kiss ended. “What was that for?”
He wanted to tell her—because he couldn’t resist her, because he was falling for her, but he couldn’t formulate the words because he didn’t want to believe it. There really was no future, because once his green card was in he could move to California and pursue a job that was made for him. The one with the International Surfing Committee, where he’d be the lead sports medicine doctor. It had been the dream all along.
Lana belonged to Oahu. She would never leave.
And, even though she was carrying his baby, he knew that eventually he would have to leave them behind. It would be the best for both of them. He wasn’t father material. He wasn’t going to screw up a kid like his father did to him. Besides, he didn’t deserve the happiness of a family.
Then you shouldn’t be kissing her.
And he hated himself for doing that.
“I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Then he put distance between them, but as he tried to slide away she held tight to him.
“Andrew, I think we should talk about it.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Lana.”
“Isn’t there?” she asked, confused. “We can’t keep falling into this trap.”
“I know. I’m sorry it happened. I truly am.”
She nodded, but her eyes filled with moisture, as if she was about to cry. “Damn, I don’t know why I’m crying. I totally agree with you. Freaking hormones.”
“Another pregnancy thing?”
She nodded. “I’m really sorry, Andrew. I do think you’re right. We have separate lives to lead, after this is all said and done. We can co-parent this baby and not be together.”
“Right.” He hated himself for thinking that he would one day leave Oahu and that he’d be leaving her with this responsibility, but it was for the best.
Wasn’t it?
“Come on, let’s get you home.” He stood and then helped her to her feet. “You have to get your rest if you’re doing a knee replacement tomorrow afternoon.”
“That sounds great. I’m exhausted.” As they walked back to the car Lana’s phone began to buzz. She pulled it out of her pocket and frowned.
“Who is it?” Andrew asked, but he had an idea.
“It’s my dad.”
Andrew sighed. “Sounds like he found out.”
“Clarissa was the one holding my hair and suggested I get a test.” She accepted the call. “Hi, Dad, what’s up? What rumors? Oh, those. Yes, it’s true. I’m pregnant.”
The cat was out of the bag.
Lana continued to talk to her father and for a brief moment Andrew entertained the notion of calling his parents and letting them know that they were going to be grandparents, but what was the use? They wouldn’t care. They would just tell him how Meghan was never going to have children and it was all his fault.
His parents wouldn’t care that Lana was carrying his child. That he was going to be a father. Calling his parents wouldn’t put to rest the ghosts of his past; it would just remind him why he’d always said he never wanted to be a father.
How could he be a good father when his only example had been his own father?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LANA COULD FEEL the beads of sweat pooling on her forehead. Once her father had found out that she was carrying his grandchild and that she was suffering from extreme morning sickness his first suggestion was that she go on maternity leave.
Right away.
When Lana kicked that suggestion to the curb in a very delicate manner, which stressed her out, standing up to him, to her relief her father acquiesced but stipulated that she see Dr. Peters right away. He prescribed her Diclectin, a safe medicine to ease her morning sickness so she could continue as a surgeon. And it seemed to be working.
It didn’t take away the exhaustion and standing in an orthopedic hazmat suit while she did the knee replacement surgery didn’t help. It was stifling in the suit. And even though there was filtered air cycling through she felt as if she couldn’t breathe.
Focus.
She wished someone could wipe the sweat from her brow, but at least she was almost done with the surgery. Then she could shower and rest.
Andrew stood across from her and was actually holding a retractor. She had never seen him hold a retractor since he’d been here. She had seen him operate once on a surgical video. Maybe he would come to miss the surgery and start to perform here. If she had him doing surgeries on her service then she could ease off just a bit.
The other surgeons on the orthopedic surgical rotation were her father when time allowed and Dr. Sims and Dr. Kay. Dr. Sims and Dr. Kay both had a full practice.
There was room for the world-renowned Dr. Tremblay who had disappeared from surgery to aid with hers.
No one knew why Andrew had stopped performing surgery, but she had inkling it had to do with the surgery done on his shoulder.
He glanced up at her through the visor of his own hazmat suit. “You okay, Lana?”
“Fine. Just tired.” She turned back to her work and tried to ignore the fact he was standing there. It was hard, but she didn’t want him to give anything away. Though she was pretty positive that most people in this room knew that she was pregnant, given the way that gossip moved through this hospital, but she didn’t want to blurt it out in case her surgical team didn’t know.
She didn’t want anyone to think that she was weak.
It was bad enough that her facade had been cracked when she’d married Andrew so quickly during a sunset ceremony on the beach. And the speculation that Dr. Iolana Haole maybe wasn’t quite the Ice Queen was starting to spread around the hospital. There were also rumors of Andrew using her to secure a green card and she knew those rumors were initiated by David. The problem was they were true.
And she didn’t like it.
How the heck was she going to eventually take over the hospital if people didn’t respect her the way they used to? The respect she’d worked so hard to regain after David used her before publicly humiliating her. The thing that scared her was she didn’t care at the moment. She was enjoying herself at work. She wasn’t so tense, wasn’t so lonely.
Maybe because you don’t want to run the hospital when your father retires. Maybe because you want to leave Hawaii. See the world.
Of course, those dreams were dashed now that she was pregnant. She couldn’t go traipsing all over the world with a baby in tow. She had to give their child stability. She neede
d a steady job to provide for their child. That was what her father had said when he’d constantly worked after her mother had left. He needed to provide for her and Jack by working. That was the right thing to do and she’d do the same.
Any thoughts she’d had of having an adventure were dashed and she really had no one else to blame but herself, because she hadn’t taken the chance.
She’d let her father rule over her. Let her fears of the unknown do the same.
Others made the decisions about her life. Not her.
You made the decision to sleep with Andrew. You made the decision to keep this baby.
She snuck another glance at Andrew and his gaze met hers and the way his eyes crinkled behind the surgical mask and visor let her know that he was smiling at her. Then he nodded slightly, giving her that boost of confidence she liked.
Lana went back to work. She was almost done with the knee replacement. A couple more solid taps to put the new joint into place and the replacement knee was in position.
“Good work, Dr. Haole,” Andrew said.
“Thanks.” She continued her work, closing the small incisions of the minimally invasive procedure. Her father still preferred the larger incision, but she’d trained to do the less invasive surgery.
She finished closing and gave her instructions about antibiotics in the IV and blood thinners and decompression stockings to the residents so they could monitor the patient in Recovery. Once that was done she headed to the scrub room as quickly as she could to get out of the stifling hazmat suit.
As soon as the scrub room doors shut she pulled off the helmet and took a deep breath of antiseptic scrub room air. Her hair was plastered to the top of her head under her scrub cap. Andrew followed her into the room and pulled off his helmet.
“You’re drenched in sweat.”
“I know,” Lana said. “These pregnancy symptoms are magnified. Surely I shouldn’t be feeling this bad?”
“Maybe it’s twins.” It was meant as a joke, but then he spun around, his eyes wide, as the realization hit the both of them. “Oh, my God, do you think it’s twins?”