Tommy and Grizel

by J. M. Barrie

  CHAPTER XIV

  ELSPETH

  Ever since the beginning of the book we have been neglecting Elspethso pointedly that were she not the most forgiving creature we shouldbe afraid to face her now. You are not angry with us, are you,Elspeth? We have been sitting with you, talking with you, thinking ofyou between the chapters, and the only reason why you have so seldomgot into them is that our pen insisted on running after yourfascinating brother.

  (That is the way to get round her.)

  Tommy, it need not be said, never neglected her. The mere fact of hishaving an affair of his own at present is a sure sign that she iscomfortable, for, unless all were well with Elspeth, no venture couldhave lured him from her side. "Now I am ready for you," he said to theworld when Elspeth had been, figuratively speaking, put to sleep; butuntil she was nicely tucked up the world had to wait. He was still asin his boyhood, when he had to see her with a good book in her handbefore he could set off on deeds of darkness. If this was but thestory of a brother and sister, there were matter for it that wouldmake the ladies want to kiss Tommy on the brow.

  That Dr. Gemmell disliked or at least distrusted him, Tommy knewbefore their acquaintance was an hour old; yet that same evening hehad said cordially to Elspeth:

  "This young doctor has a strong face."

  She was evidently glad that Tommy had noticed it. "Do you think himhandsome?" she inquired.

  "Decidedly so," he replied, very handsomely, for it is an indiscreetquestion to ask of a plain man.

  There was nothing small about Tommy, was there? He spoke thusmagnanimously because he had seen that the doctor liked Elspeth, andthat she liked him for liking her. Elspeth never spoke to him of suchthings, but he was aware that an extra pleasure in life came to herwhen she was admired; it gave her a little of the self-confidence sheso wofully lacked; the woman in her was stirred. Take such presents asthese to Elspeth, and Tommy would let you cast stones at himself forthe rest of the day, and shake your hand warmly on parting. InLondon Elspeth had always known quickly, almost at the first clash ofeyes, whether Tommy's friends were attracted by her, but she had notknown sooner than he. Those acquaintanceships had seldom ripened; butperhaps this was because, though he and she avoided talking of them,he was all the time taking such terrifying care of her. She was alwayslittle Elspeth to him, for whom he had done everything since thebeginning of her, a frail little female counterpart of himself thatwould never have dared to grow up had he not always been there to showher the way, like a stronger plant in the same pot. It was evenpathetic to him that Elspeth should have to become a woman while hewas a man, and he set to, undaunted, to help her in this matter also.To be admired of men is a woman's right, and he knew it gratifiedElspeth; therefore he brought them in to admire her. But beyondprofound respect they could not presume to go, he was watching them sovigilantly. He had done everything for her so far, and it was evidentthat he was now ready to do the love-making also, or at least to siftit before it reached her. Elspeth saw this, and perhaps it annoyed heronce or twice, though on the whole she was deeply touched; and theyoung gentlemen saw it also: they saw that he would not leave themalone with her for a moment, and that behind his cordial manner sat aTommy who had his eye on them. Subjects suitable for conversationbefore Elspeth seemed in presence of this strict brother to belimited. You had just begun to tell her the plot of the new novel whenT. Sandys fixed you with his gleaming orb. You were in the middle ofthe rumour about Mrs. Golightly when he let the poker fall. If thenewsboys were yelling the latest horror he quickly closed the window.He made all visitors self-conscious. If she was not in the room few ofthem dared to ask if she was quite well. They paled before expressingthe hope that she would feel stronger to-morrow. Yet when Tommy wentup to sit beside her, which was the moment the front door closed, hetook care to mention, incidentally, that they had been inquiring afterher. One of them ventured on her birthday to bring her flowers, butcould not present them, Tommy looked so alarming. A still more daringspirit once went the length of addressing her by her Christian name.She did not start up haughtily (the most timid of women are a surpriseat times), but the poker fell with a crash.

  He knew Elspeth so well that he could tell exactly how these pooryoung men should approach her. As an artist as well as a brother, hefrowned when they blundered. He would have liked to be the mediumthrough which they talked, so that he could give looks and words theirproper force. He had thought it all out so thoroughly for Elspeth'sbenefit that in an hour he could have drawn out a complete guide forher admirers.

  "At the first meeting look at her wistfully when she does not see you.She will see you." It might have been Rule One.

  Rule Two: "Don't talk so glibly." How often that was what the pokermeant!

  Being herself a timid creature, Elspeth showed best among the timid,because her sympathetic heart immediately desired to put them at theirease. The more glibly they could talk, the less, she knew, were theyimpressed by her. Even a little boorishness was more complimentarythan chatter. Sometimes when she played on the piano which Tommy hadhired for her, the visitor was so shy that he could not even mutter"Thank you" to his hat; yet she might play to him again, and not tothe gallant who remarked briskly: "How very charming! What is thatcalled?"

  To talk disparagingly of other women is so common a way among men ofpenetrating into the favour of one that, of course, some tried it withElspeth. Tommy could not excuse such blundering, for they were makingher despise them. He got them out of the house, and then he and shehad a long talk, not about them, but about men and women in general,from which she gathered once again that there was nobody like Tommy.

  When they bade each other good-night, she would say to him: "I thinkyou are the one perfect gentleman in the world."

  Or he might say: "You expect so much of men, Elspeth."

  To which her reply: "You have taught me to do it, and now I expectothers to be like you." Sometimes she would even say: "When I see youso fond of me, and taking such care of me, I am ashamed. You think meso much better than I am. You consider me so pure and good, while Iknow that I am often mean, and even have wicked thoughts. It makes meashamed, but so proud of you, for I see that you are judging me byyourself."

  And then this Tommy would put the gas out softly and go to his ownroom, and, let us hope, blush a little.

  One stripling had proposed to Elspeth, and on her agitatedly declininghim, had flung out of the room in a pet. It spoiled all herafter-thoughts on the subject, and so roused her brother's indignationwith the fellow. If the great baby had only left all the arrangementsto Tommy, he could so easily have made that final scene one whichElspeth would remember with gratification for the remainder of herdays; for, of course, pride in the offer could not be great unless sheretained her respect for the man who made it. From the tremulousproposal and the manly acceptance of his fate to his dignified exit("Don't grieve for me, Miss Sandys; you never gave me the leastencouragement, and to have loved you will always make me a betterman"), even to a touching way of closing the door with one long, last,lingering look, Tommy could have fitted him like a tailor.

  From all which it will be seen that our splendid brother thoughtexclusively of what was best for Elspeth, and was willing that thegentlemen, having served their purpose, should, if it pleased them, gohang. Also, though he thought out every other possible move for thesuitor, it never struck him to compose a successful proposal, for thesimple reason that he was quite certain Elspeth would have none ofthem. Their attentions pleased her; but exchange Tommy for one ofthem--never! He knew it from her confessions at all stages of herlife; he had felt it from the days when he began to be father andmother to her as well as brother. In his heart he believed there wassomething of his own odd character in Elspeth which made her asincapable of loving as himself, and some of his devotion to her wasdue to this belief; for perhaps nothing touches us to the quick morethan the feeling that another suffers under our own curse; certainlynothing draws two souls so close together in a lonely comradeship. Butthough
Tommy had reflected about these things, he did not troubleElspeth with his conclusions. He merely gave her to understand that heloved her and she loved him so much that neither of them had any loveto give to another. It was very beautiful, Elspeth thought, and alittle tragic.

  "You are quite sure that you mean that," she might ask timidly, "andthat you are not flinging away your life on me?"

  "You are all I need," he answered cheerily, and he believed it. Or, ifhe was in another mood, he might reflect that perhaps he wasabstaining from love for Elspeth's sake, and that made him cheeryalso.

  And now David Gemmell was the man, and Tommy genially forgave him allelse for liking Elspeth. He invited the doctor, who so obviouslydistrusted him, to drop in of an evening for a game at the dambrod(which they both abominated, but it was an easy excuse); he asked himconfidentially to come in and see Aaron, who had been coughing lastnight; he put on all the airs of a hail-fellow-well-met, though theynever became him, and sat awkwardly on his face. David always seemedeager to come, and tried to rise above his suspicions of Tommy, asTommy saw, and failed, as Tommy saw again. Elspeth dosed the doctorwith stories of her brother's lovely qualities, and Tommy, theforgiving, honestly pitied the poor man for having to listen to them.He knew that if all went well Gemmell would presently propose, andfind that Elspeth (tearful at having to strike a blow) could notaccept him; but he did not look forward maliciously to this as hisrevenge on the doctor; he was thinking merely of what was good forElspeth.

  There was no open talk about David between the brother and sister.Some day, Tommy presumed, she would announce that the doctor had askedher to marry him; and oh, how sorry she was; and oh, what a good manhe was; and oh, Tommy knew she had never encouraged him; and oh, shecould never leave Tommy! But until that day arrived they avoidedtalking directly about what brought Gemmell there. That he came to seeElspeth neither of them seemed to conceive as possible. Did Tommychuckle when he saw David's eyes following her? No; solemn as a catblinking at the fire; noticed nothing. The most worldly chaperon, themost loving mother, could not have done more for Elspeth. Yet it wasnot done to find her a husband, but quite the reverse, as we haveseen. On reflection Tommy must smile at what he has been doing, butnot while he is working the figures. The artist never smiles athimself until afterwards.

  And now he not only wondered at times how Elspeth and David weregetting on, but whether she noticed how he was getting on with Grizel;for in matters relating to Tommy Elspeth was almost as sharp as he inmatters that related to her, and he knew it. When he proposed toElspeth that they should ask Gemmell to go fishing with them on themorrow ("He has been overworked of late and it would do him good") hewanted to add, in a careless voice, "We might invite Grizel also," butcould not; his lips suddenly went dry. And when Elspeth said the wordsthat were so difficult to him, he wondered, "Did she say that becauseshe knew I wished it?" But he decided that she did not, for she wasevidently looking forward to to-morrow, and he knew she would beshuddering if she thought her Tommy was slipping.

  "I am so glad it was she who asked me," Grizel said to him when hetold her. "Don't you see what it means? It means that she wants to getyou out of the way! You are not everything to her now as you used tobe. Are you glad, glad?"

  "If I could believe it!" Tommy said.

  "What else could make her want to be alone with him?"

  Nothing else could have made Grizel want to be alone with him, andshe must always judge others by herself. But Tommy knew that Elspethwas different, and that a girl with some of himself in her might wantto be alone with a man who admired her without wanting to marry him.