Impossibly Love

by Morgan, Shane

  I never bothered to take the time to absorb my surroundings until a year ago. That was when everything changed in my life. Samantha broke up with me, and I couldn’t play hockey anymore. Revealing my secret to her and my high school coach took everything I loved away, leaving loneliness behind. Not like I had a choice when I was getting way too sick to do anything.

  Sighing, I got up from the bench and started to head back to campus. Then unexpectedly, I saw Moya, walking alone along the strip. Her brown eyes gazed all over the place as if she’d lost her shadow.

  I kept walking in the direction towards her, remaining casual. Moya finally noticed me and her face seemed to light up.

  Before I could say a word she asked, “Were you trying to get me in your dorm by pretending to be sick?”

  I shuffled back a tad bit, placing my hands in my pockets. “What? No! Why would you think that? I didn’t even ask you to walk with me that night.”

  She gulped. “Oh…I thought...” Moya turned and stared into the window of the clothing store on our left, hiding her apologetic eyes for making that assumption. What a prideful girl.

  I inhaled a long breath, deciding to give up trying to crack her shield for now, especially after my session on Friday. I was too tired and too caught up in my own problems.

  “Well, see you around,” I muttered under my breath as I walked past her.

  “Are you feeling better then?” she asked quickly, her tone friendlier.

  I slanted my body and gave her a sideway glance. “Yeah, it wasn’t anything major.”

  We stared at each other for several seconds then I remembered something. “Are you still looking for a part-time job?”

  She nodded.

  “That place is still looking for someone to work weekends if you’re interested?” I said.

  Moya smiled sweetly before answering, “Thank you. I guess I’ll take you up on that.”

  I reached in my pocket for my cell phone to give the owner a call. I was unable to do that as Moya surprised me with what she said next, “Sorry I’ve been so bitchy for no reason.”

  Speechless, I placed the phone back in my pocket and gazed at her. Moya seemed to be in a good mood. “That’s okay. You can make it up by having dinner with me?”

  She rolled her eyes and a frown appeared on her face. “That doesn’t mean I’m gonna go out with you now. I was just apologizing.”

  I closed the gap between us, inching a few more steps toward her. I noticed a thin lock of curly hair escaped its prison from behind her ear, its silky strands clinging to her soft skin that begged to be caressed. I could even smell her shampoo—the alluring vanilla scent was beyond intoxicating. I needed to be next to her for the rest of the night. “Come on, I’m not proposing here. All I’m asking for is one dinner?”

  “You…” Moya paused, as if fighting for the right words to turn me down, obviously having a hard time. Then finally, she shook her head and brushed some curls behind her ear and nodded, “Alright, why not.”

  I was pleased. “Great. So, how about,” I looked down on my watch. It was almost 7pm, “um…we could head over to Charley’s? That’s the best restaurant around here.”

  Moya skimmed her clothes. “Like this? I mean, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to walk into some lavish restaurant looking so casual.”

  “Oh, it’s not like that. Besides, you look great,” I said.

  She lowered her head and fiddled with the loops of her jeans, as if trying to conceal the fact she was smiling at my words. She really did look good. For a moment, I envisioned how much better she looked underneath it all.

  “Shall we?” I said, shaking off my dirty thoughts and motioned for us to head down the street to Charley’s restaurant; eager to spend the evening talking with Moya Douglas, finally.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Moya

  I wasn’t sure why I accepted like that, now there I was waiting inside Charley’s while Branden got us a table. I browsed the restaurant to see how everyone was dressed, and as I expected, the women wore formal dresses and the men suits, or dress shirts and slacks. I felt foolish for listening to Branden.

  He approached me as the hostess left to go find us a table.

  “What the hell!” I snapped, low enough so only Branden could hear me. “You said I was fine, everyone’s dressed formal in here. I’m leaving.”

  I made for the door to storm out of the restaurant. Branden reached for my elbow and towed me back. “Moya, don’t freak out. We’re eating outside on the balcony. It’s more of a casual setting. Trust me, you’ll like it.”

  I scoffed then, deciding to give it a try. “Fine, but if it’s not, I’m leaving.” Something about the gentleness in his clear blue eyes when he looked at me, and the way one side of his mouth curled into a charming half smile made me want to lower my defenses.

  Branden appeared smitten by my flare. I couldn’t help think that maybe he was enamored by every single thing about me and that placed a funny tingle inside my stomach. Maybe I should be nicer to him.

  Not a moment too soon, the hostess returned and led us outside to a table aligning the edge of the balcony. My anticipation of whether or not the area would be interesting wasn’t strong enough to ignore the strange prickle within when Branden gently placed his hand against the small of my back.

  I really had to shake it off, or else I’d lose myself completely.

  When we got outside I couldn’t believe my eyes. Branden was right, the view was spectacular. I peered over at the water below, listening to the rushing and soothing sound of the stream. I was so caught up in the setting Branden had to take my menu after our waitress for the evening introduced herself. I didn’t even hear her name.

  “I knew you’d like it,” he asserted after she left, handing the menu across the table to me.

  I rolled my eyes as I took it from his hand. “It is nice.”

  Opening the menu to decide on what to order, a thought popped into my head. “Do you bring all the girls here?” I had to ask.

  “No, only one other,” he answered shamelessly.

  “Oh.” I glanced up from the menu. Branden kept his eyes down. Suddenly, the place didn’t feel all that nice anymore. I wasn’t sure why it bothered me but it did.

  Branden continued, “Yeah, she liked it too.” Oh just rub it in why don’t you. He finally peered up from his menu to meet my gaze, revealing a grin. “It was my mother, Moya. My family came here to celebrate her birthday last year.”

  The waitress returned with water to fill our glasses, just in time to bring me back down to earth. Why did his bringing another girl there trouble me? Still, I was relieved to hear it was his mother and no one else.

  Branden brought the glass to his lips and stared flirtatiously at me before taking a sip. “You weren’t jealous were you?”

  “Of course not,” I answered too fast.

  He smirked. “That’s funny, the look on your face said otherwise.”

  I gasped and shifted uneasily in my seat as Branden continued watching me. His desire for me was written all over his face. My heart started to race against my will. Good thing the waitress returned. Her presence disrupted the lustful moment. I told myself it was only dinner. The night would lead to nothing more.

  “Okay, what would you like to order?” she asked.

  Glancing over to Branden, he gave me the nod to go ahead. I was remarkably shy as I did, because it felt as if he still had his eyes on me.

  We handed our menus to the waitress after deciding on both our entrées; even then I caught Branden at the corner of my eye. His gaze was fixated on me.

  The waitress walked away and Branden and I fell into an odd depth of silence. I glanced up at him after playing around with my fingers on my lap. Then I became the one unable to look away from his blue eyes, mesmerized by the rawness that regarded mine.

  “So,” he began, breaking the intense atmosphere, “what are you studying at Easton U?”

  “Finance,” I answered, relaxin
g a bit.

  Branden appeared impressed. “That’s awesome. Does that mean I can hire you to handle my money?”

  “You can’t afford me,” I joked, taking a sip of water before asking, “How about you?”

  He glanced down on the table and picked at the table cloth as he replied dryly, “International Business.”

  Before I could inquire about hockey, Branden picked up quickly by asking, “What do you normally do for fun?”

  “Hmm…not much, I’m usually studying, and on weekends I’m home watching movies with my Momma or hanging out with Nessa.” I said.

  He tilted his head to the side as a perplexed look appeared on his face.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I don’t get it.”

  I took another sip of water. “Get what?”

  He played with the silverware. “You’re full of so much life. Yet, you seem so afraid of enjoying it. Instead, you spend your time being cold and defensive.”

  Had I not been in such a place I would have blazed up at him. “Look, Branden, you don’t know me. Please stop coming up with all these assumptions; you really don’t have me figured out, no matter how much you try to make it seem otherwise.”

  He leveled in his seat. “You’re right. I don’t know you. You won’t give me the chance to do that, Moya.”

  My cell phone buzzed at my feet, breaking my focus from Branden. Deciding to answer and make up an excuse to leave, I reached down to get it out of my bag.

  “I’m not trying to offend you. I only want to know what’s making you so angry.”

  His words held me back. I withdrew my hand and sat up straight, the phone continued to vibrate.

  Branden stared at me with genuine concern. His gaze made me shiver as I spoke, “I’m not angry, per se. It’s complicated.”

  “I’m all ears,” he smiled, and for a second, that strange tingle returned in my stomach. I all but melted away with those intriguing eyes taking me in.

  Luckily, the waitress brought out our meals and I snapped out of whatever weird vibe that almost had me spilling my deepest thoughts to him.

  Dinner with Branden was better than I’d expected. Though he avoided bringing up anything that would place me in defense mode or mentioning anything about hockey, we both enjoyed talking about the overall atmosphere of our college. I considered that maybe, just maybe, Branden and I could be friends after all, but there wouldn’t be anything more.

  No. There couldn’t be anything more.

  After dinner, we walked in the direction that led back to campus. Branden seized my hand before I could enter the gates, stirring me in another direction.

  “Hey, where are you taking me?” I asked.

  “You’ll see,” he said, with a mischievous grin.

  We walked-ran down a lonely, grassy path I hadn’t taken before that led out to Severn River. I almost crashed into his back when he came to a sudden stop.

  “What is it?” I asked anxiously.

  Stepping aside, Branden unveiled what he wanted to show me. “I’ve been watching them since last Tuesday. I thought you would like this too. Isn’t it awesome?”

  “Oh, wow,” I reveled at the sight. A bunch of fireflies had gathered over the still water. It was indeed lovely because I hadn’t seen a single one in so long.

  As night fell darker, I sat on the grass with Branden, then I began to glance around, consuming nature: The glowing moon lighting up the sky, crickets providing a soundtrack in the dark, and the sound of Branden’s heavy breathing.

  Looking over to my right, I saw he had his eyes closed—no longer watching the fireflies. I wanted to move closer to slip my fingers in between his, losing myself within his touch. I had dismissed the feeling I had earlier when Branden tugged me down the path. His strong hand was tightly gripping mine as if he never wanted to let me go. Still, there I was once again, considering the possibility.

  Maybe I should be friendlier to Branden.

  Taking me to that nice balcony for dinner back at Charley’s was great, and now here at the river. He was definitely doing alright if he was still trying to win me over. But what if it’s all just part of his game?

  Fortunately, I snapped out of it as his phone vibrated in his pants pocket. Branden took it out and checked the screen. His face dropped, like he had been caught doing something wrong. I assumed the worse. It must have been his girlfriend.

  I decided to leave as a pang of jealousy rose within me. Where that feeling came from I had no idea. I wanted to escape the moment.

  “Thanks for showing me this but I have stuff to finish up for class tomorrow morning,” I said dryly, getting off the ground.

  Branden turned to say something. I was already walking away.

  “Alright,” he muttered instead, saying nothing else except for a lowly, “Goodnight, Moya.”

  Falling onto my bed, I finally checked my cell phone. I had three missed calls from Vanessa so I decided to call her back because I knew I would never hear the end of it. Perhaps she wanted to let me know she got back on campus alright after driving up with Calvin instead of with me.

  “I’m glad you’re alive,” she joked, picking up after one ring. “How come you didn’t answer?”

  I sighed. “I was having dinner with Branden.”

  Vanessa squealed so loudly I had to move the phone away from my ear.

  “Oh. My. God! Moya, finally! So, how was it? Where’d you go?” she asked excitedly.

  “It was alright. We went to a nice place called Charley’s.”

  “That’s it?” she snapped. “Hello, details. Are you going out again? Does this mean you’re ending your days of ‘I don’t need nobody’?” she mimicked my voice and I nearly burst out laughing.

  I rubbed my eyes instead as sleep crept up on me. “Vanessa, I don’t know. Besides, dinner was on a whim. I don’t know if I’ll do it again.”

  “What!” she screamed. “I always knew there was something wrong with you. Now, I’m convinced there’s something wrong with you BIG TIME!”

  “I…I can’t open up to a guy. I can’t trust him, or anyone, Nessa. It’s too hard. Can’t you understand that?” I explained.

  Vanessa blew hard. “I know, girl. But…you can’t keep living like that.”

  Sitting up on the bed, I moved away the burgundy curtain and peered up at the star filled sky. It was breathtaking.

  I groaned as I continued the phone conversation, “Yeah, you’re right, but—”

  “Have you ever thought about seeing your Dad? Maybe that will change things?” she suggested. That definitely took me by surprise.

  I flared, “No way. He already had his chance and he failed to take it. There’s no way I’ll ever meet that man and no way will I ever forgive him.”

  “Okay, okay. I get it. But don’t you see your hatred for him is keeping you from enjoying life?” Vanessa tried to calm me down but her words only recapped what Branden said in the restaurant.

  “Look, I’m tired. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay.” I hung up before she could protest.

  As I tied down my curls with my hair wrap and slipped under the covers, I considered on what Vanessa said.

  I began to remember all those times I’d waited for my father to show up like he promised me he would on the day he left. But after all the missed birthdays and holidays, I ended up feeling disappointed over and over again. I hated him for that.

  I tried to calm my mind, but if my thoughts didn’t focus on my father, they insisted on finding their way back to Branden and that text he received earlier tonight. A shard of anxiety shot through me and I wasn’t sure who to blame for upsetting me.

  Argh, I shook my head, rolled on my side and closed my eyes. Instantly, I fell into a land where dreams were like movies. I could choose the starring roles that wouldn’t have my emotions all over the place. Then I remembered that Branden never gave me the number for that job.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Branden

  I had another session at St. Joseph�
��s Medical Center with Doctor Henderson on Monday. I really wanted to prove I could handle my first semester of being a sophomore, but it was already the third week and I was starting to fall behind in my classes.

  I’d been having reoccurring aches even after doing surgery back in June last year, so he decided to take some blood work.

  “You’re taking your medication?” he confirmed, ticking off a bunch of stuff on his notepad.

  Nodding my head in exhaustion, my mother decided to speak on my behalf. “He’s been doing everything you said, yet, his pain is coming back even greater than last time. I thought the surgery fixed it?”

  Doctor Henderson placed his notepad on top of his desk and sat on the edge. “These things are rare, Debbie. It’s possible the surgery didn’t correct it as much as we’d hoped. So, I’d like to schedule an MRI as soon as possible. I’ll put you down for Friday if you’d like to avoid missing any classes, Branden.”

  I bobbed my head in agreement.

  He scribbled it down as I eased out of the chair. “Thanks, I’d like to have some sort of normalcy. I’ve already made it through a year alright.”

  Mom stood from her chair and patted my shoulder. “It’ll be alright, honey. I’m sure it will.” She said that more for herself than for me.

  “If we missed something, the MRI will detect it and we’ll treat it right away. Whatever the case, I’m sure it’s not going to be as serious as last time.” Doctor Henderson reassured us.

  “It’s not going to mean surgery again, is it? That’s very risky. Last time scared us a lot.” Mom shivered. The fear in her eyes reminded me why I was against her coming to the sessions. Sometimes, she even made me feel like I was already dead with her mournful words and continually saying how she regretted not being at home more with me when I got sick the first time.

  Walking down the hallway towards the exit, I took her hand into mine. “Mom, you really don’t have to come every time. It only makes you more upset.”