“Aydan.” He stopped massaging, and I opened my eyes to see him regarding me seriously. “Webb’s a good kid, an’ I like him. If I thought there was gonna be a problem, I’d already be there.”
“Oh.” Relief melted me, and I relaxed into his kiss. “Okay. Thanks.”
A few increasingly hungry kisses later, I pulled away to eye him seriously, my pulse picking up at the thought of what I was about to suggest.
He gave me a half-smile, his gaze searching mine. “What, darlin’? Ya look like ya got somethin’ on your mind.”
“I… do…” I hesitated. “I’m going to suggest something, and feel free to say no.”
His smile widened. “Gettin’ your kink on, darlin’? Sounds interestin’. Lay it on me.”
“Well…” I propped my chin on his chest. “You know how last night I said that when we’re in bed together I feel like you’re always holding back?”
His smile dimmed, wariness lurking in his eyes. “Yeah…”
“I was wondering what it would be like for you if you didn’t have to hold back. If you could just… let go. Full strength.”
“No.” He tensed, his expression closing down. “Ya don’t know how strong I really am, Aydan. Ya don’t know… what I might do.”
“No, calm down.” I sprinkled kisses over his cheeks. “I have a pretty damn good idea of how strong you are, and I don’t even want to think about you letting loose on me. That’s not what I’m suggesting.”
“Oh…” He drew a deep hitching breath and let it out slowly, the tension receding from his body. “Okay. Sorry, darlin’, that… pushed a few buttons. Go ahead, I’m listenin’.”
“What if… I tied you down? Not to hurt you or dominate you; you’d still be in control and I’d do whatever you wanted. Just… so you could react without being afraid you’d hurt me. So you could just let go.”
When he said nothing, I added softly, “I know what it’s like to feel like you’re constantly holding back. To feel like… like… you’ll burst out of your skin if you can’t do something full force, full strength. That’s why I work out so hard.”
He blinked, looking surprised. “Ya feel that way, too?”
“Yeah.”
“I… I dunno, Aydan. It sounds… great, but…”
“Don’t feel you need to do it because I asked.” I leaned down to kiss him. “It’s not a turn-on for me, and I don’t want to try it unless you think you’ll like it. And of course I’d make sure you could get free in case anything went wrong. I don’t want to take your control away.”
“But…” Hellhound swallowed, his gaze locked on mine in a mixture of fear and hunger. “But, Aydan… what if…” He swallowed again and looked away. “What if I like it?” he whispered, his words barely audible.
“That’s the whole point.” I kissed him again. “If you like it, great, we’ll do it some more. If you don’t, we’ll stop. You’re calling the shots here.”
He blinked, then laughed. “Fuck, you’re right, darlin’. Guess I got hung up on the tyin’-up part. I was thinkin’ about BDSM.”
“Oh. No.” I shuddered. “No, that whole domination-and-pain thing just… just no. I don’t think I could do that even if you wanted it.”
He grinned, mischief sparkling in his eyes. “So basically you’re offerin’ to do whatever I want, an’ all I gotta do is lie back an’ enjoy it.”
I mirrored his grin. “That about covers it.”
“Well, shit, darlin’, get out the ropes. I’m all yours.”
“Oh. Ropes. Well, that might put a crimp in it.” I frowned at the featureless hotel bed. Only a mattress with a solid headboard glued to the wall. “No place to attach any tie-downs.”
“No problem.” Hellhound rolled out of bed and delved into his duffel bag, coming up with a couple of coils of climbing rope. “Had this with me when we were searchin’ the woods up at Rocky Mountain House. We can just run the ropes under the mattress an’ tie me down to that.”
“Okay, that’ll work.” I took the ropes and hesitated. “If you’re sure…”
He grinned and lifted the mattress. “Get those ropes under here, darlin’. I got good times waitin’ for me.”
A few minutes later the bedcovers were in a heap on the floor and Hellhound lay spread-eagled on the bed, wrists and ankles tethered securely but with enough slack to reach the nightstand where the cutters lay.
Smiling down at him, I circled the bed. “Okay, I guess I lied about the turn-on part.” Eyeing the delicious tattooed muscles laid out for my gratification, I shivered as heat flooded me. “I didn’t think it would, but this is totally turning me on.”
“Same here, darlin’.”
His growl made me shiver again, and I ran a slow hand up the inside of his thigh, enjoying the hard evidence of his arousal. “Yeah, I can see that.” Caressing him teasingly, I leaned closer. “What do you want me to do?”
He let out a raspy purr, his eyes half-closing in the sleepy-eyed smile I knew so well. “Touch yourself, darlin’.”
Kneeling onto the bed between his legs, I circled my hands slowly over my breasts. “Like this? Or…” I slid my hand down my stomach, then lower. “Like this?”
“Yeah, darlin’. Oh, yeah…”
“Or…” I bent forward, squeezing my breasts together around his erection and rocking back and forth. “Like this?”
“Christ, Aydan…” He pulsed hard against me once; twice; three times, his breath accelerating. Then he went still and rasped, “Stop.”
I sat up, worry lancing through me. “Are you okay? Should I untie you?”
“Nah, I’m good.” He squeezed his eyes briefly shut, his chest rising and falling with his rapid breathing. “But this ain’t gonna work. These ropes ain’t enough to hold me down.” He bounced his hips a couple of times in demonstration. “I could still really hurt ya.”
“I’ll be careful,” I began, but he interrupted.
“No. It ain’t safe. Just gimme a hand job. I got some lube in my duffel.”
“Okay.” I swung off the bed and located the bottle in question, then turned back to the bed. Slicking my palms, I grinned. “Any last requests, soldier?”
He grinned back, muscles flexing against the ropes. “Yeah. Polish my flagpole, recruit. An’ watch me… ahhhh…” He sucked in a breath as I knelt beside him and went to work. “Watch me… salute… the flag…”
Stroking him slowly, I watched his muscles tighten, his eyes closing and fists clenching.
“Faster,” he rasped, and when I complied his hips bucked with my rhythm. The ropes tightened on his arms and legs, massive muscles bulging.
“Both… hands… Tighter!” His voice came out raw between laboured gasps. Slamming up into my grip over and over, his body strained against the ropes. “Harder!”
As if the single harsh command had shattered the last of his control, he fought his bonds, snarling and battering himself up into my hands. The hard slap of flesh on flesh recalled memories better forgotten, and fear arrowed into my veins as his thrusts grew even more savage.
God, what if I had ignored his warnings? I’d be bleeding by now…
His contorted face was almost unrecognizable, consumed by the beast within. Heart hammering, I fought for balance against the violent jerking of the bed. The ropes scored the edges of the mattress and it curled inward, no match for his immense strength.
My trickle of fear gushed into an icy torrent. What had I unleashed?
Suddenly he went still, panting. His muscles slowly relaxed, and he opened his eyes and spoke in normal tones.
“Ya can untie me now, darlin’.”
Trembling, I backed off the bed.
Frenzy to serenity in an instant. Could I trust the change?
Or had I freed the brutal animal he had warned me about?
“Ya can hold your gun on me if ya want,” he said quietly, sadness shadowing his face.
I wiped my hands on the sheet and approached cautiously to look down at him. “D
o I need to?”
“Nah, but do it if it’ll make ya feel safer.”
Looking deeply into his eyes, I could see only my own gentle Arnie. I drew a breath and went to work on the knots with shaking fingers.
When he was free, he lay without moving and fear prickled the back of my neck again.
“Arnie, are you okay?” I knelt cautiously beside him, taking his hand in both of mine and shivering at the angry rope burn around his wrist.
“I’m okay, darlin’. I just didn’t wanna make any sudden moves ‘til ya were feelin’ a little safer.” He brought my hand to his lips and brushed soft whiskery kisses over my knuckles. “I scared ya. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize.” I stretched out beside him, cuddling close. “You did scare me a bit. What happened?” I nodded downward, where he was still hard despite the reddened marks where my hands had struck his belly over and over. “You didn’t get off. Why did you stop?”
He moved at last, closing his arms gently around me. I laid my head on his chest and he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I didn’t get off ‘cause I wasn’t… gettin’ off. If ya know what I mean.”
“Not really.”
“I thought I was gonna like it,” he said slowly. “An’ I did, at first. An’ then The Animal came out…” He hesitated, then explained, “I call him The Animal. He’s different than The Killer. The Killer comes out when I’m snipin’…”
“And yesterday, when you killed that archer,” I agreed. “I call him The Killer, too.”
“Ya saw him?” Hellhound stiffened. “What… how can ya tell?”
“I can see him in your eyes and hear him in your voice. He’s completely emotionless. He does whatever he has to do without hesitation. Without remorse.” I stroked his rigid arm. “Does he… Does it bother you when he comes out?”
“I… no, I…” He leaned up onto one elbow, frowning down at me. “Shit, Aydan, ya knew that shit was inside me, an’ ya still…” He waved an inarticulate gesture at our naked bodies.
“I’ve known for a long time,” I said softly. “But I’ve never been afraid of you because I know you’re always in control. I thought…” I looked deep into his eyes. “I thought it might be the only way you can protect yourself. The real, true you; the gentle guy I know. The Killer protects you from the awful stuff you have to do.”
Hellhound sagged back again and lay staring at the ceiling. “Yeah… I guess. Never thought of it that way. I always thought he was in there fightin’ to get out. An’ that’s what I thought about The Animal, too. I hated havin’ him inside me. Whenever I thought about him, he had my ol’ man’s face. But…” He stared fixedly at the ceiling, tensing as if to brace for my reaction. “I… I need him, too. Sometimes… in combat… The Killer ain’t enough by himself.”
“I get it.” I traced slow fingertip-circles on his chest until he relaxed again. “So The Animal came out, but then you stopped him. Why? Was he scaring you?”
“Nah, he only scares me when I think he might get out an’ hurt somebody I care about. An’ I knew he couldn’t get to ya ‘cause a’ the ropes.” He pressed another gentle kiss to my forehead, sorrow darkening his eyes. “An’ I knew ya were scared enough that if he did get loose, you’d do what ya hadta do.”
I didn’t deny it. “So why did you stop?”
He smiled, the darkness lifting. “’Cause I found out somethin’ about The Animal I never knew before. I never worry about The Killer ‘cause he’s always under control, but The Animal… I’m always holdin’ onto him for all I’m worth. Afraid to let up even for a second. But…”
His smile widened, and for the first time I saw peace in his eyes. “Even when I totally let him go, he wasn’t thinkin’ of how he could get loose and hurt ya. He was just…” he shrugged. “…doin’ what he does. He ain’t my ol’ man after all. He doesn’t get off on hurtin’ people, even though he has to sometimes.”
My throat tightened and my voice came out choked with emotion. “I’m so glad you’re finally free of your old man. Good riddance to that asshole.”
Arnie’s arms tightened around me. “An’ that’s why I stopped, ‘cause I don’t need to get off that way. It’s ‘way more fun when we’re playin’ together.” His voice softened. “An’ the best thing is, now I know there ain’t any part a’ me that wants to hurt ya.”
Realization dawned and I sat up, staring down at him. “That’s what you meant. When you said, ‘What if I like it’. It wasn’t anything to do with BDSM. You were afraid if you let The Animal out, he’d be excited by the thought of hurting me.”
He turned his face away, but not before I saw the truth in his eyes.
“Oh, Arnie, I’m sorry!” I clutched his hand, my heart breaking for him. “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to push you past your limits. I thought I was doing something you’d like.”
“Shhh.” He pulled me back down to his chest, stroking my hair. “Ya didn’t push me, darlin’. I went there ‘cause I wanted to.” His chest rose and fell in a heavy sigh. “Needed to. After ya trusted me so much last night, I hadta know if it was time to push ya away once an’ for all.” He kissed the top of my head again. “Or if I could trust myself enough to let ya trust me.”
“But… what do you mean?” I leaned up on one elbow and frowned down at him. “I didn’t do anything special last night. Nothing I didn’t do when you killed your da- …your old man, anyway.”
“Yeah, ya did.” He smoothed the hair back from my cheek with gentle fingertips. “An’ ya didn’t even notice.”
“What are you talking about?”
He smiled. “When we first got together ya told me ya didn’t need me an’ you’d never need anybody ever again. You’ve said ‘I need ya’ to me lotsa times, but only when you’re wantin’ one part a’ me real bad.” He gave me a wicked wink and bounced his hips suggestively before sobering again. “But last night, ya trusted me enough to say ya needed me outside of bed. Just askin’ for comfort. For the very first time.”
“Oh.” A peculiar mixture of warmth and fear swamped my heart. “What does… Does that mean one of us needs to run for the hills?”
Hellhound chuckled. “Nah, I think we’re good, darlin’. You’re lookin’ panicked enough for both of us.” He sobered. “An’ I never thought I’d say this, but I’m okay with ya needin’ me a bit every now an’ then. Just don’t do it too often or I’ll freak the fuck out.”
I let out a long breath of relief, slumping back into his arms. “Thanks, Arnie.”
Chapter 50
“So, darlin’…” Hellhound’s hand coasted down my side and up the curve of my hip. “What time d’ya wanna get back to the farm?”
I craned my neck to peek at the clock-radio on the nightstand. “It’s only nine…” Reluctance warring with duty, I pressed my forehead against his shoulder. “I should go back now. What kind of hostess lets her guests fend for themselves for breakfast? I should be there to make sure everybody gets fed…”
“That’s a lotta ‘shoulds’,” he murmured against my neck, his whiskers sending a cascade of delicious shivers through my body. “What d’ya really wanna do?”
“Honestly?” I raised my head to meet his gaze. “All that chaos last night, and Daniel running around? I just want to stay here in this hotel room until they all go away.”
He chuckled. “How ‘bout we compromise? I’ll make it all go away for ya for a little while…” His hand rounded my hip in a feather-light caress. “…an’ then I’ll come with ya to the farm an’ help ya sort things out.”
“Would you really?” I stared at him. “I thought you were allergic to weddings.”
He twitched. “Stop sayin’ that word. I ain’t goin’ to a weddin’. I’m gonna be workin’ security for a big backyard party.”
“Okay, that works for me,” I agreed. “But first…” I let my hand drift downward. “I seem to recall I have some unfinished business here.”
He rumbled satisfaction as my palm b
umped over his abs, my fingertips circling down through the rough hair below his belly button.
“Ahh, that’s what I’m talkin’ about,” he breathed as I reached my goal. Then he twitched again. “Just go easy there, darlin’. I got some tender spots for some reason.”
“Gee, I wonder why?” I agreed. “You’d better talk to that Animal of yours.”
He chuckled and eased me onto my back. “I’d rather talk to your animal.” Blazing a trail of kisses down my throat, he teased, “Now lemme see, where did I see it last? Was it… here?”
Gently capturing my hand, he kissed his way up the tender inside of my wrist, smooth lips and rough whiskers playing a symphony of shivery pleasure on my skin.
“Mmmm…” My body melted, my eyes half-closing.
His kisses turned to teasing nibbles as he worked up my arm and around my shoulder to unerringly find the magic spot at my collarbone.
“Ohmigod, Arnie…” Riding the tide of rising heat, I ran greedy hands over his hard shoulders, then down his back to grip the ridges of muscle and pull him closer.
The sexy rasp of his chuckle against my throat turned into a purr as he traced a line of heat up to my lips. Slow tantalizing kisses gradually deepened, alternately teasing and urging with the sensual artistry of a gifted blues musician.
When his kisses wandered down my throat to explore the sensitive skin of my cleavage, I lost my breath. A whimper of need choked from my throat, my body begging for his touch.
Lips and whiskers traced closer.
Paused for an exquisite instant…
His hot mouth closed over my nipple, his dexterous tongue flicking. Gasping, I arched into him only to writhe in pleasure as he cupped my other breast at the same time, gently rolling its nipple between his fingertips. Sensation jolted downward, igniting the liquid heat between my legs.
When he relinquished my nipple to trail kisses down my body I moaned at the loss, but a moment later his hand took its place. His kisses marched lower, then lower still while his hands worked their magic on my breasts.
The Spies That Bind Page 40