Rites of Passage

by Hensley,Joy N.

  His face is so close to mine I can smell the mint ice cream he had for dessert. “You are my recruit buddy, but you’re something else, too.” I put my hand on his chest over his name tag, where Matthews drilled the pins into his skin. “I know, Kelly. I don’t understand why, but I know you’re involved with the Pandora Society.”

  His eyes go wide but he doesn’t deny it.

  “I don’t know what they’re giving you that your company can’t—”

  “My whole life people have depended on me. My brother, my parents. Everything I do revolves around them somehow. Help Mom to help my brother. Help my brother to help Mom. It never ends.” He releases my hand and then punches the wall. “Matthews doesn’t expect anything from me other than for me to be the best soldier I can be. He pushes me to be the strongest version of myself. It’s not about me helping anyone else. For once, it’s just about me.”

  I don’t laugh only because it would hurt too much. “Sure. You, turning against your company. Against me.”

  He looks hurt. “It didn’t start out that way.”

  “Of course it didn’t.” I push my anger at Kelly aside. If he’s opening up, I’ve got to keep him talking. “Something’s changed in the Society hasn’t it?”

  Kelly shakes his head. “Yes—no. How do you know about this?”

  “Your friends have been trying to get me to quit all year,” I say, my ribs pounding the more agitated I get. “They’ve just gotten a little more aggressive lately. That means something’s changed.”

  “What do you mean ‘more aggressive’? What’s wrong, Mac?”

  “Screw it. You really want to know?” I pull up my camo blouse and the brown shirt underneath, my ribs purple and black for him to see.

  “What the hell?” He bends down, putting his hand on my side and inspecting the bruise. “What happened?”

  I hiss in a breath. “Your precious Society. Matthews. The changes a little more than you expected?”

  “He didn’t—”

  “Like hell he didn’t. His boot did this last night when you were conveniently away. Still think he’s a good guy?”

  “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know, Sam. He said we had an initiate meeting.” He pleads, gripping my hands in his. “You can’t think I would have let them do this if I had known. I knew they were saying things. But I didn’t know he’d kick you.”

  “That’s not all they’ve done. They hit me with frozen snowballs. They shot me.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because you’re with them, Kelly. You’re one of them! You and Wilson both!”

  “You’ve been going through this all alone?” His face is scrunched up and he won’t meet my eyes.

  “Of course not. Jax has been helping me. And other people.” There’s no way I’m letting him know about Drill, Nix, Ritchie, and the rest of them. Not if he’s going to take their names back to Matthews.

  He drops my hands, holding his out in between us. “I’m done. I swear. I never knew they would go this far. It’s over.” He just keeps shaking his head.

  “I wish I could believe you. But I don’t.” I turn before he can answer and start climbing the stairs again, using the handrail to steady myself. When we get on deck I dig my room key out of my pocket.

  There are voices behind the door, hushed.

  “Is Cross in here?”

  “She shouldn’t be.” I shrug. “Maybe she and Evers made up.” But I hope it’s not true.

  “No chance of that,” he says. “Evers is completely out.”

  I push the door open and step into the room. “Bekah?”

  We stare at each other for a second, her in her bra and me about to throw up because the person holding her against the wall has his shirt off, and a circular tattoo on his shoulder, just like the one on Evers. But he turns to look at me, his eyes glazed over and lips swollen red. No, it’s definitely not Evers.

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  THIRTY-SIX

  “WHO’S IN—” KELLY STEPS TOWARD ME.

  I turn and push him out the door, closing it behind me and trying to get the picture of Matthews out of my head. “Forget it. Let’s go.”

  “Mac, what the hell is going on?”

  “Just go back to the mess hall. I’ll be okay.”

  “Who was in the room?” He puts his hand on my arm when we get outside, stopping me.

  I jerk away from him. My hands are shaking and the dizziness is getting worse. Bekah is with Matthews now. “You want to make up for this?”

  “Yes. What can I do?” Kelly pleads.

  “Give me something I can use. Anything to help me fight them.”

  And then he does. He gives me the name of every single Pandora Society member at the DMA—Lyons, Matthews, Evers, Harper, Watkins, and more. Twelve in all.

  And Jonathan’s not one.

  I breathe a sigh of relief, committing the names to memory to tell Drill later. “Thank you.”

  “It’s the least I can do. I feel like shit, Mac.”

  I chuckle, even though it hurts like hell. “You think you feel like shit, try being my ribs for a few minutes. Now help me get to the chapel before I pass out.”

  Later, after Rev listened to Kelly’s confessions, I call Mom. Dad’s doing better and he’s started physical therapy. It’s a huge step. Just five minutes talking to her helped more than I could ever have thought possible. She sounds stronger and that helps me find the strength I need to show Drill the evidence of Matthews’s latest attempt to get me to quit.

  I slip out of my room after lights-out, not having to worry about sneaking past Bekah because she hasn’t come back to the room yet. Kelly’s joined Nix with tonight’s watch, his guilt driving him to join the Guard Sam platoon. He doesn’t ask questions, but follows us down the stairs and out into the night.

  Drill and Huff are hard at work in the weight room. I stand at the open door, watching Drill finish counting a set for him. “Good, Huff. You’re doing really good. You’ll be ready to test for Corps PT at the end of April when we do fitness tests.”

  “I don’t know about all that. . . .”

  “Don’t talk yourself down. You’ve worked really hard. Now, why don’t you get on the treadmill and run a 5k.”

  “Dude, you’re killing me.”

  Drill laughs and stretches his arms above his head.

  “Hey,” I say when Huff is on the treadmill, earbuds in, and Drill heads toward the water fountain.

  “It’s about time.” He notices Kelly and Nix standing near me. “Feeling better?”

  “No, not really.” I sit down on one of the weight machine seats and lean back, wincing as I stretch out my ribs a bit too much.

  He keeps his eyes on Kelly. “What’s he doing here?”

  “If you’d be quiet, maybe I could explain.”

  For a second, his mouth curls up on one side. “I’ll shut up.”

  “About time.” I smile, trying to let him know that it’s going to be okay. “Evers is out of the Society. Lyons is, too. Matthews has been promoted.”

  “What? How?”

  “I’ll explain everything, I promise. But you need to listen.” I look toward Kelly. He’s hanging his head and won’t meet Drill’s eyes. “Kelly’s done with it all, too. When I showed him my side he realized what was going on.”

  “Your side?” He takes a step toward me, concerned.

  My fingers shake as I reach for the hem of my PT shirt. I lift the edge of the fabric, pulling it up just enough so he can see the bruise.

  “What the hell happened?” He looks like he’s ready to murder someone. He uncurls one hand enough to rub the sweat off his forehead.

  I swallow. “Matthews. During the smoke show last night.”

  “Son of a bitch!” His right hand explodes outward, punching into the metal bar of the weight machine. It must hurt like he
ll, but he does it again.

  “Drill . . .”

  “I’m going to kill him.”

  I stand up, wincing at the movement, and step toward him, putting a hand on his chest. “I need you here right now.” I take a shaky breath, wondering how to proceed. “I think I’ve come up with a plan. Kelly says Jonathan had nothing to do with the Society—that Lyons was pressuring him to get me to quit all year. Jonathan said he needed proof. Well, here it is. Kelly’s named the twelve Corps members; we’ve got my medical charts. He can’t ignore the proof if we show him my side.”

  “Your brother isn’t talking to you and I don’t buy for one second that he wasn’t involved somehow.”

  He takes a step back, reaching into his pocket for his cell phone while I struggle out of my shirt, thanking God that I’d been able to manage changing into a sports bra earlier without needing Bekah’s help.

  After he takes three photos, from the front, the side, and the back, he helps me back into my shirt. “Ouch.” I wince.

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” I say quietly. I glance at Kelly and Nix, but they’d turned away when I took my shirt off and haven’t looked back yet. “I don’t want to complain about you touching me.”

  “Just wait until I’m not your drill sergeant anymore. You won’t be able to keep my hands off you,” he whispers.

  “I think I could be okay with that.”

  He tries to smile but he just ends up sighing. “Sam, if this doesn’t work . . .”

  “If it doesn’t work, then Jonathan’s lost control of the Corps and we’re in way more trouble than we thought.” I want to lean against him for just a second, borrow some of his strength. But I can’t, not yet. If I touch him now and then have to stop, I might forget how to stand on my own.

  Bekah is in bed but sits up when I get back from the armory. “Where have you been?” she asks, her voice wary.

  “Around,” I say.

  “You look like hell.”

  “Well, I feel like hell.”

  “Look, I don’t know what you think you saw today—”

  I flip on the light. “Are we really going to do this?”

  “You don’t know what’s going on.”

  “I have more of an idea than you think.” She’s working her way up the ranks of the Society to keep herself safe.

  “Me and Matthews . . .”

  “Are together now. I get it. Do you have any idea what they’ve done to me? Do you even care?”

  “Of course I care!”

  “And you’ve just let it happen?”

  “I thought they might give up after the snowball fight. Then Evers screwed everything up—”

  “Wait. You knew about that? You knew about that and didn’t do anything to stop it?”

  “They told me to disappear. I didn’t know about the iceballs until after it happened.”

  “What happens when they turn on you? You’re not their slave, Bekah. They expect us to do whatever they tell us to, and you’re just sliding right into that role.”

  She pales but doesn’t say anything.

  “Don’t look upset now. You’ve made your choice. You have to know it’s only a matter of time ’til they get rid of you, too.”

  She blinks her eyes quickly. “It was my choice to be with Evers. But,” she says, wiping at her eyes, “Matthews—”

  “Stop right there. No one’s making you date him.”

  “You’ve got it all worked out, don’t you? Making me out to be the bad one here? I may have started out enjoying it . . . but now . . . they’ve got too much on me. If I turn my back on them now, they’ll tell everyone what I’ve done. You know the rules. They’ll drum me out and then . . .”

  “Then what, Bekah? What do they have against you that’s so bad you’d let them hurt me like this?”

  She wipes her eyes. “If I get kicked out of here, I’m done. I go to jail.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I may have gotten a track scholarship to come here, but only after the ultimatum.” She sighs and starts at the beginning. “I was at a party that got out of hand. When my friends and I left, we were drunk. While I was driving, I hit someone. He didn’t die, but he’ll never walk again. The judge gave me two options. Juvie or military school. If I don’t make it here, I’m done. By the time I figured out what Evers was into, it was too late. They had too much on me. Now I’ve got to stay with Matthews. If I break up with him, he’ll force me out of the school. I don’t have a choice.”

  “You’ve always got a choice. Wilson’s going down with the Society. Kelly’s done with them.” Right now, Drill should be showing Jonathan pictures of my side and I’m praying Jonathan makes the right choice. Bekah’s got to do the same.

  “You don’t understand. . . .”

  “I want you out of this room.”

  “What?”

  “You may not think you have a choice, but I know I’ve got one. I want you out. Gone. I don’t care where the hell you go. Move in with Matthews for all I care.”

  She’s standing now, taking a step toward me. “Mac . . .”

  “I’m sorry, Bekah. I really am. But if you’re not going to walk away from them, we’re done.” She may not be directly involved, but she’s connected enough that I won’t ever trust her. “Stay away from me. Stay away from Kelly. And tell your precious Society boyfriends that they’re done threatening me. Now”—I grab her by the arm and open the door—“get out.”

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  THIRTY-SEVEN

  THEY’RE WATCHING ME. THE PEOPLE KELLY WARNED ME about: Matthews, Evers, Lyons, Watkins, Harper, Wilson, and the others. One of them is never far from me, scooting in behind me in the mess hall line, waiting outside my classroom buildings, standing on the PG at night, just staring up at my window.

  Kelly’s not getting off easy, either. His room is destroyed every day while he’s in class and we’re awakened every night with pounding on his doors. His eyes are bloodshot but still he refuses to take a day off Guard Sam duty.

  Matthews has been absent from deck the past few days, but he’s still on campus. Jax can’t find any information and Jonathan still won’t talk to me. The tension is thick, rising with the heat of April. It feels like everyone is just waiting for something to happen.

  “Did you hear me, Mac? We should head back to the barracks.” Nix is packing up his books.

  I can’t sleep. I can’t eat.

  “What’s the hurry?” I glance down to my paper, covered only in doodles. Great. Another study hall wasted.

  “Drill wanted us back on deck early. Remember?”

  I don’t, but that doesn’t mean much. Minutes, hours, and days blend together in a haze of exhaustion and pain, though the pain is a little less each day. Outside, Nix has to grab my arm to catch me as I stumble up the stairs. “You need to sleep, Mac. You can’t keep staying up all night.”

  “They stand outside my window twenty-four/seven and they bang on Kelly’s door all hours of the night. I can’t sleep knowing they’re there.”

  “I’ve got watch tonight,” he says. “Give me your key and I’ll come in. I’ll sit by the window if it would make things better.”

  We’re at my door now, and I erase my destination on the whiteboard.

  “Good, you’re here,” Drill says, walking on deck.

  Nix snaps to attention and I sort of slide into it, though my hands aren’t lined up with the seams of my pants and I know he’s going to notice.

  “Is she okay?” Drill confronts Nix, as if he had something to do with the state I’m in.

  “She hasn’t slept in days. The Society isn’t doing anything, but they’re everywhere.”

  “Hey.” Drill is looking at me now, his blue eyes so strong I just want to sink into them. “It’s going to be okay. Your brother is coming up on deck to make the announcem
ent. It worked. Your plan worked.”

  I blink, the words not registering.

  Nix talks for me. “Matthews is gone?”

  “He must be. I was about to call the company out on the wall. Just stay here.”

  I nod because it sounds too good to be true. For once, Jonathan is going to do something right. I breathe a little easier, imagining the full night’s sleep I’ll get to have tonight.

  “On the wall, Worms,” Drill says, his voice echoing down the hall. My recruit buddies pop out on the hall, one by one, standing at attention. Kelly comes to stand on the other side of me. Bekah slides in next to him but keeps her eyes focused on the ground.

  Jonathan appears at the end of the hall and I try to catch his eye. He’s in full cadet colonel mode, though, and won’t break his stance, or his stare, to look at me. I’ll thank him later, though. I’ll get Rev to set up another meeting so that I can make sure he understands how much this means to me.

  “Attention on deck!” Drill’s voice booms from the end of the hallway and I stand a little straighter.

  Jonathan marches on deck, his steps slow and even, looking every inch the person in command that he was the first day of Hell Week. “Good evening, Alpha.”

  “Colonel McKenna, good evening, Colonel McKenna!” We sound strong, sure of ourselves.

  “Take an eye,” he says.

  We continue standing at attention, but each of us turns to look at Jonathan.

  “I’m sure you’ve all heard the rumors around campus about one of your corporals. Before you all arrived on campus, I trained each and every member of the cadre. I explained what was expected of them, how they were chosen leaders of this institution and that everything they did from that day forward would be an example of the DMA as a whole.” He takes a breath, scanning my company but skipping over me without meeting my gaze.

  “Unfortunately, every so often one or two cadets decide to take training into their own hands. This is against the rules of the DMA and when it happens those cadets are taken before the disciplinary committee.”

  I stop breathing. The disciplinary committee? No, he was supposed to take it to the commandant. He was supposed to take it to the board of directors. I look frantically up and down the hall for Drill. He’s standing in the stairwell, flanked by Lyons and another Society member, his face wiped clean of emotion. The floor tilts beneath me and I have to lean on the wall to keep from falling.