Light Up The Night: A Bad Boy Firefighter Novel

by Parker, Weston

  Tara looked at me over my daughter’s head. “That’s okay, right? You do want to have time alone with him?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. It’s all right.”

  Tara narrowed her eyes at me. “Something else is bugging you. I can tell.”

  I grabbed the bowl of chips and munched on a few. “I just feel bad about what happened to Hayden. And seeing him in the hospital bed like that…” I shook my head. “It didn’t feel good.”

  “I don’t think it would feel good to see anyone in a hospital bed,” Tara said.

  I blinked at her. “You know what I mean.”

  “I do. But this is part of his job. I’m sure he knew what he was doing at the time.”

  My palms were sweaty just talking about all this. All I’d been able to think about for the last day and a half was Hayden, and him lying in that bed, and what I was risking by caring for him.

  I’d already done the whole grieving widow thing. I had no interest in doing it again. Mostly because I was sure I couldn’t bear to do it again. It had almost killed me the first time. And trying to balance my grief while raising a two-year-old was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. If I didn’t have Tara by my side through the whole thing, I doubted I would have survived.

  Getting caught up with Hayden threatened to put me through that all over again. All those feelings had risen up inside me when I stood beside his bed, looking down at him while he slept. Derek had left to go and get us coffees, and I appreciated the time alone with Hayden because it gave me a moment to sit beside him, take his hand, and say the things I was feeling.

  The things I needed to say to him.

  * * *

  “I don’t know if I can do this,” I whispered as I ran my hand over Hayden’s knuckles. “Not again.”

  A small part of me was hoping his eyes would flutter open, and he would see me. I hoped he would wake up and tell me everything was going to be all right. Even though Derek had said numerous times that this was nothing and that Hayden would be perfectly fine in a couple of days, I couldn’t shake the nagging panic in the back of my mind. I hated this.

  I felt helpless.

  “I know you did a good thing. I know your work is important.” I sniffed and felt like a fool. Of course, his work was important. He saved lives. I just seared steaks and made sure people were enjoying their meals. He made a difference. “But I don’t know if I can stand by and let you run into burning buildings. What if… what if we get closer, and Kylee starts to care about you the way I’m starting to? What if something bad happens, and I have to—”

  I stopped talking and shook my head. No. I couldn’t let myself go there right now. Derek would be back any minute with our coffees, and I didn’t want him to see me cry.

  “I can’t lose someone else.”

  I sat quietly with him until Derek came back. He handed me my coffee. If he noticed I’d been crying, he didn’t say anything.

  I sipped my black coffee, scalded my tongue, winced, and took another sip anyway. It was terrible hospital coffee, but it would do.

  “Thank you,” I said to Derek.

  He looked over at me as he leaned against the far wall at the end of Hayden’s bed. “You’re welcome. You know, he’ll be pretty happy to hear that you came by to see him.”

  I smiled. “I just wish he’d wake up.”

  “Probably not for a while yet. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s better to sleep while the lungs and throat heal.”

  I nodded. Everything he was saying made sense. “So you are the one that goes into the fires with him?” I asked.

  Derek sipped his coffee. “Yep. Hayden and I went to the academy together and have been on the same crew since. He calls all the shots, if I’m being honest. But I’d follow him anywhere.”

  I pursed my lips. “Why?”

  Derek studied me. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. Probably a dozen things all at once. “Because he’s a better man than me, and I trust him to make the right decision before I do.”

  I hadn’t expected an answer that honest. I blinked at him. “Oh.”

  He chuckled. “Hayden’s a good man, Mel. I can assure you of that. Although I suppose you already know that.”

  I looked down at Hayden. His chest was rising and falling with each breath, and when I looked hard, he looked peaceful. Calm. “I do,” I said.

  * * *

  “Mel?” Tara asked.

  I glanced over at her. “Sorry. I zoned out.”

  “Apparently. You okay?”

  “Yeah I’m fine. Sorry. What did you say?”

  “That Hayden probably knew what he was doing.”

  “Oh. He did. Yes. I’m sure he did.”

  Tara looked suspicious. “That doesn’t make you feel any better about it?”

  Kylee was still sitting between us, watching the movie. There was no doubt in my mind that she was half listening to our conversation. “Not much better, no.”

  “How come?”

  “When I was at the hospital, Derek told me that Hayden would always do the right thing. And I think I’ve known that about him since I first met him. He’s good. Straight and narrow. He has no problem risking himself when he knows what’s at stake because he knows it’s right. How do I tell him I can’t handle that when what he’s doing is so selfless? I just feel like such a jerk.”

  Tara shifted in her corner of the sofa. For once, she seemed at a loss of words. “I don’t know, Mel.”

  “Exactly. Neither do I.”

  Kylee looked up at me. Her eyes were big and wet. She was on the verge of tears.

  “What’s the matter, kiddo?” I asked, gathering her up in my arms and pulling her into my lap. Kylee snuggled against my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist. “I like Hayden.”

  I looked incredulously at Tara, who had the traces of a smile on her lips.

  “I know you do, kiddo,” I said, stroking Kylee’s hair. “I do too. Why are you sad?”

  “I don’t want you to be mad at him,” Kylee said.

  I took Kylee by the shoulders and held her back so that I could look her in the eyes. “I’m not mad at Hayden, Kylee. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “You promise?”

  I nodded. “I promise. Pinky promise.” I held out my pinky. Kylee stared at it and then lifted her tiny hand. We shook pinkies on it. “Hayden and I just have a lot that we need to talk about. When two people have two separate lives, it can sometimes get complicated. Does that make sense?”

  Kylee shook her head. “If you like him, you like him.”

  Tara nodded. “Wise words, Kylee.”

  “You’re not helping, Tara,” I said. “I agree, Kylee. If you like someone, you like them. But sometimes, you have to consider all the other things about that person. Their life. Their job. Their family. Their friends. When you’re an adult, there are a lot more puzzle pieces on the board that you have to fit together. And it takes work.”

  “So, are you going to do the work?” Kylee asked.

  I sighed and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m going to do my best.”

  25

  Hayden

  I tightened my tie under the collar of my shirt and nodded at my own reflection. I hadn’t bothered to dress up in a year or two, and it felt a little strange to be wearing a long-sleeved button-up and pants that weren’t jeans. But it also felt right.

  I had plans to take Mel to a nice quiet place for dinner so that we’d be able to talk easily. There was a bistro down the road from the firehouse that served delicious steak and lobster, and I had a ravenous appetite. I hoped she was hungry too.

  I double checked the address Mel had texted me before I started driving to her place. She wasn’t far from me, only a fifteen-minute drive or so. I pulled into her driveway and walked up to the front door.

  Before even having the chance to knock, the door was wrenched open, and I found myself looking at nothing.

  Then I looked down.

  “Hi, Hayden!” Kylee was there,
beaming up at me. Her hair was wild and curly, and I assumed it had just come out of her trademark braid.

  The blonde from the restaurant ran up behind Kylee and pulled her backward. “Your mother would give you a piece of her mind if she knew you ran off and answered the door by yourself,” she said.

  “Tara?” I asked.

  The blonde looked up at me and nodded. “Yep. That’s me. I’m on babysitting duty so the two of you can have the whole night to yourselves. Don’t tell Mel I said that. She might want to play it close to the vest in case she doesn’t end up wanting to spend more hours with you than absolutely necessary.”

  I snorted. “Thank you for the vote of confidence.”

  “You’re welcome.” Tara grinned. “Come on in. Mel is just finishing getting ready. She doesn’t usually take so long. I think it’s a good sign.”

  Tara winked at me as I stepped around her and Kylee and slipped into the house.

  It was a bright, airy space. Everything was crisp white, cool gray, or powder blue. It suited Mel. The place felt like her somehow. And it smelled like oranges and mint.

  “Mel!” Tara cupped her hands around her mouth and called down the hall. “Your firefighter is here!”

  I heard a door open down the hall and waited. Butterflies took flight in my stomach, and I suddenly didn’t know what to do with my hands. I clasped them behind my back, then in front, then slid them into my pockets.

  Why the hell was I so nervous?

  I could run into a burning building without suffering a single bout of nerves, but this was different. My palms were sweaty, and my heart pounded in my chest like a beating drum.

  Just as I was about to take my hands back out of my pockets, Mel stepped around the corner of the hallway.

  “Wow,” Kylee breathed. “Mommy, you look so pretty.”

  Mel locked eyes with me and then glanced down at her daughter. “Thank you, kiddo.”

  My tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth. My brain forced my stupid mouth to move, and I was finally able to mutter, “You look incredible.”

  Mel blushed.

  She was dressed in a navy-blue long-sleeved dress that fit her tightly up top and then fanned out at her waist. The effect was more than appealing. Her legs looked like they went on for days. Her black heels contributed to that, I imagined. Sparkly earrings dangled in front of her long brown hair, which was down and curled. She was magnificent.

  Tara walked over to Mel and put her arm around her shoulders. She steered Mel over to me and then pushed us both toward the front door. “All right, kids. You two have a good night. Kylee and I have a fort to start building. Right, Kylee?”

  “Right. Have a good night! Bye, Hayden!”

  I looked down over my shoulder and waved my fingers at her. Mel said goodbye to Kylee as Tara closed the door on our faces. We heard her lock it, and then Mel looked over at me and laughed. “So that’s what my house is like on the average day.”

  “It’s fantastic.” I chuckled.

  Mel rolled her eyes and spun around to step off the stoop and walk toward my truck. I followed her, hurrying around her to open the truck door for her. She thanked me with a sweet smile over her shoulder and climbed up. Once her dress was tucked under her leg, I closed the door, walked around the hood of the truck, and got in.

  “So where are you taking me?” Mel asked as I reversed out of the driveway.

  “For the best steak and lobster in Searing, besides what they serve at The Glade.”

  Mel laughed, and the sound of it danced around the cab of my truck, playing the perfect tune to the butterflies that were still restless in my gut.

  * * *

  At the restaurant, we were escorted to the table I reserved. The bistro was dimly lit and all warm tones—a stark contrast to Mel’s restaurant. I pulled out her chair for her, and she sat down. As I tucked her chair back in, her hair grazed my fingers.

  I sat across from her.

  The waiter arrived, took our wine orders, and left us with our menus to decide on our meals. We both decided to indulge and got the lobster and steak. After we ordered and our wine glasses were full, we both stared at each other across the flickering candle flame between us.

  Mel licked her lips. “It’s good to see you. I mean. Out of the hospital. And in general.”

  “It’s good to see you too.”

  She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down. Was she as nervous as me? “I have to admit, I didn’t like seeing you lying in a hospital bed like that. I didn’t like seeing you passed out on the news, either. It was a lot.”

  I nodded. “I know. And I’m sorry. But it’s all just—”

  “Part of the job,” Mel finished for me with a curt nod. “I know.” She reached out and straightened her cutlery to the edge of the table.

  “Yeah. It is. And it wasn’t as serious as it might have looked. I knew what I was doing.”

  “Right.”

  “You don’t believe me?”

  Mel shrugged. “I do. I just… it doesn’t matter. I’m happy that you’re all right. That’s what matters.”

  That’s what matters. I paused with my wine glass halfway to my mouth to look at her over the rim. It felt really damn good to have someone say that to me who wasn’t someone on my crew. Not that it didn’t matter when they said it, but I had been waiting to hear someone else say it for a long time. My father, specifically.

  But Mel was just as good. Better even.

  “Are you all right, Hayden?” She asked.

  “Sorry?”

  “Are you all right?” Her eyes were full of concern as she stared at me across the table.

  “Oh. Yeah. I’m good. Just thinking about my dad.”

  Mel cocked her head to the side and swirled her wine. “What about him?”

  Was I really going to start talking about this? I hadn’t talked about my father to anyone besides Derek. All the guys on the crew knew he wasn’t a number one dad, not by any stretch, but it wasn’t something that came up in conversation. It was easier to let it lie. To leave it alone. To repress the hell out of it until it felt like it was so far away that I wouldn’t wish he’d start caring.

  “I was thinking about how he sort of checked out of my life after my football injury.”

  Mel put her wine down. “Really? Why would he do that?”

  I shrugged one shoulder. “You’d have to ask him.”

  “You haven’t talked to him about it?”

  I shook my head. “Nah. My old man isn’t the talking sort. He’s the sit-quietly-and-brood sort.”

  Mel put her hands on the table and leaned forward. “That doesn’t sound very fatherly. Or healthy. I’m sorry he hasn’t been there for you. That’s a long time to not have him in your life.” She picked at the edge of the table cloth. “Does he know you were in the hospital?”

  I nodded.

  “Did he not come see you?”

  “No. He never has.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  I forced a smile and sighed. “To be honest, I don’t either. He used to be by my side through it all when I was training to be drafted in the NFL. But then I blew out my knee. At first, it was fine.” I shrugged in my own bewilderment. The distance between my father and me still confused me to this day. “He helped me with physical therapy. Drove me to all my appointments. He had me doing everything. Chiropractor, massage therapy, meditation—literally anything that he heard could help, he had me doing. But none of it worked. Doctors assured me my knee would never be strong enough to play, and no team in the NFL wanted to take a chance on me. Why would they pay for a player who is most likely going to spend his entire season on the bench?”

  Mel was watching me closely. There was warmth in her eyes instead of pity, which was incredibly refreshing. “Your dad sounds like the sort of man who missed his chance to play pro ball and put all his regret and missed opportunities on your shoulders. He has a seriously bad case of ‘dance mom’ fever.”

  “What?”
I asked with a bark of laughter.

  Mel nodded. “Yeah. You haven’t heard of it? Dance moms. Like, the extreme ones who force their kids to go to dozens of dance classes a week and compete until their toes are bloody, even if the kids aren’t having fun and don’t want to do it.”

  “That’s insane.”

  “Oh, I know. And that’s how your dad was with football. Did he play in high school too?”

  “Yeah. He was the quarterback.”

  “There you go. He never made it, so he put all his regrets on you. Which isn’t fair. And what does he think about what you’re doing now? It’s not like you bottomed out and gave up. You fight fires for crying out loud.”

  “He doesn’t care.”

  “How is that possible?”

  “I don’t know,” I confessed. I’d never talked about my father like this and been smiling at the same time. There was something about Mel that made all of this seem a little less soul crushing. She made me feel like this shit wasn’t my fault, like it wasn’t even about me at all.

  After letting her in on the relationship between me and my father, our meals arrived. We savored every bite, and the topic of conversation shifted to lighter things. We talked about Kylee and Tara. We talked about The Glade.

  And then at the end of our meal, I paid the bill, and we walked back out to the truck, and Mel suggested we go back to my place when we were five minutes from her house. I pulled a U-turn and went back to my house.

  As I opened the front door, I apologized for the mess she might walk into.

  “It’s all right,” Mel said.

  I heard her close and lock the front door behind her as I hung up my keys. “Come on. I’ll give you the tour. It’s not as nice as your place, but it’s home.” I turned around with a grin.

  And her dress hit the floor.

  26

  Mel

  I stepped out of my dress, which was around my ankles, and walked toward Hayden, my heels clicking on his hardwood floor as I went. He stood stone still, waiting until I was within arm’s reach. Then he enveloped me and drew me in for a kiss.