by Forever Redd
She shook her head slightly, and took in a large gulp of air before blowing it out rather slowly.
“First of all, I’m not gone sit here and sugah coat this mess. Jody wasn’t ready to be married. Now, I dunno why he hopped in it, but he did. You brought with you everything you wanted, and dreamed of. Did ya ever take time out to see what he wanted, what were his dreams Victoria? You was so busy tryna make the perfect life in the perfect house wit the perfect man, you ain’t see that boy been a fool. You were so busy being the glue dat held y’all togetha, you ain’t een notice any of the components that weren’t being bonded.”
“So, you’re saying this is my fault?” I asked, a little annoyed.
“Not at all, Chile. What I am saying is, you didn’t see the signs. You chose to not see the signs. When he was ripping and running, why didn’t you ever go? Why didn’t you speak on the message you saw in his phone? Why didn’t you ever voice your opinion? That part is your fault. When you play in mud, you come out dirty. You ain’t play in the mud, but you allowed him to track dirt in ya house. I am not sayin’ it’s right, but you supposed to snoop er’y now and again. Look, when people snoop, they find what they lookin’ for. You can choose to accept er’y thang he says, or you can look. Find what it is that ya lookin’ for though. If you have to look, then there are suspicions there already. If you find sumn, what you gone do? You use the pain in what you find out and grow from it. Be strong and use it to get you where you need to be for the sake of you and those youngins. I’m sorry and I might be outta line, but you know you don’t need to be there. Victoria, I see the change in you. I watches. I watched the fire slowly burn out. I could hear it in your voice, see it in your movements. If Ms. Ethel ain’t neva tol’ you nuttin to rememba, rememba dis here, you ain’t gone neva receive yo blessings for the future if you scared of letting go of the past. You can’t be upset with nobody because you Sleeping In Heaven, Waking In Hell.”
Ms. Ethel opened her arms and motioned for me to come give her a hug. I fell into her embrace, and cried until there wasn’t a tear left in me. She told me everything would be okay, and she said that God had something in store for me and the kids. All I had to do was stand up and fight for what I wanted. I dried my eyes and listened to the message she had for me, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more she should have been telling.
“Ms. Ethel, is there something you need to say?”
“No, not at all, anything Ms. Ethel has for you will always come to you when you need it most. Always remember that, Baby.”
She patted my knee and got up to start dinner. Since we were there and Jody wasn’t home, there was no need for us to rush. We spent the night. We ate good, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, mustard greens, and cornbread. Ms. Ethel bathed the babies while I cleaned the kitchen and once everything was taken care of, we stayed up late and did all sorts of girly things. I was a lucky lady to have met her and have her remain a permanent fixture in my life.
The twins slept the entire night, I didn’t know what Ms. Ethel put in the bath water but it was something I needed to keep on hand. I looked at the wiggling twins and scooped them up one by one.
“Good morning, little ones,” I said kissing the tops of their heads. I placed them in their carriers and took them into the kitchen to fix bottles and breakfast.
I quietly moved around the kitchen for fear of disturbing Ms. Ethel. She was so comforting last night, the least I could have done was make her breakfast. I got the babies fed and resting then I began rattling some pots.
Scrambled eggs, buttery grits, bacon, and toast was piled on the plate I carried to serve Ms. Ethel. I knocked a few times before she even answered.
“Come on,” she said.
“Morning, Ms. Ethel. Oh my God, Ms. Ethel, are you sick?” I asked.
Ms. Ethel was lying in bed with the covers pulled up to her neck. She looked very weak and if need be, I was taking her to the hospital.
“I’m fine, Victoria, just a lil chilly. Is it chilly in here to you? Maybe I should get up and turn on some heat, wouldn’t want those sweet youngins to catch a chill.”
“Ms. Ethel, you must have a fever, its perfect in here. Let me feel your forehead.”
“Hogwash Chile! Ms. Ethel don’t get sick. I might be a lil under the weather, but I ain’t sick.”
“Well, if you say so. Would you like some breakfast?”
“Only if you join me.”
“Sure thing!”
I went to the kitchen and fixed a plate for myself. I took the carriers back to the bedroom and went back to get my plate. I got settled and had a long talk with Ms. Ethel. She told me stories of her childhood, her parents, and even her relationships. She didn’t get out of bed and she barely ate her food. I knew something was troubling her, but I didn’t know what.
After several hours of being in that room, the babies and I went back home to our lives and Ms. Ethel was left to fend for self. I promised to call to check in and she promised she would call if she needed me. She claimed she was well enough for us to leave, so we did just that.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that was going to be the last time I would see Ms. Ethel well. I will forever remember that call from her daughter late that following night. “Victoria, I am so sorry to bother you. I am Ethel’s daughter and I…”
“Ms. Ethel, oh my God! What…what’s wrong?” I sprang from my bed, grabbing anything I could find to throw on.
“My mama is going to die!” She wailed into the phone. “Victoria, she is gon’ leave us. My mama is gon’ leave…what am I going to do? Oh my God, I can’t breathe! I’m catching a flight out in a few hours. Please Victoria, please, go to my mama. She is at Providence Northeast, do you know where that is?”
“Yes, I know, I am on the way. I have babies, so it’s going to take me a second. I am going to her, oh my God, what happened? I was just at her house yesterday.” I rambled on and on as I paced back and forth. “I have to go, I will see you when you get here.” I hurried around the room and headed into the nursery where I grabbed the sleeping twins and placed them into their carriers, careful not to wake them. I ran back to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and got out of there, enroute to the hospital.
I entered the cold, sterile environment, and a chill ran through my body. There was a heavy set woman with warm eyes and a welcoming smile located at the desk. “Help me, please. Ethel Taylor, she has been admitted, for something, like, I’m not certain. Help me, please,” I begged the lady.
“Oh yes, here she is. She is located in room 347. It’s our Critical Care unit, so those beautiful babies won’t be allowed inside.” I raced to the elevator sign that I saw located at the end of the hall and pressed the number three to await my fate. When the doors opened, I found myself at yet another lady at another desk. “Excuse me, my grandmother, Ethel Taylor, is in room 347. I…I got a phone call saying she was going to pass away. Can you please tell me what’s going on, what happened?”
“Yes, ma’am, your grandmother is gravely ill. She suddenly went into kidney failure, and she now has blood poisoning from the toxins in the urine that are floating in her blood stream. The good news is, she is still breathing, it’s faint, but she is breathing. The bad news is, she may not make it through the night. I am so sorry. Are you Victoria?” I nodded at the question. I couldn’t reply, I was so hurt. “Tell ya what, I know you want to see her and you can. However, the babies cannot go inside. I will be happy to keep them here for a few minutes so you can take a look in on her and maybe call some friends or relatives that can come get them, if you need some time with her.”
“Yes ma’am, thank you so much.”
I stepped inside the large wooden door, and the sight of Ms. Ethel in such a weakened state tore me apart. She looked as though she had aged well over twenty years in the last twenty four hours. She was frail, and her breathing was so shallow, I could hardly see the rise and fall in her chest. So many tubes, they were everywhere. She had some i
n her arms, nose, and even in her neck. I moved from the doorframe, careful not to disturb her, and took a seat in a nearby chair. I inched closer to the bed to get a better view at the lady that had done more for me in the past few months than anyone else had in quite some time. I took her limp hands in mine and brought them to my lips. I placed a few tender kisses on each one of her fingers, and I allowed my tears to flow freely.
“Please, Ms. Ethel, please don’t leave us. I need you. The kids need you. I don’t know your purpose. I don’t know the hows or the whys but never did I question that. I took you for the blessing that you were, and I received every lesson. I studied your strength. I have always wanted what you have had. I look up to you Ms. Ethel. I have tried and tried to be like you...before I had even met you. You are my role model. Where would I be without you, where am I going to go without you? You can’t leave, you just can’t,” I sobbed uncontrollably to Ms. Ethel, letting her know all the things I should have told her before now. I felt a faint squeeze on the back of my hand. My head sprang from its bowed position and my eyes popped open.
“Ms. Ethel, Ms. Ethel,” I exclaimed.
A feeble voice, barely above a whisper, replied, “Closer.” I lowered my head to her mouth to hear anything that would come from her parched lips. “Leave…him.” Those two words felt as though boulders were being dropped on my shoulders.
“Ms. Ethel, leave Jody, what, why, Ms. Ethel?”
No response.
I called out to her several more times, I leaned in to see if she would say something, but she didn’t. Instead, I felt Ms. Ethel leave this world. Her last breath was blown directly in my ear. A secret. She kept a secret no one knew, and she whispered that secret to me. It was so discrete, yet so obvious, so simple, yet, so complex. I knew just what to do with the information that had been given to me by the one person who had never held any ill will toward anyone. My Guardian Angel…We were leaving.
I returned home mentally beat. I wanted to just shower and lay with my babies. They had come to my rescue on more than occasion and there I was needing them again. I wanted to have my old Jody back, the one that would kiss the tip of my nose and tell me everything was going to be okay. The Jody that was my provider, my protector, my king and above all, my heart. I didn’t quite remember when he left, but I was certain he wasn’t returning. He seemed as though someone or something had kidnapped his mind, and murdered his soul. Gone was everything we had, or what I thought we had. I still couldn’t figure out what Ms. Ethel took with her to her grave. But one thing was for certain, I was going to take heed to the message. Ms. Ethel never steered me wrong in life and I trust that she wouldn’t in death.
Since I wasn’t sure of the dynamics involved with what Ms. Ethel knew, I figured I would give Jody a call and feel him out. I knew we had been beefing and we weren’t on speaking terms, but I had some things to work out. I placed the call. The phone rang a good four times before I was listening to his voicemail. I assumed, maybe he didn’t hear it ring, he couldn’t get to it in time. He was on the road, so it could have been a number of things. I waited a few minutes to see if he would call back, which he did not, so I tried to call him again. Nothing could have prepared me for the greeting I received.
“Gon’ head and spark that shit, we got all night, and if the pussy stay wet, all morning too.”
You have got to be fucking kidding me, I thought. I could hear that shit straight from the horse’s mouth, and even though that bullshit caused my knees to buckle, I refused to hang up. As much as it hurt, as painful as it was, that was something I had to do. There were a few chuckles from him and several giggles from her. It was obvious they were enjoying each other’s company.
Cough…cough. “Damn, Mr. Jody, whea you get dis shit here from? You got a bitch feeling real, real good, Daddy.”
“I know that’s right, Lil Mama, but where it came from ain’t neither here nor there. Let’s just enjoy our time together,” Jody chimed in, then more giggles from the two of them.
“Pass dat shit Jo-oohh-die,” the chick drug out his name. Hood chick, head doctor, were the words that came to mind when I listened to that chick talk. She wasn’t any type of professional anything; her broken English gave that away.
“Aye, grab dat bottle and come sit on my lap. Christmas might be coming early, tell Santa what you want.” She must have made it to his lap and it must have been a good fit. The giggles turned to moans and the chuckles to heavy breaths.
“Let me see it, I wanna pet the cat.”
“I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.”
“You ain’t sayin’ nuttin but a word, Ma, but I need some help with my belt buckle, you got me?”
“Yeeaahhh, Baybay! I’ll take care of the buckle, and whatever you got behind it.”
“Well, handle it Ma.”
The click clack of the belt buckle broke the silence, followed by the agonizing sound of a zipper being unzipped. Was he taunting me? Did he purposely pick up the phone so I could listen to this? I didn’t want to think of, nor actually hear, my husband fuck someone else, but that was something I needed in order to assist me in my quest to escape the clutches of such a heartless individual.
“Mmmm, suck Daddy’s dick girl. Yea, dats it, just like dat. Wait, slow down, I don’t wanna cum yet.”
“Well, lemme stop for a secint, I’on want chu nuttin’ quick Daddy, we just getting started.”
The gutter snipe commented before there were more laughs as the unsuspecting couple continued on their sexual quest. I assumed Jody was offering her some sort of sexual gratification, because all that could be heard were the moans of this chick. I put the phone on speaker and changed the diapers of my children that were now both fully awake. I fought my anger and held my pain at bay, and continued to listen to see what else I should be hearing. My mind was so occupied with this mess, I neglected to completely fasten Sincere’s diaper, and he was peeing all over the place. Whew, I gotta get myself together.
“You like that Ma? You gone let dat pussy squirt for Daddy, hhmm?”
“Aaahhh, yes, yes, make it squirt.
“Kiss me.”
“Mmm, mmm, mmm.”
They must have been kissing at that point because their dialogue ceased to exist. Shortly after their moans filled the room, the quiet was interrupted by a massive grunt.
“Say you want it.”
“I…I…I want it. Fuck me, please, Jody.”
At the sound of those words, I put the baby down and ran as fast as my feet would take me, into the nearest bathroom. I threw up for what seemed like an eternity. Once I was certain I was completely empty, I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then I headed back to the entertainment, or lack thereof, that could be found coming from my cell phone.
“Oooohhh Jody, yes, fuck me Daddy!”
“You like dat? Who pussy is dis?”
“Yours, aaahhh, it’s yours… it’s yours… just like dat… don’t stop!”
I needed to hang up the phone. I needed to silence the antagonizing, erase the torment. Why couldn’t I hang up the damn phone? I had heard more than enough. I couldn’t stomach any more. Somewhere, deep down inside, I was buried. I had fallen underneath tons of issues, even more weight in problems. Six feet deep would have been my higher ground. I knew I needed to get it together, take care of the kids and get the hell away from Jody. Where was my strength, where was my pride, morals, anything? This shit had gone beyond a simple romp in the hay. For every one of those hoes that nigga laid up with, it’s like putting a contract on my life. He had to go.
13
Karley
I hadn’t heard from Victoria in quite some time and it had begun to take its toll on me. This pregnancy had done things to me that I never thought possible. I would never say my baby was an accident, but damn if it wasn’t a surprise. My thoughts were jumbled up, my heart was growing colder by the day. This new me wasn’t me and I had to find a way out. I called Victoria. I needed her.
“Hello,” Vi
ctoria answered. She didn’t sound happy or sad, but one thing was for certain, she didn’t sound excited.
“Heeeey, Vic! Oh, my gosh! How have you been? Before you start, I know I was wrong and I apologize. I have really been going through some thangs. How are my niece and nephew? I know they are so big. I have got to come by the house. What y’all doin’ now? Hello, you there?”
“Wow, well damn, I wasn’t expecting all that in one breath,” I said, referring to all that had spewed from her face. “Well, let me see, I have been good, could have been better. The kids are amazing, and yes they are huge. Of course you can come by the house, we aren’t doing much of anything. And yes, I am here. Did I answer them all?”
We both started laughing and opened the conversation to a lunch date. We agreed to meet for lunch at this Japanese spot off Harbison Blvd. I was so eager to see my girl and she seemed as if she was excited to see me too.
When Victoria pulled into the parking lot, I was practically jumping up and down. She wasn’t even parked yet before I was waddling as fast as I could over to the car. She quickly got out and met me halfway. We grabbed each other for a loving embrace and when I finally broke free, my face was soaking wet.
“Karley, baby what’s wrong? Are you okay? Is it the baby? Talk to me,” Victoria panicked.
“I’m sorry V, I am soooo sorry,” I cried. “I have missed you so much. Please forgive me. Do you still love me, V? Will you always be there for us, me and this baby, no matter what?”
Victoria was in tears listening to me. “Are you being serious right now? Would I be there for y’all? That’s my niece or nephew you carrying underneath this cutesy little Michael Kors frock. Of course I am going to be there. You’re my sister and we have a bond that could never be broken. At the end of the day, all we got is each other, girl. I would never leave you.”
“You right Vic, sometimes I just feel so, unwanted, so unloved, ya know?”