Tommy and Grizel

by J. M. Barrie

  CHAPTER XXI

  THE ATTEMPT TO CARRY ELSPETH BY NUMBERS

  That was one of Grizel's beautiful days, but there were others tofollow as sweet, if not so exciting; she could travel back through thelong length of them without coming once to a moment when she had heldher breath in sudden fear; and this was so delicious that shesometimes thought these were the best days of all.

  Of course she had little anxieties, but they were nearly all aboutDavid. He was often at Aaron's house now, and what exercised her wasthis--that she could not be certain that he was approaching Elspeth inthe right way. The masterful Grizel seemed to have come to life again,for, evidently, she was convinced that she alone knew the right way.

  "Oh, David, I would not have said that to her!" she told him, when hereported progress; and now she would warn him, "You are too humble,"and again, "You were over-bold." The doctor, to his bewilderment,frequently discovered, on laying results before her, that what he hadlooked upon as encouraging signs were really bad, and that, on theother hand, he had often left the cottage disconsolately when he oughtto have been strutting. The issue was that he lost all faith in hisown judgment, and if Grizel said that he was getting on well, his facebecame foolishly triumphant, but if she frowned, it cried, "All isover!"

  Of the proposal Tommy did not know; it seemed to her that she had noright to tell even him of that; but the rest she did tell him: thatDavid, by his own confession, was in love with Elspeth; and so pleasedwas Tommy that his delight made another day for her to cherish.

  So now everything depended on Elspeth. "Oh, if she only would!" Grizelcried, and for her sake Tommy tried to look bright, but his head shookin spite of him.

  "Do you mean that we should discourage David?" she asked dolefully;but he said No to that.

  "I was afraid," she confessed, "that as you are so hopeless, you mightthink it your duty to discourage him so as to save him the pain of arefusal."

  "Not at all," Tommy said, with some hastiness.

  "Then you do really have a tiny bit of hope?"

  "While there is life there is hope," he answered.

  She said: "I have been thinking it over, for it is so important to us,and I see various ways in which you could help David, if you would."

  "What would I not do, Grizel! You have to name them only."

  "Well, for instance, you might show her that you have a very highopinion of him."

  "Agreed. But she knows that already."

  "Then, David is an only child. Don't you think you could say that menwho have never had a sister are peculiarly gentle and considerate towomen?"

  "Oh, Grizel! But I think I can say that."

  "And--and that having been so long accustomed to doing everything forthemselves, they don't need managing wives as men brought up amongwomen need them."

  "Yes. But how cunning you are, Grizel! Who would have believed it?"

  "And then----" She hesitated.

  "Go on. I see by your manner that this is to be a big one."

  "It would be such a help," she said eagerly, "if you could be just alittle less attentive to her. I know you do ever so much of thehousework because she is not fond of it; and if she has a headache yousit with her all day; and you beg her to play and sing to you, thoughyou really dislike music. Oh, there are scores of things you do forher, and if you were to do them a little less willingly, in such a wayas to show her that they interrupt your work and are a slight trial toyou, I--I am sure that would help!"

  "She would see through me, Grizel. Elspeth is sharper than you thinkher."

  "Not if you did it very skilfully."

  "Then she would believe I had grown cold to her, and it would breakher heart."

  "One of your failings," replied Grizel, giving him her hand for amoment as recompense for what she was about to say, "is that you thinkwomen's hearts break so easily. If, at the slightest sign that shenotices any change in you, you think her heart is breaking, and seizeher in your arms, crying, 'Elspeth, dear little Elspeth!'--and that iswhat your first impulse would be----"

  "How well you know me, Grizel!" groaned Sentimental Tommy.

  "If that would be the result," she went on, "better not do it at all.But if you were to restrain yourself, then she could not but reflectthat many of the things you did for her with a sigh David did forpleasure, and she would compare him and you--"

  "To my disadvantage?" Tommy exclaimed, with sad incredulity. "Do youreally think she could, Grizel?"

  "Give her the chance," Grizel continued, "and if you find it hard, youmust remember that what you are doing is for her good."

  "And for ours," Tommy cried fervently.

  Every promise he made her at this time he fulfilled, and more; he washopeless, but all a man could do to make Elspeth love David he did.

  The doctor was quite unaware of it. "Fortunately, her brother had aheadache yesterday and was lying down," he told Grizel, with calmbrutality, "so I saw her alone for a few minutes."

  "The fibs I have to invent," said Tommy, to the same confidante, "toget myself out of their way!"

  "Luckily he does not care for music," David said, "so when she is atthe piano he sometimes remains in the kitchen talking to Aaron."

  Tommy and Aaron left together! Tommy described those scenes with muchgood humour. "I was amazed at first," he said to Grizel, "to findAaron determinedly enduring me, but now I understand. He wants what wewant. He says not a word about it, but he is watching those twocourting like a born match-maker. Aaron has several reasons for hopingthat Elspeth will get our friend (as he would express it): one, thatthis would keep her in Thrums; another, that to be the wife of adoctor is second only in worldly grandeur to marrying the manse; andthirdly and lastly, because he is convinced that it would be such astaggerer to me. For he thinks I have not a notion of what is goingon, and that, if I had, I would whisk her away to London."

  He gave Grizel the most graphic, solemn pictures of those evenings inthe cottage. "Conceive the four of us gathered round the kitchenfire--three men and a maid; the three men yearning to know what is inthe maid's mind, and each concealing his anxiety from the others.Elspeth gives the doctor a look which may mean much or nothing, and heglares at me as if I were in the way, and I glance at Aaron, and he ison tenterhooks lest I have noticed anything. Next minute, perhaps,David gives utterance to a plaintive sigh, and Aaron and I pounce uponElspeth (with our eyes) to observe its effect on her, and Elspethwonders why Aaron is staring, and he looks apprehensively at me, and Iam gazing absent-mindedly at the fender.

  "You may smile, Grizel," Tommy would say, "and now that I think of it,I can smile myself, but we are an eerie quartet at the time. When thestrain becomes unendurable, one of us rises and mends the fire withhis foot, and then I think the rest of us could say 'Thank you.' Wetalk desperately for a little after that, but soon again the awfulpall creeps down."

  "If I were there," cried Grizel, "I would not have the parlourstanding empty all this time."

  "We are coming to the parlour," Tommy replies impressively. "Theparlour, Grizel, now begins to stir. Elspeth has disappeared from thekitchen, we three men know not whither. We did not notice her go; wedon't even observe that she has gone--we are too busy looking at thefire. By and by the tremulous tinkling of an aged piano reaches usfrom an adjoining chamber, and Aaron looks at me through his fingers,and I take a lightning glance at Mr. David, and he uncrosses his legsand rises, and sits down again. Aaron, in the most unconcerned way,proceeds to cut tobacco and rub it between his fingers, and I stretchout my legs and contemplate them with passionate approval. While weare thus occupied David has risen, and he is so thoroughly at his easethat he has begun to hum. He strolls round the kitchen, looking withsudden interest at the mantelpiece ornaments; he reads, for thehundredth time, the sampler on the wall. Next the clock engages hisattention; it is ticking, and that seems to impress him as novel andcurious. By this time he has reached the door; it opens to his touch,and in a fit of abstraction he leaves the room."

  "You don't fol
low him into the parlour?" asks Grizel, anxiously.

  "Follow whom?" Tommy replies severely. "I don't even know that he hasgone to the parlour; now that I think of it, I have not even noticedthat he has left the kitchen; nor has Aaron noticed it. Aaron and Iare not in a condition to notice such things; we are conscious onlythat at last we have the opportunity for the quiet social chat we somuch enjoy in each other's company. That, at least, is Aaron's way oflooking at it, and he keeps me there with talk of the most varied andabsorbing character; one topic down, another up; when very hard put toit, he even questions me about my next book, as if he would like toread the proof-sheets, and when I seem to be listening, a littlerestively, for sounds from the parlour (the piano has stopped), he hasthe face of one who would bar the door rather than lose my society.Aaron appreciates me at my true value at last, Grizel. I had begun todespair almost of ever bringing him under my charm."

  "I should be very angry with you," Grizel said warningly, "if Ithought you teased the poor old man."

  "Tease him! The consideration I show that poor old man, Grizel, whileI know all the time that he is plotting to diddle me! You should seeme when it is he who is fidgeting to know why the piano has stopped.He stretches his head to listen, and does something to his ear thatsends it another inch nearer the door; he chuckles and groans on thesly; and I--I notice nothing. Oh, he is becoming quite fond of me; hethinks me an idiot."

  "Why not tell him that you want it as much as he?"

  "He would not believe me. Aaron is firmly convinced that I am toojealous of Elspeth's affection to give away a thimbleful of it. Heblames me for preventing her caring much even for him."

  "At any rate," said Grizel, "he is on our side, and it is because hesees it would be so much the best thing for her."

  "And, at the same time, such a shock to me. That poor old man, Grizel!I have seen him rubbing his hands together with glee and looking quiteleery as he thought of what was coming to me."

  But Grizel could not laugh now. When Tommy saw so well through Aaronand David, through everyone he came in contact with, indeed, what hopecould there be that he was deceived in Elspeth?

  "And yet she knows what takes him there; she must know it!" she cried.

  "A woman," Tommy said, "is never sure that a man is in love with heruntil he proposes. She may fancy--but it is never safe to fancy, as somany have discovered."

  "She has no right," declared Grizel, "to wait until she is sure, ifshe does not care for him. If she fears that he is falling in lovewith her, she knows how to discourage him; there are surely a hundredeasy, kind ways of doing that."

  "Fears he is falling in love with her!" Tommy repeated. "Is any womanever afraid of that?"

  He really bewildered her. "No woman would like it," Grizel answeredpromptly for them all, because she would not have liked it. "She mustsee that it would result only in pain to him."

  "Still----" said Tommy.

  "Oh, but how dense you are!" she said, in surprise. "Don't youunderstand that she would stop him, though it were for no betterreasons than selfish ones? Consider her shame if, in thinking it overafterwards, she saw that she might have stopped him sooner! Why," shecried, with a sudden smile, "it is in your book! You say: 'Everymaiden carries secretly in her heart an idea of love so pure andsacred that, if by any act she is once false to that conception, herpunishment is that she never dares to look at it again.' And this isone of the acts you mean."

  "I had not thought of it, though," he said humbly. He was neverprouder of Grizel than at that moment. "If Elspeth's outlook," he wenton, "is different----"

  "It can't be different."

  "If it is, the fault is mine; yes, though I wrote the passage that youinterpret so nobly, Grizel. Shall I tell you," he said gently, "what Ibelieve is Elspeth's outlook exactly, just now? She knows that thedoctor is attracted by her, and it gives her little thrills ofexultation; but that it can be love--she puts that question in such alow voice, as if to prevent herself hearing it. And yet she listens,Grizel, like one who would like to know! Elspeth is pitifullydistrustful of anyone's really loving her, and she will never admit toherself that he does until he tells her."

  "And then?"

  Tommy had to droop his head.

  "I see you have still no hope!" she said.

  "It would be so easy to pretend I have," he replied, with longing, "inorder to cheer you for the moment. Oh, it would even be easy to me todeceive myself; but should I do it?"

  "No, no," she said; "anything but that; I can bear anything but that,"and she shuddered. "But we seem to be treating David cruelly."

  "I don't think so," he assured her. "Men like to have these things tolook back to. But, if you want it, Grizel, I have to say only a wordto Elspeth to bring it to an end. She is as tender as she is innocent,and--but it would be a hard task to me," he admitted, his heartsuddenly going out to Elspeth; he had never deprived her of anygratification before. "Still, I am willing to do it."

  "No!" Grizel cried, restraining him with her hand. "I am a coward, Isuppose, but I can't help wanting to hope for a little longer, andDavid won't grudge it to me."

  It was but a very little longer that they had to wait. Tommy,returning home one day from a walk with his old school-friend, GavDishart (now M.A.), found Aaron suspiciously near the parlour keyhole.

  "There's a better fire in the other end," Aaron said, luring him intothe kitchen. So desirous was he of keeping Tommy there, fixed down ona stool, that "I'll play you at the dambrod," he said briskly.

  "Anyone with Elspeth?"

  "Some women-folk you dinna like," replied Aaron.

  Tommy rose. Aaron, with a subdued snarl, got between him and the door.

  "I was wondering, merely," Tommy said, pointing pleasantly tosomething on the dresser, "why one of them wore the doctor's hat."

  "I forgot; he's there, too," Aaron said promptly; but he looked atTommy with misgivings. They sat down to their game.

  "You begin," said Tommy; "you're black." And Aaron opened with theDouble Corner; but so preoccupied was he that it became a variation ofthe Ayrshire lassie, without his knowing. His suspicions had to findvent in words: "You dinna speir wha the women-folk are?"

  "No."

  "Do you think I'm just pretending they're there?" Aaron askedapprehensively.

  "Not at all," said Tommy, with much politeness, "but I thought youmight be mistaken." He could have "blown" Aaron immediatelythereafter, but, with great consideration, forbore. The old man was sotroubled that he could not lift a king without its falling in two. Hissleeve got in the way of his fingers. At last he sat back in hischair. "Do you ken what is going on, man?" he demanded, "or do you noken? I can stand this doubt no longer."

  A less soft-hearted person might have affected not to understand, butthat was not Tommy's way. "I know, Aaron," he admitted. "I have knownall the time." It was said in the kindliest manner, but its effect onAaron was not soothing.

  "Curse you!" he cried, with extraordinary vehemence, "you have beenplaying wi' me a' the time, ay, and wi' him and wi' her!"

  What had Aaron been doing with Tommy? But Tommy did not ask that.

  "I am sorry you think so badly of me," he said quietly. "I have knownall the time, Aaron, but have I interfered?"

  "Because you ken she winna take him. I see it plain enough now. Youken your power over her; the honest man that thinks he could take herfrae you is to you but a divert."

  He took a step nearer Tommy. "Listen," he said. "When you came back hewas on the point o' speiring her; I saw it in his face as she wasplaying the piano, and she saw it, too, for her hands began to trem'leand the tune wouldna play. I daursay you think I was keeking, but if Iwas I stoppit it when the piano stoppit; it was a hard thing to me todo, and it would hae been an easy thing no to do, but I wouldna spyupon Elspeth in her great hour."

  "I like you for that, Aaron," Tommy said; but Aaron waved his likesaside.

  "The reason I stood at the door," he continued, "was to keep you outo' that room. I offered to play y
ou at the dambrod to keep you out.Ay, you ken that without my telling you, but do you ken what makes metell you now? It's to see whether you'll go in and stop him; let's seeyou do that, and I'll hae some hope yet." He waited eagerly.

  "You do puzzle me now," Tommy said.

  "Ay," replied the old man, bitterly, "you're dull in the uptak' whenyou like! I dinna ken, I suppose, and you dinna ken, that if you hadthe least dread o' her taking him you would be into that room fullbend to stop it; but you're so sure o' her, you're so michty sure,that you can sit here and lauch instead."

  "Am I laughing, Aaron? If you but knew, Elspeth's marriage would be afar more joyful thing to me than it could ever be to you."

  The old warper laughed unpleasantly at that. "And I'se uphaud," hesaid, "you're none sure but what shell tak' him! You're no as sureshe'll refuse him as that there's a sun in the heavens, and I'm abroken man."

  For a moment sympathy nigh compelled Tommy to say a hopeful thing, buthe mastered himself. "It would be weakness," was what he did say, "topretend that there is any hope."

  Aaron gave him an ugly look, and was about to leave the house; butTommy would not have it. "If one of us must go, Aaron," he said, withmuch gentleness, "let it be me"; and he went out, passing the parlourdoor softly, so that he might not disturb poor David. The warper saton by the fire, his head sunk miserably in his shoulders. Thevehemence had passed out of him; you would have hesitated to believethat such a listless, shrunken man could have been vehement that sameyear. It is a hardy proof of his faith in Tommy that he did not eventhink it worth while to look up when, by and by, the parlour dooropened and the doctor came in for his hat. Elspeth was with him.

  They told Aaron something.]

  They told Aaron something.

  It lifted him off his feet and bore him out at the door. When he madeup on himself he knew he was searching everywhere for Tommy. A terrorseized him, lest he should not be the first to convey the news.

  Had he been left a fortune? neighbours asked, amazed at this unwontedsight; and he replied, as he ran, "I have, and I want to share it wi'him!"

  It was his only joke. People came to their doors to see Aaron Lattalaughing.