by Forever Redd
My happy life had taken a turn somewhere along the way, but I couldn’t figure out where. He was hot and cold up and down. He would get so upset anytime I voiced my opinion about anything. He said I whined all the time, and I did. But wow, I was overwhelmed. I was carrying not one, but two babies. I didn’t go anywhere. Karley and I hadn’t talked in a while and I was not too sure why. I just needed someone in my corner for me for a change.
3:42AM, third contraction, no sickness, and still no Jody. I paced the floor as best I could to try and take my mind off the fact that my calls went unanswered and this was a time when I needed him most. When I noticed the liquid running down my leg, it was over for me.
“My water broke, shit!” I screamed, before calling Jody for what seemed like the twentieth time, and he still wasn’t answering.
“Ok, calm down, breathe, breathe. We can do this.” I gave myself a pep talk, then I talked to the twins. “Look Babies, I am so sorry to do this to y’all, but I need y’all to stay in there a few more minutes. Mommy has to make a move, Daddy isn’t here right now,” I said as I contemplated calling emergency assistance. “Fuck it, let’s ride,” I said aloud as I grabbed my keys.
The drive that normally would have taken twenty minutes had been extended to about fifty. I was stopping all along the way. Those contractions hurt so bad that I felt like I couldn’t move. I called Jody back a few more times before I decided to leave a message.
“Joooooody,” I cried. “Where are you? I have been calling and calling. I am in labor and I am driving my aaaarrrggghhhhh self to the hospital. Please, please come. I am sorry about the rice. I’m sorry about the whining. Just pleeeeeeease come be with me. I am so scared…please.” I dropped my phone onto the console as I pulled into the parking lot of Providence Hospital. I didn’t care where or how I parked. I was on a mission.
By the time I reached the fourth floor, I was crawling to the nurse’s station. “Help…me,” I whispered. An older nurse saw me and ran as fast as her old legs would carry her.
“Lawd Chile, come on, let me get you up off this here good flo. Ms. Ethel gone grab you a wheel chair.”
“No! Please don’t leave me, please don’t gooooooo. Aaarrgghhhh,” I screamed.
“Ok, ok, I’m right chea’ Chile.” Ms. Ethel grabbed a small phone from her jacket pocket and punched in a few numbers. “Alexandria, this Ethel, I’m down the hall from the station with a patient. Grab a wheel chair and come help me get this here guhl in a room!” She ended the call and turned her attention back to me. She cradled me in her arms and rocked me back in forth. “What’s ya name? You gon’ hafta tell Ms. Ethel, so we can get ya in the system.”
“Victoria. Victoria White,” I told her.
Several nurses were hauling ass down to where Ms. Ethel and I sat on the floor. Their feet hitting the linoleum at such a rapid pace caused me to panic even more. I was scared. I had no idea where my husband was, and there I was about to have these babies with or without him. I had burned so many bridges in the name of love, I didn’t even want to bother calling anyone.
“Ma’am, ma’am. What is your name?” A nurse asked.
“This chea’ is Victoria White,” Ms. Ethel responded. “I got some information, let’s just get her up. We can figure out the details after a while. C’mon baby, get up.”
I allowed the nurses to lift me from the floor and wheel me into a room where they started hooking up all types of monitors and asking a billion and one questions.
“I fuckin’ registered damnit! Stop with the fuckin’ questions and do your damn job and get these kids out!” I screamed.
Silence.
They were all darting about, connecting this and that, writing shit down, but no one said a word. Finally, all that could be heard was the swoosh of my babies heartbeats and the beep on the monitor for my blood pressure.
“Who is your OB, baby?” Ms. Ethel asked.
“Dr. Hutchinson.”
“Ok, I’ma run and page her.”
“No, you said you wouldn’t leave me. Please don’t leave me,” I begged.
“Ok, I don’t hafta leave just yet. Alexandria, run and page Dr. Hutchinson and let her know Victoria is here. Check the system for a preregistered Victoria White. Notify her next of kin when you find her information. We gon’ be having some babies very soon. These contractions are getting closer together.”
“Yes Ma’am,” Alexandria stated and hurried out of the room.
“Breathe with Ms. Ethel, baby. I know it hurts and as soon as we can get somebody in here to check ya bottom, we gon’ have someone come in and help with the pain, ok?”
I nodded my head and tried to breathe through the contractions.
Dr. Livingston, the attending physician that morning, came in to check me. My water had in fact broken and I was about four centimeters dilated. She told me I had to wait it out until I reached six centimeters and had at least one bag of IV fluid down before I could receive anything for pain. I flipped out. I couldn’t understand what she meant by that. I needed something right then, not when they thought I was ready. I screamed and yelled and showed my ass until Ms. Ethel squeezed the fluid through my IV to hurry the process along and shut my mouth.
Shortly thereafter, an anesthesiologist entered the room with his team of identically dressed staff and a cart of needles and different medicines. I sat up as instructed and turned to Ms. Ethel for support while the anesthesiologist injected the pain relieving serum between the vertebrae in my spine. That shot hurt like hell, but I was prepared for some more pain if it would alleviate the original.
The anesthesiologist finished his job, told me congratulations, and left the room as quickly as he came. Since I was finally able to rest for the time being, I decided to shut my eyes, inhale from the oxygen mask that had been placed over my mouth and nose, and let the drugs take effect. My mind wandered to so many different places. I couldn’t even complete an actual thought. I don’t even know if I would call them thoughts, they were more like recaps. I briefly thought of the time I met my husband, no feeling. I thought to our wedding and how it felt to be queen for a day, nope, nothing on that either. I thought of the day I crossed the stage to receive my degree, damn, nothing there. Yes, I was definitely numb, inside and out, and it felt so good to not have a care in the world, even if it would have been short lived.
2
Victoria
I was awakened from my sleep by Dr. Hutchinson. She wanted to let me know that she had arrived and would be doing another cervix check. Dr. Livingston patted the top of my foot and told me how good it was for me to have gotten some rest, because now I will be putting in some work. I had dilated the full ten centimeters, and it was time to push. The bed was broken down. The bottom was removed and my feet were placed in stirrups. Medical staff had been coming in and out, grabbing this or that to prepare for the arrival of the babies. Dr. Hutchinson told me to relax as much as possible and things would run a little more smoothly. She also said some mess about nature taking its course and allowing my body to do what came naturally.
“On the next contraction, I want you to take a deep breath and push, as hard as you can,” Dr. Hutchinson stated.
I took in a large gulp of air and pushed. No Baby A on that one, so I tried it again. This time I put a little extra in it. I grunted, or more like growled through the entire push.
“Come on Victoria, you can do this,” Ms. Ethel cheered me on as I squeezed her hand. Several contractions later, I felt the head come to the surface of my vagina, and immediately the tiny person freed himself from my womb. Baby A slid into the cold, brightly lit room, crying his ass off, at 8:17AM on Tuesday, February 4th 2014, weighing in at five pounds eleven ounces. Repeat process, but Baby B wanted to take its time making its presence known. We were never able to find out the sex of this one, because anytime it moved, the legs never opened. The final ultrasound was too cute. The babies were actually awake for that one and moved about the entire time. I was able to get a snap shot of Baby B
sucking Baby A’s thumb. That’s a bond some of us could only imagine having.
I was trying to get my baby here safely, but the more I pushed, the more nothing happened. I looked to see Ms. Ethel cradling Baby A in her warm embrace and the sight infuriated me. This was supposed to be our moment. Mine and Jody’s, not mine and Ethel’s, so I pushed. I pushed out all negativity. I pushed out all my doubt. I pushed out all of my pain and frustration. I pushed out Baby B.
At 8:29AM, weighing in at six pounds and eight ounces, Baby B graced the world. This one was quiet, and I became alarmed. “What’s wrong with my baby?” I screamed.
Dr. Livingston turned the little baby over and gave the bottom a smack. Squeals could probably be heard throughout the entire fourth floor.
“Nothing.” Dr. Livingston replied. “They are perfect, Mommy. You did good. Real good. I’m proud of you.”
Ms. Ethel walked over to me with the little bundles snuggled in her arms. “Victoria, you got two! Two beautiful healthy babies. Congratulations Chile.”
Ms. Ethel handed me one of the bundles and I removed the blanket to count the fingers and toes on my little boy. He was so tiny and perfect. I studied his features from his little blue hat to the bottom of his tiny little feet. I kissed all over my baby. I was so happy he was healthy. I wrapped him back up and asked Ms. Ethel to give me the other one. She carefully placed the bundle in my arm while getting my son from the other. I uncovered my baby and gasped. I placed my free hand over my mouth while tears of joy fell from my heart. Those big brown eyes that peeked from underneath the little pink knit cap filled me with more joy than one could ever imagine. I asked Ms. Ethel to put my son in my other arm. I needed them near me. I needed them to fulfill a void. I needed them to need me, to want me, to love me.
“Ms. Ethel, can you step outside for a minute?” I asked as tears collected at my eyes. “Please.”
She and the other nurses granted my request. “We’ll be right outside, Chile.”
The minute I heard the door shut, I poured out my soul to my children. “Babies, I love y’all so much. There is nothing I will stop at to be the best mother I can be. I will try and be understanding, and helpful, and kind. Please forgive me for the mistakes I am going to make. Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook. We have to learn together, grow together, and no matter what, we stay together.” I said a quick prayer asking God to guide and protect us. I cried a river and just as soon as I cried that river, I made a vow to begin building a bridge.
Shortly thereafter, Ms. Ethel came back inside with a few nurses. They had come to get the babies for a bath and vitals and whatever else they do in the nursery. I allowed the babies to go and freshen up, then I could do the same. I was torn up inside. The birth of our babies and their father was nowhere to be found. “Walk by faith not by sight,” I heard my grandmother say. I closed my eyes and prayed. I prayed that wherever Jody was, he was safe. I thanked the Lord for my kids and I prayed that Jody would get his mind right and take care of us. If anyone would fix this mess, it would be God.
A nurse had come in to check on me and told me that I would be able to go to the bathroom and clean myself up a little bit. She offered her assistance, but I declined. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to use what little time I had for me, for me. The nurse helped me from the bed to the bathroom, then showed me all the buttons to use should I get hurt, or need some help. I nodded and smiled and sent her on her way.
I cleaned myself up and slipped into a pair of the jammies I had bought just for my hospital stay. I was comfortable, I was clean, and I was tired. I decided to give Jody a call. It was time he got over this shit. Whatever he had going on, I needed it handled. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I used the hospital phone in hopes of him answering the unknown number, and he did.
“Yoooo?” Jody said into the receiver.
I don’t know what happened, I lost it.
“What the fuck you mean yoooo? I know good and well you seen me calling, checked your messages, some shit. What the fuck is wrong with you, man? I am sitting here and you…”
“Victoria, if you don’t shut the fuck up right now. I ain’t check shit because I just turned the fuckin’ phone back on. I strongly suggest you pipe down before I get outta character and forget you my wife. Now, if you wanna talk to me like you got some sense, or like you know who the fuck I am, we can talk. Buuuut if you wanna put on yo big drawz, you ain’t gotta say shit to me. What you gon’ do?”
“Fuck you Jody, I am the…”
“Fuck me? Ok, bet. It’s fuck me,” Jody said.
“Damnit Jody, I’m in the hospital. You have a…hello? Jody? Hellooooo?”
That asshole hung up the phone? I give up. I just can’t with his ass. I thought to myself as I cried myself to sleep.
************
I was awakened by a soft knock at the door, and quite naturally, I assumed it was a staff member. “Come in,” I said groggily.
From around the corner peered some Latina chick. “Excuse’ me, me no mean you to bother. Me name Rosita, we talk, no?”
What the hell, I thought. Where did she come from? “I’m sorry, but your face nor name rings a bell with me, so maybe you have the wrong person,” I said with a little attitude, but firm enough to let her know I was serious.
“Si, me know you rrright person, tu es Victorrria White.”
I became slightly alarmed. She knew my name, and popped up at the hospital. In my line of business, I tend to piss quite a few people off. I would see so many of them on the street, I didn’t know if I was running into friend or foe.
“Me no wanna problem, me only talk.”
The Caucasian chick with her cleared her throat and introduced herself. “Hi, I am Hailey. I am a friend of Rosita’s and I help her with her English. I apologize about the intrusion. Can we have a moment of your time, please?”
I politely told them “No.”
“Are you sure? It’s about your husband?”
My ears perked up, just a little bit. “Well, in that case, have a seat.”
Rosita was making an honest attempt to explain her story, but that damn accent was fucking me up and it was taking too long to get the good shit.
“Excuse me, Hailey, do you mind telling me this story? The accent is a little difficult to understand,” I asked, trying to sound polite and not too anxious.
“Yes, I will. That’s what I’m here for,” Hailey stated, with a flip of the hair like the women in the Pantene commercials.
She gave the surrounding information about Rosita, how she came to the states with her pimping father, grew up a prostitute, and then the bachelor party. She told me how Rosita was only seventeen at the time of meeting Jody and she was just there to please her father. Hoes stay on the job, I thought. That had to be about the dumbest shit I’d ever heard in my life. Jody was a grown ass man. Why the fuck would he be trying to hook up with some child. I was so mad that I was sweating. Those tramps had to be on a whole nother level. Who in their right mind would pull that shit? Come up in the hospital, what the fuck?
Hailey went on to explain, “Yes, Rosita is young, but young has nothing to do with her heart. She loves him, but love does make us do some things we may not be so proud of, wouldn’t you agree?”
I couldn’t even allow the valley girl to continue. She wasn’t much older than this child and she was trying to talk to me about love?
“What does this little girl love about my husband, Hailey? You said yourself, she is a hoe. She went to the party to turn a trick, suck a dick or two, and get the hell on through. Her ass can barely speak English, so I know she didn’t fall in love with his intellect. She is a high priced hoe, so I know Jody didn’t show her the finer things of life. That tells me, she didn’t fall in love with his lifestyle. So. YOU tell me, Hailey, what did she fall in love with?”
Hailey sat speechless and appeared as though she didn’t expect my response.
“Rosita fell in love with my husband’s dick, period. That’s
not love, dumb ass bitches, that’s dick whipped.”
Rosita glanced at me with teary eyes, and spoke from the heart. “I so sorry, but you husband no dick, I love. You husband touch like me never been touch. You husband kiss me so passion. Si, me no old, but me know you husband in a way, how you say, uumm, connection? I no mean to feel love on you husband, but me do, and me no know how to stop.”
At that moment, I didn’t know what to feel. That baby was in my face crying her heart out and Jody couldn’t even recognize a baby when he saw one. He needed his ass beat. The feelings this baby spoke of, I knew all too well. I, too, knew his kiss. I knew exactly what she was referring to. Hell, that’s what I fell in love with. We had a daughter. Was he going to change at least for her sake? What kind of impression would he leave on her? What would his foolery do to taint her image of man? It was bad enough this nigga was running around and had a wife at home. Not just a woman, but a wife, and he was out there paying for pussy.
My heart was hurting so bad. I needed to feel close to something, someone. I needed love. I called down to the nursery and requested to have them bring my babies to me. I wanted to smell them and feel their heartbeats. I needed strength from them. I was depending on them to bring me back to reality. At that moment, I needed my babies to carry me, just as I did with them for the last nine months. I excused myself and stepped into the bathroom. I could no longer contain my tears. Why was my life spinning out of control? What karma was this from? I didn’t even know if the pain was my karma, or losing me would have been Jody’s. Either way, somebody had fucked up and I knew for a fact, it wasn’t me. At least not that time. I splashed some water on my face to erase the traces of my hurt, and headed back into the room. I had to be there when my babies came because with Thelma and Louise out there, ain’t no telling what else they may do.
“Hailey, give me your phone,” I demanded.