True to You

by Jennifer Ryan

  Her uncle needed her. Who would take care of him? He’d never leave this place.

  And for all the bad, she loved her shop and cozy home.

  She wouldn’t be run off by her father or some deceptive thug. That’s why she’d called the cops about that truck. Every time she had some small piece of information, she ratted them out, hoping that one day she’d get justice.

  That day hadn’t come yet.

  Until then, she had her uncle, her shop, and if she ever found the courage, maybe she’d find a man worth putting her battered heart on the line for one more time. Being alone sucked. She was tired of her own company and the quiet that left her far too much time to think.

  She should be in bed. Not alone, but tucked up close to a man worth loving. Someone she could trust.

  He had to exist, right?

  Flash’s handsome face popped into her mind. She knew it like she knew her own, though they only recently met. Which accounted for the profound lack of trust she had for him. Granted, she didn’t have a reason not to trust him. She hadn’t given him a chance to make her trust him either.

  Sometimes she felt like she was fighting herself with no winner or end in sight.

  A knock at the door rattled her. She tossed aside the beanie cap she’d been procrastinating making for the last twenty minutes while her thoughts spun out and landed on Flash.

  They did so often these days.

  The clock on the mantel read 2:38. At this time of night, she didn’t expect company or anything good to come from someone at her door. She slipped her hand down the side of the couch between the cushions and pulled out the Walther PPK .32. She felt just like James Bond with the small but deadly piece in her hand.

  With a steadying breath and her nerves in check, she walked past the bright and warm fire and approached whatever trouble came to her door. The motion light on the porch spotlighted the tall blond staring in at her holding two mugs. His gaze dipped to the gun in her hand, then came back up to meet hers. His mouth drew back into a lopsided frown.

  She let her hand fall to her side and unlocked the front door. She stood in the slim opening, blocking Flash from coming inside. Suspicious, she asked, “What are you doing here this late at night?”

  “I couldn’t sleep. You hardly ever do, judging by how often I see your light on. I thought we could not sleep together.”

  The joke wasn’t lost on her. Not after she’d gone to him today feeling him out to see if he was interested in her. She’d seen it in his eyes, but if he wasn’t into sleeping with Tandy for sport, was he willing to be with her with no strings attached? Could she pull that off when in the past she’d only been with two men she had strong feelings for until those feelings turned to hate when they revealed themselves as liars and users?

  “Unless, of course, you plan to shoot me.”

  She stepped back and swung the door wide. Chocolate scented the air as he moved past her. The heat and need Flash’s nearness sparked inside of her overshadowed the warm memories of cold nights sitting by the fire with her grandparents. He held out one mug of hot cocoa. She took it, hoping he didn’t notice her trembling hand or the thump of her thrashing heartbeat that sounded so loud it echoed in her ears. She tried to play it cool, bumped the door closed with her hip, and followed Flash over to the sitting area in front of the fire. He took a seat in the leather armchair, sipped his cocoa, and stared at the fire as comfortable as if he did it every night.

  His presence filled the room just like thoughts of him took over her mind.

  She sat on the sofa again, draped the blanket over her legs, trying not to notice the way Flash’s eyes devoured every inch of bare skin to the skimpy blue-and-white flannel shorts and dark blue tank top she wore. His gaze swept over her breasts and landed on her face.

  “Can’t sleep?” The stupid inquiry made little sense at this time of night, but it got them talking instead of locked in the thick tension coiling around both of them. The grip he had on the mug in his hand was anything but casual. The way he looked at her made her skin heat and her body melt.

  “No. What’s keeping you up?”

  He’d obviously tried to sleep. His messy hair and rumpled black T-shirt made her think he’d tossed and turned in bed. She shut off thoughts of them tangled in the sheets and rumpling each other.

  “Your father.”

  That surprised her, though it shouldn’t have. Not after his visit today and what she’d said in front of Flash. She’d caught him staring at her hand at work all the time. Especially when she had difficulty holding on to a mixing bowl while she stirred batter, or something like that. It wasn’t always easy to keep her grip without her pinky and her ring finger weak from muscle and nerve damage.

  “Iceman is a sliver in my life that festers.”

  “Why don’t you leave?”

  “This is my home.”

  He stared up at the pictures on the mantel. Her as a little girl with her mother. Her grandparents. The dog she loved and lost right here on this ranch. Not one picture of her with her father. He never stuck around long, just did a flyby now and then so he could pretend he cared.

  “Where’s your mom?”

  “Dead and buried along with my grandparents, who left this place to me.”

  “How’d she die?”

  “Neglect, sadness, wanting, and a drug habit she thought would make my father care about her, but he never did. She spent the better part of my childhood desperately trying to get his attention, craving his love, but ironically, he didn’t want anything to do with a drug addict who caused him more trouble than she was worth, especially when she went to his guys to get the drugs in exchange for favors when she couldn’t afford to pay. She overdosed when I was seven. She stunk up the shithole we lived in for two days before Iceman came by to check on us. One of his guys said they hadn’t sold to my mother in a few days and it seemed odd she didn’t come by for more.”

  Flash swore, but his gaze never left hers.

  “Iceman showed up, found me watching cartoons and eating dry cereal out of the box on the sofa, picked me up, put me in his car, and brought me here to my grandparents. I never went back to our apartment for the few things I had. Never saw my mother again. Grandparents kept me away from Iceman, not that he came by all that often. They died when I was fifteen and eighteen, so I’ve pretty much been on my own my whole life.”

  “Any other family?”

  “An uncle. Iceman’s brother. Other than that, no. Uncle Otis didn’t have kids. And I’m the only-child accident Iceman didn’t want more than the life he leads now.”

  “You sure about that? Seems he’s trying to keep you out of that world for good reason.”

  She cocked up one eyebrow. “You’re defending him?”

  “No. Just trying to figure you out.”

  “I’m simple. I’ve got a shit past that’s left me mistrustful.”

  “And unable to sleep because you’re lonely.”

  “Lonely doesn’t keep me up at night,” she lied. “Nightmares about what’s been done to me do. My father wants me out of his life, but his life comes into mine. Manny Castillo and others have used me to get to him. I’m the pawn in a game I don’t even play.” She held up her hand and brushed her fingers over the scars that went deeper than her skin. “Used, abused, every one of them takes a piece of me, but nothing they do will make Iceman choose me over business. He can’t make them think he’s weak or will bend to their will when his is made of ice-cold steel. I guess I should take some comfort that after Manny’s stunt, no one will believe that using me to get to him will work.”

  “Yet you came to the door with a gun.”

  “Can’t be too careful.”

  “How’d you get away from Manny after he did that to you?”

  “Surprised he didn’t just kill me?”

  “Yes. The Castillos aren’t known for their restraint or mercy.”

  “They don’t like to be told no either. After he hurt me, he thought I’d come around and
go along with his plan to get married, bond the two cartels through marriage and our children.” The rage rose up like it always did when she thought about how she’d been taken in by Manny’s charm and manipulations. “Like I’d ever allow my children to be raised to run that kind of business, to have anything to do with that world. When beating me didn’t change my mind and only made me more adamant that I would never give him what he wanted, he snapped and held a gun to my head.”

  Flash leaned in. “What happened?”

  “I don’t give up or give in that easily.”

  His intense gaze sharpened on her. “I would never think that about you.”

  She appreciated his confidence in her. In fact, it intensified that warm buzz that always hummed inside her when they were near each other.

  “I didn’t think, I just grabbed the gun. If he was going to kill me anyway, I was going out fighting. He didn’t expect me to jerk the gun from his grasp. It went off five inches from my head into the pillow.”

  Flash covered his mouth with his big hand and scrubbed it up his jaw, his eyes filled with surprise and fear, though she sat right in front of him. Safe and sound.

  And happy she survived and met him.

  “I know, right? Stunned both of us, but I recovered first and turned the gun on him. He knew I’d kill him. I had no reason not to at that point.”

  “You’re not a cold-blooded killer.”

  “I didn’t want to prove to him and my father that I was just like them.”

  Flash nodded, understanding everything she couldn’t put into words because in that moment, she wanted to be able to pull the trigger. But killing Manny wouldn’t make her feel better. It wouldn’t erase what he did to her.

  It wouldn’t change anything.

  Not between her and her father. Not for her father at all.

  But it would change her irrevocably.

  “He let you walk out of there.”

  “I didn’t give him a choice. I kept the gun trained on him, walked right out of the house, and stole his car. I drove myself to a clinic and told them a bullshit story about getting my hand stuck in the ride-on mower, which they didn’t necessarily believe but couldn’t disprove either. They sewed up my hand and sent me home.”

  “You just came back here and that’s it?”

  She shook her head. “No. He raged at me as I ran from him. He made sure I understood that I belonged to him and would never be allowed to walk away. He bided his time and planned how he’d teach me a lesson about turning my back on him. His humongous ego wouldn’t stand for anything less than retribution. So I ran off to a friend’s place in Colorado. I hadn’t seen her in years, but we kept in touch through Facebook. I spent those first few days healing and praying. Sometimes that he wouldn’t come for me. And others that he would and he’d put me down quick.” Even now, the echo of those terror-filled seconds, minutes, hours without peace vibrated through her and jacked her heart rate up to the point she had to take a calming breath to continue.

  “One day a guy showed up, caught me alone on the property, and threatened my friend, her husband, and their newborn. He told me if I didn’t present myself in three days and beg Manny to forgive me and take me back, then he’d kill them and me. You see, Manny needed me to come back to him so he could save face. If I ran again, they’d find me and kill me. Since they’d already found me once, I believed them.”

  “Jeez, Cara. Why didn’t you call the cops and get some help?”

  “What were they going to do?”

  “Protect you. Arrest the asshole for what he did to you.”

  The disbelieving laugh bubbled up and made Flash frown even harder.

  “Right. If it were that easy, they’d all be behind bars. Instead, they’re protected by lawyers and people they pay off or threaten to keep quiet. No one gets close to the Castillo family. If they do, they end up dead. Besides, Manny could hide or be in Mexico without anyone knowing where to find him. Guys like him, my father, they don’t go down easy. Others pay the price for their misdeeds.

  “When I got home, my father told me about the deal. Several of Iceman’s men had been killed by Manny and his guys looking for me. No one, not even my father, knew where I’d been hiding.”

  “How did Manny know where to find you?”

  “How, indeed? They’re connected. Information is as much a part of what they do as selling drugs.”

  Flash raked his fingers through his hair and stared at the fire even harder, something working his mind the way that muscle in his jaw worked nonstop. “So you came home, but didn’t have to go back to Manny.”

  “Iceman told me that to keep the fighting from escalating, the two heads of the cartel struck a deal. The truce has held for many, many months now. But I still wonder when Manny will get tired of paying and come for his revenge. That’s why I answer the door with a gun, why I keep an eye on everyone I don’t know walking through the coffee shop door, and why I suspect everyone who comes to work for me who has even a cursory association with the drug world.”

  His frown showed the annoyance that came out with his words. “I’m not a plant from the Castillo family here to take you out.”

  “I ruled that out thirty seconds after we met. You’re not the cold, calculating type. But I reserve the right to change my mind if you say or do one thing that makes me second-guess my decision. So if I wasn’t as welcoming as most anyone else might have been when meeting someone new, I have my reasons.”

  He nodded, conceding she certainly had cause to be cautious.

  She took a sip of her rich cocoa and studied the muscle ticking in his tensed jaw. “Now you know why I don’t sleep. So tell me, why are you up and here?”

  “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  She dismissed that he meant that in the way she hoped because it was safer that way. “As bedtime stories go, that one is more horror story than happy-ever-after fairy tale, but it answers your questions even if it won’t help you sleep.”

  “Are you afraid to be here alone?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “Why do you stay here?” A man of action, he didn’t understand why she put herself through this. When faced with a problem, like fixing the damn sink that had clogged every five minutes, he made a plan, gathered the necessary tools, and got to work to fix it. Problem solved.

  And the sink hadn’t clogged again for the last five days. When he did something, he did it right.

  Leaving wouldn’t change anything for her. She’d still be alone. She’d still be a target. She understood that, but wanted Flash to understand, too.

  “How much do I let them take from me? If I run, where do I go? What do I do? Why do I have to give up everything when I’ve done nothing wrong?”

  “To save your life,” he bit out.

  “I tried to leave. They came after me. Would I ever be safe anywhere?” She shook her head, doubting it.

  “The only way you’ll ever be safe is if your father is behind bars.”

  She gave him a sad frown.

  “What?” He asked the question, but didn’t make it sound like he really wanted the answer.

  “He can run things from prison. So many of the men under him are behind bars. You’ve been inside, you know things don’t stop because bars separate you from the outside world. You’re just as connected.”

  “So the only way you’ll be safe is if he’s dead.”

  He stated the truth she’d had to live with the better part of her life that left her feeling guilty and ashamed because sometimes she wished for it to end the only way it ever would.

  Flash propped his elbows on his knees, leaned forward, and cupped his chin in his hand. He stared at her for a long moment. “You call in tips to the cops on him all the time, don’t you?”

  “When I have useful information. I called the DEA on Manny right after I left. They sent a team to raid the place he bought for me. He wasn’t there, of course. They found several hundred pounds of cocaine and barrels of meth in a barn o
n the property I knew nothing about. They seized the house and property he bought me to prove we’d live a simple, peaceful life away from our families. A place we’d be happy raising our children. A picture-perfect place built on nothing but lies.”

  “Did you love him?”

  She didn’t even have to think to answer because she’d sat up night after night analyzing how she let it happen in the first place, how she fell for Manny’s scheme so easily.

  “I loved the dream of having someone in my life who truly understood where I’d come from, what it meant to be a part of that world, all that meant to my life, and how it shaped me. I wanted to believe the lies he told me because he made me believe he understood me like no one else could. He got it. But in the end, I finally saw that he’d drawn me in only so he could change my mind about what that world could really offer me. Wealth. The illusion of freedom to do whatever your heart desired so long as the guards and cartel kept you insulated in that world. He offered me the world and the home I wanted and I threw it in his face because it wasn’t real.” She could still picture the sprawling house and beautiful property. “A month later, he blew it up.”

  “What?”

  “After the DEA seized the property and put it up for auction, the house and outbuildings exploded. The whole place went up in flames.”

  Flash’s gaze narrowed in thought. “Are you sure he did it?”

  “It happened the day after he paid me for the first time. I figured he wanted to punish me in some way, so destroyed the place I really fell in love with instead of him.”

  Flash lost himself in his head and stared into the fire again. She didn’t blame him for needing a minute to soak in all she’d told him. Her story came with a truckload of baggage. She’d never shared the full story with anyone. She didn’t know what to expect from him now that he knew what had happened to her. She kept things to herself because she didn’t want anyone to see how stupid she’d been or to feel sorry for her. She really didn’t want his pity.

  She hoped he didn’t look down on her for falling into Manny’s trap.

  She reminded herself that she’d gotten out of it before she lost herself in that world or died by his hand. She should have expected his controlling manner and unrestrained violence. He’d grown up with it all around him. He’d been given everything his heart desired and never suffered consequences for anything he’d ever done. She couldn’t fault him for expecting her to capitulate to his demands, but he should have guessed her answer to his proposal based on how hard he’d had to work to manipulate her.