by Amy Ruttan
“I don’t know,” Lana said, dumbfounded. “It could be. Twins run in my family. My mother was a twin. Oh, Lord. Two babies.” A wave of nausea hit her.
“Don’t jump to conclusions. It might not be; you just might not handle pregnancy well.”
“Then why did you suggest twins in the first place?” she shrieked.
“I was reading that pregnancy book you had on the coffee table last night while I was eating pizza.”
“Are you seriously trying to make me hurl?”
“Sorry.” He winced.
“So what did you read?”
“That sometimes pregnancy symptoms in the first trimester are amplified if there’s more than one fetus.”
Oh, my God.
The thought of two babies just sent her head spinning.
“Your mother was a twin, you say. That’s what you said, right?” Andrew asked.
And, just like that, the mention of her mother sent a douse of cold water over her. It reminded her that her own mother couldn’t handle her or Jack. That she’d hated being trapped with Lana’s father. She’d hated Oahu. She’d hated it all and felt that Dr. Keaka Haole had ruined her life.
So she’d left. And Lana had become head of the household and tried to keep it all together afterwards. “Yes. I think so anyways. I’m pretty sure, but I could be wrong.”
“Can you call and ask her?”
“Did Jack not tell you about our mother?” Lana asked in disbelief.
“No, well, other than she left your father, but that was it.”
Lana sighed and she could feel tears stinging her eyes. “She left when I was a kid and Jack was a baby. I haven’t seen her since. She didn’t want anything to do with us. So no, I can’t call my mother.”
A strange look crossed his face for a brief moment, as if he understood what she was saying, but how could he? His parents had never abandoned him. He wouldn’t understand.
“I’m sorry. Why don’t we go up to Obstetrics? I’m sure, seeing how you’re Dr. Haole’s daughter, that they’d be more than willing to do a sonogram on you. It’ll put your mind at ease.”
“Yours too,” she said sarcastically.
“Yes, twins would be...complicated.”
She almost wondered if he was going to say the worst, but didn’t.
“They won’t see much.”
“They’ll see enough to tell whether there’re two in there.”
“Okay.” Andrew was right. She wanted to know. It would drive her crazy not to know. She needed to plan and prepare herself. Lana had already mentally prepared herself for one baby, but the thought of two was a bit mind-boggling.
They finished scrubbing out and then headed straight from the operating room floor up to Obstetrics.
Dr. Green wasn’t busy and took them right in. Which was rare.
Lana climbed up on the exam table, the paper crinkling and sticking to her sweat-stained butt. Andrew was chuckling to himself.
“Are you still having nausea, Iolana?” Dr. Green asked.
“Not as much, at least not since I’ve been taking the medication, but...twins run in my family.”
Dr. Green didn’t blink an eye. “I’m aware. Your father told me when he first told me you were pregnant.”
“Why would he tell you that?” Lana asked.
“He was covering all his bases,” Dr. Green said nonchalantly. “You know how he is.”
“Can you just ease our minds and tell us if there’re two in there?” Andrew asked, interrupting. “Lana’s been having more pronounced symptoms. Isn’t that an indicator for the possibility of twins?”
Dr. Green didn’t bat an eye. They called her the bulldog of the obstetrics floor because she didn’t put up with any nonsense. Which was why Lana liked her so much.
“It can be, but usually measuring larger than your dates and the presence of two heartbeats is how we determine twins, but it’s too early to catch a heartbeat with my sonogram. You’re only five weeks in.”
“Can you measure me or give me a transvaginal ultrasound and see what’s going on?”
“Lie back and I’ll measure you first. Then I’ll do the ultrasound and we’ll hopefully relieve some of your anxiety. Anxiety won’t help with the symptoms.”
Lana lay back and lifted up her scrub top. Andrew took a seat at her head while Dr. Green pulled out her measuring tape and measured Lana.
“Well...I’ll be...” Dr. Green whispered.
Lana’s heart did a flip flop. “I’m measuring larger, aren’t I?”
“Yes, slightly. It could be just a large baby. How much did you weigh at birth, Iolana?” Dr. Green asked as she recorded the measurement in Lana’s file.
“I was five pounds seven ounces, but I was early.”
“And you, Dr. Tremblay?” Dr. Green asked.
“Ten pounds.”
Lana bolted upright. “You were ten pounds and your mother gave birth to you in the middle of a park on the side of the road?”
Andrew grinned and winked at her. “Yep. We’re hardy stock up in the north.”
Dr. Green was chuckling. “It could be a larger baby, but we’ll check if we can see how many are in there. I’ll be back in a moment, so if you could put on a gown and remove your pants and undergarments in prep that would be great.”
When Dr. Green left Lana groaned. She got up and grabbed a hospital gown out of the cupboard in the exam room.
“Should I stay and watch?” Andrew asked, looking uncomfortable.
“Yes, because if our kid is ten pounds I’m going to kill you,” she hissed half-jokingly, but also terrified of the thought of giving birth to a toddler-sized infant.
He laughed. “Promises, promises.”
Lana removed her clothes while his back was turned and put on the gown. She got up on the table and Dr. Green rolled in the machine. She got the wand ready and Andrew continued to look away while she placed it and then covered Lana up with a sheet.
“You can look now,” Lana said.
Andrew turned around and took a seat back by her head. Dr. Green fiddled with some dials and stared at the screen.
Lana held her breath as the doctor recorded measurements and studied the monitor. What was she going to do with twins? It couldn’t be twins.
“Well, your hunch was right, doctors.” Dr. Green turned the monitor around. Lana stared at the grainy picture and, though they looked nothing more than a couple of peanuts in a sack, she saw what was just about to be confirmed.
“Twins,” Lana whispered in disbelief.
“Yes, you’re expecting twins, Dr. Haole. Congratulations.”
“Oh, my God,” Andrew whispered and now he was the one that was looking a bit pale as he covered his mouth with his hand and stared at the screen. “Oh, my God.”
Lana lay back down as reality sunk in. Now she really was trapped. Two babies. She’d told Andrew that she could do this on her own, but now she wasn’t so sure.
How the heck was she going to raise two kids on her own?
* * *
They hadn’t said much to each other when they left Dr. Green’s office. Or during the ride home. Now they were just sitting on the couch side by side, not saying a word. Lana felt as if at this moment she should probably buy a state lottery ticket or something.
First the condom broke.
Then twins?
“What’re we going to do?” Andrew asked finally, breaking the silence that had descended upon them ever since they’d found out that there were two babies in there.
“I know,” she whispered. “You know I still stand by what I said before. I can raise these babies on my own.”
“Lana, see sense. This is going to be more difficult.” Andrew cursed under his breath.
“I can handle a challenge,” she snapped, annoyed with his swearing. It was obvious he was unhappy about it.
Aren’t you?
She got up and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing a glass, she poured herself some ice-cold water.
She was used to challenges. Her whole life had been a challenge. She’d had to teach herself a lot of things when she was a kid because her mother hadn’t been around. She was the one who negotiated peace between her father and Jack. And because of who her father was she always had to prove herself more in her professional field.
There were a lot of times people thought she was given more opportunities because of who her father was and that was not true. She’d constantly sacrificed and worked hard for everything.
Now, two babies. It was a challenge, but she could do it.
Couldn’t she?
“I know you can handle a challenge, Lana, and I know that you could handle this on your own, but I’m not going to let you.” He touched her face and she backed away from his touch. She couldn’t let herself get attached to Andrew, not when he kept putting up walls between them.
Not when this marriage was just one of convenience and would be over as soon as he got his green card. And not when he obviously saw her and the babies as a burden.
She couldn’t let herself fall for him. She couldn’t risk her heart. When her mother left, she’d seen how crushed her father was. Lana had taken it upon herself to try and comfort her dad, to make him happy again, but she’d been naive.
Her father’s heart was broken and as she got older and understood that she knew that she would never, ever put her heart on the line like that.
Except she did and then David crushed it. She’d sworn she never would again and then she’d slept with Andrew. She was so weak. Her heart was totally on the line and now she was carrying his children. She’d have double the reminder of him when he left and she knew he was going to leave. Once he got what he wanted he’d leave.
She set the glass down on the counter. “I’m going for a swim.”
“A swim? Where, in the ocean? It’s night.”
“No, the pool.” She strode past him and down the stairs to her bedroom.
Andrew followed behind her. “Don’t you think we should talk about this? I mean, this changes everything.”
“I know that it does, but I can’t think straight right now, Andrew. I need to swim.” She turned around. “This is a lot to take in.”
“I know.”
“I’m going to have to leave work sooner than I’d like. You know that twins often deliver early.”
He nodded. “Yeah, that’s going to be hard on the department.”
“Well, if you had surgical privileges you could take over for me.”
Andrew frowned. “Don’t start this again.”
“Why not? You want me to talk about this pregnancy? Well, I want to talk about why you gave up your surgical privileges when you came here.”
“I can’t operate.” There was deadly calm to his tone and she knew that she was pushing him to the brink again. “You need to stop pestering me about this, Lana. I just can’t operate.”
“I know, because you don’t have privileges,” she said a bit too sarcastically, but she was tired of not knowing why. He still had his surgical license and if he would just do surgeries again he could take her place while she had their babies.
She knew that he’d be good at it. He was a brilliant surgeon and she didn’t know why he was giving it up. She didn’t get it. He was willingly giving up surgery and in a few months she’d have no choice but to go on bed rest and walk away, but she’d come back. She wouldn’t give up the only thing in her life that brought her joy.
There were a lot of dreams that she had given up over the years, but surgery was not and would never be one of them.
“No, it’s because my arm was damaged in an accident four years ago. My surgery was botched and I can’t hold a scalpel. I lost everything that day, Lana. I regained what I could, but I can’t operate. I can’t. My hand shakes, my arm is in constant pain. I don’t react anymore because I’ve learned to filter it out or maybe my nerves are dying. I’m not sure. I was impaled after the car I was driving collided with a moose. Impaled by a metal signpost. It smashed right through the windshield and into my shoulder. My shoulder was damaged and the surgery was done by an old school doctor up in northern Ontario. So, that’s why I don’t operate. It’s not safe for anyone. I can’t do it. I won’t.”
And before she could apologize for pushing him too hard he stormed away to his room and slammed the door.
Lana felt bad for pushing him.
She knew the shoulder pained him. She’d seen and felt the scars and knew that his shoulder had been damaged, but she couldn’t believe that he couldn’t operate any more. He was terrified because of what had happened.
Some scars ran deeper than the surface.
She knew that all too well.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ANDREW GAVE UP on tossing and turning for the night. He got dressed and then checked on Lana, who was sleeping soundly. It was four o’clock in the morning and, even though his shift didn’t start for another four hours, he just couldn’t sit here stewing about it.
He grabbed his wallet and keys and headed out to his car.
At first he didn’t know where he was going to go, but after driving around aimlessly for about fifteen minutes he made his way to the hospital. He changed into his scrubs and lab coat, but the hospital was quiet for now and he wasn’t on call.
Not many people knew that he was here.
Which was fine, because he didn’t really want people to see him standing in front of the skills lab, staring at it with contempt and a bit of fear.
He glanced down at his arm and his shoulder pained him. He flexed his arm and it trembled. It had been four years since the accident, since the botched surgery. Since Meghan died, he’d been alone after that. His parents blamed him and had left him to recuperate alone.
You’re not alone now.
Except that he was. He wasn’t in a real marriage.
Still, he couldn’t face this fear. The couple of times he’d been in the operating room with Lana had been terrifying, but he missed being there. He missed surgery. He might not be able to compete on an international scale with surfing again, but he could reclaim surgery. He could help Lana by being a surgeon again. It would take some of the burden off her.
You don’t deserve this. Your arm was penance for your sister’s death.
He swiped his identification and entered the skills lab. It was dark and quiet. Later it would be filled with interns and residents as they tried to hone their art, just like he’d done when he’d been in their shoes.
Andrew took a seat and pulled out a surgical tray. He stared at the instruments and pulled on his rubber gloves. His hands shook as he picked up the scalpel. He took a deep calming breath and held it over the prosthetic abdomen.
You got this.
And then it came flooding back to him. Even though it had been four years, he knew exactly what to do. What kind of pressure to apply and the incision came so easily. Then pins and needles shot down his arm and he cursed, slamming the scalpel down.
What am I doing? I can’t do this.
“Who did your surgery?”
Andrew’s head jerked up and he saw his father-in-law standing in the doorway, his arms crossed.
“Sir, what’re you doing here so early?”
Keaka shut the skills lab door and took a seat across from Andrew. “I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking about Lana’s news. About how I’m going to be a grandfather to twins no less. And you couldn’t sleep either, I see.”
Andrew sighed. “Yeah, I thought...I don’t know what I thought.”
“When I first hired yo
u on here I knew that in time you would try and return to surgery, but I didn’t want to rush you. You’re a brilliant sports medicine doctor and you’ve helped many of our patients. You’re a valuable asset, Andrew, but you were an impressive surgeon.”
“My arm is useless. It’s like a dead weight. There’s nerve damage.”
Keaka nodded. “Who did your surgery?” he repeated.
“Dr. Wilbert Guzman in a small backwater hospital up in Canada.”
“I don’t know of him, or that hospital. I don’t know the severity, but a simple laparoscopic arthroscopy might release the scar tissues, ease the inflammation of the nerves and help with that shaking. I could do the procedure later today if an arthroscopy is called for.”
One voice inside him said, Do it. The other said it would never work. He was too damaged.
“And what about my rounds, my patients?”
“I can handle that for you and I’m sure Lana could pick up some slack. If a simple procedure is needed you’ll only be off for a week at tops.”
Andrew looked down at his shaking arm. He was tired of being afraid. Tired of living in the periphery of his life. If he could regain control of his arm and practice surgery again he would have something.
Maybe then his kids would look on him with a sense of pride, because he wasn’t giving up any longer. He’d run for so long, hiding his shoulder damage like a shameful secret. He might not know how to be a father, but at least his kids wouldn’t be ashamed of him the way he’d always been ashamed of his father.
“Okay. Let’s do it,” Andrew said.
Keaka grinned. “Good. Now, let’s get you down for a CT scan and we’ll get some imaging done of that shoulder. I would do an MRI but I assume there’s hardware in that shoulder?”
Andrew nodded. “You’re correct.”
“Well, let’s go then. Let’s see what we have to work with, shall we?”
Keaka opened the door but Andrew stopped him. “I just want to say...whatever happens, thank you. I will take care of Lana and the babies. Whatever happens, they’re my first priority.”
Keaka smiled and clapped Andrew on the shoulder. “I know, son. If they weren’t your first priority then I wouldn’t have found you sitting here in the skills lab. You would still be hiding from the damage that was done.”